Second Test, Riverside (day four, close):
England 569-6 dec v West Indies 310 & 115-3
West Indies lost Ramnaresh Sarwan and captain Chris Gayle in the same over as they had to follow on against England on day four of the final Test.
With his side needing to score 259 to make England bat again, Gayle made 54 from 43 balls, smashing two sixes.
Sarwan, who hit his 15th Test century in the first innings earlier in the day as James Anderson took 5-87, was trapped lbw by Graham Onions for 22.
Gayle edged to slip two balls later to leave the tourists struggling at 89-3.
LATEST ACTION (ALL TIMES BST)
e-mail email@example.com (with 'For Pranav Soneji' in the subject), text 81111 (with "CRICKET" as the first word) or use 606. (Not all contributions can be used)
1834: So that's that for today, I'd give that a seven out of 10 for fourth day action. The redoubtable Ben Dirs will be your fifth-day shepherd. Until next time, thank you to all you celebrities - dead and alive, England cricketers and biology professors for your emails, texts, 606 messages, made the day as entertaining as Chris Gayle's innings. Adios.
From Adrian Goldman, Professor and Head of Research, Macromolecular X-ray Crystallography, Structural Biology and Biophysics, Institute of Biotechnology, University of Helsinki, TMS inbox: "It's definitely osmosis."
1827: We have heard news that the day's play has officially come to a close. So England have the whole of Monday to dismiss the remaining seven wickets, 144 runs in front.
From Tom, also revising, Oxford: "Anyone know to what extent the reaction between sodium and the cryptand N((C2H4O)2C2H4)3N characteristic of group 1 chemistry?"
1823: Interestingly, while everyone is harping on about osmosis, Tom, tired after an all day session in Chester-le-Street yesterday, says it's reverse osmosis. Controversial. I always thought Osmosis was a former American 400m hurdler.
From FranMerida on 606: "Jack (see below), osmosis. If you're needing to ask, I'd be worried..."
From Monty, TMS inbox: "Is it only me that thinks Swann is bowling badly?"
Jack, not wanting to go to school tomorrow, Macclesfield, TMS inbox: "I'm stuck in the middle of GCSE Biology, chemistry and Physics revision, and your commentry is possibly the only thing keeping me going. Does anybody know the name of the process where liquids diffuse from a dilute solution to a more concentrated solution through a partially permeable membrane?"
BAD LIGHT STOPS PLAY
1811 - West Indies 115-3
Shiv tickles a stray leg-side delivery from former county colleague Graham Onions fine for four before scything a cut past gully to deep backward point for his second successive boundary, a stroke which sees Chanderpaul overtake Viv Richards and become West Indies' second all-time leading Test run scorer with 8546 runs, behind the genius that is Brian Lara. Colly goes all Craig Gordon attempting to stop a leg-side bouncer, just about evading his outstretched left glove, but fantastic attempt though. Out come the lightmeters of umpires Davis and De Silva, who deem the light too poor to bat and off go the West Indian pair. I sincerely doubt we shall see any cricket today, but the cut-off point is 1830 BST>
1806 - West Indies 102-3
Burly Brez rocks up for over number three, but still can't find his elusive first Test wicket. Wonder where it's lurking.
1802 - West Indies 101-3
Splendid high elbow from Simmons as he punches an Onions delivery outside off stump through the covers on the back foot for three. Chanderpaul rather injudiciously attempts to shoulder arms to a delivery a little too straight to leave, sparking a spirited appeal from the England players. But umpire Asoka de Silva shakes his head, rightly so, with the ball missing off stump. But not by much. A one-legged, front-footed flick from Shiv races to the boundary for four, bringing up the Windies hundred in the process.
Anon, text 81111: "Is Onions the best bowler since sliced Broad?"
1757 - West Indies 93-3
Play is held up as Lendl Simmons summons for a new bat. A close-up reveals a big crack down the back of his current blade, so out comes an array of bats for Lendl to peruse. Shiv gets off the mark with a couple of characteristic leg-side nudges off Brez, who means the umpires are happy enough for the quicker bowlers to continue in the current climate.
1749 - West Indies 89-3 Wicket Gayle ct Strauss b Onions 54
Sizzling. Onions is squared up by a delivery which leaves him off the pitch, edging to first slip where Andrew Strauss just about hangs on to the catch for the second wicket in three balls. Out comes Shivnarine Chanderpaul, along with the lightmeters. WI - 90-3
1746 - West Indies 88-2 Wicket Sarwan lbw b Onions 22
The lbw curse strikes again as a straight Graham Onions delivery keeps low, striking Sarwan on the knee roll in front of middle stump. A simple decision for Asoka de Silva and Ronnie's 21-ball innings comes to an end. Out comes new man Lendl Simmons.
