Pushy Parents - your experiences

Are high hopes for their children leading parents to behave badly?

Are pushy parents spoiling football matches?

We also asked for your stories of soccer mums and dads.

Referees, spectators, parents, and coaches replied in their hundreds.

Although there was little disagreement that passion is important in any participation sport, many have asked whether that passion, perhaps that participation, carries too far from the sidelines to the goalmouth.

We also want your pictures and footage of unsporting touchline behaviour.

You can send your pictures to us by MMS, not text, on your mobile phone on 60011. Please start your message with the word Pushy.

Or you can e-mail them to us at [e-mail]. Please title your email 'Pushy Parents'.

How to submit pictures and moving footage

Please remember if you take a picture of any event you should not endanger yourself or others, take any unnecessary risks or infringe any laws.

---

Thank you for all your comments. The selection below reflects the balance of opinion we have received so far:

I pulled my son out of a team last year because of the team manager. He was refereeing the game and lost it with the kids. When he blew for half time I walked over to him and asked him to relax, after all it was only a game and a friendly. He just started effing and blinding at me, telling me to do his job or keep quiet. I told him were to go and walked away before I regretted things. This was last year and my son has never wanted to play for a team since.
Craig, Doncaster

I am a referee on Sunday mornings. Recently I had an encounter with a parent who disagreed with one of my decisions, this ended up in an argument with me stating the laws of the game and pointing out that it is a child's game of football. I was punched in the face in response. I am 16 years old.
Adam, Walsall

You should extend this to rugby as well. I am a local coach and the parental 'encouragement' can become near ridiculous. I have seen punch-ups over an under-9's game!
Ben, Brighton

You can take your life in your hands when running the line Steve, Berkshire

In the last couple of years I have watched my boys move from well organised youth football to local adult leagues. No matter how bad you may think the youth game is the adults make it look magnificent. Most teams struggle for money, there is little first aid provision and training is poor if there is any. Players verbally abuse the officials after every adverse decision. Sunday leagues are the worst. You can take your life in your hands when running the line. The level of player's apparent intelligence is minimal. The stream of snarling profanity regarding the linesman's honesty has to be heard to be believed. To the managers and players it is just an expected knee-jerk reaction. I have turned up after a match has started to find no linesmen at all. Would you risk it?
Steve, Berkshire

I have been involved for the past nine years with the same football club, as a parent. I have seen over the years some behaviour that I could not believe was happening: Parents coming onto the pitch to hit a child because they have dared to tackle their child, foul and abusive language from parents and other players. The game is supposed to be a game of enjoyment not something to go along to to get involved in a punch up.
Debbie Williams, Southampton

I started in all-age this season and was abused by an adult member on seven separate occasions for taking shots at goal, which narrowly missed. This is not the world cup. It's an amateur game with no implications. He even walked off the field!
Ben Mann, Blackheath, Australia

At our last district cub scout football competition we had to ask a few parents of the players to leave because of the language they used to other players and the referee. This year we are thinking about not having a football competition because of the threats made to leaders.
John Lawson, Bolton

I have worked at an academy for one of the top clubs in the Premiership. The way that some parents hurl abuse at their children for making a mistake during a game is despicable. One cannot help but feel sorry for the children concerned who are under such immense pressure to perform, with not only influential coaches, but their pressurizing parents watching. The majority of parents simply stay quiet and enjoy the game, occasionally cheering their children on, but there are always those, usually fathers, who feel they need to embarrass their children to make them play better. Sadly, the only way forward is to ban all parents from watching under-16's play.
Neil, London

I often go to see my boyfriend's little cousin play in his 5-a-side tournaments, and the amount of parents there who become aggressive is scary. I've witnessed them cursing and swearing at members of the opposite team, and even seen parents encouraging their children to be violent. We're talking about ten-year-olds here! At the end of one match, a young boy walked off in tears because the opposing team and their parents had shouted obscenities about his mother. It's absolutely pathetic, and people who act this way are a dumb-witted disgrace.
Sarah, Glasgow

Last year my son went with his team to their first tournament. Before the first match all the parents were asked by the organiser for constructive support and encouragement. In particular, he asked all comments to be positive and to leave the 'tactics' to the teams' coaches. Our teams' parents were most impressed by this attitude and advice, which I would recommend for all junior games.
Paul West, High Wycombe

