Holloway column

Listen to Ollie sound off!

The Leicester manager gives his inimitable views on football and life in general in his weekly column.

This week he talks about Beckham being left out of the England squad and the great win against Crystal Palace.

He also speaks about Dennis Wise and Kevin Keegan, managerial look-a-likes and the fork-lift ruck that has been blown out of proportion.

BECKHAM OUT OF ENGLAND SQUAD

Well if he isn't fit, he isn't fit. Whether that will be a long-term thing I don't know. We'll have to wait and see.

I think he will still get his 100th cap - unless the Italians have got no sentiment whatsoever. You never know, do you?!

Fancy an ice cream, Becks? Yeah, I'd love a 99 boss

Becks has been outstanding over the years and 100 sounds better than 99, doesn't it? I'm sure Mr Capello will sort that out - otherwise we'll have to have a word with him!

He's his own man and that's why he got the job, but he needs to show a bit of sentiment as well. He could always stick Beckham on for the last 10 minutes in another friendly some time in the future.

BUSY TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY?

I wouldn't say really busy. Lots of phone calls, lots of waiting around.

We got Jamie Clapham from Wolves which I'm really delighted about. I've worked with him before and I think his experience will help us.

GREAT WIN AGAINST PALACE

It was a fantastic result but the game must have been horrible to watch. Like watching a glass eye go to sleep.

Will the real Mrs Doubtfire please stand up?

It was a terrible game, the pitch wasn't very good, it was very blustery, but we got the result.

They've been the form team in the country over the last few months and we had to deal with how they played, which was hard. They forced us back and trying to deal with James Scowcroft was very difficult.

We got a goal which admittedly was very fortunate. I'd rather have had Barry Hayles whack it in off his laces than bounce it in off his shin, but I'll take that.

Neil Warnock said we almost committed manslaughter on Scowcroft but I didn't hear him whingeing and moaning too much when he won a few in a row.

You've got to be strong to deal with Scowcroft and the referee dealt with things the way he saw it, so what can I say, it works both ways.

When Warnock puts his glasses on he looks like Mrs Doubtfire and I look like Gollum - there's no doubt about it. In fact we can rename this the Gollum Column!

I'd like to start a managers' lookalike competition. One of my ex-players who worked with David Moyes used to call him Ronald McDonald, which I don't think he'd be too happy with.

Never see 'em in the same room

One of our readers suggested Moyes also looks like Mo the bartender from The Simpsons.

Ha ha ha! I think Ronald McDonald's a little bit closer. That Mo even calls himself ugly, so I definitely don't think David would be too happy with that one.

He's a good-looking chap, Moyesy. Compared to someone like myself anyway.

BALLOONS ON THE PITCH

Balloons in the goalmouth cost Man City a goal against Sheffield United in the FA Cup.

That was a travesty. The man in question was called Ball. He should have kept an eye on himself rather than the balloons. Ball missed the ball because of the balloons. All a bit weird, isn't it?

Apparently Sven said he wanted to kill the balloons - I didn't know they were alive!

WISE MOVE AT NEWCASTLE?

Dennis Wise appointed Director of Football at Newcastle to work with Kevin Keegan.

I'll be watching that one with interest. It's one of the strangest things I've ever seen in football.

I can't undertsand why someone of Kevin's experience needs someone like Dennis. How does that work? I'd like someone to explain that.

The new Newcastle management team?

They're both great football men in their own right. What Wisey's done at Leeds this season has been fantastic and he did no mean job at Millwall.

But he hasn't had any managerial experience at the higher level and is he going to undermine Kevin? Who knows?

I'd like to see how that one's going to work out. Watch this space.

PUNTER'S QUESTION

Last week a reader asked if we would ever see a deaf player in league football. Ed

Franfurtcanary: In Germany we already have the first deaf football professional. His name's Stefan Markolf and he plays for 2nd Bundesliga side Mainz. He's 24 and deaf from birth. He plays as a right-back and has made five appearances so far this season - he didn't look out of place when on the pitch.

Oh that's marvellous - absolutely brilliant. We've got a deaf player in non-league and the lad I helped, Ben Lampert, was a very good player and won silver at the Olympics.

606: DEBATE Ask Ollie a question

Not being able to hear is obviously a disadvantage but when you're playing right- back like this German lad, you can see the whole game.

As I said last week, if Ryan Giggs was born deaf he would still have been good enough and I'm looking forward to seeing the first deaf professional in England. That would be fantastic.

PUNTER'S QUESTION II

Paul Sherwood: "Ollie. Nice to see you have a house in the Loughborough area! Especially as the pub is literally opposite! Welcome to the area, if you need a decent Indian takeaway there is a cracker just down the road from you - they deliver for free and its awesome! Dont miss the Jolly Farmers pub just up the road in Shepshed and make sure you get into the Print Room in Loughborough for a decent lunch."

Well thank you very much! Nice to see someone's bothering about where I'm living and showing me around.

The food curries favour with Ollie

It's a nice area. My wife and I absolutely adored Plymouth - it's a beautiful city and we had some marvellous meals there.

But I have to say we've been to the local village down in Quorn and the pubs and the food down there were exceptional.

PUNTER'S QUESTION III

qprmadlisa: "Hi there Ollie. I am 13, but I am currently coaching a local under-10 team, which my brother plays in. I'm using a magazine which you do a column in, Total Youth Football, and it really helps. Any good advice for a 13-year-old coach growing up?"

Just make sure you enjoy it. I think that's really important. As a coach you can only help people a certain percentage - it's not all about you as a coach, it's about the people you're coaching and if they enjoy the session.

Just remember that - put a session on for them that they enjoy and can improve from. And if you're leading it, make sure you've got even more enthusiasm than them.

PUNTERS' QUESTION IV

DevonianFox: "Hi Ollie. You seemed a bit preoccupied with hair loss after the great victory over Palace. Would you ever consider wearing a toupee? "

I have done. I wore one down in Plymouth for a laugh.

My wife dared me to wear it so I put it on and walked around the town with her.

You wear it well, Ollie

To be fair it was a bit Rod Stewart-esque and I wore it the wrong way round so it looked like it had been a windy day!

But seriously it's just a sad state of affairs when you look at yourself on the telly and you see how bald you actually are!

LAST WORD ON THE NETTLES?

Ollie started a debate when he revealed he was called 'Stinger' at Wimbledon because that's what he called nettles. Since then we've had a wealth of alternatives - including 'jabbies'. This week 'Belfast Celtic' reveals they call them 'jeggies', while 'Jimmyjimmy2' in Scotland insists they are 'jaggies'.

Jaggies and jeggies? I'm just totally confused now! That must mean I've got more nicknames than anybody. You can call me Stinger, Jabbie, Jaggie or Jeggie!

FORK-LIFT RUCK

The Fork Lift Truck Association has issued a statement saying they are unhappy with Ollie's comments in last week's column about him 'mucking about' in a fork-lift truck. The FLTA said 'Fork-lift trucks are not toys'.

That is out of order. Why didn't they contact me for the full story before issuing statements like that? My defender, Bruno N'Gotty, stood on the pallet and I pressed a button to move him an inch off the floor and back down again after I was given instructions on how to do it.

I would never do anything to jeapordise anyone's health and I couldn't give a fork-lift what they think!

Ian Holloway was talking to Chris Charles.