Would you Adam 'n' Eve it?

Would you Adam 'n' Eve it?

By Derek 'Robbo' Robson
The Tees Mouth

The lads are ripping the p...

Derek 'Robbo' Robson on Adam Gilchrist's decision to walk, Arsenal show-offs, Jimmy White's poker triumph and The Rubettes.

Hello Robbo, how have you been this week then?

I've been all right thank you.

Have you been involved in any sporting action?

Just the usual - bit of darts, bit of pool.

Listen to Robbo

Did you win?

No.

Can you not get the balls in the pockets?

Well the white goes in no problem, but I can't seem to get the rest of them in there.

As long as you haven't been ripping the baize.

No, but me mates have been ripping the p***.

Oh no, what am I doing?!

OK, on to the questions - and the first one comes from Darren, who says: What's all this - an Australian walking?! Even you must have grudging respect for Adam Gilchrist, Robbo?

Well let's not get carried away here - he made a mistake. He's getting all the plaudits for walking, but what actually happened was that he forgot himself and started to move.

There's no doubt that when he got back in the hutch, the rest of his mates give him a right bo*****ing.

If he was in my team, I'd have given him a slap. I don't think he'll do the same thing against the Indians on Sunday, let's put it that way.

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Fair enough. Now then, dozens of readers have written in about your comments regarding Alan Shearer, after you said: "...get on with your Tyneside love-in while the rest of us try and win something."

Most of them are calling you a "bitter smog monster", whatever that is.

It's because I live in Teesside, love - which is a hard-working industrial area that tends to cough up a lot of dirt into the air.

It's a fairly customary term of abuse for someone from my part of the world.

Aah. Well in addition to that, Nigel Macdonald says: We on Tyneside are still waiting to discover which magnificent trophy you won, when you beat Newcastle at home.

We were waiting for the open top bus parade, so the streets of Middleborough would be thronged with 10,000 people.

If England ever do win anything, it certainly won't be with a Boro player involved.

Day-trip to Teesside, anyone?

Keep on taking the tablets, we all know how industrial pollution can affect the mind.

Well I know it's difficult for a person from Tyneside to appreciate this, but victory is its own reward. You can still see the warm glow of triumph on my face.

As for the England comments, Gareth Southgate is still among the top two central defenders in the country - and who will Newcastle have in the next squad?

Shearer can't be bothered, Dyer's shins are made of balsa wood so he won't make it - leaving Woodgate as their only representative.

And where was he born? That's right, Middlesbrough!!!

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OK, now moving on to something perhaps you enjoy yourself Robbo - and that's poker.

I don't know what you mean.

Marie from England says: Hurray - something Jimmy White can finally win at - poker! It'll be just his luck for Stephen Hendry to take it up, though, and beat him every year in the World Poker Final.

Well I watched that and you know that classic expression poker-faced? Well, Jimmy can't do that. And I think that's to his advantage.

I'm not bluffing, honest

He looks likes he's gonna be sick - he's in a perpetual state of mild sweating, which is a really good thing I think, because his opponents must think he's bluffing all the time.

You know, the clammy hands, the constant mopping of his brow - great for poker, not so good for snooker.

As for Hendry getting involved, I hope not. I don't want to see any more close-ups of him on me TV.

I always think he looks like Martina Hingis, with bad skin.

Besides if he took it up he'd just get lucky cards the whole time. If he wanted an ace, he'd get one. He'd have the same luck he has in snooker.

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Finally, guess what - someone else wants to talk about Showaddywaddy.

Oh for goodness sake, I wish I'd never mentioned it now! I'm a fool to meself.

You are, Robbo. So far as I know this is something to do with Dion Dublin and Robbie Savage?

Ai, well that lad Chris last week said Dion Dublin had nothing to do with the drummer from Showaddywaddy, even though a lot of people thought he was his son.

Well that may be, but someone from Australia (blimey, the Showaddywaddy fan club is growing) has some more information.

Martin Willoughby from Darwin says: With regards to Showaddywaddy and football, Trevor Oakes (guitarist) had two sons, Stefan and Scott.

Stefan is still at Leicester (how's that for a Robbie Savage connection?) and Scott was at Luton. Think he scored against Newcastle a few years ago in a typical Geordie FA cup defeat.

Any junior Rubettes out there?

Well I don't know why we're pursuing this, I really don't. I've been to Darwin and there's nothing there but poisonous spiders and snakes, so this man must be bored out of his head.

Can't we stop going on about Showaddywaddy?

Well you started it, Robbo!

Well I didn't know it would go on this long - can't we move on to another mid-70s band?

There must be some son of a Rubette somewhere who's done something sporty - or perhaps a Bay City Roller offspring who can throw the discus?

I only mentioned Showaddywaddy in passing, I don't want to think about them this much, they were a terrible bunch.

If anyone's got any pop-related sporting anecdotes, feel free to send them in, as long as they don't include Showaddywaddy. I get sick every time I say the name now.

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OK, finally what did you think about Arsenal going out of the Champions' League?

Well I've said this before, but when the going gets tough, Arsenal start showing off don't they? It's all fancy flicks and ooh-la-la, but they don't actually get the results.

They're a big disappointment every year in Europe. They should stop playing like they're showing off to their girlfriends and start playing like men.

So what do you think Wenger would have said to them in the dressing room afterwards?

Well I never!

Not much. He was probably quoting from Voltaire, when what he should have done was given them a good telling off for once and told them: "You're not effing good enough!"

If they keep on going like this, God help us, the Geordie bottlers might even sneak the Premiership.

But you wouldn't want that, would you?

No, but it'd be a laugh, after watching the competition between the other two all season to see who's the most arrogant.

And then, suddenly little silver-haired Bobby Robson is jumping up and down on the touchline. Seventy-years-old, retires a happy man, that'd be hilarious.

It would. See ya then Robbo.

Ta-ta, love.

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