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By Jonathan Stevenson
1920: Well, here endeth one of the most memorable FA Cup days in recent memory. I'm just little bit shattered, to be honest, after witnessing Bristol Rovers knocking out Southampton, West Brom smashing in five past Coventry, Barnsley incredibly winning at Liverpool and Man Utd destroying Arsenal. I reckon Match of the Day is worth a look - hell, even if, somehow, you've already seen all the goals. With 19 goals in six games, there's some good entertainment on offer. BBC One and this website at 2230 GMT. I'm going to have a lie down. Thanks millions.
1914: "I know Gallas is getting slated for his performance and the kick out at Nani, but he stayed on the pitch in front of the taunting fans to shake everyone's hand, when the rest skulked off. Well done to him for that." Panacynic on 606
1904: Armand Traore is not even booked for a knee-high lunge on Nani. Poor refereeing - he could have gone for that. Nani has been fouled a fair few times today.
1903: "I wasn't expecting to win today, but I'm embarrassed by the result and more so by the childish, pathetic reaction of our players. This is twice in the last two years we have reacted like this in a big game, and I'm beginning to wonder whether I want to be part of this football club. Which by the the way I hope Eboue is now no longer involved with!" an_d_c on 606
See, it's not just me - even Arsenal fans are laying into their own team. They've been rubbish - and that's being kind.
1901: Michael Carrick finishes off a sumptuous United move with a shocking shot that slices miles wide. He deserves a goal to be fair, he's been majestic today. And no, I'm not a United fan, so give it a rest some of you.
1857: "Gallas, at least lose with some dignity. That was a tactless attack on your part." onithor on 606
1854: William Gallas kicks Nani after the ball is gone. Honestly, is there an Arsenal brain cell still out on the pitch? Utterly embarrassing for the Gunners players, they cannot afford to get more sent off with some massive league and European games to come.
1853: Nani starts doing keepy-uppies on the pitch and about three Arsenal players try to kill him. That's the best way I can describe that. Arsenal are losing the plot big time here.
1852: Darren Fletcher is booked for a late tackle on Philippe Senderos, while Emmanuel Adebayor is cautioned seconds later for one of the worst dives you could ever wish to see.
1850: GOAL Manchester United 4-0 Arsenal If Nani beats Justin Hoyte down the left again, I think he gets to keep him. The Portuguese waltzes past Hoyte, floats over a cross to the back stick and Darren Fletcher, continuing his passable impression of Roy Keane today, bullets a header into the roof of the net.
1848: England manager Fabio Capello, high up in the stands at Old Trafford, applauds Wayne Rooney as the striker walks off the pitch. Anderson is subbed too, with Paul Scholes and Louis Saha coming on.
1846: Arsenal take off Alex Hleb, Cesc Fabregas and Eduardo for Philippe Senderos, Mathieu Flamini and Emmanuel Adebayor.
1845: Man Utd are just toying with Arsenal and Anderson tests Jens Lehmann again with a 20-yard side-footer that the German easily saves.
1844: "Arsenal's drive for the Premier League appears to come at a big cost - crushing defeats in the cup competitions. Hope Wenger knows what he is doing!" Mike from Sandhurst, via text
1843: Anderson creeps into the Arsenal box and toe-pokes a shot in the style of compatriot Romario just wide of Jens Lehmann's left-hand post.
1842: "Eboue is too hot-headed, that's why we needed to get some more experienced players. Our team is too reliant on youngsters and does have depth for coping with injuries etc. The same thing happened last year, as the season goes on we lose players." akaShinda on 606
1840: Eduardo heads over from a Cesc Fabregas cross from outside the area. Probably Arsenal's best chance of the game.
1838: Wayne Rooney could have had 10 today and he slices another shot across goal after a brilliant first touch sets up the chance.
1837: Gilberto Silva is shown a yellow card for bringing down Park Ji-Sung. The game is being stopped far too frequently now.
1836: Wayne Rooney is needlessly booked for holding on to the ball - an utterly pointless booking and something he really should be trying to erase from his game. That apart, he's been magnificent up front today.
1834: Michael Carrick is pinning some sensational Hollywood passes around Old Trafford today, it's a masterclass of long-rangers. This one falls perfectly for Park Ji-Sung, but the South Korean fails to control the ball and the chance goes begging.
1833: "I hope Eboue leaves the club after that challenge, as an Arsenal fan it is disgraceful to witness your own player do that. On the football side of things, how much do we miss Flamini?!" oligold11 on 606
1825: RED CARD Emmanuel Eboue is off for a shocking, appalling lunge on Patrice Evra. Arsenal are down to 10 and have another 40 minutes left to play. Eboue does not want to walk off, but eventually does so in a very laboured fashion. A moronic episode from the Ivorian.
