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By Tom Fordyce
Now then. How's this for a scenario: KP and Belly lead an England charge against a dispirited Sri Lankan attack, have a lead of 350 mid-afternoon, lob the tourists in with Skipper Dilshan already unlikely to bat due to damaged thumb.... A Cardiff Collapse couldn't happen again, could it? Could it? Or could it?
So many subplots, of course, not least KP's big battle against left-arm spin and uncertain form. Can he turn it all around? Can a man really change his ways so late in his career? Perhaps he can draw inspiration from the story of\u00a0Francis Younghusband. As a young man, Youngers was the classic soldier of the Empire - crossing Gobi desert, fighting in the Boer War and part of the first British expedition to the Dalai Lama's court in Tibet. Fast forward a few years and he had changed his name to Svabhava, "follower of The Gleam", become a prophet of free love and penned a book entitled "Life On The Stars: an Exposition of the View That On Some Planets Of Some Stars Exist Beings Higher Than Ourselves, And On One A World Leader, The Supreme Embodiment Of The Spiritual Leader, Which Animates the Whole."
England batting coach Graham Gooch: "If you are a betting man, the most likely outcome is a draw. But as we saw in Cardiff, if you play positive cricket and show intent, then you can put pressure on the opposition. England's plan would be to bat through to lunch, look at the situation then, and maybe push on a bit afterwards, so they could maybe have 50-55 overs to have a go at Sri Lanka. If you bat well, there is enough in the wicket that if you bowl well and get a bit of luck, you can put the opposition under pressure."
\u00a0
True story, that. Lovely day at Lord's, blue sky overhead, some scudding white clouds, optimism in the air.
From Robo in Hartlepool: "If my surname was Younghusband; I'd change it too, either that, or changed my forename to ideal, I'll get my coat."
Hot off\u00a0the Press (Association): Sri Lanka captain Tillakaratne Dilshan has suffered a hairline fracture of his right thumb and will bat on the final day of the Lord's Test only if "absolutely necessary".It was initially thought that Dilshan had just a badly-bruised thumb after being hit twice by Chris Tremlett during his 193 in Sri Lanka's first innings.But after remaining off the field yesterday, he was sent for more x-rays - which revealed bad news. A team spokesman this morning confirmed: "He has suffered a hairline fracture. He will bat only if absolutely necessary."
Here come the England players, umpires preceding. We'll have Welegedara to open up from the Nursery End, KP waiting, face a mask, two slips poised... dabber into the covers, jogged single, keen applause from those early arrivals in the stands.
From anonymous: "Mr Fordyce, is the end of your paragraph at 1030 a knowing and sly reference to the classic Fry and Laurie sketch 'the red hat of pat ferrick'? If so, good show sir, excellent way to start the day."
"Sri Lanka are straight away on the defensive which I think is wrong. It\u2019s a new day, get the batsmen under a bit of pressure. It\u2019s always easy to set the field back but it\u2019s difficult then to have the confidence to bring them in."
From Matt, Newbury, TMS inbox: "So, Dilshan will only bat if necessary... We'll be seeing him just after lunch then."
History doesn't record whether Youngers played cricket, but we can surely take it as a given. Wouldn't rule out him inventing an early version of T20, played with a burning ball of fire. Lakmal for a rumble, and Cook gets his first runs of the day with a jabber off the back foot for a brace into the coversw.\u00a0
KP holds his mighty blade high as Welly paces back to his mark, adjusts the cuff of his gloves and settles into his stance. Ooof - sketchy, anxious flicking drive, the ball flicking that thick outside edge and flying just past the jack-knifing man at gully. Quick single, Cook a study in calm in comparison - mmm, lovely shot away to the fence beyond extra cover to move to 67.\u00a0
From blueburn97: "Did his desertion lead to the first ever Singles advert? Wanted: Younghusband. 6ft. Blonde hair. Slight-build. Stargazer."
Pietersen, the luminous yellow grip on his bat handle visible between those enormous gloves, the chin stubbled, eyes narrowed. Lakmal with the pavilion at his back, cantering in, KP on the walk - he flicks that one with quick hands to midwicket with a stunted version of the flamingo shot of old, a mere single for that one and a meditative stroll to the non-striker's. Form, you capricious old beast...
"KP\u00a0is looking good. He's readjusting this morning to the pace of the pitch and the bowlers. From a technical point of view he is leading with his right shoulder a little too early, meaning his bat hasn't always come down straight. He should be waiting a fraction longer and leading with the left shoulder more. But otherwise KP is here, and hopefully here to stay."
Ah, \u00a0a glimpse of what the big man can do - fullish outside off from the perspiring Welly, crashed away between cover and mid-off with muscular grace. Straighter this time, tempting again, and that's even better - gunshot-crack back down the ground, the bowler almost turning himself inside out as he makes a failed attempt to get boot on ball. Is this the start of something?
