Twenty20 international, Trinidad:
West Indies 123-4 (18 overs) bt England 121 (19.1 overs) by six wkts
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2118: So that's it from me, Sir Dirs of Essexshire will be your host for the first one-day international in Guyana on Friday. Adios gang.
"Not only has Strauss taken Prior's place, he's nicked his playing shirt!"
Bert, who is starting to wonder if England will ever win a game, via text on 81111
Forgot to say Andrew Strauss was wearing one of Matt Prior's shirts with red tape over the wicketkeeper's name. Can't even remember to print a one-day shirt for the new captain, classy eh?
2110: Well that was inevitable, and after such a promising start. Steve Davies' cameo the only positive spin on a thoroughly dispiriting and lacklustre batting display from the tourists. Fortunately this is the only Twenty20 match in the series, but if England continue to play like this in the 50-over format, they can kiss any hopes of a series win goodbye.
"All this average cricket is a clever ploy to make the Aussies complacent, they should be quaking in their boots!"
Rob, looking forward to regaining the Ashes, via text on 81111
WEST INDIES WIN BY SIX WICKETS
17.5 overs - WI: 119-4 Wicket Bravo ct Pietersen b Amjad Khan 8
Amjad concedes the ninth wide of the innings before Bravo flicks another wristy glance off his toes for two. Amjad has a more than useful lbw appeal turned down, again can't see why that was turned down. Bravo collects two more and he attempts to win the match with a boundary and a flourish, only to pull the ball into the hands of Kevin Pietersen at square leg for Khan's second wicket. New man Kieron Pollard finishes off the job with the very next ball, smiting a short Khan delivery through midwicket for the winning runs. 123-4
15 overs - WI: 113-3
Jimmy Anderson comes on for his third over and concedes just three, but a rotund lady is very much warming up her nodules in a dressing room in the recesses of the QPO.
15.1 overs - WI: 105-3 Wicket Sarwan b Amjad Khan 59
Ronny skips down the track as Amjad Khan ambles in, only to see his wickets rearranged after missing with an attempted swipe over long-on. In comes Dwayne Bravo for his first bat for a good long while in a Windies shirt. Amjad sends down England's eighth wide with a short delivery with leg-side bias. Better from the Kent seamer, who beats his former county team-mate with a snorter outside off stump. Bravo is coming over all Test match-like and just when Khan thought he was about to finish a tight over, Bravo flashes a wristy flick off his toes past fine leg for four beautifully crafted runs. The cheerleaders love it too. 110-3
15 overs - WI: 105-2
Sarwan brings up his half century with two runs through point off Stu Broad, which also brings up the 50-partnership between the third-wicket duo. Sarwan adds another four to his collection with the ugliest hoick you will ever see, a thick outside edge scurrying past the helpless Steve Davies behind the stumps. Ronny's next shot is more aesthetically pleasing, skipping down the track and smearing the ball through extra cover for four. Broad beats Sarwan with a quick bouncer, but the ball is branded a wide, much to Stu's disbelief.
14 overs - WI: 93-2
Singles are as common as colds with the field spread across the pitch for Dimi Mascarenhas, and so easy is life right now for Simmons and Sarwan, the pair are quite content to win the match in singles. Barring a freak weather storm of Biblical proportions, this game is over.
13 overs - WI: 89-2
Sarwan edges closer to his half-century with a cheeky cut past point for a couple off Gareth Batty. The QPO posse indulges in an indisciplined Mexican Wave, they're all over the place. No co-ordination. Tsk. That's 33 to win from 42 balls. Think you can work this one out yourselves.
12 overs - WI: 83-2
Sarwan lofts a aerial drive high into the sky as Amjad Khan moves into position to take, only to see the ball slip through his grasp. He sinks to his knees as the QPO jeers in unison - oh dear young man, no place to hide here. Poor Dimi Mascarenhas, he could have probably run from the bowler's end with a bucket and caught that.
11 overs - WI: 78-2
Paul Collingwood and his bag of tricks are summoned and a slower delivery is mis-hit by Sarwan, but such is England's luck the ball lands 10m before deep point. Simmons dabs a delicate sweep fine around the corner for four, a boundary which brings hollers and whoops from the QPO.
10 overs - WI: 70-2
Lendl Simmons opens the face of his bat for two runs fine past slip off Mascarenhas as the Windies reach the half-way stage in fine fettle. England were 73-3 at the 10-over stage. Hindsight eh?
"I can't say that any of the Miss World contestants looked particularly ropey, but I'd have had a punt on Miss Ukraine. It probably came down to who was most convincing in their aims for making the world a better place."
