By George, he had to go

Derek 'Robbo' Robson kicks George Graham when he's down and says daddy-long-legs are more scary than the England cricket team, in his weekly column.

Tottenham in a Tizz

Spurs fans have been lumbered with this po-faced misery of a manager for too long now, so no wonder they're pleased to see the ex-Arse sent packing.

But why did George Graham go to Spurs in the first place?

Would Shankly have gone to Everton? Dalglish to Glasgow Rangers? Bobby Robson to Sunderland? No.

And if they did, they'd expect to be out on their ear in no time. Graham's done well, with a spoonful of Sugar to sweeten his stay, to last this long.

By the way, White Hart Lane, hands off the Barrow Boy - he's got a job to do down by the Riverside. All right?

England Expects (too bloody much)

Sri Lanka - the words don't strike fear into your heart unless you're a Tamil Tiger.

But we have won two Test matches against this underpopulated island and suddenly it's bring on the Aussies.

Let me make it plain to everyone. England have won three series in a row. Grand, I'm a happy fella.

But Australia are more likely to be unsettled by a daddy-long-legs in the dressing room than the thought of playing England in a Test match.

We'll be watching the Ashes this summer between our fingers, boys and girls, you mark my words.

The Truth About Teesside

On Funny Old Game this week, there's an article about how Teesside is nowt but ICI, Bryan Robson and Yarm - tosh! Some liitle-known facts for you plebs:

1. Stockton has the widest High Street in Great Britain.
2. Wendy Craig went to school in Yarm.
3. Most people spell Middlesbrough 'Middlesborough' because they are stupid.

And there's loads of other fascinating stuff as well. No, there is.

Suffice to say that Mrs Karembeu is the best looking footie missus in the League even though my son Darren likes Jamie Redknapp's missus. No contest, Darren, lad.

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There were never such devoted sisters

I don't like tennis. It's dull and effeminate.

Still, there is summat weird going on with the Williams sisters, isn't there?

I've got nowt against either of them and I couldn't say which one I prefer - but why the hell the two of them can't have a decent match against each other is beyond me.

If they were my kids they'd actively hate each other by now.... Mind, if they were my kids I'd have a lot of explaining to do, obviously.

Schumacher Yawn

Is he the greatest driver of all time?

No, the greatest driver of all time is the Darlington cabbie who got me to Teesside airport in under 15 minutes so's I didn't miss me plane.

Saved me bacon that lad. Terry's Taxis - they're dangerous but they deliver.

Welsh Wonders

Another false dawn on Saturday. They've had so many false dawns it's almost permanent darkness in the Valleys.

Union's not a patch on League but there was nowt else on on Saturday so I tuned in. And I have to say I like that lad Jenkins.

By, he can kick a ball, can't he? And a face like a newborn baby that's just been pulled out by the ears. Ugly and good. My kind of sportsman.

Has Robbo got it spot on - or is he well wide of the target? E-mail us with your views and be prepared for an ear-bashing when he takes to the airwaves on Friday.