The players are fantastic but the parents spoil it Ethan, Salisbury

I play U-13's. We play a team in our league and their parents are aggressive towards my Dad who is the linesman. The players are fantastic but the parents spoil it. Constant swearing, it's not good!
Ethan, Salisbury

Yes, I'm one off these pushy parents. Our coaches do not like making subs so unless your one of his top boys you don't get a look in. I lost it with him this weekend. He played one boy for five minutes, shouted and criticised him, then took him off. Then he did the same to my son, but I timed him: four minutes he gave him, then told him he was no good. And this is Under-8's football. My son no longer wants to play football
Garry Philpott, Sheppey

For several years now I have been involved in running my local village junior side. Before that I spent a large part of my teaching career running school and area teams. Parents should not be allowed with in 30 yards of the playing area. Even the well-meaning can undo what you are trying to get the boys to do. Also, why do we have 9, 10, and 11-year-old boys playing on full size pitches? The FA should insist on these age groups playing 7v7, 8v8 or 9v9 games on proper sized pitches and goals. Leagues should be banned.
David Airey, Nottingham

I referee at children's level, and the level of abuse I sometimes receive from parents is shocking. While refereeing a local game, two parents, whenever I gave a decision against their son's team, volleyed abuse at me. I could see that the two young lads were genuinely embarrassed of their parents and they even apologised for their parent's behaviour after the game. Pushy and aggressive parents are ripping the heart out of the game.
Jack Fielding, Pontypool

My son takes part in football classes where the mentality is great, being Play not Push. It's all about children having fun, and not about attaining a certain level of skills. This is what children's football should be about. If only these attitudes could be spread to football coaches beyond the pre-school age group.
Jon, London

If you offer them the whistle and invite them to take over they shut up quickly Paul Nicholson, Massachusetts, USA

As a Brit in the US I have always been impressed at the football knowledge of the average American parent, especially as few played the game themselves. However, as an occasional referee I have enjoyed the full spectrum of touchline experts and I have now realized that the obnoxious soccer parent is the same guy (or his wife) who is obnoxious at basketball, baseball and life generally. If you offer them the whistle and invite them to take over they shut up quickly.
Paul Nicholson, Massachusetts, USA

I used to play for an under-13 team and suffered from immense nerves. It did not help me that our manager took it upon himself to shout and swear at us at any given chance. Playing in an awkward position made me cause many errors and the manager and parents would shout at me, making it an overall terrible experience. How can a child develop their football skills and have a good time if their manager and team's parents are shouting abuse at them?
Jack, London

When I was playing at under-13 level our team manager was punched in the face by the opposing team's manager mid-match. Needless to say this aggression then spread to the pitch. Almost every week there would some incident.
Martyn, Fareham

I run an under-14 team but the parent pressure is fever pitch. I even had a parent ring me from the other side of the pitch demanding his son be brought on. In my experience some of the fathers put so much pressure on their children that it adversely affects their game! The constant instructions shouted by parents mean that the poor kids do not play their own game.
Jas Athwal, Seven Kings

Lancashire FA has been piloting the use of 9v9 football at U-11 and U-12 level. The rules of the game are as per mini-soccer, i.e. no offside and games are played on smaller pitches (70x50yds) and smaller goals (21x7ft) or (16x7ft). The end result is that there are fewer arguments on the sidelines and the players are left to enjoy the game in the right environment so as to improve them as players. 9v9 makes perfect sense to me and to the six other junior leagues in Lancashire (and counting)!
Roger De Nobrega, Preston, Lancashire

As a qualified coach and referee for over 25 years (now retired) I go out to watch my son referee. Over the years we have seen many incidents with pushy and gobby parents who delude themselves that their offspring is the greatest young footballer ever. I have heard racist remarks from parents on the sidelines against a black 11-year-old. I've seen pitch encroachment because the referee gave a decision against their child; continually passing remarks about the referees decisions and threatening the authority of referees. Then you have the parent-coach who also knows everything about Football Coaching after being on a Level One course, shouting lots of mindless instructions that kids don't understand.
Frank O'Neill, Aylesbury Buckinghamshire

Mostly parents coming along cheer and support their kids Carolos Petrou, Nicosia, Cyprus

I am youth coach (Under-12 and Under-15) at an academy in Cyprus. Mostly parents coming along cheer and support their kids. However, kids are greatly affected by adult behaviour, and it is not uncommon to have to discipline players in training following repeated verbal abuse (the kind you hear at terraces). You also get much more than dirty looks in training if any 50/50 decisions are awarded to the other team (even though the "other" team is comprised of team mates). I agree wholeheartedly that the game should be more enjoyable than competitive at young ages. The right mentality starts at home, so as parents and coaches our responsibility is clear.
Carolos Petrou, Nicosia, Cyprus

