FIRST TEST, Hamilton, day five:
New Zealand 470 & 177-9 dec bt England 348 & 110 by 189 runs
New Zealand's unheralded seam attack consigned England to one of their most ignominious defeats in recent history, winning the first Test by 189 runs.
After a bold declaration left England needing 300 to win from 81 overs, Kyle Mills stunned the tourists with four wickets in his first six overs.
With the score 36-4 at lunch, England tried to salvage a draw but Chris Martin (3-33) had other ideas.
England totalled a pathetic 110 on a flat track, Ian Bell 54 not out.
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0240: Well that's three defeats and four draws for England in their last seven Tests. Not good enough. The action now moves on to the Basin Reserve on Thursday (Wednesday night UK time) and join us then for our coverage. Thank you for your company and patience.
"They've outplayed England in every department apart from catching. They shown ambition, daring, energy and zest where England have been insipid and played like a team of old men. Maybe there won't be some of the old men when they go to Wellington. I'll be amazed if both Hoggard and Harmison play there." Vic Marks on TMS
NEW ZEALAND WIN BY 189 RUNS
0234: WICKET - Panesar c McCullum b Oram 8 (Eng 110 all out)
The inevitable finally arrives. Bell takes a single and finishes on 54 and Monty edges behind to complete an utterly comprehensive triumph for the Kiwis. It was a rout and England will need to improve about 1000% to come back in this series from this debacle. Only Bell stood tall today, the rest did not turn up, although Monty hung in bravely at the end.
0230: 110-9 Also worth mentioning how much gusto the Barmy Army have been singing away with despite witnessing a shambles.
0227: You have to say Monty has been immaculate in defence so far. His colleagues must be even more embarrassed - he's made it look easy. He keeps out the over from Mills and is rightly applauded warmly.
"I'm on to a new notebook of England humiliations." TMS commentator Christopher Martin-Jenkins
0226: 108-9 Oram's on and Bell can't get anything in that over. But Monty looks secure enough now so there's no urgent need to keep strike.
"Sat in the airport bar at Shanghai airport on our way over for the 2nd and 3rd Tests. We got off the plane from Heathrow and checked on the phone, we were 61-7, that score will live with us. We're at the stage of just laughing! Look out for the orange hats at the Basin Reserve"
Simon and Martin via email
"Sandwich update, just left a note in his lunch box explaining my mistake, let's just see how he reacts. I don't know who makes his nosh, they were horrible!"
Paul (see 0144) in the TMS inbox
0219: 108-9 Monty edges Mills past the slips to the third man boundary and this stand is now worth 31 - the biggest of the innings, which tells its own story.
Well played Belly! He comes down the track to Patel and hits him cleanly down the ground for a six to bring up his 18th Test fifty off 140 balls.
0213: 98-9 We're told tea will be in around 30 minutes. It won't go on that long will it, surely? Monty blocks out six balls from Mills and gets the biggest round of applause all day!
0210: 98-9 A Maiden from Patel, who nearly has Bell caught at slip and Mills is about to come on to probably put everyone out of their misery. My bed awaits...
0207: 98-9 Monty makes it look easy, blocking out six balls from Vettori and it's time for the seamers I reckon.
0202: 98-9 The belated entertainment continues as Bell lofts Vettori over deep mid-wicket for four and down to long-off for six.
0158: 88-9 Monty plays the shot of the day! A Vettori half-volley is dispatched to the long-off boundary for four but he almost drives to mid-on next ball, a no-ball. Bell comes down to have a chat and calm him down and approves of the solid defensive shot next up. A warm round of applause as Monty sees out the rest of the over.
"It's lovely, his flurry - almost like a Lara-style pick-up." Former England paceman Gus Fraser on TMS
0156: 83-9 A rare show of aggression from England, as Bell hits over mid-wicket to take four off Patel. He can't keep the strike, however, so Vettori has a chance to finish it off.
0154: 79-9 Bell entrusts Monty with the last two balls after a single and there's amusement all round as the Montster calls for a single off the last one.