From Justin in Dubai, TMS inbox: "Francis Younghusband was reportedly mad as a hatter in his declining years, but seeing as he started his life at Clifton College (about the same time as Henry Newbolt), there\u2019s a fair chance he played up, played up and played the game of cricket. Perhaps some Clifton College archivist could shed some light on how he got on?"
Short from Lakmal, kicking up brutishly - ow-wow-wow, worn by KP on the bony part of his wrist. Looks nasty, that one, and he waves the injured arm around ostentatiously as a concerned Cook wanders down for a consultation. He'll live. Stat from TMS producer Adam Mountford: only three teams in the last 50 years have been bowled out in less than 65 overs at Lord's. See if you can guess the last one.
Carole, Maidenhead, TMS inbox: "I work for a Pharma company, and the medical folk around me concur that a fracture of the thumb is \u201cexquisitely painful\u201d and indeed requires an extreme trauma to achieve compared with other lesser digits. Major respect and credit to Dilshan to even consider batting therefore. And will the Cap\u2019n be cruel enough to make him face Tremmers again? I expect so."
\u00a0
Glimpse there of two chaps in the stands with handcrafted newspaper hats. Timeless. KP - no, nowhere near so pretty, the bat coming down at an angle across the front pad and the ball ricocheting away past gully for another single. We'll have some left-arm Herath, I think...
Here we go, left-arm vs strong arm. Tossed up, KP charging, inside edge onto pad, ball rattling to slip, almost a run-out... careful, man, careful... Phil Tufnell in to the BBC box, sporting a bright pink ("cerise") polo shirt and glamourpuss shades.\u00a0
From Greg, Southampton, TMS inbox: "Good to hear references to Fry & Laurie by anonymous at 1109. My favourite was Fry: \u201cCapon for dinner sir\u201d. Laurie: \u201cHmmm, yummy, capon my favourite.\u201d Fry: \u201cNo sir, one is required to wear a cape at dinner."
Bright sunshine, the MCC flag atop the grandstand pushed gently this way and that. Lakmal, struggling with his run-up - overpitched, crashed straight down the ground, missed by the man at mid-off and away for four. Same ball, same shot, a touch straighter, same result, and KP allows himself the first regal sniff of the day. Three short of his first Test half-century of the summer.
Sri Lanka coach Stuart Law on Dilshan: "It could be a recurrance of a broken thumb he had before the World Cup...whether it's an old fracture or a new fracture, we're uncertain...at this stage he won't be batting."
From Ken, TMS inbox: "I\u2019d never heard of this character Younghusband before. Just checked him up on Wiki \u2013 his biographer Patrick French called him a \u2018premature hippy\u2019. Ahead of his time this chap. Any other notable cricket players warrant the epithet \u2018hippy\u2019?"
I need to clarify that question from TMS producer Adam: should have read "in the last innings of a match". Sloppy. Quick singles from the pair, Herath rattling through his set of six with speed but little spin, and then Lakmal - that's the angle - foxes Cook outside off. Almost did for his again there, Cook reaching out from under his eyeline and pushing uppishly on the bounce to gully. Dabber to leg, the lead extending past 200, the pressure growing inexorably.
From JamieCutteridge: "That's us in the paper hats. Had to look up how to make them, but well worth it."
Here we are, Pietersen on 49, looking for the single to take him to the landmark, eyes wide - there it is, pumped away - his 22nd Test 50, six fours, 85 balls. Muted celebration, which is just as it should be - job half done, and no-one need tell KP. Eyes on the century prize out there.\u00a0
From nicklarner: "Does Geoffrey qualify as "hippy" with his whole earth, holistic batting with a stick of rhubarb?"
From Peter, TMS inbox: "Younghusband was not 'received' by the Dalai Lama. At the head of a well armed force he invaded Tibet, and massacred a reported 5000 monks, protesting by wielding garden implements. That was murder, and not cricket."
KP with that wide stance of his, backside stuck out. Lakmal bends his back and finds some spit off the fifth-day track, and KP will swivel to pull away - two men back there, perfectly safe but just the one. Cook with a single of his own, aggressive drive from KP but there's a man there for the straight bish-bosh wallop. Not a huge crowd in so far - should you fancy a few ales in the sunshine, it's \u00a320 for adults, \u00a310 for very adults (over 65s) and free for under 16s. Bring on the truancy.
Strong leg-side field for Cook to Herath - six men, two in short, the ball being pitched outside off stump into the footholds. Concentration, resolute defence, tickle into one of the few gaps to nick the strike. 60 runs from the 14 overs so far today.
"It\u2019s not too easy for Cook to hit Herath for runs if he bowls into the footholes. I remember another left-arm spinner, Ashley Giles, getting Brian Lara\u2019s wicket when bowling into the footholes here at Lord\u2019s. He found a way he good be quite an important bowler for England bowling from over the wicket at both right-handers and left-handers."
