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   Monday, 6 January, 2003, 04:45 GMT
Keep yer pants on
Ashes legends Glenn McGrath, Steve Waugh, Nasser Hussain and Davo
What a series, what a bunch of blokes...

Blimey, anyone'd think you Poms had won the Ashes the way you're carryin' on.

So you finally won a Test match. So bleedin' what?

We won four of 'em and didn't give a XXXX about the Ashes by the time Sydney came around.

We were bored, I tell ya. Bored.

Poor old Matty Hayden was so fed up he had to beat the daylights out of the dressing room to get his kicks.

Still, it makes a change after beating English bowlers senseless all series.

Darren Gough
We made an offer Goughie couldn't refuse

All jokes aside, it was nice to finally see a contest - even if we did lose.

But something about little and late springs to mind, so the boys won't be crying over spilt milk.

It's been a hell of a series for an impartial onlooker like my good self, and a few things have stood out from the rest.

The first was Dazzling Darren Gough's decision to pack it in and play for the Dingo Tavern XI instead.

Injury my foot. We made him an offer he couldn't refuse and he's been rippin' up the turf in the North Adelaide league fifth division all summer.

We put him on a six-beer-a-match deal with an extra schooner for every wicket he took. Boy can that boy bowl. Boy can he drink.

We gave Handyman Caddick an offer as well, but negotiations over match fees ground to a halt.
Merv Hughes
Even Big Merv might not have stopped England in Sydney

One beer a match was as far as we could go, but he wanted two and told us so in the middle of the MCG. I can see why officials confused his gesture with something more cynical.

I was impressed by that bloke Vaughan. He's got a bit of grunt and pulls better than Debbie during Happy Hour.

And old Chalky White fought like an alcoholic at closing time, but that's no surprise cos he is an Aussie after all.

He showed how true blue he was by sitting out of the Sydney Test, knowing full well England would finally win when all bets are off.

Pigeon McGrath bowled like a demon again and it was nice of him to give England a chance by staying in his coop for the fifth Test.

I'd been monitoring big Merv Hughes when his pretty little face was on the telly and I reckon he was ripe for a recall.

He looks as fit as a fiddle, but maybe even his muscle and guts wouldn't have been enough to stop England in Sydney.

Still, at the end of the day the Ashes stay with us and there was never much doubt that was going to happen.

My New Year message to you is this: Enjoy your win while you can - cos I'll be a grandpa before you lot win back the Ashes.

All I've gotta do now is find myself a sheila!

All the news ahead of the 2002/03 Ashes tour

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See also:

06 Jan 03 | The Ashes
28 Nov 02 | Funny Old Game
04 Dec 02 | The Ashes
Links to more The Ashes stories are at the foot of the page.

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