Quotes of the week

OK, where's the hoover?

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"I not only like to have the TV and light on to help me sleep, but also a vacuum cleaner. Failing that, a fan or a hairdryer will do. I've ruined so many hairdryers by letting them burn out. So far I haven't set fire to anywhere."
Wayne Rooney reveals his strange habits in forthcoming autobiography My Story So Far.

"I certainly didn't call him a terrorist; I am ignorant, I don't even know what an Islamic terrorist is; my only terrorist is her."
Marco Materrazi denies calling Zinedine Zidane names in the World Cup final, while revealing his bizarre pet name for his 10-month old daughter.

"He just put his hand on to my shirt and I told him to stop. I told him that if he wanted it I could give it to him at the end of the match. The words he said concerned my mother and sister. I heard them once, then twice, and the third time I couldn't control myself. I am a man and some words are harder to hear than actions. I would have rather been knocked down than hear that."
Zidane has a slightly different take on events.

"I've ordered some suits made out of the finest Italian cloth! Wearing a suit might help calm me down a bit and not go as mad."
Sheffield United boss Neil Warnock plans to ditch his 'angry' tracksuit now he's in the Premiership.

"When I first came to the club six-and-a-half years ago the only chance we had of playing in Europe was taking on a team of waiters at the end of the season in Malaga."
Warnock sets his side the target of attaining European football in their first season in the Premiership for 12 years.

How much?

"Dwight Yorke is on £1m a year. I thought that it would be a good idea and I could see if I could talk him into coming here but, dearie me."
Plymouth Argyle's Ian Holloway realises just how much Dwight costs.

"Who are they to move us? I don't like it myself - we're Argyle, get out of our way! We'll leave something on a few of them and I don't think they'll like that too much."
Holloway reacts to the news that Real Madrid will be playing Plymouth, in return for the Pilgrims letting the Spanish giants move into their Austrian training camp.

"I was crying so much. I said 'Can I call you a world champion now?'"
Simone Perrotta's mum Annamaria after watching her son win the World Cup with Italy.

"He could have caught that between the cheeks of his backside."
Geoff Boycott lambasts Kamran Akmal for dropping Paul Collingwood on the first day of the first Test between England and Pakistan.

"The players at Wolves always had beans on toast, which I didn't like."
Seol Ki-Hyeon is pleased with his move to Reading, not least because he is near to a big Korean community serving some decent grub.

"Unless he has dropped a suitcase on his toe he is not injured."
Alan Thompson's agent, Tony McGill, after the player was sent home from Celtic's US tour when the club claimed he had an injury.

"It's not that Scottish cooking is bad, we just thought the family might appreciate some home cooking while they were here."
Johan Edfors, surprise winner of the Scottish Open, puts his success down to his personal Swedish chef.

And for the main course we will be serving Hoylake

"Tiger could eat it for breakfast."
Ian Woosnam believes Tiger Woods will have an appetite for destruction when he tucks into the Open course at Hoylake this week.

"Craig was a good player at Newcastle... from first impressions he's a very, very good player."
Robbie Fowler's very, very nice comments about Liverpool new boy Craig Bellamy.

"I'm not one of the big names in England. I'm like a Mr X."
Arsenal's new signing Tomas Rosicky is convinced he has the X-factor.

QUOTES WE MISSED - SENT IN BY YOU

"I was aware that my foot had landed between his legs, which, of course, is about the nastiest place to get hurt, but it was an accident."
Wayne Rooney speaks out after the incident with Ricardo Carvalho. (Liam Southwell, England).

"People need to understand what kind of goldfish Wayne Rooney lives in."
Graham Taylor on Rooney. (Thax, UK).

"This game is a bit like your front room, John - there's nothing in it."
Mark Lawrenson to John Motson - World Cup Final (Ricky Miller, UK).

"For a game played in Cologne, that stunk."
Classic Mark Lawrenson at the end of 120 minutes of Switzerland v Ukraine. (Howard Ashton, England).

"As things stand, Swindon are heading out of the World Cup."
ESPN commentator during Sweden v Germany. (Penri, India).

Have Your Say: Are there any funny quotes we've missed out?