1824: "Call the scientologists, Ronaldinho has morphed himself into Carrick. What a ball." anubisrich on 606
1824: Eduardo is booked for a clumsy tackle on Nani.
1823: Wayne Rooney unleashes a fierce shot which Jens Lehmann does well to parry away to safety. New half, same old.
1821: Play is back under way.
1820: "Hey Jon (Stevo, to you) I'd like to remind you of your comment at 1718 - I have printed it out and seasoned well so you can eat your words. Long live the king ROONEY." Tom in Guildford, via text
Guess what mate - I reckon Barnsley beating Liverpool at Anfield is still a better story. So deal with it.
1819: "I'm in the Arsenal end at Old Trafford. The Gooners are mad! Doubt I'll unzip my jacket to reveal my Man Utd strip." Scared but proud Man Utd fan at OT, via text
If you do, it might just be the last thing you ever do. Basically, don't.
1817: "My prediction is this: Cardiff v Chelsea final with Hasselbank grabbing the winner against his former club 2-1." TaffinItaly on 606
1755: GOAL Manchester United 3-0 Arsenal Game over, officially. Michael Carrick stunningly picks out Nani inside the area and he thumps the ball left-footed past a helpless Jens Lehmann and into the bottom corner. The somersault follows and the vast majority of Old Trafford is properly enjoying this now.
1754: "Anderson seems to play his best in the biggest games. Handy ability to have." Olly, via text
Very handy indeed. Something possibly Cristiano Ronaldo could learn from his team-mate?
1753: With 35 minutes on the clock, United's fans are already 'ole'-ing. I hope that doesn't come back to haunt them.
1751: Wayne Rooney is found in the area by a fine Darren Fletcher cross and he chests it down expertly, but the shot skews off wide of the target. United could be 4-0 up here.
1750: Wayne Rooney collects a Patrice Evra pass and fires wide with William Gallas unable to get close enough to the England striker to prevent a shot. Gallas is struggling big time today.
1749: (See 1743) "No Rafa it's easy to explain. Your rotation policy is absoloute rubbbish and not effective whatsoever. We haven't got enough match-winners in the squad which means we have to rely on Torres or Gerrard to get us out of jail. Please leave." Craig Currans Right Peg on 606
1746: "Hiya Jon, the 'vibe' at Old Trafford has just gone up two notches. You can hear a pin drop in the Arsenal end and it will be the same on 12 April!" Shahban, via text
1743: Alex Hleb hits a sweet right-foot volley from 15 yards but Patrice Evra blocks it - possibly with his hand.
1743: "It was a very strange game. We had a lot of chances - their keeper was the best player and we conceded in the last minute so it is very difficult to explain." Liverpool's under-pressure manager Rafa Benitez
1741: "Did anyone see that? Anderson just did a 20-ish-yard pass without looking. Are you Ronaldinho in disguise?" bm1990 on 606
1738: Man Utd are threatening to run riot here, as Park Ji-Sung cross from the right and Wayne Rooney heads over the bar. One more goal and this one is all over already.
1737: GOAL Manchester United 2-0 Arsenal Brilliant wing play from Nani down the left, the Portuguese dribbler twisting and turning Justin Hoyte inside-out before stopping at the byeline and crossing for Darren Fletcher to head home from close range.
1733: GOAL Manchester United 1-0 Arsenal Arsenal half clear a corner from the left, but Anderson bravely heads the ball back into the mixer from the edge of the area and Wayne Rooney is on hand to flick a header past Jens Lehmann from five yards.
1733: Anyone at Old Trafford? What's the vibe? Text on 81111.
1731: Darren Fletcher crosses from the right and Park Ji-Sung miscues a volley, with Nani standing in a far better position just behind him waiting for the ball.
1726: Cracking hit from the technically-brilliant Anderson, the ball getting to him quickly 22 yards out and the Brazilian seeing his snap-volley well saved low down by Jens Lehmann.
1725: "Trying to decide who I'd prefer to win between these two is a bit like trying to decide who I want to win in a boxing match between Osama bin Laden and George Bush." boringoldblue on 606
1718: Under way in the showpiece game of the day (but probably not the story of the day).
1717: "Anyone think that Fergie and Wenger had an agreement to not play Adebayor and Ronaldo? Wenger welshed on it by putting Adebayor on the bench. Fans are being robbed here! The FA needs to fine both teams, and also fine the Liverpool players for impersonating LFC." torontored on 606
1714: "If I was the Liverpool chairmen I'd do the intelligent thing and sack Rafa after that awful performance. What do Liverpool fans need to realise this? It's staring them in the face." Jez in Worcester, via text
1712: Ryan Giggs isn't even on the bench at Old Trafford, the Welshman rested by Sir Alex Ferguson.
