It's the silly season

BBC Sport Online columnist Derek 'Robbo' Robson says England should not be upset by the Holland defeat because it's the time of year when weird things happen.

Afternoon Robbo, how are you?

Afternoon son. Not s' bad. We've got a new set of builders in this week, now we're waiting on the plasterers. If anybody knows any decent builders or plasterers in the Middlesbrough area, let me know.

What about the telly, more importantly?

No, still haven't got one, I keep missing stuff. I've had to listen to the ponces on Test Match Special...which I don't like, but there you are.

I don't wanna be called 'Robbers' so I'm not going to go on.

Robbo on Test Match Special? Don't think so.

I couldn't really see you there in between Aggers and Blowers somehow. Anyway, the first e-mail today comes from Warren in Northampton.

He writes: So what happened on Wednesday night? If England qualify for the World Cup, let alone do well, then I'm a Dutchman!

Well you're not a Dutchman are you Warren? You're from...did you say Northampton or North Hampshire?

Northampton.

Oh. If it was North Hampshire it could have been the Warren in Watership Down. Just on the North Downs there, very charming spot.

Look it's a friendly, Warren. You could tell it was a friendly because Carragher was in midfield and Cole was up front, which is about as un-hostile as you can get, frankly.

The Dutch took it seriously for about 45 seconds, scored a couple of goals and then relaxed again.

It's that time of the year, weird things happen. You know, Bolton will probably be top of the league after three games, so don't worry about it, don't get in a sweat, Sven knows what he's doing.

What about the Germans - do you think we've got a chance?

No, we haven't. But it's a long-term strategy, let's start thinking long term - 2010, 2012...if you were a Boro fan, son, you'd be doing that.

So don't worry, Warren, chin up.

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OK, next up is Hank Solomonson from Sweden.

He says: If Robbie Fowler is sold by Gerard Houllier, as all the papers in Sweden are suggesting, do you think Gerard will lose respect? I will certainly be devastated.

Oh well, Hank, if that's what the papers in Sweden are saying then it must be true, because the whole world hangs on the word of the Swedish press don't they?

I certainly know that I go straight online to the Malmo Herald when I want to hear the latest football gossip.

I don't think Houllier will lose respect because I think he wants to get rid of Fowler.

Maybe Robbie's a bit of a loose cannon, but like I said in me column on Monday, we'd be happy to have him at the Riverside because he's a great little player.

But don't be devastated about it, Hank. It's very Scandinavian of you - you've already got the feeling that the long winter nights are coming in, haven't you?

Katich was left sheepish by Darren Gough

You know, you've got to fight your way through the cold winter without topping yourself.

But don't worry about it, you've got loads of good players at Liverpool.

Carragher for one.

Carragher, oh yeah he's marvellous, he can stud and put his boot on and everything.

Right, moving on, Stuart from Dubai...

Stuart from Dubai?

Yeah, not sure if we'd had him before or not.

We'd had someone from Dubai, but of course they can't drink out there so they spend all night tapping out e-mails.

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Quite. Anyway, Stuart says: Good point about White's 186 and the quality of the bowling he was facing.

I wonder how good the Aussie batsmen would look if they had to face the Aussie bowlers?

Well they do play against each other in the Sheffield Shield and county cricket over here - and thank God they do, otherwise the County Championship would be a disaster.

But obviously they do do well against their own bowlers, otherwise they wouldn't be here.

This question only arises because we're so crap. Nobody says 'I wonder how the English batsmen would get on if they had to face their own bowlers' - you wouldn't want to see that anyway, would you?

It would be an embarrassing shambles.

While we're on the subject, why can't Nasser Hussain ever win the toss? It's not that hard.

That's eight on the trot he's lost now.

Well he probably can't toss the thing because of his poorly fingers.

Actually, I shouldn't mind playing him at poker - he clearly wouldn't stand a chance.

Robbo thinks Robbie Fowler is a loose cannon

Well I thought he might come up with the goods at Headingley, but it's looking ominous again.

Ominous, ai, ai.

At least Gilchrist only made 19 and Katich, the debutant, was out for 15. In fact, you could say Katich was looking sheepish.

Oh, that's very nicely done - quite waspish of you, if you don't mind me saying.

Ooh, very good. But before we descend into pun city, we'll move on.

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This next one's very close to your heart, it's about Boro.

Oh ai?!

Yes, it comes from, wait for it...the St John's Newfoundland Boro supporters club in Canada.

They say, or he says..Once again the mighty Boro are threatening to be up there and win everything - it is the same every August...then you see them do a swan dive around about Christmas.

Are they cursed, do you think? If so, can you sacrifice a few lambs (if any are still alive) as a peace offering to the Great God of Also Rans?

This club - it's one bloke isn't it? He's there in his igloo, with his fishing rod and thinks 'I know, I'll have a moan about Boro again'.

Well don't moan, because if you're walking around the area of the Riverside at the moment you can smell it in the air. Success.

This year we are going to win something, It's a dead cert.

I can't tell you what it's going to be - it might be the Playfair Trophy - but I don't care. We're going to win something and this town's going to be on top of the world, so there.

Well, you heard it here first.

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Now then, I have an e-mail here from Garfield O'dea. He says: It all seems to have gone quiet over the National Stadium saga.

After witnessing a fantastic event that was the Charity Shield in Cardiff at the weekend I would like to ask this.

If the Welsh and the French can build a national stadium for around £150m, why would a replacement for Wembley cost nearly 500m?

Well, the French and the Welsh didn't have to knock something down first. That must cost a bit of money.

Sort it out, builders!

But let's face it, this country is the lazy, bum-crack builder of Europe isn't it?

It's embarrassing to be here sometimes. The Humber Bridge took ages, the Channel Tunnel's a disgrace.

Then there's that bloody footbridge that wobbled around and nobody can go on it now. And the Dome - what's that all about? I'm ashamed.

And as for these builders I'm supposed to have in that can't manage to turn up on time..come on Britain, sort yourselves out!

Well. A rousing call to the nation's builders there.

They won't listen of course because they're a bunch of lazy gits!

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We'll try and end on a good note here. It comes from Tim Shen of, er, Honkers. Don't know if that's some sort of public schoolboy term for Hong Kong, or what.

It could be, but then there's a really good nightclub in Boro called Honkers. I think it's called that because the lasses don't wear bras. Nice food, though.

Anyway, Tim Shen says: Thanks for always putting the world of sport in its true perspective.

I hope the Oxford English Dictionary will take note of your recent suggestion to pay homage to an Ethiopian Legend. I think it's a highly Gebreselassie idea!

Good lad! Hey, I've got another one.

Go on.

The verb Caborn - which is to appear confident despite total ignorance. He's Caborned well there, even though he didn't know what he was talking about.

Any suggestions for sportsmen's names that we could make into a verb would be very useful.

I'm sure we could get one for Nasser meaning unlucky.

Yeah. I was so Nasser this morning.

Well, lovely to talk to you as ever Robbo. Speak next week.

All right, son. Ta-ta.

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