So there we go - by England standards, that was a virtual thrashing. Next game, you ask, with new-found enthusiasm? Friday, day-nighter, 1230 start in the UK. Benjamin Dirs your man at the wheel. Stay special.
From cristianodueahatrick on 606:
"With Trott and Morgan in the side, a fit KP and a Flintoff return - we've actually got the makings of a top 2 50 over side!"
Colly runs up the pavilion steps with a huge beamer across his copper chops, and who can blame him - splendid effort, and that's now eight ODIs in a row for England without a defeat against South Africa. Any ideas for man of the match?
46th over: ENGLAND WIN BY SEVEN WICKETS Eng 252-3
Come on Colly - seal the deal - slap down the ground, past the despairing fielder - ton's up! 108 balls, seven fours, two sixes and his fifth ODI century - the perfect way to celebrate his record 171st appearance. Morgan smashes one straight at Umpire Jerling after Colly strolls a single - painful blow on the ankle - and then batters four over midwicket to seal a comprehensive win.
45th over: Eng 241-3
Now then - Morgan gets a full toss from McLaren slogs it high to mid-on where Morkel takes the catch - out, surely, but Morgan is claiming it was a no-ball. There's a referral, and to the disgust of Boucher the England man gets a reprieve. Two more to Colly fine to go to 98, a pulled one to midwicket, and what a shot that is from Morgan - down on one knee, mowed way over deep square leg for six. Crash - four more, straight down the ground - England are nearly home...
From Paul, Lancs, TMS inbox:
"If this 'Trottsky' nickname catches on, I think Warwickshire would do well to sign Vemu Lenin, a useful Indian right hand bat currently with Andhra, as their overseas player. Should pull in a crowd."
44th over: Eng 226-3
Steyn now for a final fling, coming round the wicket to leftie Morgan - wide, and slashed fine for four. And another! This time Morkel should really have cut it off, but his boundary slide was feeble and the ball dribbles over the rope. No-ball to boot, and Morgan wellies the free hit straight down Charl's throat at mid-on. Two off the inside edge for Morgan, dashed single and then an outrageous flick high over the slips for four more. 17 off the over, 25 now needed from 36 balls, and Colly moves to 96...
43rd over: Eng 209-3
Eoin Morgan the new man, facing Ryan McLaren - agh, nearly a dismal castling as the ball shoots along the ground and under Morgan's hasty dab. 42 needed from 42 balls.
42nd over: WICKET Trott c Amla b Langeveldt 87, Eng 207-3
That was my fault, and I accept full responsibility. Slower one from Charl, a big heavo-ho into the deep and Amla takes a tumbler diving forward from deep midwicket. fine knock, fine partnership - 162 priceless runs.
41st over: Eng 203-2
Mighty mow from Colly, way over midwicket for a splendid six. VdM scratches his head; the bloke in the stands who spilt the chance looks shame-faced as his mates cavort. Colly now on 89, Trottsky 83. Centurions at Centurion?
Newly appointed Leicestershire captain Matthew Hoggard on Test Match Special:
"There's no pressure on the batsmen - it's a walk in the park at the moment."
40th over: Eng 194-2
Bellow from Lange and Boucher the Poucher as Trott is trapped on the back peg - a fraction high, says Umpo Jerling. Not sure Big Charl agrees. Shadows stretch across the Centurion turf.
From yorker_129-7 on 606:
"How much does Smith wish he could bring on Kallis at this moment to dry things up and maybe take a wicket or two?"
39th over: Eng 191-2
A man in the stands stands up and waves his binoculars above his head like a tomahawk as Colly skips down the track and batters Steyn high over cover for another crashing four. 60 to win from the last 11 overs, eight wickets in hand, two well-set batsmen at the crease. Surely...
38th over: Eng 182-2
Smith changes tack again as Langeveldt returns to the attack. A short ball singularly lacking in ferocity is effortlessly helped away to the boundary at backward square leg by Trott.