1711: "Is there anything sweeter than seeing your team stuff a bunch of pampered millionaires from the Premier League? I don't think so. Steven Gerrard - just a Neil Redfearn wannabe!" My colleague/boss Paul, presumably about to get very, very drunk
1710: Yep, they're working fine. Is there another game on now?
1705: I'm going to see if my legs still work. Back in five. Crikey.
1702: "The ref totally bottled that penalty call, but justice was swift and Howard executed the scousers. I am gonna go out and get so blind now! Well done the Tykes!" Matt in Blackpool, via text
1657: "Forget whatever tomorrow's headlines will be, Rafa is going nowhere. VIVA RAFA! and bring on Inter. Gutted we are out, we should have won. Fair play Barnsley though." Joseph, Huyton, via text
1653: The Barnsley players are staying out on the field and their travelling fans are making a fair old racket in their corner of Anfield. These celebrations are going to go on for a very, very long time. What marvellous times to be a Tyke, eh? You couldn't make it up.
1653: FULL-TIME Coventry 0-5 West Brom
1652: FULL-TIME Chelsea 3-1 Huddersfield
1651: FULL-TIME Liverpool 1-2 Barnsley
1650: FULL-TIME Cardiff 2-0 Wolves
1650: GOAL Liverpool 1-2 Barnsley I don't have words. They fail me. Brian Howard takes aim 20 yards out and, in front of the Kop, he slams a shot into the corner of the net. It's unbelievable. What a story. I think I might die.
1649: Harry Kewell fires in a shot, but that man Luke Steele gathers comfortably. What a legend.
1647: Martin Devaney shoots wide as Barnsley threaten a massive, massive Cupset at Anfield. Just seconds remaining, what a story this is.
1647: TEAM NEWS Manchester United v Arsenal Manchester United have rested Cristiano Ronaldo and left Paul Scholes and Carlos Tevez on the bench, but Wayne Rooney returns after suspension to take his place in attack. Arsenal are without injured Gael Clichy, but Philippe Senderos, Mathieu Flamini and Emmanuel Adebayor are fit enough to take a place on the substitutes' bench.
1646: (See 1640) "In response to Keith, Anfield, how do you push someone in the face and turn your back? Are YOU watching the game through your red tints again?" Dave, Goodison, via text
1645: "Steele is by far man of the match. Liverpool should be way out in front. He is having a blinder." Chasney on 606
1642: Luke Steele makes another magical save to tip over Dirk Kuyt's shot from 10 yards. I think the player of the round award is wrapped up, anyway. Five minutes to go.
1641: Harry Kewell crashes in a volley against the crossbar as Liverpool hammer away at Anfield against Barnsley.
1640: (See 1631) "All Itandje did was turn his back to stop his head getting kicked off. Are you actually watching the game Jonathan?" Keith, Anfield, via text
Yeah, I am. It's just an opinion though, so don't worry about it too much.
1639: GOAL Coventry 0-5 West Brom Ishmael Miller finds space down the left inside the Coventry area and takes his time to pick out Zoltan Gera, who skips past a challenge, rounds the keeper and slots into an empty net.
1637: GOAL Coventry 0-4 West Brom Ishmael Miller slams in a fourth and it is becoming a rout - he collects a long pass, shrugs off a defender and slots coolly past Andy Marshall. Embarrassing for the home team, now.
1636: "Somebody please put Charles Itandje out of his misery!" guidos_4_reds on 606
1635: The game at Ninian Park has become a non-event after Cardiff's two early goals. Wolves do not look capable of getting a breakthrough as the home side put 11 players behind the ball to defend their lead.
1631: Steven Gerrard comes on for Lucas. Meanwhile, Kayode Odejayi is clearly taken out by Charles Itandje just outside the Liverpool penalty area and the referee gives nothing. Terrible decision.
1629: GOAL Coventry 0-3 West Brom Roman Bednar slots home his second of the game from the spot after his run into the area was stopped by an Arjan de Zeeuw handball.
1628: GOAL Chelsea 3-1 Huddersfield Game over at Stamford Bridge as Frank Lampard slots Salomon Kalou through and he neatly finishes via a deflection off Matt Glennon.
1627: "Liverpool will win but they are tiring themselves ahead of a seemingly unbeatable Inter side." We_Are_The_Busby_Babes on 606
1625: Yossi Benayoun cuts in from the left and fires goalwards, but Luke Steele sticks out his right hand and puts it round for a corner. Brilliant goalkeeping.
1624: Luke Steele is writing his name into FA Cup history here, with a fine save to deny a Lucas header.
1623: Chelsea striker Claudio Pizarro dances around almost the entire Huddersfield team and his shot is saved by Matt Glennon, with Scott Sinclair tapping in the rebound - but the youngster is offside and the goal is ruled out.