9 overs - WI: 64-2
Sarwan absolutely marmalises Gareth Batty into the stands at midwicket with a brutal slog-sweep. The ball is turning, which is possibly the only positive for the off-spinner right now. Simmons has hit just six runs from 15 balls - even Straussy managed a better strike-rate than that.
8 overs - WI: 57-2
Dimi Mascarenhas' medium allsorts are on and the Hampshire all-rounder offers some semblance of control as Simmons struggles to beat the inner ring. He concedes his first runs of the over off the final delivery, which the Trinidadian drives through cover for two.
7 overs - WI: 55-2
Gareth Batty is summoned for his first spell and sees a subdued Simmons steal a single or two, along with Sarwan. The pair look as comfortable as a cushion factory right now. TMS commentator Simon Mann says there's some argy bargy in the Dos Santos Stand - hardly saintly behaviour.
6 overs - WI: 51-2
Amjad Khan returns and his profligate first over is forgotten with a more measured second over, which leaks six runs. Lendl Simmons, the new man for the Windies, can larrup a mean stitched leather ball, but he opts for the cautious approach with a few singles rather than the gold-digging mows.
"We are making an average team look good."
Pickles91 on 606
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5 overs - WI: 45-2 Wicket Chanderpaul ct Collingwood b Anderson 12
James Anderson is back on for the woeful Khan, only to see his first delivery smacked back over his head into the stands for six by Sarwan. The crowd goes ballistic as the Guyanese duo bash gloves to signal their approval of that spanking drive. But good comeback from the Burnley Express, who has Chanderpaul caught by Paul Collingwood. The ball hits high on the bat as Chanderpaul takes his top hand off, only to loop the ball to point.
4 overs - WI: 38-1
Ronny Sarwan pulls up in pain after scooting for a swift single off Stuart Broad. The former captain whips his pads off and gets some treatment on his knee, which has given him plenty of grief in the past. The camaraman uses the hold up in play as an excuse to zoom in on a number of very attractive locals festooned around the Queen's Park Oval. Chanderpaul then manipulates a full toss - a slower ball - past fine leg for four to move to 12 from eight deliveries. Broad bangs his final delivery in short over Chanderpaul's head, only to see umpire Duncan signal a wide. More disconsolate shakes of the head from Broad, who looks like a man whose television has stopped working seconds before Miss World is announced.
"In light of sub-standard English cricket and all that talk earlier of Miss World, I did a quick search to find out who beat that lovely Gabrielle Walcott lass into second place. Tap Ksenia Sukhinova into Google (that's honestly how you spell it) and have a gander. If I'm being picky, which I'm usually not, Walcott was just about robbed. Let the debate begin."
Hugh, via text 81111
This is the sort of debate that can bring down governments. Let the polemics begin...
"Why is that slogger from Essex never considered? Can't remember his name but he hits it a mile."
Simon, airbound and offline for the Windies slow walk to victory.
Bit harsh on Graham Napier, who I assume is the aforementioned "slogger". But yes, agreed, don't quite understand his omission on it either.
3 overs - WI: 29-1
Anderson is taken off quicker than Usain Bolt with the runs after his wayward first over and Amjad Khan comes on for his first taste of international Twenty20 cricket. His first two deliveries are dispatched for boundaries by Ronny Sarwan - the first through the covers and the second over mid-off. If you know your Bollywood films, you'll know Amjad Khan shares his name with the most famous film villain in India. Unfortunately for the Kent seamer, he's England's bad man after conceding a third boundary with an awful leg-stump delivery turned fine around the corner by Chanders, the 13th run of the over.
"I think England are involved in some conspiracy here to make the Twenty20 format look rubbish and hence ensure the future of Test cricket. It's just unfortunate that we're fairly bad at that too!"
Mark in Canterbury
1.2 overs - WI: 11-1 Wicket Fletcher ct Mascarenhas b Broad 6
Quicker than you can say "I'm back", Andre Fletcher mows Stuart Broad to deep square leg, where Dimi Mascarenhastakes a simple catch. In comes Shiv Chanderpaul, who tucks into a half volley outside off stump for four through extra cover. 2 overs - 16-1
1 over - WI: 10-0
Pranav is seeking sustenance so it's me, Oliver Brett, opening up the Windies chase. Anderson starts with a nine-ball over featuring three leg-side wides, Sarwan hits a single and Andre Fletcher (wearing a baseball cap the wrong way round under his helmet) drives through the covers for a couple and behind square on the on-side four four.
1933: The good news is England are looking good right now - the bad news is the sport is rugby rather than cricket. The only bit of good news I can report is Miss Trinidad and Tobago is in attendance. She's lovelier than a palm-fringed, golden sand beach.