"Speaking from the Chile Cricket Club and having recently played Peru in the World Cricket League, I can honestly say that England may not be ready for Peru just yet."
John Fecci on Spencer Bailey's offer (see below 0136) via email
0150: 77-9 Monty survives the last ball of the over from Patel but this won't last much longer. The PA announcer says Vettori is man of the match! A bit early for announcements but he hit 88 in the first innings and bowled what seems like thousands of overs, as well as captaining brilliantly, so a fair call.
0149: WICKET - Harmison c Fleming b Patel 1 (Eng 77-9)
Probably the last time we see Harmy in an England shirt for a while. He thrusts forward and edges to first slip where Fleming fumbles before finally holding on to a good low catch.
0146: Bell nudges Patel to third man and gets another two before ambling through for a single. Whatever he gets here, no-one will remember.
0144: 74-8 Harmy get off strike with a cover-drive for one. Bell trusts him with the last two balls against Vettori and he blocks well.
"You think it's bad where you are. I've just realised I've eaten my workmates sandwiches - they were in a similar looking lunch box. Oops!
Paul Harwich in the TMS inbox.
Do the honourable thing mate and hand over your nosh... depending on how hungry you are.
0140: 72-8 Bell guides Martin to the third-man fence for four. Amid all this debris he has 28.
0136: 68-8 A shot of anger there from Bell, slogging Vettori via the inside edge for one to keep Harmy off the strike at the end of the over.
"Peru, the ICC's 100th member, and currently ranked 75th in the world, will gladly give the English a game if they want one."
Spencer Bailey Vice captain, Lima Cricket Club, via email
0131: WICKET - Hoggard c McCullum b Martin 4 (Eng 67-8)
It was waiting to happen. Martin gives Hoggy a wide pitched-up tempter, gets the edge and the keeper takes a good catch. Harmy's in. What stomach does he have for a fight?
0129: Well, I never. Hoggy cracks Martin wide of mid-off for four and England will not be dismissed for their lowest total against New Zealand. Crack open the champagne! No? Perhaps not... Martin's angry and digs one in which Hoggy does well to fend off.
0126: 63-7 Poor old Belly's trying away, defending, playing like there's no danger. Vaughan, meanwhile, chews on his sunglasses knowing he'll have some explaining to do pretty soon.
0123: 63-7 That should have been eight down, Hoggard fends Martin to Mills at short backward square-leg and he drops an absolute dolly. Hysterically bad but it just prolongs the agony for England fans.
0122: A deluge of emails from you venting fury and I can't disagree with you. It has been an abject surrender.
0119: 63-7 Bell pushes through the off-side for two off Vettori. He can't keep strike so that's a full over potentially for Martin at Hoggy. Brace yourselves...
0118: 61-7 Surprise, surprise, no runs in the next Martin over and you feel Hoggy and the other two tail-enders to come after him are just keeping us all in this part of the world from an early night...
"Shane Warne was right. All the talk and excuses have to stop about England - they've got to start winning. That's being honest. I didn't think England would collapse like they have, especially against the seamers." Geoff Boycott on TMS
0114: I've removed the little bit about the target at the top - pointless really, I'm sure you'll agree.
"There are few positives to take from this. It's been humiliating. There's got to be some hard talking and thinking from England before they get to Wellington. There has to be a change in attitude - they have been insipid." Vic Marks on TMS
0112: 61-7 Drinks are taken after another maiden from Vettori.
0105: 61-7 When I said early night just before this session, I was thinking maybe 0300. I can't see this going beyond another 30 minutes. Hoggy almost plays on to Martin. England's lowest score against New Zealand is 64, in Wellington in 1978.
0103: 61-7 A no-ball from Vettori and, amazingly, no wickets in that over.
"Spineless, gutless, witless. Not you, England."
John Holden-Dye, via email, speaks for many of you
0051: WICKET - Sidebottom c McCullum b Martin 0 (Eng 60-7)
Shocking. Sidey edges a full one and is one his way third ball. No blame can be attached to him - he did his job with the ball - but this is a pitiful surrender from England.