1620: GOAL Coventry 0-2 West Brom Howler, howler, howler. Andy Marshall won't be watching Match of the Day tonight, that's for sure. The much-travelled keeper tamely knocks a back-pass straight to Roman Bednar and the striker accepts his gift, rounding the red-faced custodian and slotting home. Game over.
1618: GOAL Chelsea 2-1 Huddersfield Oh gutted. Frank Lampard bursts into the box, forces a save from Matt Glennon with a weak effort but slides in and scores from the rebound. All eyes on Anfield, then. 101 Chelsea goals for Lamps now.
1616: "This is so funny. Chelsea and Liverpool can't beat Huddersfield and Barnsley." imperialtennisfan on 606
I can barely breathe. My sides are in tatters. Can we have two of the biggest Cupsets of all time on the same day? Can we?
1614: GOAL Liverpool 1-1 Barnsley What a fantastic goal that is and we are on the brink of Cupset dreamland here. Martin Devaney sends over a truly magnificent cross from the right touchline and Stephen Foster climbs high and powers a header into the net at the Kop end.
1613: Salomon Kalou puts the ball in the net after Huddersfield fail to clear a corner, but it is ruled out for offside.
1609: RED CARD Coventry are down to 10 men as Michael Doyle is sent off for a late challenge on Zoltan Gera. It's a hard one to call on the replay - the ref possibly has sent him off for a stamp, but I'm not sure there was intent. Harsh for me.
1608: "Barnsley are very poor, they would have a chance here today if they could string a few passes together against a lacklustre Liverpool." Steve at Anfield, via text
1606: Cricket legend Dickie Bird is at Anfield watching his beloved Barnsley. Howzat for a spot?
1605: The games are all under way again, with Coventry's starting a little late.
1603: PLAYER RATER Chelsea v Huddersfield High - Frank Lampard on 8.41. Low - Paulo Ferreira on 5.40
1558: (See 1531) "According to a Guardian article in October 2006, six of Lampard's then 73 goals for Chelsea were deflected, and there's hardly been 50 since. Nice to know Edinburgh's still full of comic talent with the festival approaching though. Good goal Huddersfield." Tom, via text
That's it. End of. No more Lampard texts. Pipe down, all of you. It's not what the FA Cup would want.
1552: PLAYER RATER Coventry v West Brom High - Chris Brunt on 10. Low - Jay Tabb on 4.75
1550: (See 1542) "Did Lucas put the Brazil nut on Xabi?" Marc, Liverpool, via text
1549: We're half-time everywhere. Are you excited yet?
1548: Another great save by Luke Steele keeps Barnsley in it at Anfield. Peter Crouch rises at the far post to meet Steve Finnan's cross but Steele flings himself across to keep out his header.
1546: GOAL Chelsea 1-1 Huddersfield Unbelievable scenes at Stamford Bridge - the visitors have only gone and equalised! Chris Brandon clips the ball over the Chelsea defence and Michael Collins keeps his cool to fire past Carlo Cudicini with the outside of his boot, a lovely finish. Is there a massive Cupset brewing after all?
1544: I'm officially bored of the Frank Lampard v Steven Gerrard debate. It's the dullest footballing conversation doing the rounds and has been for the last three years. So there.
1542: Lots of claret at Anfield, as Xabi Alonso comes off worse after a clash of heads with team-mate Lucas. The Spaniard will require a bit of treatment there for sure.
1541: A tactical change before half-time at Ninian Park, with Wolves hauling off Seyi George Olofinjana and sending on striker Freddy Eastwood.
1538: John Terry clears off the line at Stamford Bridge from Nathan Clarke's header. Big scare for the hosts.
1537: "My mate had tickets to see Manchester United v Arsenal and I was going to go with him. However, his missus decided that the house needs decorating, and subsequently, I am not going. I dont think I will ever forgive him." MartinJols on 606
1531: GOAL Liverpool 1-0 Barnsley Ryan Babel escapes his marker down the left and pulls the back back brilliantly for Dirk Kuyt, who takes a touch and finishes easily from six yards. The Dutchman's first in 14 games.
1531: "100 goals for Frank Lampard... 97 of which were deflections." Chris, Edinburgh, via text
1529: Xabi Alonso wins possession inside the Barnsley half and lets one go from 30 yards, but Luke Steele flies across his line and makes a fine save.
1528: Hmmm, you might be right. Sami Hyypia gives the ball away, Daniel Nardiello cuts in from the right towards goal and his low right-foot shot is well saved by Charles Itandje.
1527: "The longer it stays 0-0 at Anfield the more I fancy Barnsley for a Cupset." vaughnanichebe on 606
1521: "Is there a player who has scored 100 goals for his club who gets as much undeserved criticism as Frank Lampard? I mean it's an absolutely amazing record," says BBC Radio 5 Live pundit Steve Claridge.