1745 - West Indies 87-1
Poor old Brez, lobbed the ball in the least favourable conditions as rain spits like a two-year-old. He drops a short and wide delivery outside off stump, which Sarwan lays into for two. Ronnie stings the tips of Brez's fingers with a well-timed straight drive cut off by the Yorkshireman before collecting four more with a cut past gully for his fourth boundary to speed along to 22.
From Dr Hillary, text 81111: "Alison (1625) according to their website tic tac mints have been around for over six hundred years. This should mean that the extra few years since you bought them should not matter. Please in ahead and enjoy them."
1740 - West Indies 81-1
If I had a hat I would be doffing it in Chris Gayle's direction. With three men penned on the leg-side boundary, the Windies captain stands tall on his back foot and forces his sixth boundary to bring up a quite breath-taking 50 from just 39 deliveries. News update - X-rays have shown Matt Prior does not have any broken bones and will be back out with da lads tomorrow morning. The light meters are out again as the pair indulge in a quick single. Up go for a few brollies and there it is - il pleut. However, play resumes.
From M Gatting, text 81111: "Think anyone's forgotten that ball yet?"
1733 - West Indies 75-1
Back-to-back boundaries from Ronnie, who first launches into a drive through cover before latching on to a short long-hop outside off stump. On come the energy beverages for a spot of drinks. The umpires converge for a chat about the deteriorating light.
From Devon Smith, text 81111: "Spin bowling is rubbish and should be banned."
1730 - West Indies 65-1
Confident start for Ronnie, who rolls his wrists and guides a Graham Onions short ball down to fine leg for four, following up with a similar shot two balls later, only this time for a solitary single because of Stuart Broad's presence. Gayle is currently batting like his meteorological namesake, thumping another short delivery to the deep midwicket boundary for boundary number five.
1720 - West Indies 53-1 Wicket Smith lbw Swann 11
Swann finally snags his bunny as Devon Smith is trapped right in front of this stumps and up goes the index finger of Steve Davis. That's the fifth time the Nottinghamshire off-spinner has nailed the opener in Test matches. Out comes first-innings centurion Ramnaresh Sarwan, who pads up his first delivery before notching his first second-innings run. West Indies 55-1
1719 - West Indies 53-0
Double change for England, with Graeme Onions replacing Stuart Broad. Bit of horrible cloud about at the moment, although we have been saying that for the past three hours. Not that the diminishing conditions have any effort on Chris Gayle, who dispatches the Gateshead-born fast bowler back over his head to move to 37, his second six of his 30-ball innings. The left-hander brings up the 50 by thundering a short ball through midwicket for four to move into the 40s.
1713 - West Indies 42-0
Thanks Mitch, my return is greeted alongside the introduction of Graeme Swann. Coincidence? No. His first delivery raps Gayle on the front pad, prompting an audible appeal turned down by Steve Davis, replays suggest the ball would not have sufficiently turned to disturb the ash (stumps are made of ash, as in the tree rather than the burnt remnants, correct?). A tidy start from Swann, who concedes a single from his opening over.
Andy, Chesterfield, TMS inbox: "Has Paul Collingwood finally solved the wicketkeeper problem?"
1709 - West Indies 41-0
Gayle goes for the big one again - that's another almighty swat over point by the big Jamaican, it looks like six... but is eventually signalled as four. Cap'n Gayle paddles a single to long leg, and if you want to get down to the Riverside tomorrow, there are tickets on the gate for £10 from 0900 BST. Back to you, Pranav...
1705 - West Indies 36-0
Right, this is Mark Mitchener standing in for Pranav briefly while he takes a quick break... some interesting chat on TMS about the "snickometer" and the "hot spot" relating to that last caught-behind appeal. The snickometer registered a noise as the ball passed the bat, the hot spot registered absolutely nothing - presumably, Aggers and Tony Cozier note on TMS, this is why they've not been used in the ICC referral trial if they produce such varying results. Meanwhile, Anderson keeps it tight against Smith, and that's a maiden over.
1701 - West Indies 36-0
Just a single to Smith against Broad's name. He has 0-16 from four overs.
1658 - West Indies 35-0
A piece of paper flaps unattractively, halting play as Kevin Pietersen hands the offending material to umpire Davis. Gayle still thinks he's opening the batting for the Kolkata Knight Riders and launches another full delivery back over James Anderson's head for a one-bounce four. An attempted bouncer is arrogantly dismissed through midwicket for a brutal four, struck with more power than Sellafield. Gayle is beaten all ends up from the following delivery, sparking yet another vociferous England appeal as the ball sails past the outside edge, but Steve Davis is not having any of it. Hotspot says no contact was made, but yet again another smart take from behind the stumps by Collingwood.