37th over: Eng 174-2
Boy, do South Africa need Steyn to summon up something special. Colly carves away square, only for ABdeV to make a superb one-handed save diving to his right, but a single off the next ball takes him into the 70s.
36th over: Eng 171-2
Double change - Ryan McLaren to return too, and that's majestic from Collingwood, on the day he becomes the most capped England ODI player - a step back and slash fast and low through point for four more. 70 now to both batsmen, and the partnership climbs to 126.
35th over: Eng 162-2
Steyn it is, and that one rattles past Trott's outside edge like a runaway express train. A shorter one gets pulled off the toe-end for one before Colly cuts hard for one after a fine diving stop in the gully. 89 needed from 90 balls.
34th over: Eng 160-2
Careful, Colly - no need for dicey reverse-sweeps at this stage. Looks like Steyn loosening up in the deep - it's time for the new ball, and Smith needs his strike bowler to do exactly that.
33rd over: Eng 157-2
Singles leaking like water from a colander. VdM's not been slaughtered, but he's doing nothing to stem the flow.
32nd over: Eng 151-2
Duminy twirls, singles flow. 100 runs required off 18 overs - England's to lose, you'd think. If you hadn't seen it before.
From FleetJackHobbs on 606:
"C.B. Fry once described Lindsay Hassett as "dangerously reliable" - Looks to me as if Trott's developing that way"
31st over: Eng 147-2
Alec Stewart, of course. 4,677. Colly 300-odd runs behind that mark, but now ahead of Tresco in second. Short from VdM, pulled through midwicket for four by a disdainful Trott.
30th over: Eng 140-2
Singles all over the place from Duminy. Colly, I'm told, is now the second-highest English run-scorer in ODI history. Who's top? Answer in the next update.
29th over: Eng 135-2
Oooh - VdM gets one to go straight on, and Colly nearly thins behind trying a late cut. He makes contact with that one, though - lamped fine for the run that brings up his half-ton. 28 singles in it, and it's been a model of patience.
28th over: Eng 131-2
Right, says Smith - we'll try some JP. Duminy twirls hopefully but Colly chips and nudges into gaps.
27th over: Eng 127-2
Big, big over for England - Langeveldt, brought back to step the flow, no-balls by six inches and is then marmalised back over his head by Colly on the free hit for a massive maximum. Asking rate now 5.5, current rate 7.2.
From Baron Lemono on 606:
"Tom, Tom, Tom. W'sLIIA? It's WHOSE not WHO'S. Just WLIIA. Some people..."
26th over: Eng 119-2
Smith's not the only one looking perturbed - VdM is a little lost here too. Trott tickles one legwards to go to his first ODI half-century, and then Colly helps another legside looper down to the fine leg fence for four more. Partnership up to 74.
25th over: Eng 111-2
Smith's looking touch concerned now, and calls for Charl to break the partnership. Trott flicks one over midwicket with his bottom hand and turns for two - Amla's on to it and hurls to Boucher, the bails are in the air - home safely, by about a foot. Good running.
24th over: Eng 107-2
Runs starting to flow now for England. VdM's not quite sure where to bowl - they're moving around in the crease, and it's monkeying around with his radar.
23rd over: Eng 101-2
Steyn to return. That's short and nasty, and Colly wears that on his shoulder. Ooof. Steyn tries the same again, but Colly's on him this time - two strides down the track and a mighty heave over midwicket for a one-bounce four. The England man then takes a step back and flicks the fuller follow-up through the same area for four more - boozy cheers from the tourists baking in the Joburg sun.
22nd over: Eng 91-2
Trottsky might be suffering a bit with Shah-style cramp out there. Nothing quite as shocking as a sudden searing burst of crampage through a limb. His partner offers Collydolences.
21st over: Eng 84-2
Morkel, who's got a little bit of Jamie Lee Curtis about him facially - behave - strays in length and gets clouted high over midwicket for a cow-corner four. Drinks coming on for the perspiring pair.