1520: "Sorry Mick McCarthy but your time is up. Please sack him now and bring in Chris Coleman asap." Disgruntled Wolf, Bristol, via text
Get yourself out with the Rovers fans tonight mate, they'll cheer you up I'm sure!
1518: GOAL Chelsea 1-0 Huddersfield Chances of a Cupset dramatically diminish at the Bridge, as Frank Lampard bags his 100th goal for the club with a sweet finish into the bottom left-hand corner having been left unmarked in the area.
1517: Luke Steele makes a fine save to deny Peter Crouch at Anfield.
1514: GOAL Coventry 0-1 West Brom Coventry's defenders have a brain melt and appeal for offside from a throw, but Roman Bednar gets to the right byeline and crosses for Chris Brunt to head home. Utterly perplexing.
1511: Peter Crouch heads just wide as Liverpool seek to turn their dominance into goals.
1510: GOAL Cardiff 2-0 Wolves If we see a better goal today, we're in for a belter. Dutch marksman Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink collects a pass just inside the Wolves box, turns his man, lets the ball run and curls a screamer into the top corner. Vintage Jerrel.
1509: Dirk Kuyt sees an opening just inside the Barnsley box, but his shot is weak and dribbles wide.
1506: Scott Sinclair thinks he has opened the scoring for Chelsea, but Robbie Williams somehow gets back to clear his goalbound right-foot shot off the line. Brilliant defending.
1503: How much is the Chelsea bench worth today? I count about £95m, surely a record?!" Lawrence, via text
1501: GOAL Cardiff 1-0 Wolves Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink flicks the ball through to the unmarked Peter Whittingham, who runs almost half the length of the pitch and coolly slots in.
1501: Saturday's four three o'clock kick-offs are all under way.
1458: "Here in the US this morning we are being treated to the Liverpool game. I assume because it's the most likely game for an upset..." CycloneArmageddon on 606
1457: TEAM NEWS Cardiff v Wolves Joe Ledley is missing for Cardiff so Stephen McPhail comes into the centre of midfield with Aaron Ramsey moving over to the left. Wolves are missing Sylvan Ebanks-Blake, George Elokobi and Dave Edwards who are Cup-tied. Matt Jarvis is injured and Darren Ward is also missing.
1455: TEAM NEWS Chelsea v Huddersfield Chelsea change their entire team line-up, bar Frank Lampard. Captain John Terry is back in action after two months out to partner Tal Ben-Haim at the centre of the defence. Huddersfield defender Frank Sinclair skippers Town against his former club.
1449: TEAM NEWS Coventry v West Brom Arjan De Zeeuw returns to the Coventry line-up after missing the goalless draw with Cardiff in midweek, while Marcus Hall and Robbie Simpson are promoted from the bench. West Brom's Zoltan Gera has recovered from a leg injury and starts, along with Pedro Pele and Roman Bednar.
1441: TEAM NEWS Liverpool v Barnsley Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard is left on the bench and Charles Itandje plays in goal but Sami Hypia returns to the Reds defence. Barnsley trio Luke Steele, Istvan Ferenczi and Bobby Hassell come in for the ineligible Tony Warner and Cup-tied duo Jon Macken and Lewin Nyatanga.
1436: Steven Gerrard is apparently on the bench for Liverpool for their game at home to Barnsley. Will he have to come on to salvage the situation for the Reds?
1435: PS I'm saving my Man Utd-Arsenal prediction until later. It'll be worth the wait.
1434: "Watching Bristol Rovers on proper telly made me think I was in a parallel universe. Now The Gas are in the quarter-final - I know I'm in a parallel universe. Can no-one wake me up please, this is beautiful, beautiful dream. Richard 'Ricky' Lambert, I love you." Dan, in a parallel universe, via text
1430: "Well done Rovers. Fully deserved. Terrible pitch and a scrappy game, but you totally outfought Southampton. Campbell, Disley and Lambert all brilliant today. Good luck in the quarters." chrisox on 606
1428: "Re: Comment at 1331. Any chance of predicting tonight's lottery numbers?" Kieran, Nottingham, via text
Haha. As if. I don't want to lose out on any more cash. But I will predict the rest of today's scores:
Cardiff 1-1 Wolves Chelsea 3-1 Huddersfield Coventry 2-3 West Brom Liverpool 5-2 Barnsley
1424: "I can't believe we're in the quarter-finals, we're ecstatic. Too right we deserved to win, we are just made up. It means everything to us," says goalscoring birthday hero Ricky Lambert. Beers are massively on him tonight.
1422: FULL-TIME Bristol Rovers 1-0 Southampton
1421: Jason Euell climbs high, but can only head wide from a corner. That might just be that and the crowd are in full song now.
1419: Sean Rigg shoots from way out on the right and it goes out for a throw on the left. Enough said. Seconds away from a Cupset here, heady times for the Pirates.