Slightly surreal this - two balls into the over, we seem to be having a drinks break. KP had mentioned something to the umpires, and he may have asked for a new grip for his blade. Couldn't wait, apparently. Perfectionist, y'see.
From Chris, TMS inbox: "We were just commenting in the office how Tuffers reminds us of Dylan the hippy rabbit in the Magic Roundabout \u2026"
KP opens his jaw wide and wobbles chin from side to side, like a well-fed lion round the corpse of a zeeebra. Down leg from new bowler Fernando, and - did KP get some bat on that? - I think he did, Prasanna Jayawardene behind the timbers just getting the fingertips of his left hand to the ball as it arrows the fence. Harsh to call it a dropped catch, but technically correct. Boycottesque.
From Ellis, TMS inbox: "Sidebottom is a likely hippy candidate. Muffled shaggy hairstyle and a family surname that was likely concocted round a campfire."
Did Cook get a little inside edge to that turner from Herath? Yup, the ball biting in the footholds and slicing right through the batsman's defence. No chance for the stumper - you'd need hands the size of dustbin lids and as soft as a Ritz duvet to pouch that.\u00a0
Announcement from the bigwigs: paying punters will be allowed to stroll around the outfield at lunchtime. Rather nice gesture. Anyone fancy a stroll? No sliding on knees a la kids at school disco or Pete Townsend at Leeds. Single to Cook, angled away backward of point, and he'll nick the strike with that one too. Lead to 232.
Should be fun that lunchtime free-for-all. Mind you the powers that be will have to watch out for England fans trying to rough up the wicket for Swannee later. Herath to KP again - three leg byes. Cook, so efficient, so compact, gets yet another single with his eyes closed. KP, straight, correct, one more down the ground. England on easy street.
"Lord's is the best dressing-room in the world because you can put orders in for any sort of food you want. You just tell them what you want and they\u2019ll do their best to get it for you. You ask the Cat [Phil Tufnell]."
Pietersen is catching Cookie up here, as you'd expect. They'll both have their eyes on some tonnage. Re hippy cricketers chat, surprised Dizzy Gillespie's name hasn't cropped up. Alec Stewart to my right throws umpire Roy Palmer into the mix. Used to travel round in a caravan. Palmer, not Stewart. Neither together.
KP vs Herath, big appeal for a bat-padder, and they'll go upstairs...
From Ed Wilson, Leicester, TMS inbox: "Hippy cricketer? Has no-one mentioned Robert George Dylan Willis? Added the Dylan by deed poll because of his love for the godfather of the counter-culture movement. Also had a right mop-top."
Nah, bat close but no nibble. KP lives on. Nervously.
\u201cVery good from umpire Rod Tucker in the middle. He said to the third umpire: \u2018Can you just check it\u2019s not out lbw as well?\u2019 Good common sense, that\u2019s what we like to see.\u201d
Interesting field for KP now - first slip, gap to a fourth, deep backward point, extra cover, mid-off, short midwicket, mid-on, deep square leg, long leg. Fernando getting some lick up here, and Pietersen has to jump to glove around the corner for a brace. Fourth slip now moves round to leg gully, a ball too late, and KP will clip for an easy single through midwicket. Cook now - oh, done like a kipper outside off, and this isn't a bad over.
From Tim: "Younghusband did not murder 5000 Tibetan monks. There is much confusion over what actually happened, with estimates varying from 200 to 2,000 casualties, but everyone agrees that Younghusband was met by an armed force of soldiers and militia, some of whom were monks."
For those saying that Dirsy and I qualify as hippies because of our time together in campervans, not even Woodstock saw hygiene horrors like that 1981 Bedford CF converter. KP clips with sweet timing to long on but will pick up just one, before Cook finds himself surrounded by the jackals as Herath rips into the footholds - silly mid-on, short square leg, straightish leg slip. One spits up and catches the pad, looping over Cook's head to that slip as bowler yelps.
"KP has been so shy of runs in this calendar year but we all know he is a fine player and he is looking more like the KP we have all grown to love and respect. It could be the start of something big this summer."
Still 77 overs left in the day, all sorts of permutations waiting to become reality or not. Woman in the stand there with a glass of fizz, a chap a few rows in front having a good rummage inside his left nostril with right pinkie. Some people. Nice biff to leg from KP for two, 71 now to Cook's 85. First man to three figures?
From Sam, Bristol, TMS inbox: "Re: Hippy Cricketers. I believe Merv Hughes\u2019s trademark moustache was inspired by folk-rock juggernaut, David Crosby."
Cook a fraction becalmed here, finding it hard to get Herath away. Just 25 runs from the opener today, compared to 57 from KP. One anchor, one speedboat. Single to leg; lunch a quarter of an hour away.
