Gavin gets the Blues

By Chris Charles
At Loftus Road

Can I have the ball please?

An over-age QPR side was hammered 7-0 by Chelsea in a testimonial match on Tuesday night.

Let me run that by you again.

An over-age QPR team was hammered 7-0 by a full-strength Chelsea side in a testimonial match on Tuesday night.

The benefit was for loyal Rangers servant Gavin Peacock, who must have envisaged a glorious send-off at Loftus Road against his old club.

You know the sort of thing, goalkeeper gives you a wink as he lets the ball go through his hands, you get to slot away a dodgy penalty before walking off to a standing ovation...

Chelsea obviously hadn't read the script.

Full credit to them for sending out a team fit to grace the Champions League next season - Zola, Desailly, Gudjohnsen etc.

Trouble was, they thought they were playing in the Champions League.

In reality, the main threat they faced came from Ray Wilkins (46), Glenn Hoddle (45) and Paul Parker (39).

Oh, and Peaock, who retired from the game last year with injury.

OK, Hoddle rolled back the years with a series of exquisite through balls and Wilkins even attempted a couple of forward passes, before reverting to type.

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The Chelsea players went mad and took it really seriously, especially Zenden who got a hat-trick!

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But, along with most of their creaking team-mates, neither was capable of actually running anywhere.

The match turned into a full-scale training session for Chelsea, who refused to let Peacock have a sniff of goal and were still appealing for penalties in the final five minutes.

QPR fans hoping for a cheery send-off before the jaunt down to Cardiff were left disappointed, despite weary chants of "We can still beat this lot!" at 6-0 down.

It all made for an atmosphere flatter than my next door neighbour singing in the shower.

"What was the game like?" a bloke asked my mate in the pub afterwards.

"You had to be there," he replied.

You didn't. Trust me.