1418: Jermaine Wright is booked and Southampton are falling apart here.
1417: Adam Hammill is booked - and perhaps a bit luckily - after a late and cynical foul on Craig Disley.
1415: Adam Hammill comes on for Jhon Viafara as Saints go searching for a late leveller.
1414: Get the ciders in, half of Bristol is about to party like it's 1958 (see 1139).
1413: GOAL Bristol Rovers 1-0 Southampton Oh, my, days. Rickie Lambert hits the kick towards the far corner, Jermaine Wright sticks out a foot and the ball horribly deflects into the roof of the Saints net. The Memorial Stadium erupts.
1412: Rovers free-kick, 20 yards out...
1411: "I'd put money on someone scoring with a chip in the last minute!" Phil, via text
You've clearly never seen me play then. My old uni football gaffer is working with me today (Jomec). I can barely look at him without hearing the words 'sub today mate'. Gutted.
1408: "Stern John has to have one of the best names in football. I wish I had an adjective for a first name." Paul 'danger' W, via text
1406: "I don't like chips, is that weird? I'd eat one if it meant something happens in the match. With a bobbly pitch and Kelvin Davis out there, anything could happen." Ian Bish, Vegas, via text
Don't like chips? Have you seen a doctor?
1404: Ricky Lambert heads over from another set-piece, this time from the left. His strike partner Andy Williams is taken off and replaced by Sean Rigg. I've just finished my chips, too. Bit dry, but job done.
1359: Oh my. Ricky Lambert heads into the net from a corner from the right, but Mike Riley adjudges that he pushed Darren Powell in the back and the goal is ruled out.
1355: "My mate has honey and marmite on his chips. The wrongness." Mick, bored at work, via text
He's a clown.
1353: Jason Euell fires in a shot after Steve Phillips punches weakly, but the keeper redeems himself with a good save with his left boot and the rebound is blazed miles wide.
1351: There's no ketchup. Heartbreak.
1349: Stern John swivels on a sixpence but slams his shot way over the Rovers bar.
1348: "Scrap the football updates. Lets get live text commentry of the chip man. 13:46: The chip man is reaching for the salt..." tom_hayward91 on 606
1347: Bradley Wright-Phillips comes on for Inigo Idiakez.
1345: My chips have arrived. Unbelievable scenes of jubilation.
1345: Andy Williams nearly goes through on goal, but Kelvin Davis races from his line to deny the singing striker.
1344: "With this poor game you could have gone and got the chips yourself! You wouldn't be hungry then!" Nick, via text
Mate, I might still have to. If there's 20 minutes without an update, it's for a good cause.
1341: Jhon Viafara is booked for a late challenge on Joe Jacobson. He remonstrates with Mike Riley, but he'd better be careful or he'll be off. From the free-kick, Ricky Lambert creates half a yard of space but drags a shot badly wide.
1340: "I don't know why my other half got the hump, I bought her a pressie. OK I know it wasn't roses or chocolates but she did need a new ironing board." Evs from Grays, via text
1338: Stuart Campbell is trying his best to create something and he goes on a run down the right that is ended somewhat brutally by the big frame of Jhon Viafara. Still no chips, incidentally.
1336: "At 5.15 today two managerial giants, Wengisco vs Fergusundo. 0-2 Arsenal." Coolisle on 606
1335: The guy who went to get chips has "lost the list," apparently. Though the silver lining comes in the fact that he thinks he can remember what was on it. Now, I'm not so sure. Am I going to stay hungry? Text your views...
1334: The game restarts. But I'm fuming...
1333: "They are fighting and scrapping for every ball and who can blame them for that?" Saints legend Lawrie McMenemy tells BBC Sport. "This is what the FA Cup is all about." Cliches, love it.
1331: I'm going to predict a 1-0 Rovers win for this one. I reckon Ricky Lambert will bag the winner.
1328: "You can't please women. Valentine's Day, booked us the best table in the place. She still complained. Turns out she doesn't like snooker." From Scott M, via text
Right on cue.
1325: PLAYER RATER LATEST Bristol Rovers' Stuart Campbell leads the way with 8.40, but Southampton's Inigo Idiakez will be slightly disappointed with a half-time rating of 3.91.
1320: "We'll look to get after them in the second half, but we want much of the same," Rovers boss Paul Trollope tells BBC Sport. Trolls, please don't give us more of the same, I'm begging you!
1318:Half-time Bristol Rovers 0-0 Southampton One of the worst 45 minutes you will ever see in football comes to an end. Frankly, the day can only get better from now on.