Fernando, right arm round the wicket to leftie Cook, heavily off-side field. Oh, ripper-dipper outside off, Cook poking and nearly nicking. Tasty.
Oh, what a ball - dipping into the footholds, biting, turning an absolute mile from outside leg and clipping the top of off stump. Shades of Ball of the Century there, and if KP's gone to a left-arm tweaker again, so would almost every other right hander to that jafferroo...
From anonymous: "Surely legendary gloves man and sometimes artist Jack Russell is a hippy shoe-in?! His artistry, non conforming to commercialism (remember his bat? "Natural" finish) and outlandish playing a la gloved Hendrix."
Could KP have got his front pad further down the track to block that turn off? Maybe, but not definitely maybe. Decent applause for him as his strides off, a stunted wave of blade to the punters in the bottom tier of the grandstand. Re Bob 'Dylan' Willis (see 1226) - it's a little-known fact that Bob Dylan changed his middle name by deed poll too, in his case to Willis. Huge Warwickshire fan, loved Willis's work on the seminal 1981 LP The Miracle Of Headingley.
Fernando charging in, pearl earring in left lobe, thick hair blowing back in the wind like Jennifer Rush. Oh that's a beauty, angled in at Bell and catching his inadvertent blade as he tries to pull gloves out of the way. Crash - authentic drive off the back peg with straight bat for four to the extra cover fence. No-ball there too. Feast away. Clouding over a fraction now, and that's lunch - decent session for England, 111 runs off 26 overs. Could have been quicker, but the lead is 267, we have 67 overs left and a last-gasp victory remains on the cards.
From Mike, Middlesbrough, TMS inbox: "Ryan Sidebottom also came to my mind when the question of hippy cricketers was raised - reminds me of Arlo Guthrie and if anyone's not heard Alice's Restaurant then there's a big gap in their music knowledge."
So - big moment this. The floodgates have been opened. Anyone, I mean anyone here, can get onto the Lord's outfield. But hold on, this is a bit odd, So far, we have about a hundred stewards out there and not a single punter. They are lined up with what Tuffers rightly calls 'military precision', meaning noone can actually get within 50 yards of the square.
From Simon, TMS inbox: "Interesting this Younghusband fella as he throws up some similarities with KP. Now while KP never massacred any Tibetans (and by the way farming tools don't count as "armed" when the opposition has
guns....artillery) he has usually out gunned his opposition. Opinions about the gentlmen in question vary wildy some describe Younghusband as an ego driven man of immense self belief matched by an outrageous arrogance. Yet as he matured and mellowed he did indeed see the errors of his and the empire's "ways"."
The people are on the pitch, they think it's all over. Except they are not really on the pitch, they are just on the edges of the outfield. Quite a few people touching the grass - one to tell the grandchildren about that. Not a great yarn, but a yarn all the same. Others engaged deep in conversation with the stewards. All very civilised though. This is Lord's, remember.
Ok, time for some tucker. Some good lunchtime chat on TMS with a panel of newspaper scribes. Derek Pringle of the Telegraph\u00a0and Mike Selvey of the Guardian\u00a0among those with Aggers. We'll be back in a jiffy for the England declaration charge....
Here we go again, Bell to face Herath - blimey, no messing about here, sashaying down the track to marmalise way over long on for a delightfully timed six. Two, reverse-swept, four more, punched down the slope to the cover fence. Accelerator Juice clearly on the lunchtime menu.
From anonymous: "One thing's for sure, there will be no pitch invasion during the Olympic archery event next year."
Cook on the walk, and he struggles to play like that - beaten by Fernando outside off. In the TMS comm box Boycott chunters like a tractor climbing a hill. Single dabbed away to deep backward point to moved to 90. Lobbed it away in the 90s in the first innings, Cook, and he surely won't do that again.
Bell has a pop, the ball rips in the roof and Maharoof spills a regulation one dashing in from long-off. Not supa-straightforward, but you - yes you - would be disappointed not to hang on. Lovely reverse sweep for three, and feet remain pushing pedals to floor.
From Mal: "Younghusband also led his troops in army boots up the highly polished cobbles to Tibetan palaces. Obviously this display of British Imperial might was undermined by the slipping and sliding traditionally associated with the marathon in 'It's a Knockout'. Cue Boycott and comments on batting in rubber soles not proper boots with spikes on them. Did Brian Close wear rubber soles, did Raymond Illingworth? 'I don't think so, thank you very much.'"
A couple more stories doing the rounds today: England cricket managing director Hugh Morris has declared himself "open minded" about the prospect of hosting floodlit Test matches, while Australian left-hander Simon Katich has lost his central contract.
Interesting, not to say bizarre - Bell goes for a crazed single, appears to be at least close to being out of his ground when the stumps are torn from the turf but Umpire Doctrove decides not to bother with sending it upstairs. Extraordinary - not only was it close, it was out. Zut.