20th over: Eng 77-2
A glimpse there of a large, pale man parked on the grass slopes, oiling his moobs with lo-factor tanning lotion. Van der Meuwe fires in his left-arm darts and the England pair work patient singles.
19th over: Eng 71-2
We're in the dead overs here, the twilight zone that exists in the middle part of every 50-over innings. Four easy singles off Morkel. If you need to do any jobs around the house, now might be the time.
18th over: Eng 67-2
If you've not seen McLaren before, he's got a back-brushed barnet that's a little like the one Greg Proops used to sport on W'sLIIA. Short and leggish, and Trott can swivel on his back peg and slap that away for a four through square.
17th over: Eng 61-2
Time for some left-arm twirl from Van der Merwe. Lots of vim and vigour from Roelof, with a fine diving sprawler of a stop to prevent a two down the ground, but that's wide down leg - and so's that.
16th over: Eng 58-2
Trott taking his time, showing the unhurried, unflustered temperament that won him his place in the England set-up. 193 needed from 34 overs at 5.68, the current run-rate's more than two runs an over below that.
15th over: Eng 56-2
Boucher comes up to the timbers for McLaren, and there's a little more pressure on the England pair now. Colly can't get him away for more than a single, and the powerplay has passed with the addition of just 19 runs. Hmm.
14th over: Eng 54-2
Colly waits, the plastic ear-guards shining pink through the grille of his helmet. He jumps back to pull Morkel away for a rolled-wrist single before Trott dabs the same. Bang in the balance.
13th over: Eng 45-2
Collingwood the new man, and McLaren's as tight with ball in hand as Colly was before him - just nine runs shipped off his three overs so far. Run-rate required up to 5.5 an over.
12th over: WICKET Pietersen b Morkel 4, Eng 45-2
Shirt and wide from Morkel, pulled away to the deep square leg fence, followed by an easy single. KP waits - bowled! Dear of dear - widish and full, and KP drags it straight onto his timbers as he aims a mighty mood over midwicket. Joy unconfined in the Centurion stands.
11th over: Eng 39-1
The wiry McLaren, the number 23 in bright yellow on the back of his green shirt, sprints in. Trott's happy to wait for the bad one that never comes - just one run off the blade. Plenty of time.
10th over: Eng 37-1
Ah Charl - stick a full one on leg peg and KP will drill you away through midwicket all day long. 214 needed from the remaining 40 overs, and the track looks good. That's all I'm saying.
9th over: Eng 33-1
Boos all around Centurion - guess who's coming to the crease... Not even a flicker from KP, but inside he'll be churning out the adrenaline. Lovely shot from Trott to new bowler McLaren, stepping delicately down the track and wafting high over square leg for a beautifully-placed boundary.
8th over: WICKET Strauss c de Villiers b Langeveldt 16, Eng 28-1
He's gone this time - Lange's done nothing at all so far, but he foxes the captain with a slower one, and a leading edge loops gently to backward point.
7th over: Eng 26-0
Ooof - sketchy slash from Strauss, and his thickish edge falls just shy of a diving fourth slip. Skip goes watchful after that, keeping his blade to himself and his extravagance housed.
6th over: Eng 24-0
Strauss is enjoying himself out there. He sashays down the track to the lumbering Langeveldt and clouts him through cover for a Caribbean fence-finder. Almost got ahead of myself there and said England looked comfortable. Apologies.
5th over: Eng 19-0
Steyn's quality control is all over the shop. He rustles up another ripper to leave Trottsky fencing feebly, gets dabbed for a single and then drops short and leggish to be pulled away happily by Strauss for his second four. Concerned silence around the well-populated grass banks.
4th over: Eng 12-0
Langeveldt's face is indeed a curious shape. His nose and ears are so withdrawn that his head is almost completely spherical. Lovely back-foot slap from Strauss for his first runs of the day, and that'll go all the way for four.
3rd over: Eng 6-0
A DeFreitasesque squint from Steyn as he tears in, snorting and grimacing, and that's another beaut - rapid, just shy of a length, beating Trottsky all ends up. Revenge from the England opener follows, though - a flamingo flick through midwicket that's curiously KP.
