BBC SPORT Arabic Spanish Russian Chinese
BBCi NEWS   SPORT   WEATHER   WORLD SERVICE   A-Z INDEX    SEARCH 

BBC Sport
 You are in: Funny Old Game  
Sport Front Page
-------------------
Football
Cricket
Rugby Union
Rugby League
Tennis
Golf
Motorsport
Boxing
Athletics
Other Sports
-------------------
Special Events
-------------------
Sports Talk
-------------------
BBC Pundits
TV & Radio
Question of Sport
-------------------
Photo Galleries
Funny Old Game
-------------------
Around The UK: 
N Ireland
Scotland
Wales

BBC Sport Academy
BBC News
BBC Weather
SERVICES
-------------
LANGUAGES
EDITIONS

  Thursday, 7 November, 2002, 14:10 GMT
Nasser's blunder Down Under
BBC Sport Online columnist Derek "Robbo" Robson gives his verdict on the first day's play at the Ashes. Click on the right hand side to hear Robbo rant.

Hello Robbo.

Hello son.

Wasn't too good, was it?

No. It wasn't. I just wish they could somehow play at night over there though - then at least I wouldn't have a ruined night's sleep on top of everything else.

It's a disgrace! What are we doing?

Well we're certainly not holding on to our catches, Robbo.

Well when Vaughan starts dropping them you know you're in trouble. But then he shouldn't have been fielding in the first place!

We've got a good top four or five, it's a dream pitch for a batsman and we win the toss. So what do we do, win the toss and play to our weaknesses - that's a good idea!

Desperate Dan
Who threw all the pies?

A load of pie throwers, to borrow from Rodney Marsh. He's apparently been teaching them to bowl with balls instead of pies, but that doesn't seem to have worked.

We just cave in straight away.

Well we said before the series started that England's only realistic hope was to bat first and rack up 500 or so, didn't we Robbo?

Yes - and what have they done? They've bowled first and...well, it's appalling.

I don't see the logic of it all. I mean admittedly when I've been the captain of a cricket team, I've gone and looked at the pitch and haven't known what I'm looking for.

If it looks green I think we'll bat second, if it's dry we'll have a go first - but then I'm not an international cricket captain.

Er no.> That lad Nasser should have known better. I don't know what he thought he was doing.

Nasser Hussain (left) and Steve Waugh
Right call, wrong decision Nasser

I think the Aussies have psyched us out by putting all those things in the press about Flintoff, just so we don't pick him.

So then Nasser thinks: "Aha, I'll surprise them - I'll do somehing that will definitely mean we lose the first Test".

And poor old Simon Jones?

Well, you know, there are these promising sportsmen that come along now and again and they just seem to be as frail as can be, don't they?

I think he's probably too fit. He's right on the cusp of knacking himself the whole time.

What he needs to do is smoke and drink beer. OK, he'll lose a bit of pace but he'll never get injured. It's worked for me! I've never had a serious injury.

The secret is that once you get addicted to pints and fags, you always make sure you're fit enough to have another one.

And that's all you need to be. As long as you're fit enough to lift a pint, you're all right, you're healthy.

Sound piece of advice there, Robbo. And come to think about it, I can't recall Phil Tufnell having a really serious injury so I guess that kind of proves your point.

Finally on the Ashes - and I will be speaking to you a bit later about other things - is there a way back for England after this Test?

Simon Jones
Jones could do with a few more pints inside him

No. Not in this Test and probably not for the rest of the series.

I think they've made an absolutely shocking start.

Everyone knew that if we batted first and Trescothick and Vaughan made a decent start and put on 150 for the first wicket we'd be up and running.

As it stands now, if we put on 150 for the first wicket, we're still dead and buried.

It's an absolute mess. If England know what they're doing then I'm a monkey's uncle - which I'm not, so there.

OK, speak to you later Robbo.

Ta-ta, son. HAVE YOUR SAY

Send us your comments:
Name:

Your E-mail Address:


Country:

Comments:

Disclaimer: The BBC will put up as many of your comments as possible but we cannot guarantee that all e-mails will be published. The BBC reserves the right to edit comments that are published.
 WATCH/LISTEN
 ON THIS STORY
Derek 'Robbo' Robson
"If England know what they're doing then I'm a monkey's uncle"

Ashes special
All the reports from the Test match

Day four

Day three

Day two

Day one

Have your say

STATISTICS

ASHES SECTION
Links to more Funny Old Game stories are at the foot of the page.


E-mail this story to a friend

Links to more Funny Old Game stories

© BBC ^^ Back to top

Sport Front Page | Football | Cricket | Rugby Union | Rugby League |
Tennis | Golf | Motorsport | Boxing | Athletics | Other Sports |
Special Events | Sports Talk | BBC Pundits | TV & Radio | Question of Sport |
Photo Galleries | Funny Old Game | N Ireland | Scotland | Wales