From Chris: "Re pitch invasion during archery at Olympics. The discus throwers could come on with the discuses held over their heads and simulate a Roman battle."
Herath getting chewed up by Bell here, chewed up and spat out - two, driven gloriously down the ground as Maharoof misfields, two more, opening the body up, and then - even better - four, creamed away and angled through extra cover. Lead above 300, excitement mounting - and Cook's on 98...
From Tim (now Dr) Myatt, TMS inbox: "I had my doctoral viva (exam) here in Oxford yesterday on the subject of Younghusband's Mission to Tibet. 150,000 words of thesis will however bore your readers, and difficult to post."
The man's a machine, a run machine - 18th Test century, third at Lord's, third in last four Test innings, this one coming up with a nudge off the pads for four to long leg. 224 balls, and his run since last summer is now the stuff of legend. Would never have believed it when the slump was on against those Pakistani swingers. caps doffed, stats saluted.
Ooh, lucky for Cook, an edge preventing Jaya stumping him. Both missed catch and missed stumping there. Same again a few balls later, charging, missing, the bails off... so hard to see, even after replays from every angle. We wait, and wait, and wait... GONE....
"I think Cook was a bit harshly done by there; I think perhaps there was too much doubt to be really 100% sure. But great knock from him, well played."
Hard cheese for Cook, but the right decision - they didn't quite have the right frame nor angle to be certain, but no-one thinks he should have stayed. New man Morgan pulls for four but he's gone now, fooled by a slower one and holing out to mid-on as he looks to selflessly slap.
From Beth, St Albans, TMS inbox: "For the past few days I have been mesmerised by Dilhara Fernando's fascinating hair cut. At first I thought it might have been a mullet, little bit of a business in the front and party at the back, but the curls dispelled this theory. Then I thought perhaps he was opting for a type of mane. Currently, I have decided he is trying to go for the old fashioned 'Horatio Hornblower' type look, and he's just waiting to grow out the back long enough for a pony tail."
How long will England bat on for - lead of 350? New-man Prior top-edges for three - fast feet from Belly - but he's gone now, run out by a mile after Bell sends him back. Was there a run there? Bell had missed with a sweep and the ball rebounded away off Jayawardene's pads, but only 10 feet away - the keeper pulled off his right glove, hoovered up the ball and threw down the timbers.
Now then - moments after Prior goes into the dressing-room, a window in the dressing-room appears to be broken. Big old hole, right next to a bat. MCC members peer myopically at the shattered pane; KP leans over the side of the balcony to inspect with a cartoon shrug.
From Shaun Riordan in Leeds, TMS inbox: "H M R K B Herath \u2013 his initials must stand for He Must Relish Kevin Batting?"
\u201cThrowing a bat through a window is immaturity, don\u2019t you think? Does the match referee step into this situation?\u201d
From Trev, TMS inbox: "There was something in the hair that night, your curls were black and tight, Fernando".
Bell marching on regardless of the contretemps. Reports reaching us of glass on heads of members. Sounds painful. Is Broad out? Nicked it, but has it carried? Yes.
From cricketwballs: "Maybe Prior chucked his box into the ground and it rebounded into the window completely by accident. #thepontingdefence"
That's it, says Skipper Strauss - in you come. So the magic numbers: Sri Lanka require 343 runs to win from a maximum of 58 overs. Skipper Dilshan will not bat unless he absolutely has too. Spicy, very spicy...
So then. What do we think - collapsimus maximus? Kumar Sangakkara will move up to open in Dilshan's absence, and he'll have to face Chris Tremlett - three slips, gully, point, mid offs and ons, short leg, fine leg. Pacey but a touch leggish, and we'll have a move of Morgan from point to leg slip. Sanga keeps gloves out of the way and then picks up three with a flick to deep square leg.\u00a0
From El Quiche, London, TMS inbox: "Would have been good if the tail had been skittled in a flurry of wickets from Sri Lanka\u2019s left-arm spinner \u2013 \u2018Herath endeth the lesson\u2019. I\u2019ll get my coat\u2026"
Broad to lead the attack from the Pavilion End, where apparently the members had apologies offered to them by Prior and Strauss. Accidentallybrokenwindowgate rumbles on and on. Bright sunshine, Paranavitana waiting - gooof, slider millimetres past the outside edge. Tea in just under an hour away - England will want a minimum of two men down by then for this to happen.
From Dave in Chorley: "When the moustachioed maestro Keith Twentyman committed a similar act of vandalism after being run out in Carlisle 2nd XIs defeat at Egremont a few years back, he emerged from the dressing room full of apologies in nothing but a jock strap. Having not seen any pictures,did this happen today also as normal protocol for such occasions?"
Tremlett, emotionless, automaton-like with his mechanical action and beyond-human physique. Better line, angle across leftie Sanga, late away-dip - edged, uppish, bisecting third slip and gully. Closer, closer.
