Robbo lets it all out

BBC Sport Online's Derek 'Robbo' Robson gives the fans a few pearls of wisdom. Hear him ranting away by clicking the audio box on the left of the page.

Something here from Peter in Yorkshire, he says: Regarding your comment about the referee at the Liverpool-Roma game, what about the umpire who gave all those horrendous decisions against England in the Test match with Sri Lanka?

Can you imagine if the pair of them went out on a night out? They'd upset everybody!

Well yeah they would. That umpire must stand on the threshold of his house everyday because he never knows when he is in or whether he is out in his job.

Anyway, I think they're missing a trick here. In a village cricket match, you just take your own umpire, don't you?

They have their umpire, you have your own umpire, and everyone knows you're going to get a couple of dodgy lbws, and it all kind of works out fair and square in the end.

The fact that the umpires are going to fiddle is built-in.

So they need a third umpire who knows how to press a pause button on a video player as well.

Do you think they can find one of those?

Well, I know how to press a pause button on a video recorder.

Just give me a Carry On film. Most people who watch Carry On films with Barbara Windsor in know how to use the pause button, if you know what I mean.

You mean the camping one?

That's the one, yes.

Right, we have Mr G Davis in Swansea, he says: It's all very well blaming everybody else but Nasser for his poor displays.

It's no good having a non-playing captain - he should put himself down to number six. What do you reckon?

Well, I don't think it's going to make any difference. I don't think it's fair to slag him off.

Give poor old Nasser a break

I don't think anyone has had a poorer run of umpiring decisions in the history of cricket.

Every time he goes out to bat, yes, he gets himself out in one innings and comes out in the second innings to try and redeem himself, and he's out captain before wicket.

You know, it's just ridiculous!

Until he gets a decent trap decision that goes his way, I don't think we can judge him at all, poor lad. It must be driving him mad.

You're a bit of a Nasser fan then?

I like Nasser, he's pulled them lads together, that's for sure.

We could do without Hick in the team, but apart from that, he's done dead well.

What do you reckon to England's performance against Spain - is it another false dawn? That's from an England fan

No it's the real thing. We're on our way back. I say this hand on heart, we are going to win the World Cup soon. There you are, that's as far as my predictions go.

How soon?

2006 I reckon. We'll win the one that should've been played here, and that will really stuff it up the noses of the Germans.

We'll win on their territory. That'll show them.

We have a good bunch of young players, and we have a manager who has his head screwed on. Marvellous!

He might have his head screwed on, but my next question comes from Andrea in the USA: Did you see Sven Goran Eriksson trying to sing the national anthem - what a joke.

Let's hope he can communicate to the players when we've got a real match.

You're not going to slag him off for not wanting to sing that song.

Isn't that the most boring tune in the world?

[Sung to the tune of God Save The Queen]"This is a boring song, this is a boring song, a boring song."

God, why don't we have a stirring one like the French have? Now that's a really good tune they've got there.

Anyway this lass [who sent the question] is from America, so she's not that patriotic, is she?

Either she is a Yank, or she's so fond of Britain she's moved away!

Keep your opinions to yourself or come back home, that's what I say.

Do you know the words to the national anthem?

No, apart from "God Save The Queen", there's another bit later, a second verse, isn't there?

"God Help The Queen" is more like it.

Very true. A story that has been dogging the papers this week is the racing postponements caused by the foot-and-mouth outbreak?

So what's your take on the situation? That question comes from David in Scotland.

Well, they can't keep transporting horses around.

In fact, the real problem if they have a race meeting is that John McCririck will be there, and he's definitely a carrier of something.

Foot in his mouth, maybe.

No, there is not much the poor farmer, the most subsidised profession in the whole world, can do about it.

It's very sad, and if we have to surrender a few punts on the horses, then so be it.

Fair enough, what would you like to bet on?

I would to bet on the fact that England WILL win the World Cup in 2006 with the mighty Swede in charge.

Now we're going to get some real sport again with the new Formula 1 season, according to Annie in Wiltshire.

I think Schumacher's got it won already. Are you a Formula 1 fan, Robbo?

This is a bit of a strange question, considering Schumacher crashed in his test drive on Friday

Yes, well that shows how much he knows. "She" being the operative word, but I don't want to get into that.

I think the problem with motor racing is that it's a bit dull.

You and me can't identify with driving around in something the height of a playing card.

I think they have to go back to basics, get a few Austin Allegros, soup them up, and drive them around.

Schumacher should try racing an Austin Princess

We should have a few pedestrians, roundabouts, and things like that.

We should make it a bit more authentic, like what your average man on the street goes through, instead of this souped-up nonsense, being paid millions upon millions of pounds for just going around a German woodland for an afternoon.

It's just not the same, so I don't like it.

Fair enough. Would you include zebra crossings on there?

Well you've got to have different crossings because you've got to challenge the driver.

Mini-roundabouts to drive over?

Yes, and sleeping policeman in certain sections, perhaps in the pit lane, that'll slow them down.

Oh dear, this is another dig at you: The Barrow Boy's lost his touch, old son.

One point above Man City, defeat by Southampton and you've got Charlton at the Riverside next.

If Chris Powell is fit, the Addicks will walk it. How do you fancy a trip to Rotherham next season? This comes from Bill in London

Well, Bill, this is supposed to be a sporting forum where things are discussed intelligently, it's not "Let's bait Robbo".

We're getting to the end of season, and we will still be in the Premier League.

We'll start with a clean sheet, and then we'll see where the likes of Charlton, who have surpassed themselves this season by winning two games in a row, are next year.

Let's just stop baiting the lad who knows what he's talking about in sport.

Supporting a football club is not really about knowledge and wisdom, it's about love.

Old dainty-toes Hartson

So there's no way by slagging me off, you're going to affect my love for my club. Let's just leave it there.

He mentions Chris Powell. Do you have a lot of time for the Charlton defender?

I have never heard of him. I didn't even know who he was, and then there he was in an England shirt.

I think he did all right. Well done Chris Powell, whoever you are.

Our final question comes from Alison Smith in Middlesex. She says: How dare you criticise Denise Lewis?

I'd love to see you completing a heptathlon - dare you take up the challenge?

No, I daren't take up the challenge, because I'm not a heptathlete, love.

I've never been interested throwing and jumping, and I never will be.

What I was criticising Denise Lewis for was talking rubbish, not throwing things badly, or running or jumping badly.

She does all of the last three very well, but sometimes she talks nonsense, and I'm not retracting that.

You said last week that you were a little bit big-boned, but are you quite athletic with that?

I don't lack for grace, I'm a good mover, but I carry a bit of weight.

I've a bit like John Hartson from Coventry, a bit of bulk, but very light on my feet.

And do you partake in any sport, do you exercise that grace at any point?

Yes, I do. I play football for my local team. I sit in front of the back four, sometimes literally, during the game.

Well it's a long game.

Yes, well it's just a pub team, but my favourite sports are snooker and darts, and I'm very good at both of them.

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Do you think Robbo is sport's "man on the street"? Or is he our man in a padded cell?

Say what you think - and, remember, Robbo will be back on Friday to give his unique response.