Sale of the century

By Derek 'Robbo' Robson
The Tees Mouth

Ah, the good old days

What a fantastically harsh punishment handed out to Juve, Milan, Lazio and Fiorentina.

Of course there's a lot of whingeing but they've been found guilty of trying to fix matches and the Italian governing body has quite rightly trashed the cheating bleeders.

I hope our precious FA takes note and if this sort of thing is ever found in our game, wields the axe with the same vindictiveness.

Meanwhile the clubs involved are having a summer season sale that makes Harrods' effort look downright shoddy.

Rafa Benitez, that shrewd judge of a striker (HA!) wants the woeful Trezeguet, of course, and Boro will no doubt end up with Ibrahimovic, who went to the same Fancy Flicks Footie School as Mark Viduka.

Buffon's earmarked for Arsenal, just when Lehmann thought the manager was beginning to trust him - but can Vieira seriously pop up to Old Trafford for a couple of seasons, even if Keano's not there playing bouncer?

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Me and Wayne are best mates

Ron Ron Ron Ron Ronaway

Even those of us that have a sneaking admiration for Cristiano Ronaldo can't help but look forward to his return to the Theatre of Screams.

The little winker's not going to get a moment's peace from fans, refs, Rooney but most of all, Sir Alex after his performance of Bambi on Ice in the World Cup

Hopefully he'll be encouraging young twinkle-toes to remain in the upright position in future.

In the meantime, can Fifa, Uefa, and any other sweet FA get down to using the video recorder to punish the dirty divers after a match - regardless of how the ref deals with it at the time.

A five-match ban should do it, plus a quick trip to the high board at the local pool to find out how it's really done... backwards, blindfold, naked, with the heating off, and with the world's finest photo-journalists present.

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Second-Class Delivery

Rodney Marsh's famous description of English bowlers as pie-throwers has seemed a bit bloody generous in recent weeks.

If the one-day team could have at least thrown the odd wobbly or two we wouldn't have been so horribly torn apart by the Sri Lankans.

You're better than Warney, KP

Thankfully Test cricket is back, and our batters can still come up trumps.

The bowling, Harmy aside in this last Test, still seems as threatening as a beanbag, and while Jones has started to cling on to a few, he's not scoring runs and simply has to go. Let's get Read in.

One question - why do our groundsmen still seem keen to prepare pitches that suit the opposition?

Inzy must have been chuckling into his beard having to spend the last day fending off the spin giants that are Panesar, Pietersen and, God help us, Collingwood.

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Dopes pedalling

Can we really take the Tour de France seriously now they've suspended some of the best cyclists 'cos they might have been on summat?

Personally I think they must all be out of their minds to want to do the damn thing in the first place.

Athletics is bad enough - what's Dwain Chambers doing back in an England vest, eh? And where the hell's half of him gone in two years?

But cycling is so full of suspicious supplements it's getting to the point where it's not so much a race as an endurance test for chemicals.

Have Your Say: Do you agree with Robbo?