1317: "I ordered my girlfriend some flowers off the web for Valentine's. Unfortunately for some reason the postage wasn't paid so she had to pick them up from the Post Office and pay the £2.50 herself. Doh." Chris, Manchester, via text
1314: "Managed to persuade the missus to have a day after Valentine's Day. So got the flowers chocs etc half price, sorted. Not Scottish for nothing you know :)" fiferjim on 606
1313: "A girl who once liked me hinted that she wanted me to buy her 12 red roses on Valentine's Day. So I popped to the shop, bought a box of Cadbury's Roses and gave her the 12 red ones I found. Didn't hear from her again, although her brother told me she ate them!" David in London, via text
1309: Inigo Idiakez fails to add to his one goal so far this season, hammering a 25-yard free-kick a couple of feet over the crossbar. In other news, someone's just gone on the chip run - I'm absolutely starving.
1308: "I spent Valentine's Day in a pub with two other women while my girlfriend went to a gay bar. Top that." Danny B, London, via text
1306: Andrew Davies completely mis-kicks inside his own box, Andy Williams latches on to the ball and shoots from an angle, but Kelvin Davis spreads himself well and deflects the ball wide. Action - brilliant!
1304: Jhon Viafara rages at referee Mike Riley for not giving a corner when his shot is clearly deflected over the Rovers bar.
1303: There's nothing happening at the Mem, incidentally. The passing is shocking so far, I don't think the bobbly pitch is helping.
1302: "My Valentine's Day - Fifa 08, mates and beer." thyra7 on 606
1256: "I spent Valentine's Day the way every guy wants. I had a tirade of abuse and shouting from my now ex-girlfriend for daring to speak to a work colleague about the TV series 'Lost'. Suffice to say the card never made it out of the envelope and the hotel room ended up empty for the night. The chocolates were nice though!" Adam, Hemel Hempstead, via text
You guys. You make me sad.
1254: "Bristol Rovers failed to score against eight-man Luton Town the last time I saw them... So I'm going to say 0-0." SamHatter on 606
1247: A corner is whipped in from the Rovers right and Craig Hinton deflects it just wide with his thigh. Saints defence looks a touch shaky, early doors.
1246: Chance for Rovers. A long throw is piled into the mixer from the right, Ricky Lambert flicks it on and Criag Disley can only acrobatically volley wide from six yards. These long throws are causing Saints problems.
1244: Stern John tries one from distance, he's 30 yards out and on the right-hand edge of the box, but Steve Phillips is well-positioned to make a comfortable claim. John is clearly in the mood for goals.
1241: "I was supposed to buy my girlfriend a card but I got a tattoo instead. Now she is going to Sheffield tonight with her friends leaving me free to watch Man U vs Arsenal complete with my new Munich memorial tattoo. 3-1 to United!" From Adam in Selby, via text
1239: "Valentine's Day on my own - stayed in, ordered a pizza, watched Bridget Jones, had a little cry." Rich, Canterbury, via text
Well your situation is unlikely to change if you stay in, Rich. You need to get stuck in pal, otherwise I'll be posting the same message from you in a year.
1235: Bristol Rovers captain Stuart Campbell tries an audacious lob volley from 20 yards, but he is stretching and the ball sails a few feet wide. Rovers have started well, though.
1234: Loving these Valentine's Day stories. Any other good ones?
1233: "Sat in a garage workin till five. F5 is bein worn out! Man U to win 2-0. Have a thought for me, sent my girlfriend some flowers and got a text saying it's over! Damn roses!" Mark, Leeds, via text
Mate, it wasn't the roses. Know what I mean?
1231: We are under way. I love the FA Cup!
1229: "I'm a Cardiff fan and my wife's a Wolves fan. Should be interesting this afternoon." clarkespies on 606
1228: The crowd is properly rocking at the Mem and the teams walk out to a phenomenal explosion of noise. This one might just be lively, you know.
1226: "I'm a Everton fan, so I am very Cupset already. However, if anybody hates Valentine's Day, this'll cheer you up. A girl at work complained to her boyfriend about getting 12 red roses instead of yellow ones and made the florist send them back. Sadly she missed the diamond attached to each rose! Karma is a wonderful thing." RobertoKerrlos on 606
1221: As my television colleagues so rightly point out, Bristol Rovers goal supremo Richard 'Ricky' Lambert celebrates his 26th birthday today. Happy birthday son, how about a goal for the occasion?
1219: "Jonathan, I just got saved from the Valentine's day massacre. Tried cooking for the missus, the fire department ended up coming - short story, slept on the couch for two straight nights. Anyways, she just smiled at me this morning so I think everything is cool now. Arsenal to win 3-1." From Brooklyn, New York, via 606
1216: "If there's anyone out there who is interested in both voodoo and Subbuteo table football, please do me a favour and stick a few pins in your Liverpool players. Come on you Tykes!" My colleague/boss Paul, via email
1213: Yet to receive team news from the Mem. Will keep you posted.
