The ego is branded

By Chris Charles

Ooh - suits you, sir

We've always known he was a bit special, now Jose Mourinho is set to become a national trademark.

Chelsea have applied to register their manager's name with the UK Patent Office, allowing him to promote everything from knickers to nutcrackers.

A Chelsea spokesman confirmed the application had been lodged and told BBC Sport they were covering all eventualities - by listing as many products as they could think of.

The incredible inventory contains hundreds of different items, including lipstick, cigarette holders, handbags, dresses, nappies and romper suits.

But what is Mourinho likely to be plugging in the future?

How about a new beer called 'Mour the Merrier'? Or perhaps a more established brand...."If Carlsberg did egotists...."

He could do a nice line in lingerie - "Special Fun from the Special One" - or a sexy aftershave: "L'amour-inho: Scent by Angels."

British Telecom might do worse than employ Jose's services - "It's good to talk (and talk...and talk)" and there could even be a demand from Pampers - "Not afraid of big jobs".

And finally, how about a Grecian 2000-style cover-up for that famous salt and pepper hair?

"No grey, Jose" (does exactly what it says on the tin).