"Good heavens, what on earth is this game? What is the point? Who cares? TV TV TV Money Money Money. In the immortal words of Frank Gallacher... 'so (minor editing required) what'." Peter in the TMS inbox
ENGLAND 121 ALL OUT (19.1 OVERS)
19.1 overs - Eng: 121 all out Broad ct Benn b Edwards 2
And it's all over five balls short of 20 overs as Stuart Broad chips a harmless drive into Benn's giant hands at cover inside the 30m circle. And it began so promisingly with Davies and Bopara only an hour ago. Miserably, extras are England's third top scorer with 19.
19 overs - Eng: 121-9 Khan bowled Benn 2
Benn bowls the penultimate over of the innings and Amjad Khan scores his first run for England. Broad is rapped on the pads attempting to sweep, but the lbw appeal is refused by umpire Norman, again can't quite see what was wrong with that. No matter, Benn gets his wicket when Amjad plays inside a quicker ball with an elegant mow. Couldn't really ask much more from the Kent seamer.
17.5 overs - Eng: 117-8 Batty run out 4
Fidel Edwards returns after a couple of damp squibs at teh start of the innings and Stuart Broad nudges a single to get off the mark. Gareth Batty fancies a swipe over midwicket, only he forgets to make contact with the ball. And the off-spinner back in the Brian Lara Pavilion the very next ball when Ronny Sarwan's direct hit sees him a good two metres out of his ground. That's the third run out of the innings, more under-11s cricket, only worse. Amjad Khan is the new man at the crease.
17 overs - Eng: 115-7 Strauss run out 22
Sammy - by far the pick of the Windies bowlers - sees the England captain waft at thin air attempting to mooey him over mid-on. Strauss middles a cracking on-drive straight to Shiv Chanderpaul, who brilliantly collects and throws the ball to the non-striker's end, where Sammy whips off the bails. Umpire Norman calls for third umpire Clancy Mack, who adjudges Strauss is out of his ground. It's a tight one for sure, although Viv Richards on TMS reckons umpire Mack - from his home island of Antigua - is no stranger to controversy. In comes Gareth Batty. Sammy finishes his allotted four overs, conceding just 14 runs.
16 overs - Eng: 112-6
Nice improv from Strauss, who goes down on one knee and chips Kieron Pollard over the head of fine leg, inside the 30m circle, for four. He follows that up with an even better shot, shuffling across his crease and guides the ball fine for another boundary. "In your face Soneji" Strauss may be saying after my earlier rubbishing of his improv skills.
14.3 overs - Eng: 98-6 Wicket Mascarenhas run out 0
Awful, even an under-11 would be ashamed of that dismissal. Poor calling sees lots of stop-starts from both players as Mascarenhas prods into the off side, only to come to a halt halfway down the wicket, handing Sammy the simple task of whipping off the bails. 101-6
"Re: 'Benn should have had a second successive wicket when he traps Paul Collingwood right in front of middle, only umpire Malcolm thinks the ball would have missed something. What I have no idea.' We get a lot of these 'decisions' in our games in New York, especially off my bowling. The umpire presumably concludes that the ball would have burrowed under the stumps if the pad hadn't got in the way. We call then "gazundas". 'A bit too low on the pad was it, ump?'"
John, NYC via the TMS inbox
14 overs - Eng: 97-5
The trundley pace of Kieron Pollard, a tall strapping lad of 21, features for the first time. The man to my right recoils in horror watching Strauss looking thoroughly uncomfortable attempting to manufacture unnatural shots from three balls, all of which go down as dots in the scorebook. He finally manages to drive a single down the ground, but Dimi Mas cannot do anything from the final two balls of the over. Just one run from the over.
13 overs - Eng: 96-5 Wicket Collingwood ct Simmonds b Sammy 14
The mean-looking Darren Sammy returns and ensures England are pegged to their seven-an-over run rate. Colly balloons a slower ball high into the Trinidadian sky as Lendl Simmonds comfortably takes the catch five metres from the boundary. Dimitri Mascarenhas is the new man at the ramp.
12 overs - Eng: 92-4
More single stealing from Collingwood and Strauss, who sound like a chartered accountancy firm based in Sevenoaks. The former breaks the boundary famine with a fine sweep from an awful Bravo delivery - a full toss outside leg stump - for four. That ball was so bad it should have come with a three-week prison sentence.
"I refuse to believe Miss Trinidad and Tobago is present at the game unless you provide photographic evidence!!!"