0051: WICKET - Ambrose b Martin 0 (Eng 60-6)
Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings but this is diabolical from an England point of view. Young Amby plays down the wrong line is beaten all ends up and castled by one that straightens a touch. Sidebottom comes in and you fear the end could be coming fairly soon.
0051: WICKET - Collingwood lbw Vettori 2 (Eng 59-5)
Colly's torturous stint at the crease ends. After two lbw shouts he fatally plays back trying to cut the left-arm spinner, is beaten by the drift and the ball crashes into off-stump via the inside edge. Welcome to Test cricket Tim Ambrose.
"Waiting to get on a flight from New York to Phoenix and I cannot believe the rollercoaster of emotions the England cricket team put me through. The word drama does not do it justice!
Alan, JFK Airport, via Blackberry
"OK so im on england at 1/2 with 600 big ones, can i go to bed and feel safe?!!!
Bruce Graham, via email
Bruce, Bruce, that money could have been better spent my friend...
0047: Bell's timed the ball well and drives Patel for two through extra-cover.
"Just got home to find the third part of my nightmare hat-trick looking ominously close - my beloved footie team dumped out of the FA Cup this afternoon; a Calcutta Cup defeat; and now England scratching about in the hope of saving the Test at best. Sometimes I wish I didn't love sport so much... it would certainly cut out a good deal of misery!"
Sarah, Canterbury in the TMS inbox
You speak for many a man and woman Sarah...
0045: 57-4 Too much turn for Vettori beats batsman and keeper and runs away for four byes. Colly looks quite happy to block away.
0043: 53-4 All very cagey out there right now, not much by way of strokeplay and good tight bowling. Maiden from Patel.
"Stuck at work in an empty infirmary, with all the guests & crew on shore (in Acapulco); relying on you to liven up my afternoon!
Louise Berry, Ship Physician Carnival Spirit, via email
Acapulco or Shepherd's Bush? Hmmm...
"It's slow torture and we've seen it all before. It's just like when England were in Sri Lanka." TMS commentator Christopher Martin-Jenkins
0038: 53-4Vettori's back into the attack. Bell's looking quite comfortable now, though, and he turns him through the on-side for a single. Colly's beaten by a good one that leaves hm, classic slow left-armer's ball with good turn.
0034: 52-4 Enthusiastic applause as Colly turns Patel through mid-wicket for his first two runs off his 33rd ball in 49 minutes! Well done son!
0033: 50-4 Miserly Mills reels off a maiden - his figures are 10-3-11-4. Astounding.
0028: 50-4 Bell nudges a single off Patel after being beaten by one that drifts across him and there's sympathetic applause for England's 50 coming up. Colly's desperate to get off the mark off his 30th ball but Bell rejects the single when he edges to short backward point.
"One of the most disturbing things for England is they've been totally outplayed. They've been hammered." Gus Fraser on TMS
0025: 49-4 Bell nicks a single off Mills, who continues to maintain an impeccable line. Who would have thought he'd be the man that swung the balance of the game?
"Please tell us we are incorrect in thinking that the last time England won an away Test match was before the 06/07 Ashes? If so when was it? We were very annoyed to find out that just after we gave up listening last night all the action happened.
Kerri Clark, 17 (yes that makes me a female 17 year old up at gone midnight listening to cricket), Warwickshire and Steven Cross, Manchester, via email
The last away Test win came in Mumbai in March 2006, when Shaun Udal bowled England to victory (and then disappeared never to be seen again) and Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire was played in the dressing room to fire the lads up.
0019: 48-4 Another back-foot push off Patel for two on the off-side for Belly as Aggers mutters away about seeing the Drifters - or a band claiming to be them. Belly then drives exquisitely to the cover boundary. Nice shot followed by a single to square-leg.
0018: 41-4 Just the no-ball from Mills in an otherwise tidy over. It's a bit quiet at Seddon Park.
0013: 40-4 Sarah and anyone else interested in photos - they are there for your appreciation. No other problems in that over.
0011: Great start for Belly, elegant drive through the covers off Patel for four. He's beaten next ball playing back to a full one, which was dicing with danger.
