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Page last updated at 09:44 GMT, Friday, 4 April 2008 10:44 UK

Holloway column

Ian Holloway

The Leicester manager gives his inimitable views on football and life in general in his weekly column.

This week he talks about Leicester's topsy-turvy form, Vinnie Jones' new film and Frank Lampard's strop.

He also answers an email from London band The Holloways, gives his Grand National tip and wonders if Ronaldo has any faults.

FOXES ON THE RIGHT TRACK

We've been up one week and down the next but if you look at it another way, that's six points out of nine.

We beat West Brom away, lost to Hull - who are beating everybody - and beat Scunthorpe, which is almost the best run we've had all season.

We're going to have to try and get something at Sheffield United on Saturday. We're fed up with not winning two in a row - and it's a tough game for us, but one I think we can do very well in.

The Championship is probably the tightest division there's ever been and even the people who are in the running to win it don't look like they want to.

THE WONDER OF RONALDO

Manchester United were awesome - to go to Roma and do that is something special.

Everything Cristiano Ronaldo is touching is turning to gold at the moment. As they say in the trade - he's on fire!

I see the Roma people said he was a very good player, but was arrogant and big-headed. What do you expect him to be?! You've got to have belief, haven't you?

Cristiano Ronaldo after the Roma game
He's got the Jewson lot

I thought he was the difference between the two teams. At the moment I'd have to say he's the best player in the world, with Fernando Torres a very close second.

There was something in the papers about Ronaldo having his teeth done and waxing his chest - well you can wax whatever you like when you're as good as that!

Next thing you know he'll be setting a trend by waxing one half of his head - everyone would be doing it. I've beaten him to it, though - I've waxed both sides of mine!

The kid makes you sick. He looks the part, he walks the part, he is the part. He's six-foot something, fit as a flea, good-looking - he's got to have something wrong with him.

Hopefully he's hung like a hamster! That would make us all feel better!

VINNIE THE VAMPIRE

Vinnie Jones is set to continue his movie career by playing a vampire in his next role.

A vampire? Well he won't need any make-up, will he? He's scary enough as it is - let alone giving him a set of fangs as well.

I was at Wimbledon when he had his first trial and he scored from 35 yards. Unbelievable.

Vinnie Jones in Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels
He loves his mum

He just epitomises somebody who's going to make something happen. I believe energy follows thought and his thought process was 'I'm going to do this'.

He was absolutely outstanding - a fantastic example of someone who doesn't care where they come from but knows they're going to get to the top. Brilliant determination.

MUM THINKS BECKS IS PANTS

David Beckham's mum gives him a dressing down for appearing in underwear adverts.

I'm sick and tired of seeing him in those adverts with his package on full display. It nearly put me off my toast when I saw it in the paper. What is he doing? Get your clothes on, son!

Mind you, if I looked as fit as that I'd probably be doing it as well.

606: DEBATE

My pants aren't as smart as that, though. Mine look like the moths have been eating them!

Half of mine are stuck on the wall. The rule is, if you throw them and they stick you can't use them again, but if they fall off you can get one more day out of them.

ANY APRIL FOOLS PRANKS?

Barry Hayles thought I played one because I was refereeing a five-a-side game and I was doing so badly, in his opinion, that he thought it was April Fool's Day.

Well, it was April Fool's Day, but I was serious.

So we had a bit of an argument about it. Mind you, he could have an argument in a telephone box when he's stood there on his own, Haylesy.

TEMPER, TEMPER

One of the papers had an April Fool's joke about Capello wanting his players to learn Italian. I don't care how he talks to them as long as he motivates them.

I don't like the way England are looking at the moment, to be honest. We're trying to play the continental way and we haven't quite got it yet.

Frank Lampard is taken off against Fenerbache
Calm down, dear!

Frank Lampard got shirty again during Chelsea's game with Besiktas. Dearie me, what is this modern trend for throwing a little strop? I saw my kids do that when they were three and four.

What is it with the modern footballer? Let's hope Capello sorts that out.

PUNTER'S QUESTION

Billyfox1: "Hi Ollie, at such a crucial stage in the season,is it worth the risk not having a goalkeeper on the bench ?"

I didn't have one fit for the last game. Rab Douglas was injured.

I hadn't done it for the last couple of weeks before that, admittedly, but I shall certainly think very closely about it this weekend. It's a very good question, but what can you do if you haven't got anyone?

PUNTER'S QUESTION II

Tayler: "I read a comment in your last column about the band The Holloways. You didn't seem to know much about them, but they sing a song called Generator.

I have changed the lyric from "I can get a generator - generate the music that makes you feel better" to "We've got a Holloway, a Holloway that makes scorelines better". What do you think, Ollie?"

Ha ha! I wish I could do that for you. I shall be turning that handle to start the generator as quickly as I can.

I knew about Holloway Prison, which isn't a great claim to fame, and about the area in London which is something to be proud of.

I didn't know about the group but now I do and I'm proud of them - even though I've never heard their music.

The Holloways
Cheers, Ollie!

Ed: The Holloways' bass player - Bryn Tremayne Fowler - contacted me to say: 'We have had quite a few fans of Leicester and QPR coming to gigs, saying they got into us when they searched for Ian on the internet and we came up instead.

They listened, liked what they heard and came along, so we owe him a few fans! Give us his address and we'll send him a cd.'

Thanks for that, but you tell him the way I'm going at the minute he'll have people booing them before they've even started!

I'll go and buy a cd - I don't want them to send one. I'm a fully-fledged member of their fan club now. But tell him it better not be a racket because I'm getting too old for that!

I want it to have some melody in it and I want to be able to understand the lyrics - otherwise I'll be having words.

GRAND NATIONAL TIPS

Apparently there was a horse called Ollie Magern but he was pulled out after going lame. Can't he run on three legs?

I haven't heard any of the other horses' names so I can't give you a tip. You read some out and I'll tell you a name I like.

....Cloudy Lane - I like that name. The favourite? Get out of it! Never trust a bookie, though. William Hill - I'm after you, son!

I won't be paying too much interest to the National - I'm more concerned with getting something from Bramall Lane.

I've got everything crossed - eyelashes, fingernails, toenails , teeth - it's making it really difficult to drive. Come on the Foxes!

Ian Holloway was talking to Chris Charles.




see also
Robbo column
31 Mar 08 |  Fun and Games
Sheff Utd v Leicester
04 Apr 08 |  Championship
Bring on the challenge - Holloway
03 Apr 08 |  Leicester City
Heart attack fan imposes game ban
30 Mar 08 |  Leicestershire


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