Krish via the TMS inbox
11 overs - Eng: 82-4 Wicket Shah ct Pollard b Benn 6
Benn concedes the West Indies' 11th wide of the innings with a misdirected delivery down leg side to Shah, a delivery which Ramdin has no chance of stopping. But Benn hits the jackpot a few balls later as Owais Shah - about as fluid as congealed chip fat - drives into the hands Kieron Pollard at long-on for a confident catch. Benn should have had a second successive wicket when he traps Paul Collingwood right in front of middle, only umpire Malcolm thinks the ball would have missed something. What I have no idea. Captain Andrew Strauss is the new man.
10 overs - Eng: 73-3
Bravo, trundling in from the Brian Lara Pavilion End, maintains the measly offerings with three runs from his first five deliveries - the Windies are as sharp as Bill Hicks' autobiography right now. Collingwood skips down the track and smears an improvised flick over mid-on for four.
9 overs - Eng: 66-3 WICKET Pietersen lbw Benn 12
Benn continues and concedes four singles from five deliveries. KP and OS are less than fluent right now. Benn raps Pietersen on the back foot and his appeal his upheld by umpire Norman Malcolm. Oh dear, seriously dodgy decision - the replays suggest the ball would easily have missed leg stick. No referrals in this game though and KP's laboured 16-ball knock is finished. Paul Collingwood is the new man.
"If it's any consolation to Peter, NOT HAPPY in West Sussex, 20-20 cricket is a silly game and not really cricket, so he shouldn't get too upset. 20-20 is to cricket what Will Self is to modern literary authorship; the only reason he is regarded as an author of standing is that he says so quite loudly."
Paul in Lancs in the TMS inbox
8 overs - Eng: 62-2
Tight lines from Bravo, who does not concede a run from his first four deliveries as Shah struggles to pierce the field from his first three deliveries. A Bravo bouncer sails over the batsman's head, as well as wicketkeeper Ramdin, for four wides, one might say slightly unnecessary from the all-rounder. Shah finally gets off the mark, but good brake-applying from Bravo.
7.1 overs - Eng: 55-2 WICKET Davies bowled Bravo 27
Davies attempts a leg-side mow, moving inside the line of a straight delivery from Dwayne Bravo, only to completely miss the ball and see his off peg clattered. In comes Owais Shah.
7 overs - Eng: 55-1
Left-arm tweak in the form of Sulieman Benn, destroyer at Sabina Park. The tall Bajan concedes England's 50th run as Davies just about manages to shut out a yorker, which nutmegs keeper Denesh Ramdin for a boundary.
6 overs - Eng: 47-1
Local favourite Dwayne Bravo is on for his first joust in nine months in a the burgundy hue of the West Indies. His second ball is a rank long-hop, which Davies dispatches over mid-wicket for four. Apologies for my earlier poorly researched facts - Lionel Baker did not make his Test debut against England in Trinidad. Davies moves to 17 with a thick outside edge for a single to third man, but KP isn't quite in $1.5m synch just yet as he fashions a single down to fine leg. The tortoise-paced pitch might have something to do with it - not too dissimilar a pitch to the Antigua wicket for the Stanford Super Series. Davies smears the final ball of Bravo's over high over midwicket's head for his fourth boundary. The boy is looking as good as Miss Trinidad Gabrielle Walcott right now.
5 overs - Eng: 36-1
Darren Sammy replaces the off-key Fidel E and immediately pins KP in his crease with two dot balls. But the ex-England skipper moves inside the line of the third delivery and nudges a fine glance down past fine leg - inside the 30m circle - for four. Davies attempts to smash the final ball to Venezuela, but fails to find any willow, but the pair run through for a well-taken, if slightly risky, single.
3.1 overs - Eng: 25-1 WICKET Bopara bowled Baker 13
Bopara attempts to give himself room outside leg stump to mooey a straight Baker delivery over long-off, only to see his middle stump go cartwheeling out of the ground. You miss I hit says Lionel, no relation to Anita. Out comes the joint most expensive Twenty20 cricketer in world cricket, Kevin Pietersen, who gets off the mark with a swish to midwicket. KP skips down the track off the final delivery, only to spoon the ball to safety in the covers for a single. Top over from Baker, just three runs from it. 28-1
"What an absolute JOKE! Prior should be in this team, even if it's just as a specialist batsman. He was MOTM in the last test match for goodness sake! There really should be no place in a Twenty20 team for just a captain that can't bowl or bat in the required style. Surely Collingwood could be the skipper? NOT HAPPY."
