Football's fear of northern exposure

After Frederic Kanoute brands the north of England too grim, BBC Sport Online's Claire Stocks takes a look at the reality of life beyond Watford.

West Ham striker Frederic Kanoute is not the first foreign footballer to turn his nose up at the north of England.

"It's always raining, it's very cold and I don't like all those little houses," was his rather bizarre verdict on the northern half of the country.

But his snub seems unlikely to bother the hardy folk of Teesside or the cheery Merseysiders.

"Worried about a bit of rain? What a fancy foreign fairy. When I wor a lad we had to wear flippers and swim to school through the puddles," as one Boro fan almost said.

  Five reasons why Kanoute should move to Merseyside

Two world-famous nightclubs - Cream and The Cavern

30 miles of beaches, more than any other urban area

40 top-class golf courses, including seven championship venues

Less car crime than London

Less carbon dioxide and nitrogen dioxide in the air than in London

Who in Middlesbrough can forget £4m signing Emerson, who spent more time trying to persuade his Brazilian girlfriend to leave the beaches of Rio de Janiero than he did actually playing for the club.

He ended up leaving for Spain, blaming the north-east's weather.

French goalkeeper Fabien Barthez had no doubts about signing for superclub Manchester United last summer - but he had to sacrifice his supermodel girlfriend Linda Evangelista as a result.

She did not like the weather either.

Terraced houses: Good enough for Les Battersby

Kanoute thinks he may need to join a bigger club to get into the French national side - but has apparently ruled out Middlesbrough and Liverpool because he says it rained too much.

But according to statistics - the average rainfall for both Liverpool and Middlesbrough is 700mm - the same as London.

Manchester is marginally higher - though one expects Kanoute might just swallow his prejudice and buy an umbrella if the chance came to play at Old Trafford.

"If he wants to get really depressed he should go to Carlisle and live in the high hills of Cumbria where they can get 3200mm a year," said Met Office spokesman Sean Clarke.

Kanoute wasn't so much bothered by other northern stereotypes such as whippets and flat caps, as by the Coronation Street housing.

  Where the stars live

Man Utd and City: Wilmslow, Prestbury or Alderley Edge, Cheshire

Liverpool and Everton: Birkdale, Formby or posh end of Wirral

Leeds United: Hills to the north near Ilkley and Wetherby

Middlesbrough: Cleveland villages of Ingleby Barwick or Yarm.

Aston Villa: Picturesque villages south of Solihull or around Sutton Coldfield

Derby County: Heatherton estate, south-west of the city

Tottenham: Cheshunt or choice parts of Hertfordshire

Arsenal: Hadley Wood and Moor Park, or the southern end of St Albans

There may indeed be more terraces in the industrial north than in the south - but you can bet your loaf of Hovis there's not a professional footballer living in one.

Manchester's star pros head for the Cheshire suburb of Alderley Edge ("that bosky enclave south of Manchester that is forever Esher", as it has been described in the property press).

The Edge now reportedly boasts the most millionaires and sports cars per square mile in the UK and in one year the village off-licence sold more bottles of champagne than any other.

David Beckham and his pop star wife are residents - although they also have a mansion in Hertfordshire.

But when they began spending too much time 'daan saath', manager Alex Ferguson put his foot down and ordered they spend more time back in north.

Kanoute: £3.7m signing from Lyon

Certainly the majority of footballers - judging by their appearances in the pages of OK! and Hello! magazines - crave little more off the pitch than a flash car, flash clothes and flash pad.

Frenchman David Ginola reportedly stalled on his move to Birmingham because he was demanding the club spend a six-figure sum on a country retreat for him.

It is fair to say that the football world does not have an unblemished reputation when it comes to matters of style.

The perms, the facial hair, the suits, the weddings, but, more than anything else, the tastes in interior design.

Top of the rain charts

Alison Kellington of the Halifax Group points out Kanoute could get far more kitsch for his cash in the north than the over-populated south-east.

"£200,000 would probably get you a one-bedroom flat in London but why live in a shoebox when you could get a nice converted barn with four bedrooms and a bit of land for the same money in the north?"

The average price of a detached property in London is £374,465, according to the Halifax, compared to £113,200 in the north of England.

Not that financial prudence is a high priority for most top footballers.

Then again, three houses instead of just one? Now that's flash.