1650 - West Indies 27-0
Static footwork from Devon Smith, who is fortunate to see a thick inside edge evade his leg stump off James Anderson. We have rain in Barnard Casle, about 30 miles from Chester-le-Street, according to Gordon Brooks.
1645 - West Indies 25-0
Devon Smith looks about as comfortable as a priest in a ladies' underwear department right now, the very definition of a walking wicket. Gayle has no such problems, easing four from Broad's second over.
From C Gayle, Durham, text 81111: "Watch that Straussy."
1641 - West Indies 20-0
Fair play to Chris Gayle, the man is a born entertainer. He launches a full James Anderson delivery right back over the bowler's head and dispatches the ball in the higher reaches of the hospitality boxes at the Riverside for a six. There was no butchery in that stroke whatsoever, just pure unadulterated timing and power, his follow through truncated at shoulder height too. Andrew Strauss attempts to replicate the same shot, sans bat, and looks perplexed. A vocal appeal for caught behind is turned down by Steve Davis, with replays suggesting no contact was made with ball or glove as the left-hander attempts to shoulder arms. Top take from Colly, snaffling the ball high above his head. Unruffled, the Jamaican eases a gorgeous drive for three past mid-off and cover.
1636 - West Indies 10-0
Nice start from Test cricket's latest boo boy Chris Gayle, who pierces the gap between point and cover off Stuart Broad. Devon Smith is less assured, squirting a rising delivery just past Tim Bresnan in the gully for two before guiding a less than convincing cover drive for four. Our Dev has only made two 50s in his last 45 innings.
From WG Grace, text 81111: "Would never have caught players texting in my day."
1630 - West Indies 0-0
Excellent opening over from Jimmy A, who has Devon Smith groping like a Frenchman in the dark. Smart keeping from Colly, who looks at home behind the stumps.
1625: Out come openers Devon Smith and Chris Gayle in increasingly gloomy conditions in Chester-le-Street. Ominous.
From Amanda, TMS inbox: "I'm having a bit of a clear out while listening to the cricket and I have just found a box of Tic Tacs with a best before date of 02 07 97. Do you think they will still be OK?"
From Matty Hayden, text 81111: "Has anyone seen my hair?"
From Tim Henman, Wimbledon, text 81111: "I WON! I WON!"
From Matt Prior, text 81111: "Well I'm still texting with a broken hand in the back of a taxi on the way to the hospital. Not bad, eh?"
1617 - West Indies 310 all out Wicket Ramdin ct Swann b Anderson 55
BC Ramdin's excellent resistance comes to an end edging a probing James Anderson delivery into the reliable mitts of Graeme Swann at second slip, a position usually occupied by an otherwise engaged Paul Collingwood. That's Anderson's sixth five-wicket haul in Test cricket too. England have enforced the follow-on and the Windies will bat again.
From Paul Collingwood, text 81111: "You're right Mr Soneji, I'm not too shabby with the gloves on at all."
Impressive texting with gloves. Beat that famous cricket-watching celebs.
1611 - West Indies 310-9 Wicket Edwards ct Strauss b Broad 11
Edwards' vigil comes to an end - and it's not Jimmy Anderson who ends his stay. Fiddy attempts to flail a short delivery to Sunderland, but is too early on the shot and edges to a grateful Andrew Strauss at first slip. Update on Matt Prior - he's gone to hospital for an X-ray on the ring finger of his right hand. Lionel Baker is the new man and manages to keep his wicket in tact.
1608 - West Indies 308-8
Ding ding - round two of the Edwards v Anderson sledgefest after Ramdin flicks a single down to fine leg, only for Fiddy to guide a single off his hip. he's back on strike two balls later and lofts an aerial drive over Anderson's head, the ball dropping like a chip on to the 13th green at The Belfry for two.
1602: Post-tea update - Paul Collingwood has the wicketkeeping pads and gloves on as Matt Prior receives medical attention after injuring the ring finger of his right hand just before tea. I bet he's not shabby either.
From Stuart Broad, text 81111: "Can you ask Straussy to stop hogging the cucumber sarnies?"
From Fidel Edwards, text 81111: "My face hurts."
From Inzamam-ul-Haq, text 81111: "Anyone fancy a chicken leg?"
TEA - WEST INDIES 303-8
1545 - West Indies 303-8
Denesh Ramdin follows the Steve Waugh school of tail-end batting, taking a single off Stuart Broad's first ball of a new spell, exposing Fiddy to five pre-tea deliveries. Nothing to alarm Fiddy, who bobs and weaves nicely until he gets absolutely clattered on his helmet grille attempting to sway a delivery which does not bounce as high as he expected. Fiddy waves to the dressing room for a new helmet, only to be told it's time for a well-earned sanger. A lively session, excellent batting from BC Ramdin and Sulieman Benn. The Windies need 66 more runs to avoid the follow on.