0009: The players and umpires are back out for the second session which will go a long way towards deciding the fate of this game. Smart money has to be on the Kiwis going 1-0 up.
"Are we so bad today that no-one's bothering to take photos? There is no photo tab for me to click on at least."
Sarah, Bucks via email after texting us too!
Sorry about that Sarah - we're a man down today through illness but one of my colleagues is working on it as I type. Should be available soon! And
2358: Just digesting your emails and the double chocolate muffin I've bagged from the BBC canteen. I wanted a fry-up but they said it was too early for that...
Anyway, thanks to all your chat about hat-tricks - I know more about them than I thought I ever would. As for this game, it might be an early night for me - barring heroic resistance from Colly and Belly of course - which would be even more confusion for my body clock.
"Jeez, we're terrible! I'm hoping the ginger twins will help us save the test. If not, I fear I may start do display some Hulk like anger."
Sarah, Bucks via text
2335: Right, I'm off for some breakfast/lunch/dinner - I'm not quite sure what meal it should be. Back in about 20 mins.
"Vettori played splendidly and he did the right thing in declaring and dangling the carrot. It's been an uphill struggle, Mills has blown away that hope for England and there's no chance of them winning now. It'll be a very silent dressing room." Geoff Boycott on TMS
LUNCH: ENGLAND 36-4
2329: 36-4 Loud shout for lbw from Vettori against Bell but there was an inside edge. A no-ball and single for Bell and that qualifies as a deluge in the predicament England are in! Vettori's pushing the ball through quickly and troubling both batsmen - Colly is hit on the pad but the lbw shout is strangled and the players go off for lunch with New Zealand in firm control. Let's see what England can come up with after the interval.
2327: 34-4 Bell pulls a single off Oram in another tight over. No releasing of the pressure yet.
2323: 33-4 Skipper Vettori's on with his left-arm spin and records a maiden. Thanks to Madan Kumar and Kartikey for answering Ravi's query about hat-tricks on a losing side. The most recent was Irfan Pathan for India against Pakistan in Karachi in 2005. I remember now, in the very first over of the game.
"Stuck up a mountain in Italy and only my Blackberry for company. Ashes next year? No chance! < br/>Philip Horler
"I'm sitting here in Hamilton and can't believe how quickly we have crumbled. The barmy army are resigned to the inevitable and for the first time in the match the kiwis are getting the better of the banter. At least my trip to Auckland won't be a late one today!
Simon, from Manchester and sitting on the hill at Seddon Park
I assume another Blackberry Simon?
2320: Steady stuff from Oram for another maiden. It's all gone desperately flat for England.
"Has there ever been a Test match where a bowler takes a hat-trick and ends up on the losing side? We could be seeing history here!"Ravi, Ottawa via email
I need help on that one
2313: 33-4 I almost began typing out another wicket there. Mills has a shout for lbw turned down against Bell. Single for Bell next ball when he turns it out on the on-side an a no-ball after that.
"It's vaguely mesmerising, watching an England batting collapse... Goodness knows we have seen plenty..."
Buttsy, Ipswich via text
2311: 31-4 Bell off the mark by pulling Martin for one. Not entirely convincing.
2307: Well, what can you say. Two things actually - good bowling from Mills and some poor batting. Bell and Collingwood with the task of preventing further carnage.
"It's gone for England and it's all about batting for a draw now after a magic spell from the seamer. I think you have to give that out, that's a good decision. Get Mills in the IPL auction, that'll add $100,000 to his value!" Geoff Boycott on TMS
2303: WICKET - Pietersen lbw b Mills 6 (Eng 30-4)
Hammer blow for England. KP shoulders arms to one which hits him possibly just outside the line of off-stump and up goes the finger and Mills has astonishing figures of 4-7.
"Feezing in a French farmhouse with only Paresh for company. The page takes forever to refresh so I have a quick game of spider solitaire while I'm waiting. Could life be more exciting? Only the English....."
Alison in France in the TMS inbox
"Gotta play for a draw now, think how much worse this could have been if Bond was still around."
