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  Wednesday, 4 September, 2002, 12:43 GMT 13:43 UK
A footballing lesson
Steve Bruce and Gordon Strachan

Six Premiership managers are being sent back to school.

The naughty boys left without any qualifications, much like the majority of their charges.

Now they've been told they need to pick up a coaching certificate or they're out.

Alternatively they can lose a few more games between now and Christmas and the decision will be taken for them.

So how will our hardy half-dozen get on - will they be achieving or receiving six of the best? We fast-forward to their half-term reports.


Steve McClaren - deputy head boy:

Steven leads by example and keeps the rest of the class in check, but will always be in the shadow of the head boy.

Steve McClaren (right) and Sven-Goran Eriksson
Steven will never be the bride

A serious young man who excels at philosophy, he is a great admirer of the teachings of Lord Alex of Ferguson.

Currently studying the hair-dryer technique, but recently had to be punished for his tea-cup throwing practical.

Nickname: Bridesmaid. Predicted grade: B.


Steve Bruce - dreamer:

Stephen has the potential to go all the way, but finds it very difficult to concentrate on the task in hand.

Was doing extremely well with English, but moved to Birmingham and realised it was no use to him.

Never afraid to speak his mind, it is, nevertheless, difficult to make a full assessment as this is his fifth school in four years.

Nickname: Lurcher. Predicted grade: A-Z.


Sam Allardyce - bully:

Samuel is very, very big for his age and uses that to his full advantage in the playground.

Sam Allardyce
You talkin' to me?

A scruffy lad who takes no interest in written work, but spends a lot of time hanging around the tuck shop 'persuading' mature students to be in his gang.

Nickname: Gripper. Predicted grade: Whatever he wants.


Gary Megson - new boy:

Employed as Allardyce's side-kick, this little ginger tearaway is forever getting himself into scrapes.

Garfield takes a particular interest in economics, but refuses to accept that his teacher is ever right.

Nickname: Duracell. Predicted grade: Bottom of the class.


Glenn Roeder - swot:

Quiet, unassuming lad who keeps his head down and does what he's told.

Glenn Roeder
Don't worry lads, I can count

Glenn has always got a folder under his arm and his head in a book, while his curious upright stance should guarantee an A grade in divinity.

Arithmetic is another plus, with Glenn very adept at sums in the right-hand column. Must learn to stop chewing in class, though - this lad is forever blowing bubbles.

Nickname: Owl. Predicted grade: A (written), C- (practical).


Gordon Strachan - class clown:

Gordon possesses an extraordinary amount of energy, but needs to channel it into his work.

He is forever getting into trouble, whether it be cheeking the teacher or smoking behind the BMW sheds.

For all his temper tantrums, he is a likeable little fella who just needs a bit of luck - the fact that woodwork's his best subject sums it up.

Nickname: Motormouth. Predicted grade: C.

See also:

04 Sep 02 | Middlesbrough
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