Skipper Strauss stands with hands clasped behind rump, contemplative, anxious. Broad's line not quite right at the moment, too many ParVi can leave.
Short, slapping cut, high... gone! Poor shot, decent catch, England alive. It's not impossible, it's not impossible...
"Sangakkara is their main player. They have Jayawardene to come, but with no Dilshan that makes it very interesting. Just what England wanted."
Three slips, two gullies, point, extra cover. Mahela Jayawardene now, and if he goes all hellish horrors will break out. Tremlett coming in at a real lick now, those huge strides eating up the ground - mmm, splendid brute of a delivery, pinging up off the surface and moving away down the Lord's slope to draw a panicked play and miss. No-one fancy popping along to watch this dramatic denouement?
This pitch is by no means a flat road. Broad produces a beauty to beat ParVit, seaming up and away, but he follows it up with a stinker down leg which the batsman can nudge finer than fine for four. Slips stroke chins. Their own. Swann's strokes longer than others by physical necessity.\u00a0
The shadows of clouds race across the checkerboard green outfield as Tremlett accelerates in. Mahela drops one into the covers and sets off - Morgan all over it, dashing in from point, ball into hand, throw away... whoah, would have been gone by a mile, but the ball skids an inch over the timbers. Hands on heads all round the field - the England players know that was the biggie...
From Bill, Kent, TMS inbox: "When batting in the garden my brothers and I were given the crocked finger for putting the tennis ball through a diamond shaped pane of ancient leaded light window. We were however allowed to chalk up a compensatory six runs and required to sign a pact of brotherly silence."
Time for some Swann, I fancy. Slip, short leg, silly mid-on, Swann round the wicket to leftie ParVit. Dragged down a fraction and that will flick cloth en route to two leg byes. Not much turn there, certainly not the same amount that Herath was getting out of the foot-marks.
ECB statement about Accidentallybrokenwindowgate: blah blah, Prior threw glove which bounced off kitbag and into some bats which then fell onto window and broke it blah blah. Won't be fined by team management. Reminds me of that board game Mousetrap (other over-complicated games involving the trapping of plastic mammals also available etc). Never could get that properly set up as young man. Think it was the bit with the plastic diver going into the little pot of water which used to scupper. Single from MahJa off Broad, no dramas.
Time for two more before tea? We'll see Steve Finn from the Pavilion End, three slips, gully, shortish straight midwicket. Steady line outside off, a little too easy for Jayawardene to leave. Grey clouds gathering overhead, but little menace in their fluffy outlines.\u00a0
\u00a0
James, Lewisham now, Newport then: "Following on from Bill in\u00a0Kent. My twin brother and I once smashed every single pane of glass on one side of our dad's greenhouse playing garden cricket, the excuse of a freak tornado ripping through South Wales was given short shrift."
Last over before tea, Swann twirling, men close in leaning forward, weight on toes. Yelps from all concerned as the ball dips under Paranavitana's bat, past the off stump and through Prior's scissoring pads for two byes. Tea, and England will still fancy there's a slim chance. Wickets ahoy in the first 10 overs after the cake.
From Steve, Durban, TMS inbox: "The final time I broke the living room window when I was a boy my father burnt my bat, ball & stumps."
Ok folks. Sam Sheringham taking over from Lord Fordyce of Text Commshire for a bit. Can't help feeling England could have done with another wicket before tea, but the spectre of Cardiff still looms large. Reckon Strauss will be relectant to shake hands on a draw until the last possible minute, given the potential of the Sri Lankans to go down like a pack of cards.
From anonymous: "Re: Bill, Kent. Similar-ish but I once attempted a beautiful slog/sweep when playing 'next door neighbor cricket' and knocked my friend out with my bat as he stood at roughly short leg (off a filthy delivery from his brother). When their dad came out and found us all in tears he asked what happened. I demonstrated. My friend's mum had to take them both to hospital. In my defence I was only seven."
From Jonny, Bromley: "Re: Steve, Durban. Does he now play for the singed remains every couple of years?"
So here come the players. We have 45 overs to go. Nine wickets to take, including the crocked Skip Dilsh. Michael Vaughan reckons England need a quick bang-bang. They may even need a miracle. Finn to bowl...
The first ball after tea is short of a length but Jaya Jaya is right in behind it. Sets the tone for a maiden over. Remember his innings in the World Cup final? Class act under pressure, but hasn't really fired on this tour. TMS chat on rest days in Tests - what did the players get up to on the sleepy Sunday?
Tremmers to the Piranha. Head still, bat straight. Solid as a rock. Takes some shifting this guy. Another Maiden. England need to make something happen here.
From Barney, Brussels, TMS inbox: "Playing Garden cricket circa 1985, I hit my brothers uppish delivery into the road, the road being the A4, a passing double decker bus kindly rebounds the ball off a top window back into the garden. My brother catches the ball in the follow through stride from his delivery. Out/Not Out \u2013 the debate continues."
