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  Wednesday, 4 December, 2002, 13:20 GMT
Keep the stinking thing
Aussie luminaries Steve Waugh, John Howard and Davo
Don't listen to Howard or Tugga - listen to Davo

All this debate about the urn staying in England or wingin' its way over to Oz is as silly as a two-bob watch.

I mean, strewth, who really gives a tinker's cuss?

Elle MacPherson
You keep the urn, we'll keep The Body

Anyone'd think we were talking about a wax figure of Elle MacPherson's bust. Now there's a trophy worth fightin' for.

Whingers like John Howard and Steve Waugh are givin' the Aussie male a bad name.

They're dead-set carryin' on like sheilas and should just mosey on down to the Sydney Harbour Bridge - and get over it.

What on earth are we gonna do with it when we get it anyway?

Sit there droolin' over it like me mate Trev and the latest copy of Gorgeous Grannies?

Me old pal Justin 'that-was-a-bloody-catch' Langer got it spot on when he said the soul of the Ashes was with Australia.
If the old urn doesn't fancy a holiday then that's the end of the story

We haven't lost a series since Bradman was a boy and it'll be a hot day in England before we do.

If it makes the Poms feel good to have the original, then I say let 'em keep it.

They can't play cricket, they don't shower and their beer's warm - for Pete's sake let's take pity on them.

And let's face it, the little blighter's no oil painting.

A fresh-faced and lubricated Steve Waugh celebrates the 1987 World Cup win
We could teach you a thing or two about eskies
As far as trophies go, it's a bit of a gimp and probably stinks to high heaven too, by the age of it.

It's one of a kind and may as well stay put.

Some things are best left alone and if the old urn doesn't fancy a holiday then that's the end of the story.

I've got an Uncle Urn and he never wants to go anywhere either.

Which is just as flamin' well really - cos the big fat lump of a wombat can't!

See also:

28 Nov 02 | Funny Old Game
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