1212: "Good Morning from Brasil... bars open beers cold - can someone please tell me how I inspire the locals to watch Bristol v Southampton?" lostinbrasil on 606
It's the FA Cup. Rickie Lambert, Criag Disley, Stern John, Andrew Surman - what more could you need? If that doesn't work, plug their names into the Brazilian name generator and lie about who's playing.
1208: "I'm stuck in work waiting to go to the Cardiff game. The morning couldnt drag anymore! Who fancies Cardiff to make the quarter-finals for the first time in God knows how many years? 2-1 to Cardiff!" Gavin from Cardiff, via text
Hope you've got Cardiff in your predictive text fella.
1205: "Pompey fan here, hope Soton get through - it's about the only chance of a derby game for a couple of years!" kingofthenorth on 606
1202: "Saturdays don't get much better than this... the sun is shining, the fifth round's starting and I'm heading to the pub." Loz, London, via text
Hero. Mine's a Guinness, please mate.
1159: "Oh Stevo, for some fun. There is a link that generates Brazilian names. Got it off Chris Charles' Review of the Week here on 606. Apparently your Brazilian name would be 'Stevensaldo'." Chacor on 606
Yeah, that's been doing the rounds in the office, in fairness. I'm a bit disappointed in mine - my favourites so far are Junior Agogo - "Agoginhosa" and David Beckham - "Claudio Beckhson". Thoughts?
1156: There's a Saints fan in the office today. "2-1," he predicts. "Who to?" I ask. "Good question," he replies. Left me hanging there, hasn't he? The Stoke fan next to him just looks smug. And who can blame him after their brilliant 3-2 comeback win over Scunthorpe last night took them top of the Championship?
1153: "Had a dream last night that we got to the final but got relegated! Or is that classed as a nightmare? Doh! What it is to be a Saints supporter these days. Anyway we'll go through, if not today then from the replay and then we'll get Pompey at St Mary's in the next round." Jak, via text
1150: "It is 7.30pm in Brunei and this is the first live match featuring Saints since they were relegated. So this is the biggest footie night in Brunei as far as I am concerned. Good to see Jay1903 up early in Florida to enjoy the game (he is my son, by the way, and this is the weirdest way we have communicated ever)." BruneiBob on 606
Awesome. In many ways, 606 is the only real way to communicate these days. Email is so 2007.
1147: (See 1132) "Sorry for keeping anonymous, my name is Dave. I'm aiming to have it finished for the 1715 kick-off." Dave, Dave Street, Davenport, via text
Good work, Dave. Much better.
1145: "I'm not in the best of moods despite the great football today. The in-laws have decided to surprise us this afternoon with a visit. Time of visit - 1700! Would it be wrong of me to tell my wife I've got a few errands to run between the hours of five and seven?" olé-in-one on 606
Do it do it do it do it do it. Just do it (but make it between five and about quarter past seven, you know how these things tend to over-run).
1143: On the other hand, Saints' Trinidadian hitman Stern John, who bagged a brilliant brace in midweek, reckons victory today could save their season. "Hopefully a Cup win can help us. We're working hard to make it happen," said the former Forest, Birmingham and Coventry goal-getter.
1139: Rovers are bidding for a record-equalling place in the quarter-finals. The last time they did it, in 1958, they were dumped out by Fulham. This season, they have already seen off the Cottagers. "We have done well to get this far but we are not satisfied, we want more," said manager Paul Trollope.
1135: First up, we've got Bristol Rovers versus Southampton, from what is certain to be a rocking Memorial Stadium. It's League One against the Championship. It's live on BBC One and Radio 5 Live, too. It's BBC o'clock isn't it?
1132: "I have a law assignment to do, so no FA Cup for me!" Anonymous, via text
Yeah, no wonder you've decided to remain anonymous, Anonymous. A disappointing attitude, that. But a good chance for me to remind you texters out there to please, please put your name at the end, cos you've got a lot more chance of getting on here. That's a fact.
1130: (See 1120) "What have you been using your legs for?" smashingmeiterules on 606
What a remarkable start to the day in every single way.
1128: If today is doing it for you in a big way, why not improve my life (I'm Stevo, nice to meet you) and the lives of everyone else getting stuck into the world's oldest cup competition on this fine day? Whatever is going on in that crazy head of yours (within reason), let me know. Text me on 81111 or get involved on 606, the messageboards that are livelier than a Temuri Ketsbaia goal celebration.
1125: And what a tonic. Six games today, eight lower league teams involved and the showpiece Manchester United v Arsenal encounter to look forward to early evening. Tell you what - if this doesn't float your boat, I give up on you.
1123: Mixer. It's been a long old week, hasn't it? With no top-flight games, a smattering of Uefa Cup encounters and the fall-out from the unbelievably boring 'Premier League wants to go overseas but everyone thinks it's a rubbish idea' story still rumbling on, the FA Cup is the perfect tonic.
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