From David 'Bumble' Lloyd, text 81111: "No wonder over-rates tend to be so slow these days... all the players are constantly texting..."
1539 - West Indies 302-8
As predicted, Jimmy Anderson commences with a bouncer, but way off the target (assuming that is Fiddy's head). A couple of balls go through to the keeper, with Fiddy practising some extravagant swipes as the ball makes its way back to the bowler. He dabs a well-played backward defence past gully for a boundary before following that up with a swipe of Herculean proportions through midwicket for four. Round one to Fiddy.
From Steve Harmison, text 81111: "How about me?"
From Andrew Flintoff, text 81111: "Glad I am not playing today."
1529 - West Indies 286-8 Wicket Benn run out 35
Like the majority of Benn's innings, his dismissal is equally bizarre. Another horrendous-looking smear lands short of Kevin Pietersen at a deepish mid-on and Benn, assuming the catch will carry, takes a few steps down the pitch, only to realise the ball did not carry to the ex-England skipper. In a flash Pietersen's dead-eye return uproots a stump with Benn a good two feet out of his crease. Silly dismissal, totally needless, especially with the tea interval just minutes away. Ramdin brings up his seventh Test half century with two successive boundaries through the leg side. Well played that man. Fiddy Edwards is the new man at the crease and guess what? We have a new ball due - and guess who's going to bowl the first over with the cherry? Jimmy Anderson. Game. On. WI 294-8
1528 - West Indies 286-7
The Brez returns and sees Benn smearing a shortish ball between midwicket and mid-on, neither of whom moved a muscle. Fair play, some entertainment to keep the doughty (I think that might be the third time I have used that adjective today) Windies fans content. Benn moves to a career-best 35.
From Ravi Bopara, text 81111: "What about me? I'm bored. Had nothing to do since day one."
1525 - West Indies 280-7
A sizable delay ensues as Matt Prior receives treatment on some sore fingertips. Swann continues and sees an lbw appeal turned down by Steve Davis, who rightly judges the ball would have missed leg peg. Ramdin moves to 42 with a single, this innings will help his credentials for usurping Chris Gayle as captain, although we don't see too many wicketkeeping-captains in Test cricket too much these days.
From Andrew Strauss, text 81111: "No."
1519 - West Indies 279-7
Fire up the strimmer, Sulieman Benn is in the mood for mowing. He plays a horrendous hoik to a full delivery which just about misses his off stump, following that up with a two-run smear before landing a maximum right on the rope with a no-eyes-required paddle pull. Bizarre, but effective, a bit like watching one of those crazy Japanese game shows made so famous by Clive James. The last ball of the over dribbles along the deck to Matt Prior, who sustains some damage as the ball brushes the bottom of his gloves.
1513 - West Indies 271-7
With footwork as swift as the lovely Alesha Dixon, Ramdin skips down the track and lofts Swann high over deep midwicket for six to move into the 40s. Lovely shot, bringing the follow-on target down to double figures, 99 if you must know.
From Tim Bresnan, text 81111: "Is it my turn to bowl?"
1510 - West Indies 263-7
BC Ramdin's artistry contrasts starkly with the brutal clubbery from Benn, who carves Brez with a flat-bat over mid-on. Brez, clearly unimpressed, beats his man a couple of times but nothing to bring his first wicket in Test cricket.
1506 - West Indies 259-7
Good over from Ramdin, who drills two front-foot drives so attractive, they could wear the Marc Jacob's summer collection on a Milanese catwalk. The second is acrobatically hauled back by Brez on the ropes, but the third umpire rules the Yorkshireman made contact with the boundary when he brought it back infield. The Trinidadian adds two more with a delicate late cut past gully.
1503 - West Indies 247-7
Benny, clearly buzzing after his two smart boundaries from the previous overs, throws the kitchen sink and full set of draining crockery at a short Brez delivery, only to find Alastair Cook down at deep square leg. Bit of fight though - and a smile to rival the Osmonds to boot from the Bajan.
From John Parrott, text 81111: "Is that the real Steve Davis umpiring?"
From BC Denesh Ramdin, text 81111: "I know - really stupid... I'm trying to bat here!"
1459 - West Indies 244-7
Graham Onions takes a breather and on comes Graeme Swann, who sees Sulieman Benn dance down the pitch and absolutely rifle a straight drive back over his head for four. He follows that up with a classy-looking cut for a second successive boundary in front of square. Really good shot that, back and across and using his wrists to ensure no fielder had a chance of a catch.
From Biggie Smalls, text 81111: "Tupac..how's it going? Where you living Homie? I've got a lovely council house in Durham. It's great for the cricket. Text back Home Boy."
