Denise feels wrath of Robbo

Derek 'Robbo' Robson has some harsh words for Denise Lewis and bemoans the 'Worthless' Cup in this week's column. He will respond to your comments on Friday in his usual ill-mannered way.

Denise not pleased

Denise Lewis is gorgeous but her shoulders are a bit big for a lass. She's brainy too - for an athlete - but not that brainy.

She says British athletics facilities are 'Third World' standard. So does that mean we're catching up with the Kenyans, Ethiopians and Moroccans of this world, then, Denise?

The rise and fall of Roma

By 'eck Liverpool were lucky Thursday night. The ref was bonkers, wasn't he?

You don't give a penalty then have a good think about it and then change your mind. It's just not done. Then to book anyone who comes near you as if his yellow card was some magic forcefield was ridiculous.

Some defenders of the referees tell me they're only human - not this guy, he made a right monkey of himself.

---

Nasser Nightmare

The England captain has done all right getting some of his players to put it together, but I seriously think it's time he saw a doctor. Clearly he has a contagious disease that causes umpires to go into spasms.

I suggest the lad rolls a dice instead of going out to bat and that the scorekeeper then enters it like this:

Nasser Hussain Anything Before Wicket b Opposition's Top Bowler, score 1-6.

It'd save us all a lot of bloody trauma.

Sven's Men

The Swede has picked 31 people to play for England on Wednesday. We can all do that, man! Thirty one?! That's nearly three bloody teams.

Some pundits say it's a canny move to pick so many - I say NO SVEN!!

We're going to slag you off sooner or later so get used to it and pick a proper squad.

Who is the mysterious Tord Grip any road? Sounds like something squeamish dog owners might use to avoid a fine.

Box Clever

Well done South African inventor Lester Allison who has made a cricket box more effective.

As a regular cricketer and opening bat for many years, I can honestly say that during my summer the relative size of my testicles goes up and down like the pound against the dollar.

At times they have taken on the many hues of them super bouncy little rubber balls you used to get as a kid.

It's a big problem - a mate of mine called Tony insists his marriage was ruined by a blow to said area. I should point out that Tony looks like a cricket ball's hit him in the face a few hundred times and all. But there we go.

Any road, the inventor has tested out his spring-loaded device by repeatedly whacking himself in the groin with a bat whilst wearing it. The box, not the bat.

He must have balls. Or does he?

No Fun Sunday

I went to Saltburn, a fine seaside resort and felt the North Sea wind whip up me trouser legs this Sunday gone.

By, it were bloody freezing but a lot more pleasant than watching United spank Arsenal and worse still, snoring me way through another bloody Worthington Cup - football's equivalent of a £10 lottery win. Stop wasting our bloody time and money with it.

PS. Well done Leeds United. There I've said it. I'll never say it again in or out of print.

---

Is Robbo more out of touch than Bradford or as razor sharp as Dwight Yorke? Tell him what you think and he's liable to give you a good old fashioned ear-bashing when he takes to the airwaves on Friday.