Hearing a new explanation of Priorglassgate now. Apparently Prior put bat on ledge where wall met the window. Handle bounced off wall, glass broke. The plot thickens. Single to Jaya.\u00a0First run since tea.\u00a0
\u201cIt\u2019s surprising that gloves could have broken a window, unless they were thrown by the Bond villain Oddjob or something.\u201d
Two more to Jayawardene, clipped off his pads through the onside. Top work from Finn on the boundary to save four.\u00a0Not much\u00a0menace\u00a0in this bowling at the mo. Surprised Swanny isn't getting more\u00a0of a twirl.\u00a0
By the way the latest Prior line about the bat on the ledge came straight from England coach Andy Flower and the ECB have withdrawn their original statement. You couldn't make it up! Paranavitana stepping it up a bit now as he picks up a couple, then cuts hard for four.
Thanks to Sam Sheringham, Fordyce back at the wheel. Many of you pointing out the surreal nature of Blofeld blaming Oddjob for the smashed window (see below). Maybe that should be SMERSHed window. Terrible. I'm as ashamed as I should be. Tremlett, England running out of juice. Short, cannoning off something to short leg - roar from the crowd - nope, thigh pad only. Troublesome one outside off, and Jaya will poke it down past third slip for four to the third man rope.
From Jufferjim in Sheffield via text: "Re: Barney, Brussels. Law 32.3(a)(ii): "A catch shall be considered to have been fairly made if ... the ball is at no time in contact with any object grounded beyond the boundary." More importantly, Law 19.3(a)(i): "A boundary shall be scored whenever ... the ball touches the boundary or is grounded beyond the boundary.", and Law 19.3(c)(iii): "The phrase 'grounded beyond the boundary' shall mean contact with ... any object in contact with the ground beyond the boundary edge." Assuming the bus wasn't flying, I make that 6 runs to you."
36 overs left, with the match likely to go on till 1800 regardless of wickets not lost. England need something soon, but the attack is looking toothless. I think we're drifting to the draw. Mind you, I said that last week.
Mockers! Inevitable after that last comment, but the old maestro is gone - Strauss had just lobbed a fourth slip in, and it paid fat dividends - short, poke, snagged well tumbling to the left. You don't think...
From Alex in London via text: "Jufferjim - you have also assumed that the road was over the boundary. Clearly you didn't play road cricket like we used to where a well-placed shot on to the main road could result in a scampered 10 or 12 runs while the hapless fielder waited for a lull in traffic. A serious road traffic accident involving a neighbour led to an official change in rules."
Swann will have a pop from the Pavilion End. Samaraweera the new man, and his succession of rock solid defensive shots are greeted with anguished howls from the close fielders. Spicy. Now - couple more in the next half hour and they'll be screaming like howler monkeys.
Some scepticism, I'll be honest, about the latest version of events in Accidentallybrokenwindowgate. Questions for the defence: why was it the top window that was broken if a bat was leaned against the lower one? How hard would you have to lean a bat to break glass? Will the lady member with the cut ankle make it through til dawn? Super delivery from Broad, doing ParVit all ends up after being driven for four, searching for the fuller one to entice an edge.
From St. John Cox: "After retrieving a four my brother had hit into the bushes in our back garden circa 1978 I came upon an old golf ball. I disguised it and bowled it to him instead of the cricket ball. He hit the full toss with considerable force sending the golf ball straight through a leaded picture dining room window that would have been well out of range to a cricket ball. My Dad didn\u2019t notice for about three weeks as the hole was only golf ball sized and perfectly formed."
As the players take drinks, I'll make my final play: this match will end in the draw. There, I've said it. My work here is done.
From Ed in Bradford: "Re: Barney, Brussels. In order to avoid hitting the ball into our neighbour's pond full of fat goldfish (or koi carp as he insisted we call them) and losing the ball forever, for our games of cul-de-sac cricket we adopted the rule of six-and-out. With the chance of sacrificing the ball to the A4 I would suggest a similar rule would have been suitable."
Broad toiling hard from the Nursery End, finding a controlled edge from ParVit. Only danger of the over, however, and my faith in Curse de Commentator is starting to fade.
No shot played by Samaraweera to Swann, given by Doctrove, and that looks a ropey old call...
No, never out - pitched way outside off stump, big stride forward, ball missing. Should have been benefit of the doubt to the batsman in any case. Poor effort, Billy D.
Rob, London, TMS inbox: "I trust that the ECB will be at panes to ensure the inquest into "windowgate" is entirely transparent?"
\u00a0
Stiff breeze blowing into Broad's face as he battles up from the Nursery End. ParVit drops a single into the covers, strolls a single. About an hour's cricket left now unless there's a proper chance of victory.