I'm an Under-9's football coach and manager so I always see different situations with young players and their pushy parents who try to encourage but basically just bully their kids. They don't leave it to the coaches and let the child enjoy themselves. A child will lose their love for the game and fall away from football and football could lose a possible great player of the game.
John W, Sunderland

My son played rugby in Australia (under 7 and 8). They had a great system there called "Silent Sideline". Parents and supporters weren't allowed to shout anything but support to the players. The only people who were allowed to speak to the players were the coaches and the referee. The supporters cheered both teams and the children enjoyed playing each week. This concept was introduced a number of years ago and appears to work quite well.
David Hodge, Sidmouth

I was interested in the comments regarding the smaller pitches and goals for Under-11s. My son is 12 and plays in the Dundee District Under-12 League. Up until Christmas past they played 7-a-side on smaller pitches with smaller goals. After the winter break (which is every year) he moved on to 11-a-side on full-size pitches. At this ages group it is classed as a "friendly league". Refereeing is carried out by parents or team officials and results are not printed in the local press. Only when he goes to Under-13 next season will it become a competitive league. This is common throughout Scotland. Playing on the smaller pitches allows the kids to enjoy the game and develop, and from what I have seen the move to larger pitches at 12 is about right as the boys are ready to step up and more physically able to cope with the pitch size. In the three years my son has played I can honestly say I have not seen one nasty incident involving pushy parents or coaches. I don't know if that is due to the "friendly league" set up or I am just lucky?
Paul, Dundee

Pushy parents or defending your sons skill? Phil Johnson, Romford

Pushy parents or defending your sons skill? I speak on behalf of any parent who has "lost it", albeit on only two or three occasions in five years. What you would do if your son was kicked and fouled regularly because he had a lot of skill? Fouls not taken up by the ref (in four years I have never seen a red or yellow card) and often not condemned by the parents.
Phil Johnson, Romford

I was a coach for a team of girls born in 1988 and then for another team born in 1992 and I witnessed young children being pushed through three or four training sessions a week in winter, then two or three matches in the summer. It was when I switched to being a referee that things really came to light for me. Too many parents on the touchline were abusive and disrespectful of the game, its rules, the officials and ultimately the teams playing. A parent who thinks their child is the next Pelé also thinks we should all be Scolari or Per-Luigi Collina. The treatment I received both during and after one game was enough to force me to quit refereeing full stop and quit the club I was coaching.
Jim Sharman, Skellefteå, Sweden (Ex UK)

I recently played in a game for my local team against the top team. Their parents were really aggressive and were shouting at the ref when he didn't give a decision their way. Their manager was really aggressive and he fired up there players too much, so even when they were winning 5-0 their captain threw a punch at one of our players and got himself sent off!
Thomas, London

I live backing on to a park where kids' games are often played right outside my window, the language is usually awful from the parents, and the aggressive tone in their voices doesn't help anyone. Last season one dad screamed at the linesman for missing an offside when the poor bloke couldn't have seen a thing, the screaming dad was right in his line of view. From my bedroom window I could see he wasn't off but decided against joining in. On the subject of youth soccer under 11's should definitely be playing on smaller pitches with smaller goals.
Bob Spinks, Aylesbury

Some managers have visions of being like Ferguson or Wenger and are 'empire' building on the backs of the children Dave Bush, York

When I was asked to run a boys' team (I also ran a girls' team) I was very naive and thought the object was fun. When teams came to our pitch I would introduce myself and the players. I soon discovered that such acts of friendship were wasted. Most teams reflect the coaches and manager. I trained my teams to play football, and we did win things. But many of our opponents and parents would try and create an intimidating environment and cheer when a nasty challenge was made. Referees are generally weak and, so, tackles get out of hand. Some managers have visions of being like Ferguson or Wenger and are 'empire' building on the backs of the children. I would train a child of any standard, but a lot of teams 'cherry pick' players in an attempt to win at all costs. Dreams of their child playing for England blind them to reality and all the child remembers are screaming parents, aggressive opponents and mad coaches. My teams will remember laughs, loyalty and playing the beautiful game.
Dave Bush, York

