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Last Updated: Thursday, 23 February 2006, 14:13 GMT
Acting the fool
Derek 'Robbo' Robson
By Derek 'Robbo' Robson
The Tees Mouth

To hear Robbo's thoughts in full, click the 'Robbo Rant' button on the right-hand side.

Hello Robbo.

Hello son. I've really enjoyed the footie this week, apart from Liverpool. I watched the highlights of that game and it seems these days if you go 1-0 up against Liverpool it's job done.

Arjen Robben, Lionel Messi and Asier Del Horno tangle
Nothing like a Messi sandwich

Having said that, they do seem to score when they really need to in these big European games so maybe they'll plug Steven Gerrard in for half an hour before the return leg and hope for the best.

As for Chelsea, that was fantastic. For all we moan about them, they're bloody entertaining in Europe. Did you think Del Horno should have been sent off?

Not really, no. I think he should have got a yellow for it. Messi went down like he'd been shot and had a quick look to see the referee was watching before rolling over again.

Yes, for an 18-year-old he shows a precocious talent for acting.

Mourinho believes he learned his trade in the famous theatres of Barcelona.

Well he may have done - or he might just have been watching some re-runs of Arjen Robben.

The dive aside, that Messi's some player isn't he?

Yes. I never thought we'd see a world class footballer with the name Lionel.

Or the name Messi come to that. If he's Messi, I'd hate to play against Tidy.

John Terry tangles with Lionel Messi
I never touched him, ref!

And John Terry was arguably man of the match, apart from the fact that he managed to give away three penalties in one incident - did you see that?

He dived on top of the fella, took his legs from under him and then handballed it. No penalty, said the ref - amazing.

And he scored an own goal.

Yes, so apart from those things, he was man of the match. I can't understand why he's not England captain.

What about you, do you think Del Horno should have gone?

Not really, but he was being an annoying so-and-so from the start, so it was no real surprise, if a bit premature. I actually think it made the game better, so who cares? It was a great game for the neutral.

And what chance do you think Chelsea have of turning it around?

None whatsoever. Barcelona are a bit too tasty and I hope they win the whole thing. But I'll be tuning in for the away leg, because you never know with those two teams.

Mourinho's said he might send his reserves to the Nou Camp if Messi is not banned for 'cheating'.

Well, it's the pot calling the kettle black. Mourinho didn't have a go at Robben when he did all that terrible writhing around to get Reina sent off. Everybody's at it. Uefa has to start handing out five game bans to deter people. That's the only way to stop it.

Who ate all the pies?

OK. As for the other British teams, Rangers did well to come back to 2-2...

Yes, I think they could nick a 1-0 over there you know.

And Arsenal put in arguably the performance of the week.

Now I don't want to sound grudging, because Arsenal were brilliant, but I thought Madrid were awful. Absolutely shocking.

This is the newly-crowned richest club in the world. They've got more money than Man United and they were worse than United - that's how bad they were.

There's a lot of people getting fat on the amount of money that club makes, but you don't expect one of them to be your centre forward. He should retire now - he shouldn't be kicking a ball around in that state.

Good luck to Arsenal, though. They should have won by three or four - and I hope that doesn't come back to haunt them. I think they will go through, and possibly Rangers, but Chelsea and Liverpool will struggle.

One thing that did annoy me was the lack of English players in the Arsenal side. In fact the only English players on view were Woodgate and Beckham for Madrid.

Still, Woodgate limped off and Beckham was crap, so maybe Wenger got it right.

Just before we go, we received an email from Shriram in Chennai, India. He says: Robbo, to some of us Indians, you rank only next to a certain Geoffrey Boycott. Anyway, any thoughts on how the series with England will go?

Never mind that - what am I doing behind Boycott? What does he know that I don't? Nowt!

Geoff Boycott
Boycott - big in India

No, of course I'm very honoured. Very nice.

I don't think we've got any chance whatsoever against India, because we're dropping like flies.

Our players are always getting stomach bugs - I think they should go over there six weeks beforehand so everyone gets it out their system.

I actually believe some of our cricketers just go there to lose weight. On top of that, Vaughany's put his knee out, Pietersen's put his back out...Fletcher'll have to play at this rate.

It's all pointing to a comfortable series win for India.

OK Robbo, that's it for this week.

All right. Can I just say good luck to Wigan in the Carling Cup final - the whole country's behind you.

Lovely. See you then, Robbo.

Ta-ta, son.

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Listen to Robbo rant

Mourinho in a mess
23 Feb 06 |  Europe
Vaughan injury worry for England
23 Feb 06 |  England

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