1455 - West Indies 235-7
BC Ramdin pushes a single into the covers to move to 19, exposing Sulieman Benn to five testers from the Brez, who goes around the wicket. Benn, jumping back to a fullish delivery, edges between Matt Prior and first slip Andrew Strauss, neither of whom move an inch to make an attempt to catch the ball, which races away for a boundary. Got to be the keeper's catch.
1450 - West Indies 230-7
Ramdin inspects the bottom of his bat after clattering an Onions delivery into the covers. Contact is better from the following delivery, picking up a single past mid-off from the last delivery of the over.
Tupac Shakur, text 81111: "This is getting stupid now."
1444 - West Indies 229-7
Here comes Tim Bresnan, who has Benn ducking and diving like a flyweight attempting to avoid getting smashed in the head with a very accurate bouncer. A Courtney Walsh-style leave outside off stump is the highlight of the over.
1440 - West Indies 229-7
BC Ramdin adds two boundaries to his name, one through midwicket and the other gloved fine down the leg side. Only a brilliant one-handed stop from James Anderson at square leg prevents him from adding a third after middling a short Onions delivery.
From Ian, in Southampton with a bad back and wishing that he'd had it during the Ashes instead, TMS inbox: "What's the betting that Fiddy E is currently in the dressing room frantically arranging the delivery of a Kevlar reinforced codpiece in anticipation of renewing his acquaintance with Jimmy A in the not too distant future?"
Turns out the beef, according to TMS summariser Alec Stewart, between Anderson and Edwards was following an exchange of words when the Fiddy was dismissed at Lord's, with Jimmy A giving some earache as the teams trudged off.
1436 - West Indies 221-7
Sulieman Benn paddles a rather effective pull shot to a short Anderson delivery for four. He likes to talk does our Suli which, I suspect, why there's plenty of chat from the England players. However, judging by how he dealt with the earlier deliveries, Benny will be telling his team-mates about that shot in the dressing room.
From Julius Caesar, text 81111: "Can't believe it. I had a text ready for posting and I get stitched up by Elvis."
From M Gandhi, text 81111: "All this taking the mick of of various 'celebrity' fans is very hurtful to real celebrity fans of the game."
1428 - West Indies 216-7 Wicket Taylor lbw Onions 10
Jerome Taylor takes another amble to square leg, only this time he's heading back to the pavilion after giving Steve Davis one of the easier lbw decision of his career after Taylor is rapped on the back foot right in front of off stump. Out comes the sizable figure of Sulieman Benn. For all you rain fans, you could be in for a Chester-le-Street treat. The left-arm spinner is whacked in the gut attempting to duck a ball which doesn't bounce quite how he anticipated. Kaypee is doubled over with laughter after that effort. Wasn't that funny.
1425 - West Indies 215-6
Lovely flourish from Taylor, who plays a textbook front-foot drive through mid-off, but doesn't make the necessary contact for a boundary for a couple. Anderson roughs him up with a short'un, prompting Taylor to go running off to square leg to compose himself. The final ball of the over sails through the vacant fourth slip region at throat-catching height for a boundary, which provokes Anderson to have a word or 23 with the Jamaican.
From Jimmy, Plymouth not the mean streets of Detroit, TMS inbox: "'Good Cop' Nash would have a street source named Jimmy the Snitch whose info Nash would value greatly along with his well being. Ramdin however would have no such respect for him and Jimmy would always be one wrong word away from being pinned up against a Detroit back alley wall with the warning, "You keep wise cracking me fool and your gonna find yourself back in Stillwater, You hear me Jimmy the Snitch!"
1420 - West Indies 209-6
The Onions - Gateshead's finest news source - comes in for over number 15, a tidy over which offers BC (bad cop) Ramdin little opportunity to add to his seven runs.
1412 - West Indies 205-6 Wicket Nash bowled Anderson 10
Brendan Nash suffers a slightly bizarre and somewhat comical dismissal attempting to fend off an Anderson delivery. The left-hander jabs his bat to a delivery which keeps a tad low, only to see the ball bounce under his blade and brush his leg stump, dislodging the bails as he desperately attempts to divert the ball's course with his bat. Nash walks off as if he is walking in treacle. Don't bother watching the replay of that one Brendan. Out comes Jerome Taylor, who drills his first delivery in the air past the diving left hand of substitute fielder Scott Borthwick (on for the dicky tummied Kevin Pietersen for Victoria, revising for finals in London and everyone else's information) in the gully for four. Gung-ho, to say the least. WI - 209-6
Super_stevie_f on 606: "Re Icecold_00: Surely the good cop, bad cop combination you're thinking of would be known as 'Viv and Shiv'? Sounds quite catchy to me."
Join the debate on 606
1410 - West Indies 205-5
First bowling change of the afternoon session and off goes Swann for Onions, who sees Ramdin flick three runs to midwicket before picking up a couple more with a drive off the back foot through the covers.