However he actually did it, and we may never quite find out how, Matt Prior has apologised to a female spectator after breaking the dressing-room window.
Emma from Eynsham: "Sadly it looks like Curse de Commentator only works if you're not intentionally doing it hoping for the opposite to happen. Curses indeed."\u00a0
Sammy steps away to Swann and tries to cut - risky risky, just chops down on it. 28 overs left, game starting to drift.
From anonymous: "When an unfortunate Housemartin left the nest and was struck by the tennis ball during a street game, with the ball ending up pouched at midoff we said 5 runs and out. On the pitch ruling was excepted with no fuss from the batsman."
Hello - we'll have some Trottski to smash the system. ParVit is beaten by the first gentle wobbler - some mirth in crowd - pushes a single and rests at the non-striker's as Sammy blocks the rest. Maiden.
Oohs from the remaning punters as Swann - returning to the Nursery End - gets some turn and beats both bat and Prior's gloves. Two byes, another crowd appeal for a snag at short leg. No bat anywhere near it.
Three men in on the drive as Trott comes in. We've reached the comedy experimentation time. And it might have worked - ell bee shout against ParVit, given! But they'll review it...
That is out. Trott is mobbed - only his second Test wicket - and crazed hope blooms again. It was a gentle in-dipper, and although ParVit got bat onto it, it very much hit pad in front first...
From Baxter in London via text: "Forders, re Anonymous text at 1718: was Norman Cook ok?"
Let's remember: Sri Lankan skipper Tilly Dilshan has a hairline fracture of the thumb and will not bat unless he absolutely has to. England probably need two more wickets in the next 40 mins to trigger the extra hour. Finn to return, but Prior makes a dreadful mess of a simple take and woeful byes are the result. 24 overs remaining, and it only took that many to see off the full set in Cardiff...
"I think they need five wickets to force that last hour. If it is still three down they will shake hands and go off into the dressing rooms."
"These two can bat but after that there\u2019s not too much left. There\u2019s quite a lot of overs left too."
From Simon: "My brother and I had back garden cricket. The apple tree was a four. The willow tree was six. Upturned sun loungers in the slips, cardboard boxes as random fielders, one hand one bounce rules and Dad's greenhouse as the wickie."
Trottski tries again to tear the established order asunder. Bizarre field, the three men in close on the drive like a mirror image of the slip cordon. Oohs and aahs as the trundler wobbles a couple past in the Corridor Of Maybe.
Finn, looking for the golden arm action of the first innings to return. Instead he finds the random arm - five wides, and Prior would need the arms of Mr Tickle to snaffle that. Better outside off before Prasanna Jayawardene bunts a single into the enormo spaces on the leg side.
Bright sun, sharp shadows. Still some wobble down the slope for Sir Trottsalot, doing his best impression of the fearsome Shark Kallis. Maiden, clock ticking, 21 overs left...
From Alex, TMS inbox: "At Warwickshire, Nick Knight once tossed the ball to Trotty with the opposition three down. What ensued was Jonathan Trott taking the next seven wickets. Oh for a repeat!"
Finn barrelling in, Sammy motionless at the crease. Short, moving, edged - oh, splitting third slip and gully down the middle. These chances need to go to hand or we'll head for the Rose Bowl with the three-match series at 1-0.
\u201cMy favourite moment of the match was Bell\u2019s reverse scoop, it was wonderful. Or the broken window, that was a champagne moment and all the rubbish that came out of the ECB. If you believe them, you\u2019ll believe anything.\u201d
Four slips in for Tremlett, replacing Trott at the Nursery End. Headlines on Wednesday looking more and more like they'll be about Accidentallybrokenwindowgate rather than a glorious last-ditch England win. Short and easy to leave; at least one wicket needed in the next three oversish or it'll be all over.
The man comes in from the deep square leg slot to short and under the lid. Jaya aims a big pull into the abandoned areas and gets a toe end back down the track. A fat cloud drifts in front of the sun and then moves on to lenghen the shadows stretching away from the fielders' shoes.
From Pete via text: "To apply maximum pressure in garden cricket we would employ an upturned garden table at short leg....the 'Auto-Boon' after our Tasmanian drinking/batting legend. Our table was more mobile."
KP into the melee as a last throw of the dice. The dice lands on three again. Another couple before hands are shaken?
From Oscar + Stevo via text: "In Cornwall last summer, and after rain stopped play, it was brought inside, where corridor cricket was invented under floodlights. Underarm bowling and an upside down paper bin as the stumps, nothing could beat it. Perhaps the ECB should consider?"
That's it - handshakes all over the place.
And there we have it - Sri Lanka survive in relative comfort, 127-3. No repeat of Cardiff, but then again, it was always a mighty ask. Great work on textsemailstweets all day - rest those fingers and cricket brains and we'll reconvene at the Rose Bowl on Thursday week, Deal?
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