Craig via text
About 40 minutes ago some of you were saying England would win this by tea!
2257: 30-3 Thick edge for Pietersen off Martin and the ball runs away to the third man boundary. And to think a lot of pundits were predicting a tame draw...KP pushes a single out on the off-side.
2256: 25-3 Wicket maiden for Mills and Martin's bowling well at the other end. Looks grim for England you have to say.
2253: WICKET - Strauss c McCullum b Mills 2 (Eng 25-3)
England in disarray as Mills bowls a good one to Strauss which leaves him a touch and catches the edge. McCullum takes a good catch and that's 3-7 for Mills.
2247: 25-2 Phew! What an escape for KP! He's undone by a shorter Martin ball and it loops up off the shoulder of the bat out on the off-side but safe from any fielders. He then edges short of a diving second slip - not doing my nerves any good this! Terrific maiden over from Martin on a flat wicket.
"If Pietersen gets out early you can write off any thoughts of an England victory." Vic Marks on TMS
2243: 25-2 I should say Lloyd (see below) made it clear it was a transistor radio he was referring to - so lay off him! Pietersen picks up one to mid-wicket but New Zealand on top.
2241: WICKET - Vaughan lbw b Mills 9 (Eng 24-2)
Oh dear... Vaughan plays all round a straightish ball and is plumb lbw to leave his team in a spot of bother. A lot depends on new batsman Pietersen you have to say.
2236: 24-1 Strauss nudges another single, off Martin and Vaughan flicks one to leg. Those winning totals were 307-6 in Christchurch in 1997, 315-4 to beat Australia at Headingley in 2001 and 332-7 to beat the Aussies again at the MCG in 1928.
2232: 22-1 Strauss swings Mills down to fine-leg for one and it's all gone tight after that flurry early on. England have scored more than 300 to win three times in Tests.
"I might be mad and New Zealand might go on to win but I think this is an incredibly generous declaration. It only takes one partnership to get going..." BBC cricket correspondent Jonathan Agnew on TMS
"I'm listening to TMS on freeview in the sitting room, on my laptop in the dining room and on DAB in the kitchen - I worked out that with the different time delays i can listen to instant replays by moving from room to room - sadly the only exercise might be Eng wickets. Maybe it's time to turn to the tranny in the bedroom."
Lloyd, between rooms in Dorset, in the TMS inbox
Tell me how much weight you lose by the end of the game Lloyd!
2227: 21-1 Vaughan times the ball well and pushes Martin through mid-wicket but good fielding by How keeps him down to two.
"I'm 2 hours ahead of you, here in Helsinki, and went to bed just before the fireworks last night. :-(. Now I'm determined to stay up till the bitter end. I have stockpiles of sausages and beer."
Mike via email
2223: WICKET - Cook c McCullum b Mills 13 (Eng 19-1)
After Vaughan nudges a single, Cook's charmed life ends with a leaden-footed waft outside off-stump. There's the early breakthrough the Kiwis wanted and England dreaded.
2221: A few of you have pointed out a blunder of mine earlier by saying Sidey could have a hat-trick at the start of the next game if he'd taken two in two balls today. I think I got carried away with his heroics yesterday!
2220: 18-0 Finally, a convincing enough shot as Vaughan turns Martin through mid-wicket for one. England well ahead of the asking rate with 18 off three.
"Is it wrong that when I heard we need 300 to win after the declaration, I instantly shouted ''This is SPARTA!''? Damn that film, anytime 300 is mentioned I have the sad urge to shout that line.
Dean Pascoe in the TMS inbox
2217: More luck for England as Vaughan tries to work a Martin delivery through leg and succeeds only in edging over the slips for four. That was a bizarre stroke and this has been a bizarre start.
2213: 13-0 Cook's beaten by Mills before flicking to fine-leg for four. The runs are coming thick and fast.
2208: 9-0 Cook faces Martin first up and guides the ball, unconvincingly, to third man for four. The next one is driven into the ground and ends in the same place. More luck for the left-hander as a bottom edge sends the ball to fine-leg for one. Nine off the over but not an assured start.