Elvis Presley, text 81111: "Is this the real David Mitchell (1355)? Never knew you were a cricket fan either."
1406 - West Indies 200-5
England have a deep backward point for Nash, who likes to upper cut in that region to anything short and wide outside off stump. The 32-year-old duly obliges, but fails to make contact with James Anderson's delivery, and hangs his head in shame at the horror of the stroke. His feet moved about as much as a student sitting next to an all-you-can eat buffet. Just when successive maiden number four was on the horizon, a flicked single to midwicket from Nash brings up the double ton.
1402 - West Indies 199-5
Graeme Swann sends down the third successive maiden as Ramdin presents a blade so straight, you could put up shelves with it.
1359 - West Indies 199-5
Anderson starts off with a short ball to Nash but reverts to a fuller length to encourage swing, which the ball is doing in the hands of the Lancsman.
From David, Spain, TMS inbox: "Ref Ramdin's (supposed) predilection for fast women (13.38). We got da Broad to see him off."
From Icecold_00 on 606: "I think Ramdin is too small to be a bad cop. Someone like Viv Richards as the bad cop and mild-mannered Chanderpaul as his good cop buddy. Pity about how their respective parents didn't think about the possibility of a good cop/bad cop routine when they named them both!"
Join the debate on 606
1355 - West Indies 199-5
Ramdin opens up to cut a wideish Swann delivery, only to see the ball squirt under his bat and thud into the toes of wicketkeeper Matt Prior. The in-fielders like that and there's plenty of chat knocking about.
From David Mitchell, text 81111: "Is this the real Stephen Merchant? (see 1338) Never knew you were a cricket fan either..."
1352 - West Indies 199-5
Ramdin drops his wrists to a nasty rearing James Anderson delivery, snicking an edge all along the carpet in between third slip and gully for a boundary, his first runs of the day. Well played though. The wicketkeeper adds run number five to his tally with a flick off his pads.
1349 - West Indies 194-5
Nash eases an off drive through the vacant covers area for four. Plenty of wide open spaces with four men camped around the bat. More impressive loop and dip from around the wicket for Swann.
1345 - West Indies 190-5
Bad cop Ramdin is beaten by a snorter from James Anderson, pitching on off and seaming sharply off the pitch. Both batsmen collect singles, although neither look particularly convincing post-munchies.
1338: Out come England, swiftly followed by Ramdin and Nash, who sound like a pair of cops on the mean streets of Detroit. Ramdin would definitely be bad cop with an addiction to crisp designer suits and fast women. Nash would have three kids, one of them called Delores with a real smasher of a wife with whom Ramdin outrageously flirts with.
From Will, Southampton, TMS inbox: "Coldest thing I ever tasted was a Mars bar. I was working in a lab in Cambridge and wanted to cool my chocolate so put it in the freezer for 30 minutes. I didn't realise it was the specimen freezer at -200 deg C. When I bit into it the whole thing exploded into tiny pieces."
From Stephen Merchant, London, text 81111: "Is this the real Karl Pilkington (see 1244)? I've never heard him talk about cricket before."
From Baz, Bromley, TMS inbox: "Coldest thing ever eaten: An 80s invention the Slush puppy best eaten on a cold January evening after school to give you brain freeze."
LUNCH - WEST INDIES 188-5
1300 - West Indies 188-5
Brendan Nash miserably fails to flail his bat outside off stump to an inviting Graeme Swann delivery, a shot so ugly it could make babies cry. He reverts to obdurate defence to safely see out the morning session. Advantage England.
1255 - West Indies 188-5 Wicket Sarwan ct Bresnan b Broad 100
Stuart Broad perseveres with his aggressive short-ball tactic with a short leg and his third delivery sees Sarwan glove a vicious bouncer around his heart to Tim Bresnan, who takes a simple catch at gully. Brilliant bowling from the Notts seamer on a placid pitch against a batsman who has just notched his 15th Test ton. New man Denesh Ramdin wears a brand new badge as he awkwardly attempts to evade a short ball, only to find the ball thudding into his back. Top-class fast bowling just before lunch.
1254 - West Indies 188-4
Brendan Nash slams a full-blooded drive straight into the knee of Ravi Bopara at silly point. The three-time centurion makes a huge leap taking evasive action as the left-handed Aussie-reared Jamaican lays into a half volley outside off stump. Maiden over.
1250 - West Indies 188-4
Stuart Broad goes all primeval and sends down a short delivery at Ronnie Sarwan, but the former Windies captain rocks onto his back foot and pulls through square leg for his 15th career Test ton. After getting nailed in the Sourav Gangulys this morning and getting smashed around the head by an Onions bouncer on Saturday, that is one seriously impressive achievement. Well played that man, take a bow (which he did repeatedly after the box incident).
