Funny old game

Taking the p***

Please can I go now, Sir?

Newcastle captain Alan Shearer has fallen victim to a pair of Norwegian hoaxers who quizzed him about his toilet habits.

The striker thought he would be talking about Newcastle's trip to Valerenga when he agreed to speak to the Scandinavian club's magazine.

Instead, brothers Kristopher and Aleksander Schau wanted to know what Shearer did when he had finished going to the loo.

They also asked: "What music do you listen to when you are cleaning the blood of a homeless man out of your car?"

Valerenga v Newcastle

Shearer managed to keep his composure by answering "no comment" and "pass", but was understandably vexed by the line of questioning.

Still, things could have been worse. They could have asked him if he planned to come out of international retirement. Now that would have really got his goat.

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Brooklyn's got no chance

Becks is a happy Chopper

David Beckham is rumoured to be buying one of the new Chopper bikes for son Brooklyn.

The England captain is a big fan of the cult 70s machines and has apparently put his name down for a newer model.

Raleigh have announced they will be launching a mark three version of the classic bike this April, which will retail at £200.

But according to the Daily Star, Beckham is paying an extra £50 to ensure he gets number 23 off the production line - to match the number on his Real Madrid shirt.

Of course, if you believe the bike is for Brooklyn, you'll believe anything. Give it a few months and Premiership car parks up and down the country will be rammed full of Choppers.