Holloway column

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Moving, just keep moving

The Plymouth manager gives his inimitable views on football and life in general in his weekly column.

This week Ollie reveals the stress of moving house and getting old.

He also talks about his favourite footballers and dinner guests, his twin girls and Brtitain's crazy laws.

WINLESS WEEK

We had two good performances but didn't win either of them. We didn't deserve to lose to Sheffield Wednesday. We played really well at Colchester and should have got three points, but unfortunately only got one with a very late equaliser.

But that's football and it sums up this division - anybody can beat anybody on a given day and if I was a punter I'd be going to watch the Championship.

It's not like the Premier League, where only four teams have got a chance of winning the league every year.

BEATEN BY BOOTHROYD

Watford manager Aidy Boothroyd wins the Manager of the Month - Holloway one of nominees.

Well that's hardly surprising because Watford didn't lose in October.

Aidy Boothroyd - top man

It was nice to be nominated because it means your team's doing something right, but unfortunately we haven't quite got the consistency or strength in depth of Watford.

It was nice to see someone stick with their manager for once, after Watford got relegated. Aidy's a great fella and well done to him.

MOVING HOUSE

It's ongoing, it's horrendous. We're in there but we've got everything dumped in boxes and now we're having to sieve through it.

Luckily we've got a time lapse so we've got our rented place for another three weeks. We've had to leave the fish in the makeshift pond that I built over there and I have to keep going over to feed them. Everything's in situ and basically it's madness after madness.

Look out for the toad!

Anybody who's moved will know it's pretty stressful. And we've moved three times in the last 18 months. This time it's actually our own house, though, which is nice.

It's a 200-year-old house which I'm really pleased about. I like old things because I'm starting to look quite old myself. I'm crusty and old and everything is starting to go south - why is that?

The skin underneath my chin is all hanging down - what's the matter with me? I'm starting to look like a frog, a bloody great toad, it's terrible. But never mind, that's life - just get on with it.

FERGIE GETS FIRED UP

Sir Alex Ferguson has a go at referee Howard Webb after Man Utd's 2-2 draw at Arsenal.

That's what we want to see from him. That passion, that drive he's got is unbelievable - and did he have a point? He probably did a bit.

606: DEBATE Ask Ollie a question

I love it when he starts, it's great. Totally inspirational. People don't like it but when you're as good as him you can say what you like, can't you?

Sir Alex and Arsene Wenger have been the best of the best over the years and, I've used this one before, they're like 15ft budgies. Where do they sleep? Anywhere they like!

STEPHEN IRELAND'S SUPERMAN SHORTS

He's a complete fruitcake, that bloke, isn't he? We've got to be careful with him, he's after the old crazy mantle and he's going to win it hands down.

You'd better ask Superman what he thinks about it, someone impersonating him playing for Man City.

PUNTER'S QUESTION I

Pastiesandcider4eva: "Hi Ollie, What do you make of this book 'Greatest Ever Footballers' that has Pele at number one (fair enough), Gary Neville at 86 and no room in the top 100 for George Best or Denis Law?! Who would be your top picks?"

nb: The book was compiled by the Association of Football Statisticians, who used a points-based all-time player ranking system. Best never played in a World Cup.

Pasties and cider - that sounds a perfect scenario! Pele's the best in my opinion, then you've got Maradona, Bobby Moore, Franz Beckenbauer....for all different types of reasons.

Where did it all go wrong, George?

There's also a bloke called Geoff Bradford who played for England when he was at Bristol Rovers. I think that's a hell of an achievement.

Of the more modern players, Eric Cantona, Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes are all in there - and I think Fabregas will be too in the future. Johann Cruyff - what a wonderful player, Ruud Gullit, Paul Gascoigne. There's so many!

Denis Law was a great goalscorer, a great poacher. He should definitely be in the top 100 and Georgie, Georgie, Georgie, beautiful Georgie Best - the best-looking footballer on the planet - was outstanding.

This points system - how do they work that out? The skill of a real world-class player is the ability to lift your team and make them play better. You don't necessarily have to be in the best team. George Best not making the top 100 is just pathetic.

PUNTER'S QUESTION II

Themagicmushroom: "If you could pick four people to have dinner with (living or dead), who would they be, and why?"

Good gracious me, what a question that is. I'd have Winston Churchill, Martin Luther King (I love him and what he stood for), Mahatma Ghandi, who did what he did with no violence and Muhammad Ali, who could do wonderful things with his fists, yet refused to fight a war. Fair play to that, fantastic.

"I can't stop shouting!"

Then there's the women - Joan of Arc, Boadicea, Margaret Thatcher - I'd love to meet her and pick her brains. In fact I'd have a hell of a party going on!

I've already met one person I really wanted to meet and that was Brian Blessed. He was marvellous company.

I loved him in Black Adder - "Wait a moment!" - and to actually meet him was fantastic.

He's an inspiration, that boy. If he was a manager you'd have no problem hearing his instructions on the pitch - would you ever! What a voice he's got.

PUNTER'S QUESTION III

SecretSam: "As a fellow father of twins (admittedly older than mine), what did you find the biggest challenge when they were growing up? And what did you do about "helping" your kids pick a football team to support?"

They've only ever supported the teams that I manage. They loved QPR. I took them to Wasps and they loved them as well - they got a shirt off the rugby boys.

With the deafness, I've found self-esteem's always been a problem - they don't believe in themselves enough. That was our biggest problem because they'd constantly compare themselves with the other twin.

Purely by educating your children you can take some of their self-esteem away. Because you tell them 'don't do that', 'don't do this' - and if you're in a bad mood you go 'why did you do that, stupid?' Before you know it you're calling them names that you don't mean to.

Identical twins - you can't beat 'em

But I feel privileged because my two are identical twins. What fascinates me is they should be the same person, they came out of the same sac, yet they're not.

My daughters like totally different things. One's got short hair and one's got long hair. Yet they think on the same wavelength as well.

It isn't easy, particularly when you're looking after them on your own. How hard is it when they both cry at the same time? You need four arms otherwise you can't pick them up, can you?

I'd like to know if your twins are identical and if so, how do you find it? It's been enlightening, yet worrying and rewarding for us and I know you'll treasure them for the rest of your life.

BRITAIN'S TEN MOST STUPID LAWS NAMED

List includes: 'It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament; A pregnant woman can relieve herself anywhere she wants; It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour.'

Well that's a relief for pregnant women - they can go wherever they like. Whether they would or not, who knows?

As for going into Parliament in a suit of armour, make sure that it isn't in the winter, because you'll freeze, make sure it's not in the summer because you'll boil - and what the hell are you doing in a suit of armour anyway?

And I've got one for you - it is still legal for someone in York to fire a bow and arrow at a Scotsman and kill him.

So watch out if you're a Scotsman causing a ruckus up in York. For Christ's sake, if you're Scottish, don't talk to an archer!

Ian Holloway was talking to Chris Charles.