1246 - West Indies 184-4
Lovely loop from Swann, around the wicket to Brendan "Bangers and" Nash, who fends doughtily.
1244 - West Indies 183-4
Sarwan tootles along to 95, dispatching a low full toss on leg stump down to deep square leg for three off Broad.
From Karl Pilkington, Manchester, text 81111: "The coldest thing I've ever tasted was liquid nitrogen. Not actual liquid nitrogen though. It was the name of a cocktail in a nightclub."
From Nick, Manchester, text 81111: "Coldest thing I have ever felt (see 1225) is probably my ex-girlfriend's stare when I started going out with her best mate. Lesson learnt."
1239 - West Indies 180-4
Substitute Scott Borthwick, this time replacing Andrew Strauss, gives chase to a Sarwan drive. And can he motor - he should race Usain Bolt in Manchester today - as he cuts off a sure-fire boundary. Nash is finally off the mark with a push off his pads.
1235 - West Indies 176-4
Sarwan turns two off his pads before marmalising a full delivery right back at Stuart Broad, who attempts to get his sizable mitts on the return catch, which rolls away for 13th boundary of the innings.
1230 - West Indies 170-4
Ronnie smacks a drive to the boundary, brilliantly stopped by Tim Bresnan, who saves a run with his acrobatic fielding. New man Nash is surrounded by four men close to the bat as Swann, every West Indian left-hander's worst nightmare, goes around the wicket, each ball greeted with bellicose words of encouragement.
1225 - West Indies 167-4 Wicket Chanderpaul ct Prior b Broad 23
Broad goes around the wicket and clips the outside of Shiv's bat with ball which holds its line outside off stump. Excellent bowling, ending the immovable obstacle's 103-ball stay at the crease. In comes the soporific Brendan Nash.
From Jeff, Oxford, text 81111: "Everyone always talks about the hottest thing they have ever tasted no-one talks about the coldest. Lets be unique and discuss that, especially as it is a more appropriate topic for England. The coldest thing I have ever tasted is an iceberg."
1220 - West Indies 161-3
Graeme Swann, arch tormentor of Shiv at Lord's, is on for his first bowl of the innings. Immediately the England players are celebrating as the ball loops to Paul Collingwood at slip, but a swift shake of the head from umpire Steve Davis indicates a lack of willow. The Aussie official is spot on as replays clearly indicate the ball cannoning off Shiv's toes into the carrot-topped Sunderland fan's hands. Encouraging start for Swanny though.
1216 - West Indies 160-3
Broad ambles in with three slips and a keeper, but Chanderpaul watches the ball on to his bat like a cheetah eyeing a particularly rotund wildebeest on the Serengeti plains.
1212 - West Indies 160-3
The Bres trundles in, although he's not getting anything like the movement of Broad or Anderson, which might be slightly worrying for the burly Yorkshireman, brought in specifically for his ball wobbling. A couple of singles for the Guyanese, bail-bashing pair.
1207 - West Indies 158-3
A huge leg before appeal as Broad traps Sarwan in front, but the serene Asoka de Silva, who looks like is just about to receive enlightenment at any moment, says no, although Hawk-Eye suggests the ball would have just clipped leg stump. Ronnie moves to 73 with his 11th boundary through the covers, but the following delivery sees him squared up by a fine ball, but a thin outside edge squirts past gully and to the vacant third man area.
From Jez, outside a cafe, text 81111: "The hottest thing I ever tasted was 'Dave's Insanity Sauce'. Apparently it's made with chillies that are a billion times hotter than the sun. Or something."
1202 - West Indies 147-3
A double bowling change as the beefy Tim Bresnan is handed the cherry. Bresnan looks like the kind of Yorkshireman who turns his nose up at the thought of a mezze plate on a pub menu. He concedes a boundary from his fourth delivery as Chanderpaul works the ball to leg. Kevin Pietersen, who has a bit of a dicky tummy, is back on the pitch.
From Ian, Chester, TMS inbox: "Razors are good for cutting onions, so maybe that's why he hasn't shaved. Of course I'm basing that fact on the film Goodfellas."
1157 - West Indies 142-3
Stuart Broad is summoned for his first joust of the day and there's discernable swing towards Chanderpaul, but the delivery is misdirected and slides off Chanderpaul's pad for four leg byes. Chanderpaul moves to 18 with a clip to midwicket.
1148 - West Indies 136-3
Bit of reverse wobble from Graham Onions, although his half volley frittata is tucked into by a hungry Sarwan, who smears hot sauce all over his cover drive to the boundary.
From Andy in Wrexham, TMS inbox: "I'm sitting in my very quiet shop trying to work out the rules for a new game called 'Empty Car Park Water Polo'. I can't believe there's play in Chester the Street."
