BBC SPORT Arabic Spanish Russian Chinese
BBCi NEWS   SPORT   WEATHER   WORLD SERVICE   A-Z INDEX    SEARCH 

BBC Sport
 You are in: Funny Old Game  
Sport Front Page
-------------------
Football
Cricket
Rugby Union
Rugby League
Tennis
Golf
Motorsport
Boxing
Athletics
Other Sports
-------------------
Special Events
-------------------
Sports Talk
-------------------
BBC Pundits
TV & Radio
Question of Sport
-------------------
Photo Galleries
Funny Old Game
-------------------
Around The UK: 
N Ireland
Scotland
Wales

BBC Sport Academy
BBC News
BBC Weather
SERVICES
-------------
LANGUAGES
EDITIONS

  Thursday, 8 August, 2002, 08:10 GMT 09:10 UK
Welcome to the madhouse

Football has always been perceived as a bit of a crazy old business.

After all, where else can you get paid silly money for chasing something around a field - unless you're a member of the Royal Family?

But even by its own inimitable standards, the beautiful game has really gone over the edge this week.

First we had Seba Veron admitting he was walking alone at night "like a lunatic" after the World Cup.

Then there was Spurs linking themselves to world class strikers under the age of 40 and Laurent Robert being measured up for a strait-jacket.

Fernando Morientes
Tottenham? Is that a pig I see?

But the piece de resistance came as Football League chairman Keith Harris and chief executive David Burns resigned from their posts in the wake of the ITV Digital farce.

Burns turned to his colleague and drily observed: "Keith, just think, you've given the asylum back to the lunatics."

With that in mind, there should be a few interesting applications for the Harris position, especially if you apply the old adage 'it takes one to know one'.


Keith Harris - and Orville:

This one is not as daft as it first seems. With the League keen to leave a few quid in the coffers after the TV travesty, it does in fact make perfect logistical sense.

Just think, there would be no need to fork out for new nameplates, headed notepaper or business cards with Harris mark II.

And after a few months, the suits could gently slide Orville into the hot-seat - you wouldn't even see the join. The little green duck would probably do a better job to boot.


Montgomery Burns:

The chairman/chief exec posts could be merged to leave David Burns' crafty old uncle in charge.

Montgomery Burns
Not so clever now, Paphitis!

The Simpsons villain possesses the perfect credentials for the job - cunning, spendthrift and the front to take charge of a corporate enterprise.

Theo Paphitis would certainly think twice before crossing him, while Phil 'yes boss' Neal would make the perfect Smithers.


Uri Geller/Michael Jackson:

Football's unlikeliest double act could be preparing to move into the driving seat after forging a partnership at Exeter City.

You can imagine the scenes at the AGM. Club chairmen would have to moonwalk past the doormen and no-one would dare try to pick up their soup spoons.

League HQ would be converted into Neverland and the whole set-up would begin to resemble a Mickey Mouse operation.

So no change there, then.


Marco Boogers:

Marco Boogers
Mad? I'm not mad

The nuttiest man football has ever known (and he's up against some stiff competition) could be sprung from exile to make an emotional return to the game.

The West Ham player (not one of your better signings, Harry) lasted two games before being sent off for what The Sun described as a "sickening horror tackle" on Gary Neville.

He was last spotted hiding in a caravan in Amsterdam insisting he was not mad. We've all been there, son.


David Icke:

David Icke
I still look out for Coventry's result

The former Coventry goalkeeper and sports presenter has experience in bundles and would not feel daunted by the 'asylum'.

The League is in need of a miracle and if the self-styled 'Son of God' can't perform one, then who can?

If all else fails, the offices would get a nice redecoration job - any colour as long as it's turquoise.


Latest news

Analysis

Football feels pinch
See also:

06 Aug 02 | Football
Links to more Funny Old Game stories are at the foot of the page.


E-mail this story to a friend

Links to more Funny Old Game stories

© BBC ^^ Back to top

Sport Front Page | Football | Cricket | Rugby Union | Rugby League |
Tennis | Golf | Motorsport | Boxing | Athletics | Other Sports |
Special Events | Sports Talk | BBC Pundits | TV & Radio | Question of Sport |
Photo Galleries | Funny Old Game | N Ireland | Scotland | Wales