By Chris Charles
Egg and tomato man
With this year's Open being held at Sandwich, it would have been rude not to have a stab at competitors' eating habits.
When these golfing superstars fancy a nibble on a sarnie, what filling would be most suited to their particular personality and style of play?
Ladies and gentlemen, we give you the Magnificent Seven - proving once again that old adage you are what you eat.
Jean van de Velde
Artichoke and walnut. A couple of bites of this little beauty and you'll be feeling on top of the world - almost as if you could walk on water.
Word of warning, though - as you near the end of your feast, you may experience a choking feeling - and a sudden desire to roll your trouser legs up.
Ham baguette. The perfect snack for a man they call the Big Easy.
Take one large baguette and fill with ham. How easy is that?
Mexican beans and sour cream bap. Big and round and full of beans, but if left out in the sun for too long can go off without warning.
Not too popular with the American market.
Jam and pickled onions, coated in volcanic dust and fried off in a rich, mud batter.
Well what do you expect when your old man's the Swedish equivalent of Benny Hill and you're two sandwiches short of a picnic?
Mussels And Jam On Rye, Dipped In Salt And Sauteed Till Extra Rare.
Or M.A.J.O.R. D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R. for short.
Not that he ever gets to actually taste it - every time he gets tantalisingly close to taking a bite, the filling slips out the other end.
The doorstep challenge: All-you-can-eat-for-a-fiver mega special.
Four foot loaf, sawn in half and crammed with 3lbs of sausages, 20 rashers of bacon, a couple of juicy steaks, half a dozen eggs and an unhealthy coating of lard. Twice.
Kryptonite, spinach and iron filings, cunningly disguised as a cheeseburger in case anyone thinks he's superhuman. In fact he really has been eating cheesburgers for the past year or so - just to throw everyone off the scent.