1148 - West Indies 131-3
A collective "ooof" rings around the Riverside as Ramnaresh Sarwan gets a nippy Anderson delivery straight into the family jewels. Cue fits of giggling/squirming while Ian Bishop attempts to explain, rather convincingly I feel, an iota of the pain and humiliation of being hit flush in the box. The loss of air in the lungs, the miniscule second when you feel no pain until he suddenly builds in the stomach and explodes to...I'll stop now. Ronny takes a few minutes to compose himself and pulls a rank delivery down to fine leg for four.
1141 - West Indies 127-3
Good over from Onions, who beats the edge of Shiv's bat before having an reasonably audible lbw appeal turned down. Rightly so too.
From Martin, not studying like he should be, Glasgow on text 81111: "If Onions had a fear of shaving or razors (1108) he'd have xyrophobia."
From Nick, TMS inbox: "My dad used to go out to the Caribbean for work a lot, and he brought back this hot sauce called "the S bend" (see 1116). It was brutal, and the name became strangely appropriate."
Big fan of hot sauces, the one which had me reaching for the asbestos toilet paper was Marie Sharp's Habanero Pepper Sauce, famous throughout the whole of Belize for its piquancy. Being an Indian, I refused to heed to the locals' advice and smeared by rice in red sasuce, only to discover my face lighting up like a bonfire seconds later.
1137 - West Indies 126-3
Sarwan flicks a Jimmy Anderson inswinger off his toes down to fine leg for his eighth boundary, although he's rather fortunate to just about avoid the outstretched left hand of the robust Tim Bresnan at gully and the ball squirts away for three.
1134 - West Indies 119-3
Another tight over, this time from Cebollas, as Graham Onions would be known in Spain. He raps Chanderpaul on the pad but the appeal is stunted as the ball struck Shiv well outside the line of off stump. Mike Bell (below), hanging washing out in the English summer is a risky game, one which bookmakers should get involved in.
Mike Bell, Ashford, TMS inbox: "I hung out a full line of washing this morning here in the 'warm' South East, just come back from shops in howling wind and rain, washing wetter than when I hung it out."
1128 - West Indies 119-3
Anderson keeps it tight as Kylie Minogue's hotpants, sending down six deliveries all offering plenty of encouragement in the air and off the seam. Maiden over.
1125 - West Indies 119-3
Onions overpitches on leg stump and Sarwan thumps a bootylicious on-drive on the up for the second boundary of the morning. The former skipper brings up his 50 in slightly farcical fashion, waltzing down the pitch for a quick single, only to get sent back by his partner. The ball rolls to square leg where Stuart Broad's shy at the stumps is a good four feet off the mark, so bad that a sprawling Ravi Bopara, backing up the throw, is beaten and Sarwan helps himself to three very comedic runs.
1120 - West Indies 109-3
Lots of encouragement for Jimmy A this morning, the boy is swinging like King Louie right now. Another snorter sniffs some Chanderpaul willow and thuds into the gloves of Matt Prior, with his three slippers looks very keen. A single a piece for the batting duo.
1116 - West Indies 107-3
Lovely lucid wrists (sounds like a Morrissey song) from Shiv, who guides a short Anderson delivery through backward point for four. He picks up a further two with a punchy drive past the bowler. The jerk chicken seller is jigging to keep himself warm/entertained. I've also just spied a well used bottle of Tabasco sauce at my desk - where did that come from?
1112 - West Indies 101-3
Anderson continues his outswing policy to Shiv, who is beaten by a ripper which moves away from the bat outside his off stump. No other dramas for the prolific Guyanese, who clips a single to the leg side.
1108 - West Indies 100-3
Graham Onions, clearly suffering from some sort of razorphobia judging by his sprouting facial growth, has a big appeal against Chanderpaul for an lbw turned down by Steve Davis, right so as there was a big old inside edge onto pad. The Windies rack up the ton courtesy of four leg byes off Shiv's thigh pad.
1104 - West Indies 95-3
Jimmy Anderson is first up with the 26-over old ball, which swings like an frisbee a good foot past Shivnarine Chanderpaul's bat. The doughty left-hander plonks a single into the covers to open the scoring on this not altogether unpleasant Sunday morning in the north-east. The Burnley Express produces a beauty which nips past Ramnaresh Sarwan's edge just outside off stump to finish the over.
1058: Morning all, strains of Jerusalem ring around the Riverside as England stride out, sans Kevin Pietersen, who is replaced by Durham leg-spinner Scott Borthwick.
Play is due to start at 1100 BST
England wicketkeeper Matt Prior on TMS: "We need to keep asking questions of their batters, get a few early wickets and hopefully we might force the follow-on today"
John Hammond from the BBC Weather Centre: "It's looking OK for the morning session - there's a weather front to the south which is making its way northwards - you can expect showery rain in the afternoon"