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Last Updated: Thursday, 25 November, 2004, 12:25 GMT
Carry on Harry

By Derek 'Robbo' Robson
The Tees mouth

Hello Robbo.

Hello son, you all right?

Pretty good - you?

Tip-top. Boro are already in Europe and we're definites for the Champions League so I'm chuffed to bits.

Jim Smith and Harry Redknapp

We'll review that in a few weeks, I admire your optimism.

Anyway, before we go any further, let's get it out the way - yes, QPR lost 6-1 to Leeds.

Well it was 5-1 at half-time, so at least you had a good second half! You've got to look on the bright side.

OK, I'll try. Anyway, the big news is that Harry Redknapp and Jim Smith have left Portsmouth - what do you make of that?

Well I'm not surprised. I know Harry said he's got to recharge his batteries - and to be honest he does sometimes look like one of them Duracell rabbits that's conked out - but that's a nonsense really.

I think he's been somewhat squeezed out by a man whose name is a Croatian anagram.

I don't blame him and Jim - they're too long in the tooth for all that sort of nonsense. Good luck to 'em.

First thing Harry said was that he was out of management altogether, then he said he was going to recharge his batteries, then he said it might be a week, it might be a month - so it looks like he's going to be back in the game.

Oh yes. Well I'll mark your card and say give it two months and he'll replace Pardew at West Ham.

Sir Alex Ferguson

OK - watch this space. What about Fergie's 1000th game in charge of Man Utd - see any of that?

Yes I saw a bit of it - it's nice to see the old bloke still heading it in with the striker.

That was funny - just before Van Nistelrooy scored, Fergie jumped up and thought he was heading it in himself.

That's the good thing about Fergie - as soon as his team scores he turns into a six-year-old. And if they lose he's a petulant six-year-old.

I kind of like that about the man.

And can I just say I thought Liverpool were very unlucky - not so much the result, but the fact they seemed to be playing on a bouncy castle.

Good Lord, what was that pitch like? It was like the pimply side of a table tennis bat.

You've got to feel a bit sorry for them - they've had a terrible run of luck what with injuries and the like.

Yes, the only striker they've got is 'Fatty' Mellor, who seems to come from the same family as David Mellor.

Andy Fordham

God help him. Couple of questions now. Sarah in London says: I like the way darts giant Andy Fordham tried to cool himself down when overheating in his match with Phil Taylor - by drinking several bottles of beer.

Maybe if he didn't do so much of that in the first place, he wouldn't be so big and wouldn't get ill so easily.

Don't get me wrong, I do feel sorry for him, but I had to laugh when he revealed he was known as "The Whippet" in his younger days!

Well, he also had an arm injury - and I don't think you need to be overweight to have a broken wrist - unless Andy was doing one-arm press-ups, in which case more fool him.

So was he really called "The Whippet" in his younger days?

Yeah, he was as skinny as a rake. There was a picture of him playing football in the papers - must have been just before he got into beer and put on 25 stone.

One day you're a whippet, the next you're a bulldog - it's very easily done.

Very true, but Sarah has got a point - if he cut down on the beer, he wouldn't be so big, wouldn't overheat and wouldn't feel the need to drink more beer to cool himself down.

That's true, although you wouldn't half save on the heating bills by inviting him round for the evening.

You could turn all the radiators off and it would be like having a warm fire in the corner.

Good point! Finally Anthony in England says: So no mention of Iranian Ali Daei, the leading international goalscorer (133 caps - 102 goals), for being the first player to net triple figures then?

Ali Daei
The boy done good

No, no mention of him because I didn't know that had happened. To be honest, Middle Eastern football is not me greatest strength.

If I was in a pub quiz and someone said: "Next round, 10 questions on Middle Eastern football" I think I might throw me pen down and walk out.

But well done anyway, Ali Daei, you've put Iranian football on the map. Not quite so much as when they beat the Yanks, but still very impressive.

Although whenever I have watched Middle Eastern football, I have to say if you can't score a goal against them defences then you're obviously not a striker worth mentioning.

But I hope he comes over here - he's obviously a class act.

Well that's all we've got time for, Robbo - short and sweet his week.

OK son, and I'm sure QPR will bounce back - they'll only lose 4-2 this week.

Yeah thanks for that, Robbo - means a lot. Speak soon.

Ta-ta, son.

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