2nd over: Eng 2-0
Charl Langeveldt, head shaved short, bustles in. Single stolen by Trott, before Strauss leathers a wide one straight to cover. Along the ground.
1st over: Eng 1-0
Dale Steyn with the glistening cherry, and that's an absolute jaffa - sliding in, drawing the shot, gliding away just past the varnish. Frantic single dropped into the off side, and England are up and running.
Splendid weather overhead, easing conditions out in the middle, and here come the South African fielders. Jonathan Trott to take the first delivery, Skipper Strauss at the non-striker's.
50th over: SA 250-9
Here we go - the grande finale. Bresnan rumbles in - smashed over point by a happy Charl Langeveldt. Two more singles, and that's a steady target now. England will fancy it, but so will South Africa after those later fireworks. See you in 10...
From Anthony in south Wales, TMS inbox:
"How's this for a topical anagram? Reolof van der Merwe = remove deferral now."
49th over: WICKET Steyn c Trott b Mahmood 12, SA 242-9
Mahmood for his final joust - ooh-la-la, a waist-high full toss that nearly cuts Steyn in half. Big Saj hits the deck with a bellow, and that looks like cramp. Nasty business. A stretch and a wince and he'll be good to go. Singles to batsmen, and then - crackeroo - Boucher smears Mahmood's slower one over a leaping Colly at long on for a skimming six. More singles, and at the last a mis-hit from Steyn that loops out to midwicket. Sigh of relief from Saj, but he's still gone for 41 off his seven overs.
48th over: SA 230-8
Dale Steyn now to join Boucher, but Brezza keeps it tight and tidy - four singles and a leg bye, and Strauss will take that every time at this stage.
From Mark in Northampton, TMS inbox:
"Anagram? 'Overarmed Elf Owner'."
47th over: WICKET Van der Merwe c Bresnan Anderson 5, SA 222-8
Full one on leg, clipped loopily straight down midwicket's throat. England's happy morning continues...
46th over: SA 220-7
Bresnan's been solid today, but Boucher will climb into that - right out of the meat, way over extra cover. Anyone explain why the uber-experienced, proven big-hitting BouchPouch was kept housed til now?
45th over: SA 213-7
The new man? Roelof van der Merwe. Get some decent anagrams out of that. Loose again from Jimmy, and Boucher will work that full toss away square for a freebie four. Thanks to Jane Cooper
for the Micro Marmosets. Could melt Himmler's heart, those lil' fellas.
44th over: WICKET Petersen b Bresnan 64, SA 205-7
What can Brezza do? Tickle the Alviro timbers, that's what - a brutish lifter zips through the batsman's ropey prod, and the top of off is pinged back. Just what Doc Strauss ordered.
43rd over: SA 199-6
Jimmy returns - sprayed down leg, flicked away by Their Petersen for four very fine. Singles and twos, and Jim's not found his line here.
42nd over: SA 189-6
Hold on to your seats - it's Saj-time. Push from Petersen through cover, and that's his half-century - held the innings together, Alviro. Caps doffed.
41st over: SA 185-6
Colly - full toss - poked by Boucher straight to Strauss at short mid-off for his 100th ODI wic - he's dropped it! My giddy aunts - he didn't need to move his hands, let alone his feet, but he still managed to stick it down. Three drops in the innings from the skipper, and Colly can't quite believe his 20-20 eyes.
40th over: SA 181-6
Trotty loses his line, just as confirmme goes big on 606. Four pulled fine by Their Petersen.
From confirmme on 606:
"Trott has been impressive with the ball here - he is keeping very good control. I didn't even know he could bowl."
39th over: SA 173-6
Big ginger bellow from Colly - he thinks he's got Boucher trapped in front of off, but Umpo Rod Tucker is having nothing to do with it. Run-rate of 4.45 an over, and that's nothing to frighten little children with.