I have shouted abuse at a referee at my son's under-13 semi-final cup tie at the weekend. The guy could not be bothered to mark out the 12 yards for a penalty kick, and he would not take any notice of all the people shouting to him. The ref also did not know how long each half was due to last and instead of playing 35mins each half he played 30mins and then 40mins in the 2nd half. I was wrong in my actions and I did apologise to my son's team mates and manager but sometimes the games we watch are refereed by people who seem to have no understanding of the game or even the rules.
Rob, Runcorn, Cheshire

Whilst refereeing an under-12 game recently, a parent who was acting as assistant, gave a throw-in to the home team. I thought I had a better view and had seen a touch by the home team player so overturned his decision. He totally "lost it", threw the flag at me, started swearing at me and stormed off to where the rest of the home team parents were stood.
Dave Bell, Newcastle

I coached American Youth Soccer for five years. As a British Expat I thought that it would not be as competitive, nor have extreme parental involvement as say the U.K. How wrong. Parents are fanatical in the support and wanting results for the team and their own child. I finally had a t-shirt made with the words on the back: "I coach, you cheer, no questions". I have seen parents fighting at games where poor decisions by the referee were considered the reason the game was lost. Needless to say I stopped being the object of parents' frustration and anger, if their child was not selected or played a bad game.
Steve Craig, Houston, USA

I am 13 and stopped playing last season because it was not fun anymore. Adults had a 'them and us' policy and swore at the kids if we mucked up. Why can't football be more like rugby, with mixed crowds who applaud players on any side?
Jack, Bury St Edmunds

All three of my sons played football but all have stopped. The extreme language used by some parents/coaches and picked up by the kids is ruining a great game. The team my kids played on had a great coach and had good supporters, but some were vile. Who in their right mind would ever want to referee a football match!
John, South West

Just last Saturday, there was a game which was being played on the park behind me, just before work I thought I'd go and watch a bit of the game, when I went out my back gate there was a brawl erupting between two parents from the same team.
Luke, Cardiff

My concern lies with the league structures that are imposed upon junior teams Paul Barwick, Morpeth

I have had no problems with parental "aggression" at matches; I must say most parents I come across are supportive and provide encouragement. Perhaps I am lucky! However, my concern lies with the league structures that are imposed upon junior teams. By the season end, we will have played 30 games and I know some of the more successful teams will have played nearer 40. We have been so fortunate that the mild winter has meant few cancellations; otherwise we would have been forced into playing Saturdays and Sundays to fulfil our fixtures (as happened last season).
Paul Barwick, Morpeth

I quit refereeing children's football just over a season ago because of the problems with the parents. Frequently parents would be screaming abuse at their own child as well as others, on more than one occasion I had to send parents away from the field because of their behaviour. Because of parents I have been threatened and verbally abused myself, and often in front of their own children. The problem is then, these kids think it is perfectly acceptable to behave in that manner which brings on a whole other set of issues for the referee.
Nicola Gale, Okehampton, Devon

I used to referee youth football in Suffolk and every game without exception there would be parents giving me and my colleagues verbal abuse. Every decision, irrespective of how clear cut, would be dissented by the parents and this had a knock on effect to the children, and you could see the change in attitude as you refereed different age groups, the older they get the more they argue decisions.
Leif Overment, Ipswich, England

If there are parents reading this - if your child has not been picked off by scouts by the age of 13/14 - its usually for a reason - let the player enjoy playing football rather than living your own childhood through them.
Chris, Bridgend

The vast majority of parents just want to see their children having a good time and are very supportive of the efforts of the team coach/manager, but as with most things in life, an unpleasant minority can spoil things for the majority.
David, Cumbria

---

How to submit a picture

Email your sports pictures to us at:
[e-mail]

Or you can also send your pictures to us by MMS, not text, on your mobile phone on 62000. Please start your message with the word Pushy.

Please remember to put "Pushy Parents" for your entry in the subject heading of your e-mail.

Don't forget to include your name, home town, background information about the image, and contact phone number.

Sending a picture to BBC Sport on your mobile phone will result in a charge from your network. Please contact them for further details as costs vary widely, depending on your choice of operator and price plan.

Terms of use

In accordance with section 9 of the BBC's Terms and conditions you agree to grant to the BBC a non-exclusive licence to publish and use your photographs for non-commercial purposes. Copyright will however remain with the photographer.

The BBC cannot guarantee that all pictures and will be used and we reserve the right to edit your comments.

If you take a picture of any event you should not endanger yourself or others, take any unnecessary risks or infringe any laws.

Click here to return to top