Peter in West Sussex in the TMS inbox
3 overs - Eng: 25-0
Lovely, wristy flourish from Ravi Bops, who turns a straight ball through midwicket for another boundary off Fidel Edwards. First and only slip Ronny Sarwan then dives low to his right to prevent an outside edge from trickling past him for four. Good riposte from Edwards, who sees the openers exchange a single, while millionaire Darren Sammy stops a certain boundary with an excellent one-handed diving stop to his right to stop a front-foot Davies drive. Good start for England.
2 overs - Eng: 18-0
Lionel Baker, who made his Test deboo against England a few days ago, shares the white ball alongside Edwards. His second ball is gracefully guided down to third man for two by Davies, who thumps a wonderful back-foot drive through cover for his second boundary. The man next to me shouts "that's a shot Ian Bell can't play!" rather too excitedly. Ramdin does well to stop an under-edge from sneaking inbetween himself and first slip. Encouraging for England.
1 over - Eng: 9-0
Bopara clips an ugly long-hop on leg stump past fine leg for four before a single to square leg, which gives Steve Davies his first joust in international cricket. And immediately the Worcestershire stumper is beaten outside the off stump by a belting delivery from Fidel Edwards, who gives the gloveman a good ol' stare. But Davies eases a languid off drive - Goweresque - through cover point for four. Tony in Leeds, the audio is good to go online.
1759: The teams are out and Ravi Bopara will face the first ball of the day.
"Shocked!!!! No Rashid, and why is Khan playing? He's the no-ball king!"
viking82 on 606
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1749: The groundsman has opted to use a strip one down from the Test wicket - and it looks like a slow surface where the tweakers - Suliemann Benn and Gareth Batty - will have a big say on matters. Batty profits from a piece of bone floating around Graeme Swann's right elbow.
1745: Apologies to all Gabrielle Walcott (see 1735) fans out there (and that now includes me). She is the current Miss Trinidad and Tobago, as well as runner-up in the 2008 Miss World comp. I'm attempting to keep my nerves in tact imagining what the winner must have looked like...
"Whatever we've done in the past hasn't exactly resulted in great success, has it, so let's get behind him and give the England captain some unequivocal support to begin with."
Moutarde on 606
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1750: The teams:
England: Strauss (capt), Shah, Pietersen, Collingwood, Broad, Anderson, Batty, Bopara, Khan, Davies, Mascarenhas
West Indies: Ramdin (capt), Pollard, Sarwan, Simmons, Chanderpaul, Edwards, Baker, Bravo, Fletcher, Sammy, Benn
Apologies for an earlier typo - the West Indies won the toss and have elected to bowl first.
1743: Steve Davies will open the batting alongside Ravi Bopara - the pair will be England's 11th opening partnership in just 15 Twenty20 internationals.
1739: On more weightier cricket matters, Andrew Strauss plays his first Twenty20 match for England in three years and I, for one, think his elevation as limited-overs captain is the worst decision since watching an entire episode of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps. Granted he's coming off a rich vein of Test form, but can you see Straussy plopping down on one knee and shovelling a 90mph Fidel Edwards missile over his right shoulder for plenty? The ECB hardly helped the situation with their insistence on one captain for all three forms. Good to see Dimitri Mascarenhas back for England, while I'm thoroughly excited to see the brilliant Dwayne Bravo back for the Windies after such a long absence with an ankle injury.
1736: Steve Davies, the Worcestershire wicketkeeper, will make his international debut at the top of the order. Amjad Khan and Gareth Batty also make their Twenty20 debuts. The Windies are being lead by Denesh Ramdin in the absence of the injured Chris Gayle. "I'm over the moon," says Davies.
1735: Good Lord, Ms Trinidad and Tobago is out with captains Denesh Ramdin and Andrew Strauss, along with match referee Javagal Srinath. Gabrielle Walcott is flashing plenty of skin and the trio really don't know where to look. She hands over the coin to Ramdin, who wins the toss and elects to bowl.
1733: Went to my cousin's tremendous wedding reception last night, where I watched my mother dance to Kid Cudi's Day 'N' Nite (Crookers remix), something I never imagined I would ever see in my lifetime. I wonder if she'll delve into my breakbeat collection and start bopping to the Plump DJs or some Burial-style dubstep? Anyone else have similar relative-dancing wedding yarns? Get in touch via the TMS inbox, the 606 website (link above) or text 81111 with the word "cricket" before your message.
1725: Afternoon you, having just watched the renaissance of England's rugby team after a 34-10 thumping at Twickenham, will the optimism rub off on their willow-wielding compatriots in Trinidad?
Incidentally, one of England's five tries was scored by Delon Armitage, who was born in San Fernando on the palm-fringed Caribbean island 25 years ago. If the oval pigskin game isn't your bag, then the fußall is doing brisk business with Premier League and Old Firm action.