38th over: SA 171-6
Boucher the Poucher to the fray - no idea why he's been fiddling about on the balcony all this time, but there you go. Trott toddles in, Their Peterson drives uppishly - yai-ai-ai, dropped by a diving Strauss at short extra cover! Tough old chance, but that would have been Trottsky's first international scalp.
37th over: WICKET Morkel c Morgan b Collingwood 6, SA 165-6
And another! Colly returns, drops short and is hoicked away to deep square leg, where Morgan sprints round to take a fine running catch. He stacks it into the turf afterwards, but Colly doesn't care - that's his 99th ODI wicket. One for the ton...
36th over: SA 165-5
Can't argue with what Trottsky is doing out there - it's like Derek Underwood reborn, right down to the thinning thatch.
From Neil, Ely, TMS inbox:
"And here we have the (prematurely?) aged marmoset, AKA the Decidedly Underwhelming Mahmoodset."
Something of Lady Gaga about the DUM, no?
35th over: SA 163-5
Couldn't do me a favour and manually refresh, could you? Issues with my over-counting. Sincerest apologies; mid-morning espresso required. Albie Morkel struggling against Jimmy. Can't think of the younger Morkel without being reminded of the Albie song from Flight of the Conchords.
34th over: SA 159-5
Glimpse there of Duncan Fletcher in the South African dressing-room, proper old grump on his chops, five impressive chins underneath. Trott continues, rumbling away, and they can barely get him off the square - just two off his six, and his figures now read 0-10 off four overs.
33th over: WICKET McLaren c Prior b Anderson 5, SA 155-5
Jimmy back into the attack - huzzah! He's struck instantly, McLaren wafting his willow wand like a disconsolate wizard and thinning behind to a leaping Prior.
32nd over: SA 153-4
The television director lingers happily on a shot of a bikini-clad young lady carrying two foaming pint pots back to her picnic blanket. Trottsky keeps his concentration, and England are on top here.
31st over: SA 149-4
Crash - Their Petersen side-steps down the track and clouts Colly back over his head for a pressure-busting six. There's a tickle for one, and then McLaren gets lucky with a leading edge that spoons just wide of the prowling Jimmy A at mid-off.
30th over: SA 138-4
Trottsky's theory is simple - keep it on middle, keep it full. McLaren is trapped in the Winter Palace.
29th over: SA 136-4
Colly's doing the business here - wicket to wicket, nothing with width or juicy length. David (below) - left arm round the wicket, the Remarkable. Not a big presence in the field, though.
From David, Sheffield, TMS inbox:
"That Remarkable Marmoset looks like he's having a bowl. Bit side-on, but we should get him in the side - can't be any worse than Mahmood."
28th over: SA 134-4
England clambering all over the innings now. Is that Jonathan Trott coming on for his first international over? Yup - dibbly-dobbler is the order of the day. Trottsky keeps it steady, and new-man Ryan McLaren stays watchful.
27th over: WICKET Amla c Strauss b Collingwood 57, SA 131-4
Yup, King Colly it is - Petersen looks to be trapped bang in front, but Umpire Jerling shakes his sour-looking face. Is that a caught-and-bowled? Oh, Colly's spilt it! Hold on though - it matters not, because Amla is surprised by one that sits up and prods it straight to the skipper at short extra cover. All hail El Supremo Gingero!
26th over: SA 129-3
Alviro Petersen the new man, sounding like a Philippine pop-star or a minor character on Star Trek. He waits for a short one from Wright and pulls it away with relish for four to the square leg fence. Time for a Colly wobble?
25th over: SA 120-3
Rashid copping some willowy stick here, and his control is a worry - full tosses driven, short ones pulled and cut. Btw - if you're wondering what the Mediocre Marmoset looks like, he's so mediocre no-one's bothered taking any photos of one. Instead, here's a picture of his taxiological cousin, the Remarkable Marmoset. Looks a bit like Keith from The Prodigy, doesn't he?
