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  Monday, 30 September, 2002, 12:26 GMT 13:26 UK
Going batty at the Belfry
BBC Sport Online columnist Derek 'Robbo' Robson sounds off about the Ryder Cup, Arsenal, Wembley and Ferrari.

Easy Ryder

Sometimes I just love being wrong. Utterly, completely, stupidly wrong. And by 'eck it almost makes you proud to be a European!

In anticipation of varying degrees of flak from my dear readers, let me just say that Monty is the most cheerful golfer in the world.

Fasth and Fulke, far from being a terrible Swedish mime double-act, proved themselves more than capable, Price was unbelievable and the paddies came up trumps an' all.

As for the Yanks, I know they were well-mannered in defeat but....Strange selection by Curtis or what?

Paul McGinley
Paul McGinley gets a Ryder Cup soaking

Mickelson looked and played like a fat Hugh Grant, Hoch's a joke, Cink was sunk, and Tiger must have known something was up 'cos he played in European colours.

And congratulations to Sam Torrents. Just hope you dry your eyes in time for 2004.

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Gunners On Fire

It's a bit bloody ridiculous, the way Arsenal are playing at the moment. Thank God Seaman keeps flapping at a few or there'd be no point in playing them.

If a team's played this good at the start of the season, I can't remember when.

Oh yeah, Keegan's Newcastle of course, but then again Kev never really knew how that happened whereas Professor Wenger is sounding more and more like the Stephen Hawking of footie.

The way Henry's playing, I'd rather he didn't walk off the pitch when threatened with racial abuse.

Thierry, son, there are opposition fans who'd love to see you walk off the park for any reason, so don't encourage the stupid embarrassing ones!

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Going Too Ferrari

My attitude to Formula 1 is well-documented and it's nice to see the season end in a suitably artificial way.

Michael Schumacher
Here is your new car, Michael

Here's my suggestion for the new season. Give each team six planks an outboard motor and four wheels. And see what they come up with.

I'd rather watch Robot Wars! I'd rather watch my toe-nails grow. I'd rather watch ice dancing!!! What a boring sport it is!

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MIDDLESBROUGH ARE THIRD!

And you can hear the beads of sweat rising on the brows of Milan, Madrid and Munich. Oh, I think you can.

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Ta-ta Wembley

I shall miss those unnecessary white towers at the end of Wembley Way.

The new stadium costs almost as much as the Millennium Dome, which begs the question, why didn't they just put a footie pitch inside the giant Greenwich marquee and have done with it?

John Major (left) and Edwina Currie
Some things don't bear thinking about

"Ah, but," they'll say, "you're just the man in the street, Derek, and things are always too complicated for you to understand."

Bloody right they are - the logic of spending 757m on anything pales into insignificance when confronted with the images that play around in your mind when you think of Edwina Currie and John Major, you know, in the process of...You know.

Have to stop now as I've got one of those bitter lemon faces on.

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Robbo's Rant

Feb frolics

Jan japes

Ashes special
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