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Ian Holloway gives us the lowdown on the burning issues of the week in his regular column.
The Plymouth boss talks about "Whitehall chatter" linking David Beckham to a knighthood in the New Year's Honours list and why Elvis is still the King.
BECKHAM RUMOURED TO BE GETTING A KNIGHTHOOD
He's going to be what?! Oh for God's sake. Sir David Beckham? You're having a laugh. He's just a good footballer with a famous bird.
Can you imagine if Posh was called Lady Beckham? We'd never hear the end of it!
Everyone else in football who's got one has been around for a while. I can understand giving one to the likes of Sir Alf Ramsey and Sir Alex Ferguson, but not Becks.
Don't get me wrong, he's been a fantastic ambassador for his country and done a lot of charity work, but there's a lot of people who've lived a lot longer than him who go unrewarded.
Maybe we will be calling him sir one one day, who knows? But not now. That's ridiculous.
BECKS TO RECREATE LEVI'S LAUNDERETTE AD WITH DOT COTTON
Give that man a knighthood!
Now that's more like it! It should be great fun - can't wait to see it on the box - and it's for Children in Need as well, so that's brilliant.
I'd love to see her face when he takes off his clothes. She might have a stroke - if she can reach!
She's a bit of a hypochondriac, old Dot, so I wouldn't be surprised if she has a funny turn. They'd better get Dr Legg on standby, just in case.
BOLTON SIGN 6FT 9INS YANG CHANGPENG
Crouchy won't be too happy with that!
He's the only player who doesn't have to call the manager Big Sam - love it.
They tell me he didn't like any English food when he came over, until he found KFC. He must have a family bucket, being that big.
If KFC's the secret to being tall, I'd better go and get one right now!
KURT COBAIN USURPS ELVIS AS TOP DEAD EARNER - WHO'S THE BEST?
There's only one King
Elvis all day long. No contest.
I've got a physio who looks like Elvis, Paul Maxwell. He does brilliant impressions of him and he swears The King is not really dead. He's different class, he really is.
Maybe Elvis isn't dead, maybe he did a Reggie Perrin and hid his clothes on the beach and is living a new life somewhere.
If he's still earning £22m a year it would be nice to think he was able to spend some of it.
Who's this Kurt Cobain anyway? Nirvana? I've never heard of them. How can you compare him with The King? There's only one king.
One thing I would love to find out is what Elvis was on about when he sang the German bit in Wooden Heart.
He said it was all innocent at the time, but I want to make sure he wasn't taking the mickey out of us by saying something rude!
Interview by Chris Charles.