24th over - WICKET Duminy c Prior b Wright 41, SA 111-3
Wright again, the pick so far - fencer from Duminy, clear skinny sound, Prior pouches - gone! Wright beams like Doris Day, and who can blame him - big wicket for the tourists, and England are right in it.
23rd over - 109-2
Shot from Duminy - a reverse-slap off Rashid for four. A dab follows to get his partner back on strike, and Amla then brings up his own 50 and his side's 100 with a lusty one down the ground. Played, sir, but Rashid's not enjoying this.
22nd over - 97-2
Amla goes to within two of his half-century as he whips Wright away from middle-and-leg. Anthony (below) - the giraffe gets both longest neck and longest tail? Show-boater. No wonder no-one's heard of the Mediocre Marmoset.
From Anthony Walton, South Wales, in the TMS inbox:
"I thought I should point out that technically a snake doesn't actually have a tail. The world's longest tail in fact belongs to the giraffe. They also prefer a nice duvet over a sleeping-bag any day."
21st over - 94-2
Time for spin, and there's a lot of responsibility on Mr Rashid's young shoulders in the absence of the injured Swanny. He gets away with a full toss for starters but then strays wide of off stump and Amla slashes square for four. Few early signs of spin for the Tyke tweaker.
20th over - SA 87-2
Wright is all hustle and bustle as he tries out Amla with a bouncer - the ball flies off the splice as he tries to hook, but falls well short of the fielder at deep square leg. Strauss still mooching round at cover, trying to get that dropper out of his head.
19th over - SA 81-2
Mahmood looking very grey round the temples for a man of his early vintage. Mind you, some of the things he's seen down the other end in his international career... Lord alive, that's not going to help - Strauss spills an absolute dolly at cover. Dear oh dear - Duminy was already turning back to the pavilion, but the skipper stuck it down.
From Dominic, Dubai, in the TMS inbox:
"Talking of great videos on a certain website, me and a few of the chaps of Bath Uni CC used to get quite into a certain Welshman's reverse swing to a young "pup" from the same year"
18th over - SA 77-2
Wright again, and he's keeping Amla on the leash here. Strauss sprints round at cover to cut off one single, King Colly does the same at gully. Run-rate under three an over in the last five.
17th over - SA 75-2
Saj again, striding in with that gangling gait. Amla steps way over to off and pushes a single through the denuded leg-side field. Duminy flicks at one down the leg-side - definite noise, Prior caterwauls - thigh pad, says Umps. Probably right.
From David in Llandeilo, Carmarthnshire, TMS inbox:
"Crikey!That's a real doozy."
16th over - SA 72-2
Short from Wright, clouted uppishly away on the pull by Duminy - where's that going? Ooof - just past Morgan dashing round the ropes at deep third man. Fortunate.
15th over - SA 66-2
Happy punters lazing around on the grass banks that surround the Centurion outfield, some tucking into early refreshers, others parked under parasols and wide-brimmed sun-hats. It's no Chester-le-Street in April. Better from Saj M, and that's the end of the second powerplay - just 20 runs off that set of five, and the overall run-rate is just 4.4 an over.
14th over - SA 64-2
Skipper Strauss broods at slip and decides it's the Wright time for a change. Luke, hair slicked back in a style reminiscent of Scotty Styris, proves his captain correct with a solid set of six - just the single off the over.
13th over - SA 63-2
The quintessential Mahmood over - two tight lifters that look world-class, followed by a woeful wide one that gets battered through extra cover by a saucer-eyed JP Duminy.
From David in a very wet and grey Llandeilo, Carmarthnshire, TMS inbox:
"Nothing wrong about watching late night Colly action, I've been known to (after a drink or two) get slightly over emotional about a certain slower ball from 2005. Do tell, if we were to stumble across a certain video sharing website, is there a particular catch to look for?"
Bristol, Haydos, 2005. Gets less possible every time you see it.
12th over - SA 59-2
Short and spicy from Brezza, sizzling one past Amla's rearing snout. Splendid riposte from the batsman next up - a wristy slap through point for his fifth four to move to 29.
