Those old Red Devils

BBC Sport Online columnist Derek 'Robbo' Robson savages the Man Utd board, but has no sympathy for Sir Alex Ferguson - or Fred Trueman. Click the box on the left hand side to hear him rant.

Afternoon, Robbo!

Afternoon.

How are you, good holiday?

Yes, lovely. Quite warm, a bit too warm for me. I try and stay by the east coast because you expect a nice chill breeze to keep you cool.

We gathered from your postcard that things weren't going quite to plan.

No, but then you don't expect them to. I mean holidays are supposed to be times to relax, but of course they're not because you have to spend more time with your family.

Well, we've had a few e-mails coming in since you've been away and we start with this one from Ryan, who's a Manchester United fan.

He says: What do you think of the money that has been made available to Sir Alex Ferguson in the summer to spend on bringing players to Man Utd?

We are supposed to be the richest club in the world, so why can't he go out and pay £30m for Rivaldo and co?

Poor Ryan (I'm sure his surname's not Giggs) is under the same illusion as all Man United fans - that somehow the club gives a monkeys about them - but they don't give a toss about you or any other fan, from Cornwall to Hyderabad.

They just care about getting as much money out of you as they possibly can and spending as little of it as they can.

Do we detect a hint of sympathy for poor old Fergie, Robbo?

Gis a job

No. I've got no sympathy for Ferguson. On and on about his ambassadorial role. 'The club won't give me a job after I retire..'

Well you're retiring - what do you want a job for?! Silly man.

Oh that's good, Robbo, I thought the sun had gone to your head for a minute there - thank God for that!

Moving on to Alex Kaupa, who says: Do you think the upcoming Lions tour down under will help improve rugby's image as a "posh" game in the UK?

As the UK is the only country to see it as an elitist sport, will the sight of Mr Johnson's XV beating up a load of barmen do anything for the game's PR?

Well for starters I think it's very unfair to call the Australian rugby team a bunch of barmen.

It's not justified - I know lots of Australians who can't pull a pint. And if they can't do that, they're no good at anything really.

No, I think the game in this country will remain as one for posh boys.

The game could only have been invented in a public school, couldn't it? It's so bloody complicated, so difficult to understand. The referee blows the whistle and you don't know what for.

It's a game of kind of creative cheating. You have to know where the referee and the linesmen are and get your boot in then.

Rucks, mauls, line-outs - what's it all about? In rugby league somebody gets tackled, the referee says 'go away', the fella taps it behind his legs and they carry on. It's so straightforward!

Every game that's been invented in public school has got a rulebook as long as a bloody bible. Rugby league will always be the best game because even a monkey could understand the rules.

Moving on to cricket now. David Stableford says he was reading the Fred Trueman article "Out of Love with Cricket" on BBC Sport Online.

He says: I am sick and tired of hearing that man belittling other people's achievements.

He stated that Goughy and Caddick would not be good enough to get into the England side of his era - and that he played against some great players compared with the players these days.

I'm sorry, I know Trueman is a legend, but the game of cricket has evolved since his day! Good lad, David Stableford, I agree with you, he's the most boring man in the world when it comes to cricket.

In my day...

I've been to Test matches and seem him wandering around the ground at lunch with two pints in his hands and then he goes on the radio and talks for the rest of the afternoon.

I mean we all go on ad nauseum after lunch about how bad the game's got because we're all a bit p***** by then. But he seems to be paid to say it!

All this stuff about 'we used to bowl 500 overs before lunch, I'd get a double hundred and then bowl out the opposition for 10. I was a genius...'

He was a good bowler - in fact it's a shame he can't still bowl, then he could let the ball do the talking. Well done, David, you're right.

OK, moving on, we've got an Aussie now, Ray Watson his name is.

He says: Don't worry about a "Ha Ha Glenn McGrath" headline... after Glenn takes 8-80 in the first Test, "Ooh, Aah Glenn McGrath" will have a nice ring to it!

Oh shut up! They're cocky the Aussies, aren't they?

I daren't open me mouth to say England will reclaim the Ashes because they're so cocky it would just pump them up even more.

But I tell you something, if Glenn McGrath takes 8-80 in the first Test match, I can guarantee you Fatboy Waugh will take 0-230, so we won't mind a bit.

Do you know, I say this every time, but I really think we've got a chance this year.

We could do with a bit of better back up in the seam bowling department - and some spinners...actually, no they're going to beat us aren't they? I've just talked myself out of it now!

Well I must admit, I'm tending to err on the side of caution, but I agree - I think we have got a chance. Once we get Craig White back in, he'll give the side a bit more balance.

Mind you there's that lad Lee who's coming over - I don't know what he's like.

Well he throws it down at 96mph - actually, I shouldn't say throws it down...

No, there has been some talk of that, but I am a bit worried - I mean our lads have been looking a lot more solid, but they do need to see the ball when it's coming down.

Football now, Kevin Keegan, is he going to turn Man City around like the Barrow Boy did to the Boro? And that comes from Steven in England.

Doh - Kevin Keegan couldn't turn a push bike around! Why have they gone for Keegan? I mean look at his track record.

Give it up, Kevin

Silly, squat little man who runs away at the first sign of trouble. If I saw him in the street I'd slap him across the head, several times.

Kevin, you're just a big girl's blouse. Keep away from football, you were marvellous as England captain, with your near post runs and your dinky little headers, but as a manager you couldn't manage to...do anything of use.

It's like Man City have got a death wish or something. As I said, Royle, for all his faults, at least he liked a pint - and he thought everyone else should have one.

Man City will go downhill now and they won't even be able to drown their sorrows!

As for the Barrow Boy, I don't know why we're paying him to be a TV pundit, it's an absolute disgrace.

TV should stick with TV. Please don't talk to me about Boro - I wish you'd never mentioned it!

Right, we'll get off that subject sharpish. Finally, having just watched Tiger Tim crash out of the French Open, do you think he's got the bottle to win a grand slam event?

No, because he's from Oxford. He's got frailty written all over him. He just hasn't got it.

OK, Robbo, see you then, nice to see you getting back in the swing of things so quickly.

Ta ta, son.

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Look out for Robbo's weekly column every Monday and remember, Robbo will be back on Friday to give his usual no-nonsense repsonse.