Claudio's cloudy communication

Maybe sign language is the way to go for Ranieri

With London's League of Nations XI, Chelsea, languishing in the wrong half of the table, BBC Sport Online's Matt Slater looks at the team's obvious communication problems.

Anybody who heard Claudio Ranieri interviewed after Saturday's defeat will have a fairly clear idea why a team comprising proven, and expensive, international talent lost to a team that cost less than Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink.

While nobody doubts Ranieri's footballing pedigree, his English language skills do not extend far beyond ordering cappucinos on the Kings Road.

To remedy this problem, Chelsea spared no expense and hired England's only bilingual kit manager. Unfortunately, those two languages appear to be English and soccerspeak.

So instead of detailed analysis of the zonal marking system, or the importance of overlapping wing-backs, we, the Chelsea dressing room and presumably anybody else Ranieri comes into contact with, gets "it was a game of two halves" or "the lad done good".

Wisdom

"Si, Qui, Ja, er...... yes Dennis!

If Ranieri's pearls of wisdom are being reduced to bite-size nuggets of soccer silliness one wonders why Ken Bates did not just hire Ron Atkinson to inspire Chelsea's far-flung footballers.

Big Ron, a man who must have at least holiday Spanish to show for that perma-tan, would at least be able to tell Gustavo Poyet he was as "enfermo como loro" (as sick as a parrot) about Beattie's late winner.

The multi-lingual Poyet, one of the most vital components of Chelsea's Tower of Babel line-up, could then have told Italians Christian Panucci, Sam Dalla Bona and Gianfranco Zola that il boss was "ammalato come pappagallo".

Marcel Desailly, who speaka da lingo, would then be able to explain to Frank "nous sommes les champions du monde" Leboeuf that le entraineur was "malade comme un perroquet".

Comedy

Sadly, nobody would have been able to translate for the Dutch or Scandinavians, but Dennis Wise would probably try with a comedy MTV Europe accent.

And even the polyglot skills of Poyet, Desailly and co. would be stumped by the catch-all "smurf" of Atkinsonish, "early doors".

While "a game of two halves", or "una partitat di due tempi" as Claudio might have it, has an undeniable logic about it, in anticipo portelli or tot portes would have the Stamford Bridge foreign legion scratching their tetes.

The real test will come when Jimmy Floyd and friends actually put a few in the sac d'oignon away from the cosmopolitan confines of SW6 and win a game on the road.

Ranieri and his ragazzi will be uber dem Mond, sopra la luna and au-dessus de la lune.