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  Wednesday, 6 November, 2002, 13:52 GMT
Posh and shove over name

It is not often you would place Victoria Beckham's name in the same sentence as Albert Einstein's.

But her concept of the space-time continuum would impress even old fright-wig himself.

How else could you explain her decision to contest Peterborough United's use of the nickname "Posh"?

After all, they have only been using it since the early 1920s.

Tom Baker as Doctor Who
A member of Victoria Beckham's legal team is ready to rumble

With a crack legal team that includes such well-known time travellers as HG Wells, Doctor Who, and Emmett Brown it means that nobody is safe from a woman who is prepared to go back to the future to protect what is rightfully hers.

Poor old Peterborough United could be the first on what might turn out to be a fairly lengthy hit-list.

Her claim of first dibs on the name "Posh Spice" will not only have her chasing Peterborough United like African hunting dogs running down a zebra with a bad limp.

It means that Posh Paws, the fluffy dinosaur from Noel Edmonds Multi Coloured Swap Shop, will be hunted down and told to change his name.

As she ages (no doubt, graciously) she could spell the end of that rite of male adolescent passage of splashing the first dab of after change on the recently-shaved spotty chin by killing off Old Spice.

William Shakespeare
Where there's a Will, there's a way - to sue

But why stop there?

Not only has her name been impinged, her lawyers (Wells, Einstein & Brown) will travel back to ruthlessly pursue those who have used her children for inspiration.

Poor Will Shakespeare can expect a visit from Ye Postman with a letter from her legal eagles after nicking the name Romeo to use in one of his tawdry plays?

And as for James A Roebling, how dare he name his most famous creation after her firstborn. Surely Brooklyn is a bridge too far?

As her legals hunt down copyright breaches the legal letters will fly thicker and faster than the paper on Neill Armstrong's homecoming parade.

Brooklyn Bridge
Brooklyn - surely a bridge too far for the Beckhams?

Conniving, greedy souls have sought to make capital out of her by naming a London railway station, an Australian state and a dead queen after her.

Peggy Mitchell, landlady of Walford's Queen Vic pub can expect to hear the dull thump of a large brown envelope to land on her doormat any day.

See also:

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