"Are you feeling a bit alone! I'm not sure Eng can get 300? You?"
Lucy in Camberley via text
I have some colleagues in here for company but knowing there are thousands, even hundreds, even one of you out there is a comforting thought. I don't know is the answer to the second question! I think England could be in trouble but then I always do!
"My sky box is broken so I cannot watch the match live, so your commentary is all I have to get me through the night. (God help me!)
Sam in Birkenhead, via email
"For the sake of the game and for the spectators I applaud New Zealand and Daniel Vettori. You don't normally see it in Test cricket, it's a county declaration - risking losing the game in a bid to win it. I can't imagine England making such a bold declaration, they tend to be a far more defensive side." Former England paceman Gus Fraser on TMS
2159: England have 81 overs to chase 300, which means a required run-rate of 3.7 England's scoring rate in the first innings was exactly two an over. Doesn't fill you with optimism does it? But you never know...
2156: Patel turns down one single off Panesar but then takes one off the third ball. Three balls for Monty against a real rabbit in Martin - 21 ducks in Test cricket to his name. Martin blocks out impeccably and the declaration comes, leaving England with exactly 300 to chase. Good positive stuff and game on!
2154: 176-9 Patel cracks Sidebottom to deep extra-cover where Hoggard dives and prevents the ball going for more than three. Replays showed the ball touched his left hand when he was over the boundary rope but it's all immaterial at this stage probably.
"That shot signals that Vettori thinks he's got enough - that was a slog. When the new batsman went out he stood there to tell him what he wants." Geoff Boycott on TMS
"I'm not sure Martin can deliver it." TMS commentator Christopher Martin-Jenkins
2151: WICKET - Vettori c Cook b Sidebottom 35 (NZ 173-9)
The torture ends for England. Vettori smacks another boundary off Sidey but then miscues a heave to deep extra-cover to be snaffled by Cook. That's 10 wickets in the game for Sidey and six catches for Cooky.
2148: A lot of chat on TMS about rugby, particularly the Chiefs against the Cheetahs, which Allison Mitchell has blogged on. Have a read.
2146: 169-8 Vettori's outsmarting England right now, pushing through a gap on the off-side for two. Three more singles and the skipper will again face at the start of the next over. This is not going according to plan for Vaughan and co.
2143: 164-8 Terrific stroke from Vettori, showing great deftness of touch to run the ball down to third man for another boundary and there's a leg-bye to keep him on strike. The lead's climbing.
2139: 159-8 Successive fours for Vettori, swinging Monty to deep mid-wicket with worrying ease, before nudging to long-on for a single.
"He's an awkward player, a pretty smart cookie. I've been very impressed with his captaincy - he's got a good cricket mind." Geoff Boycott on TMS
2133: 150-8 No surprises as Sidebottom's handed the ball at the other end. Another two in two balls so he can start in Wellington on a hat-trick maybe? Vettori clips him to deep mid-wicket to take NZ up to 150 and 272 ahead. Patel plays and misses at the next one - he doesn't look the best with willow in hand.
2132: 149-8 Patel turns Panesar through mid-wicket for a comfortable two. Nothing too dramatic in the first over.
2128: The umpires and players are out there. Monty will open up. Here we go!
"If the lead gets to 300 England might think it's a bit steep, we haven't played particularly well so we'll be happy to get to Wellington all-square." Vic Marks on TMS
"England have hung in there after losing the toss and if they play positively they've got a chance of victory. It won't be easy against Vettori and Patel so the best time to bat might be against the new ball and England will have to go for it then."Dermot Reeve on TMS
2110: Lots of chat about comments Fleming made at the news conference last night, saying England had played very little part in this game and that only one team was trying to be positive and win the game. Harsh I reckon.
2052: Evening all! Well after a crazy day yesterday and some crazy football results today, I'm expecting nothing other than complete and utter madness on the final day of this game.
New Zealand are 269 ahead with Vettori and Patel at the crease and an authentic number 11 to come in after in Martin. It's anyone's game and a lot depends on how quickly England mop up the tail and the start they make to the chase.