11th over - SA 54-2
Time for some Saj Mahmood, thinks Strauss, which is something I've never done. Let's see what the prematurely-greying Lancsman can manage - whoah, a useful away-nibbler first ball that foxes Duminy. Ach - juicy half-bunger next up, and that gets the treatment back down the ground for four. Repeater up next - full, touch of width, battered straight for four more. Hmmm.
10th over - SA 46-2
Powerplay called by Skipper Strauss. Why not. Flicker off the hips from Amla as Brezza strays a fraction down leg, but England will be happy with this start. Feel better now I've come clean about the Colly thing. Big sense of relief.
9th over - SA 43-2
De Villiers creamed that off the 'dl' of the middle, but when Colly's on the prowl that means nothing - full-length to his left, both hands to it. It's Sunday, so here's a confession: sometimes, when returning home half-cut from a night on the boozy tiles, I fire up a well-known video sharing website and watch footage of Colly's greatest catches. Is that wrong?
8th over - WICKET De Villiers c Collingwood b Anderson 2, SA 38-2
Short, slashed into the gul... what a snag!
7th over - SA 38-1
Brezza on the money like Adam Smith, and AB stays watchful until a delicate dabber down to third man for a single off the last ball of the set.
6th over - SA 37-1
Big wicket, that, with the SA tail longer than a snake's sleeping-bag. AB de Villiers the new man in, and he watches from the non-striker's as Amla slashes uppishly through the empty fourth slip slot for four and then steps forward to crash another dreamy drive away for four more. Decent ding-dong.
5th over - WICKET Smith c Strauss b Bresnan 12, SA 27-1
The bustling Brezza again, right into groove outside Smith's off-peg - nothing sort of poke, thick edge, gone! Straight down Strauss's throat, and England are cockahooping.
5th over - SA 26-0
Two women in the crowd wearing sparkly green and silver wigs wave their SA flags furiously as Smith clips Jimmy off his pads for four through square leg. Loose again, and Smith wrists it away through the same area - where Eoin Morgan and Adil Rashid play a game of after-you and let the ball dribble across the ropes again. Little bit Donna Summer, those wigs.
4th over - SA 18-0
Amla waits, poised on his toes, and steps into a half-volley to crash it through the covers for a lusty four. Brezza then drops a fraction short and is dropped away for a single. Not much off the track so far, but definite dip for the swingers.
3rd over - SA 12-0
Jimmy again, scampering to the crease, turning sideways and hurling it up into the blockhole. Cheeky out-swinger across Smith's bows after two in-dippers, and there's applause from the two slips as the Burnley Express dabs his beaded brow.
2nd over - SA 11-0
Tim Bresnan bustles in like a downhill washerwoman, chest thrust forward, and that's fullish and swingy. Singles off inside edges and drives. Breaking news re Alastair Cook - apparently he's suffering from a bulging disk in his back and is confined to quarters. No danger of him missing the Test series at this point, according to the whispers.
1st over - SA 6-0
Jimmy Anderson opens up for England and goes past Amla's outside edge with his third delivery, but the opener is off the mark next ball and then cracks the game's first boundary through the covers.
Ah yes - the weather. Decent - pale blue sky, the odd scudding cumulus-nimbus. There might be some moisture in the track after all the rain that's fallen of Joburg, but up above it's drier than a Saharan's sandals.
Teams? Adil Rashid preferred to James Tredwell, Tim Bresnan gets the nod ahead of Liam Plunkett. No Ally Cook nor Joe Denly, and Paul Collingwood in the slot for his 171st ODI. Hashim Amla will open the SA batting in the absence of Big Jacques.
Let's not mess about - it's the toss. England skipper Andrew Strauss calls correctly and decides to stick South Africa. "It'll be a pretty good batting wicket, but it might get a bit slow later," he says.
"Every day is like Sunday," Morrissey once lamented. "Every day is silent and grey." Clearly the bequiffed crooner had forgotten the joys of 50-over international cricket. Maybe he was more of a snooker man.