Welcome to Leeds, Dr Socrates. The 50-year-old smoker made his debut for Garforth Town this week.
In sub-zero conditons the sub contributed zero. But that's not the point.
The point is this fella captained the 1982 Brazil team - a side so unbelievably good going forward that grown men would swoon at the very sight of say, Eder, flashing one in with his left peg.
And so what if he's an old fat grey bloke who, given the time of year, might be mistaken for Samba Claus?
It's fantastic for the club and the area. In the post-match chat he said: "Leeds looks a beautiful city and I am enjoying my stay here."
It's nice that he's prepared to lie for the team.
Wright-Phillips, Wrong Manager
Congratulations to Shaun Wright-Phillips on a great performance this Saturday.
In the light of the pathetic chants in Spain on Wednesday, even more power to his elbow.
And while Shaun got his head down and played, it's hard not to sympathise with Ashley Cole when he suggests that Aragones should be fired as he started it all.
I know Cole's apologised for pushing Aragones, and quite right too. He should've slapped his chops as well.
Still, Shaun's got a big future, but there are times in post-match interviews where Keegan does get a bit carried away.
Kev, he's good, but I don't think he's "the best young player in England by a long way" because the hairy Scouse boy is clearly the winner of that award.
But he is good. The only danger Shaun faces in his career is listening to what KK says.
Jason Just the Job
Well, that's that then. The Springboks trounced, Wilkinson replaced, and after a lean year, England are top rugby nation all over again.
Thing is, if they play that well with Jason Robinson in charge, why bother bringing Wilko back as skipper?
In fact, stick him on the bench for now. It never does Dawson any harm and he can always roll on when Hodgson starts tackling like a cotton wool ball again.
But they did look surprisingly good. The SA coach was quick to point out that these guys are not world champions for nothing, but actually, only Thompson, Lewsey, Tindall and Robinson started the World Cup Final so maybe you're letting yourself off a bit easy there.
Never mind, Boks. Go home, regroup, have a Schalkburger and we'll see you all again soon.
Glasgow Gets Goofy
Be afraid, Celtic...
If any Celtic fans have got a spare ticket for the visit of Barcelona this week, email this website right now.
If you're going, you'll be watching the best player in the world right now. Ronaldinho, which presumably means a smaller and slightly more toothy version of Ronaldo, is in town.
I'm beginning to think that goal over Seaman's head in 2002 was deliberate. He's capable of anything this fella.
I reckon he could crochet with them feet. And the greatest thing of all is the Real monopoly is over, just at the point when they buy three England players in quick succession.
Hmmm. Can't be coincidence, can it?