Sol destroying

BBC Sport Online columnist Derek 'Robbo' Robson thinks Sol Campbell is mad to move from Spurs to Arsenal, but gives a big shout of encouragement to Tim Henman.

Click on the box on the left hand side to hear Robbo rant!

Hello Robbo!

Hello son!

Are you getting a bit more interested in the tennis now?

Well, I'm amazed! Tiger Tim - I keep slagging him off and he keeps getting stronger.

So all I have to say is: 'You're useless, son!'

Mind you, I still can't get over the fact that he looks like a lad who goes home from school when his mum's been baking a cake and says 'Mummy, can I lick the spoon?'.

First e-mail today comes from Peter Bailey of Australia, via the USA - not sure what that's all about.

He says: I think the Australian rugby union selectors should send out an SOS to the Australian Cricket team, telling them to pad up and defend our sporting honour this weekend.

And maybe the rugby team could take up the Ashes 'challenge'. At least if nothing else it might build up their egos for next year.

Australia needs me

Is he insinuating that their rugby team could beat our cricketers?

I think that inference can be drawn, yes.

Well, that's quite subtle for an Aussie.

Actually, I watched a bit of that Lions Test and I thought we played brilliantly and the Australians didn't play that well.

But they're terrible for slagging their own off, the Aussies. It's been so easy for them for so long and all of a sudden there's a surprise result and they think they're useless.

They've got to build their lives around something more than sport.

Well, we don't have that to worry about, do we?

No, I've got plenty else going on in my life. It's not just sport, sport sport.

It is sport, sport, but not sport, sport, sport.

Anyway, what are they building their egos up for, what's next year? Maybe it's the Queen's Golden Jubilee.

Obviously the Australians will still be celebrating that. They might slag us off, but they're not prepared to go it alone yet!

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OK, next one. On the subject of your lookalikes, David from the UK has this to say...

What rubbish! Hingis looks like Graeme Hick, not Stephen Hendry!

Is that it?! She doesn't look anything like Hick. Hingis and Hendry were separated at birth - and unfortunately Hendry got the bad skin.

So who does Hick look like? Hick looks like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

Any more?

Kim Clijsters' mate?

I tell you what, since I've been watching a bit of that tennis, I have come up with a couple more. There's Roger Federer and Quentin Tarantino for starters.

International listeners won't get this next one, but I reckon Kim Clijsters looks like Alan, Tucker's mate from Grange Hill.

Oh, you mean Fat Alan?

That's him - Alan Humphries. And Lindsay Davenport looks like Lindsay Davenport, but that's just something she'll have to live with.

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Ooh, steady on! Right, Steve Proctor from England says: We are getting close to running out of Surrey cricketers in the England team. Is it possible that the selectors can consider players from counties north of Watford?

What has Nick Knight done to be continually overlooked for Test selection?

I agree whole-heartedly. Every time there's a slot to be filled we have to look at Surrey batsmen.

It's not even the best Surrey openers, it's the first ones on the list - that's why we've got so many openers in the side!

I mean anybody can bat at The Oval, that's why they look so good. Its a bloody billiard table for crying out loud.

Having said that, I wouldn't pick Knight myself - he's a little bit wafty.

Yeah, more of a one-dayer.

Exactly, although I have heard Warwickshire have got this lad called Bell who's apparently the future of English batting but can't even get a game for the first XI.

So maybe they should pick Knight to get Bell in the first team.

Good strategy that, Robbo, like it.

Aye, well I'm thinking long-term.

Well, of course the Ashes are under way now. Any realistic hope of England winning the first Test?

Er, no. I think we might win the fifth, though.

You know, it's the usual thing. You start with optimism, then they beat it out of you, just by playing badly.

Then you think, 'well, we're back where we started, there's no future for English cricket' and they go and scrape together a win at the end of the series.

So off we go on tour with a song in our hearts again. Same old story.

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That's spot on, Robbo. On to football now: Doesn't seem to be much of a contest this season does it Robbo, says Richard Bailey.

"He must be mad"

Man Utd have made their squad even better, Liverpool haven't done a lot, Arsenal have signed a Spurs reject and West Ham, Southampton and Bolton are probably down.

I think it's time we started following the camel racing. Even Boro might get in to Europe....frightening, very frightening.

Boro will always get into Europe. At least that's what you think at the beginning of every season. But actually I think we will this year, with young McLaren in charge.

What about Sol Campbell, though?

Well I think he's mad. It's not like it was a choice between Arsenal and Hartlepool. It was Arsenal, Inter Milan and Barcelona!

I think he must have got a bee in his bonnet about that Spurs bloke saying he wanted all that cash, so he went to a club with a wage policy.

I mean, it's like Shackleton going from Newcastle to Sunderland all those years ago, or even Barmby moving from Everton to Liverpool.

Why would you risk life and limb by signing for your club's rivals? Sol's lost it!

I wouldn't pick him for England now. I think he's an untrustworthy character.

Anyway, Richard's probably right, Man United will walk it this season. But then it's Alex's last season, so...

We should let him have it, should we....?

...er, no, we shouldn't. We'll really gun for him, we'll make it a real bad one.

That's more like it, Robbo.

Yeah, sorry. I got a bit, er...it's the hot weather.

Must be.

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OK, finally Adrian Brooks with a stinging personal attack:

Oh dear...first you think we should pick Tuffers, then you slag off Hick..and finally you admit to buying a FRENCH car!

Must be something about you Teesiders (don't tell my missus I said that, she's one of you).

Adrian adds: Looking forward to your comments when WE win the ashes...they ain't THAT good !!!

What does he mean he's married one of me? What, is his missus a bloke with a flat cap and a whippet?!

That's a load of incoherent nonsense, Adrian.

I know what's happened here. They've had a row, he's gone out on a bender, come back all sheepish about one in the morning and knocked a few things over.

You must have had a few, Adrian

She's woken up and locked the bedroom door, he's thought 'well, not much chance there tonight' and turned on his computer.

Before he's got to the dodgy sites, he's thought, 'I'll have a look what Derek's saying' and written back this load of babble.

Anyone who predicts that England are going to win the Ashes must be absolutley half-cut. I suggest you stick to the dodgy sites, Adrian, and stop bothering me.

OK, Robbo, that's it for another week. Speak to you next week.

Yep, ta ta. Come on Tiger!

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Look out for Robbo's weekly column every Monday and remember, Robbo will be back on Friday to give his usual no-nonsense response.