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Last Updated: Tuesday, 15 July, 2003, 13:20 GMT 14:20 UK
That takes the biscuit
By Chris Charles

Glenn McGrath and biscuit
McGrath was undone by a biscuit

The news that the Australian cricket team have been ordered to cut down on the sledging will have delighted many.

Not least the West Indians, who were on the receiving end of some bitter abuse earlier this year.

But while the directive from Aussie coach John Buchanan should restore a bit of order to the game, it would be a shame to see the insults disappear altogether.

Can you really imagine Shane Warne biting his tongue after the opposing batsman had played and missed three times in succession - or Steve Waugh saying "Unlucky mate" after the dismissal of a nemesis?

It's fair to say Graeme Hick would still be playing Test cricket now if the Aussies and the Windies had been nice to him - but think how much duller the game would be without some of those classic confrontations:

Eddo Brandes
Brandes 1, McGrath 0

Glenn McGrath v Eddo Brandes
McGrath was bowling to the Zimbabwe number 11 - who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball.

McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: "Why are you so fat?"

Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: "Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit."

Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics.

Viv Richards v Greg Thomas
This incident took place during a county championship match between Glamorgan and Somerset.

Glamorgan paceman Thomas had beaten the bat a couple of times and informed Richards: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering."

The very next ball was given the King Viv treament and smashed out of the ground, into a river - at which point Richards piped up: "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it."

Merv Hughes
No-one messed with Merv

Merv Hughes v Robin Smith
Smith played and missed while facing Hughes in the 1989 Lord's Test between England and Australia.

Hughes, never short of a word or two, told the Hampshire star: "You can't f***ing bat, mate."

Smith then smashed the next ball to the boundary and replied: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair.

"I can't f***ing bat and you can't f***ing bowl."

Merv Hughes v Javed Miandad
The big fella popped up again with another classic, this time in the 1991 Adelaide Test against Pakistan.

Hughes was less than impressed when Javed called him a "fat bus conductor" as the pair squared up to one another.

A few balls later, Hughes got his man and as Javed walked past, could not resist shouting "Tickets, please!"

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