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Last Updated: Monday, 22 December, 2003, 15:28 GMT
Don King's FA Cup make-over
Don King
By Don King
King of Soccerocity

Ice Hockey's Stanley Cup
Now that's what I call a trophy...
I overheard some English folk talkin' about this FA Cup you have.

I'll be straight with you people now - it didn't sound like much.

I mean, where's the capacity for dollaricity? The psychology of monopoly? The philosophy of champology?

What's needed is a little bit of the King magic, 'cos this is showbiz baby!

And if there ain't no dough, then there ain't no show... so I called up your Football-Cup-Association people and gave them my ideas.

Now I'm not talking small ideas. I'm talking humungous ideas... provocatively beautiful ideas... transcendentally magnetic ideas. Feel it baby!

Super FA Mega Bowl

The FA Cup? That ain't no name. A cup? What's a cup? A cup is for tea! You need something big like a bowl.

One cup, two cup, twenty two cup and man you gotta bowl! The FA Bowl... the FA Mega Bowl... the Super FA Mega Bowl.

And where's the jazzmatazz? You people ain't even got no cheerleaders, no bands, no singers!

Where are your celebrity endorsements? No-one comes for the soccer. They come for the show.

And as for your teams, you need cool tough animal names: the Manchester Cats, the Sheffield Dogs, Fulham Bears! Sunderland - give me Wonderland brother.

Philosophy of Champology

And you know what your biggest problem is? Champs - big teams - getting knocked out. No-one wants that.

Are you crazy? Bring 'em back. I'm talking re-match after re-match until they win.

You can't have the little guy beat the big guy - people don't like that. Trust me.

I'm so glad I've had a chance to share these monumental ideas with you.

Together we can make this Super FA Mega Cup Bowl something really special.

I know you know I'm right.

Don King's FA Cup TV & radio campaign appears across the BBC this winter

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