Robbo's review of the year

It is said that sport is a great leveller and indeed Sport England is a great leveller of fine sports stadiums.

Still some sports people are more level than others, so here's the Tees Mouth Awards for Achievement this year.

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Top Man of the Year
I've got to give this to the Big Mountie Lennox.

I never warmed to the man meself but seeing as he was responsible for mashing up Mike, we'll let that pass.

He's still as British as Al Fayed though.

Bottom Man of the Year
Pony-tailed Seaman. Not because he continued to look like an extra from A Fistful of Dollars. He let the nation down. He had the decency to weep for his crime, I suppose.

But the man can't get off the ground anymore. Time for Robinson and Kirkland to arm-wrestle for the job while Unable Seaman retires with another Championship medal.

From also-ran to always-won

Top Lass of the Year
Paula Radcliffe. From also-ran to always-won in one year. But please, please just let her run and stop trying to doll her up.

She's a winner, not a looker.

Bottom Lass of the Year
Most of you slobs'll be expecting me to say Kylie. Were it not for her birthplace I might sneak her in.

Nah, the worst lass in sport goes to that ice-skating French woman who gave the first place to the Ruskies in the pairs event at the Winter Olympics.

The real question is - how does ice-skating get to be a sport in the first place?

Top Team of the Year
The European Ryder Cup fellas did us proud.

And the great thing is you know for a fact that the likes of McGinley, Price and even fluky Fulke are never going to manage anything better in their lives.

Mind, I can't let this category pass without mentioning the curling Scottish housewives.

That Rhona Cameron was fantastic - except I didn't like her much on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.

The Aussies had nothing to worry about

Bottom Team of the Year
Well who do you think? The pathetic, half-baked, creaking, unhealthy shambles that fumbled, flopped and flailed its way through the first three Test matches Down Under.

Couldn't we at least give the Aussies something more to worry about than how the medical services were going to cope with the squad's arrival?

Chump(s) of the Year
George and Arthur the Kenyan M61 cyclists spring to mind.

Then there's Fergie, who celebrated a new three-year contract by winning NOTHING.

But my winner is Sunderland chairman Bob Murray for making the least inspiring managerial appointment in the history of the game of football.

Turn-up of the year
Well it has to be those Far-easterners who Korea-ed into the World Cup semi-final.

All right - it wasn't entirely down to them. A few officials played their part, not least the ref from Ecuador who disallowed a decent goal and sent off Totti (my missus was livid).

Put it away, Tim

Turn-off of the Year
Henman stripping for some advertiser's money.

Look Tim, we Englishmen are aware that we are a pasty, unattractive race and we don't need you reminding the people of the world.

Disgrace of the Year
Roy Keane's foul-mouthed outburst? O'Leary's well-timed autobiography? No it has to be the World F1 championship. The most pointless, irrelevant, cash-engorged monstrosity on the sporting calendar.

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