You're rubbish, Crespo!

By Chris Charles

Chelsea superstar Hernan Crespo has revealed his secret ambition - he always fancied being a dustman!

The £17m Argentine striker, due to make his full debut against Tottenham on Saturday, once dreamed of a much humbler existence.

Crespo admitted watching the binmen out of his window when he was a little boy growing up in Buenos Aires.

He said: "I wanted to be a garbage collector.

"The garbage man would drive past my house with his horse and cart. I loved that.

"I imagined myself going around the city, driving the cart," he told The Sun.

Now, earning an estimated £90,000 a week, Crespo can finally make his dream come true.

First on his shopping list should be a pair of fluorescent orange overalls that don't fit - anywhere, together with some smelly, steel toe-capped boots.

Next he needs to fork out for a series of special courses:

How to whistle loudly out of tune; how to make as much noise as possible while moving a bin from one place to the other and not forgetting how to drop half of said bin's contents on to the pavement.

Crespo might need a trawl around the Capital's second-hand record shops for his final acquisition - a copy of the Lonnie Donegan classic, My Old Man's A Dustman.

And while he may just be able to get his hands on a pair of cor-blimey trousers, he might have a bit more trouble convincing the authorities he qualifies for a council flat.