Robbo's Easter rant

BBC Sport Online columnist Derek 'Robbo' Robson speaks out about "lesser" footballing nations in the World Cup, Shane Warne's weight and Old Trafford's sitting-down stance.

Listen to Middlesbrough's finest rant to Sport Online's Newcastle-born Saj Chowdhury by clicking the icon on the left hand side of the page.

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How's your week been, Robbo? Did you get many Easter eggs?

Happy Easter!

I don't know where my Easter eggs are because my wife and I always have an egg hunt every year.

So I'll find out later.

Phillip Foster from Gloucester asks: After Australia's football team beat Tonga 22-0 and American Samoa 32-0, do you think that Australia will dominate football like they have done in cricket, rugby union and league?

My mum, who's dead, could have beaten teams such as Tonga and American Samoa.

They haven't learnt anything since Captain Cook discovered them.

I just can't believe that they would put out teams so bloody disgraceful and so inept.

I would have pulled out.

This is the World Cup and Tonga don't really count as a team.

Mind you, if there was a World Cup for tourist resorts then you would think that Tonga would be in there competing.

What would happen if we had put out a team which lost 22-0? I don't think there would be any disgrace in imprisoning them.

Steffi Graf has changed her name to Stefanie Graf. What's that all about? asks Jenny Brown from Grimsby

Robbo thinks Graf is childish

I hear that Steffi Graf changed her name to Stefanie in order to flog something like Bjorn Borg did when he flogged his underpants.

She also says it makes her sound more mature! You what? Peter Sampras? Timothy Henman? Gregory Rusedski? It makes you sound like you're back at school.

It's stupid, sounds very strange. Hopefully Andre Agassi will change his name to Andrew.

I don't know why he lost the 'w' in the first place, it was very pompous.

Tom Ash from Melbourne asks: Is Shane Warne too fat to be part of Australia's Ashes squad?

I think he is too fat and that's why he should be in the Ashes touring party.

Warne's too fat says Robbo

It's fantastic that the fat lad's on the tour. The England batsmen have to face top-quality lads like Jason Gillespie, Glenn McGrath and Brett Lee - so at least with Warne around they'll be able to have a bit of a rest.

It's a long time since he bowled Gatting, he's now twice as fat and twice as crap.

Hopefully England will have one day this summer when the fat lad gets upset.

Jim Took from Newcastle asks: Parts of Old Trafford may be closed down because the crowd keep standing up. Is this fair?

Do they want you to be part of Old Trafford or not?

Parts of Old Trafford have been closed to the run-of-the-mill fans for yonks because of those goldfish bowls they call hospitality boxes.

It's plain madness, I wouldn't even show up at Old Trafford.

If they want to close parts of Old Trafford they should also close the club down.

Ken Arnold from Newcastle asks Robbo: After 'Boro' and Sunderland's 0-0 draw, do you think that they are two of the most boring teams in the Premiership?

It was the finest 0-0 I have seen all season.

It was a great game.

Newcastle or Middlesbrough aren't the best teams in the North East, the bloody Mackems are.

They're crap on paper but they're good on grass.

And Newcastle fans can stop their crowing. Their keeper's called Shay Given - the opposition see his name on teamsheet and read "Given us a goal start".

Bob Beaumont also from Newcastle asks: Newcastle Falcons' Jonny Wilkinson has taken rugby union to new heights in the north east and on the international stage. Would you like to pay tribute to his achievements Robbo?

I would quite happily say well done Jonny Wilkinson - but we should really be talking about Jason Robinson.

He's been doing the nitty-gritty rugby of the north of England - rugby league.

Robinson runs rings around the posh yobs down south playing union - and he should be in the Lions provisional squad.

He probably doesn't own a pin-striped suit on have connections with the police force, that's why they've overlooked him.

Get him in the Lions squad now!

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Look out for Robbo's weekly column every Monday and remember, Robbo will be back on Friday to give his usual no-nonsense repsonse.