FOURTH ONE-DAY INTERNATIONAL, Napier:
England 340-6 (50 overs) v New Zealand 340-7 (50 overs)
England fought back to secure a tie and keep the series alive after a thrilling finale in the fourth match in Napier.
Openers Phil Mustard (82) and Alastair Cook (69) put on 158 before captain Paul Collingwood blasted a 30-ball 54 as England reached 340-6 in Napier.
Jamie How hit a superb 139 as the hosts looked to be coasting to victory.
But the Kiwis lost wickets in a tense finale, including How run out in the penultimate ball, and could not get the one run needed off the last ball.
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NEW ZEALAND INNINGS
50th over - WICKET - How run out (Shah) 139 (NZ 339-7)
New Zealand need seven from six...and Luke Wright is into the attack having not bowled an over so far! This England team are a proper bunch of weirdos. His first ball is nibbled away for one by How. Vettori gives it some serious heave-ho, gets a bottom edge and picks up one. Five needed from four. How hoicks Wright to wide long-on and New Zealand scamper two. Three needed from three. A low full-bunger from Wright is whipped away by How and Pietersen just misses with a shy from mid-wicket. Two from two. AND WE'VE GOT A WICKET! Shah with a direct hit from mid-off after How is sent back by Vettori. Two needed from one...AND WE HAVE A TIE! New Zealand scramble a leg-bye from the final ball of the match and Collingwood misses with his throw. Fine final over from Luke Wright as Napier falls silent - England got out of jail there and New Zealand blew their chance of clinching the series, which now goes down to the wire in Christchurch. Thanks for reading and speak to you all soon.
"Vettori was run out as he lifted his bat when the stumps were broken. The NZ commentators here can't believe the decision. It's just not going to be our day, is it?"
Matthew Scarborough in the TMS inbox
49th over - 334-6 Vettori releases the pressure for the hosts by swinging Anderson away for four to the wide long-on fence. How adds one and the Kiwis need 11 from 9. Vettori clips Anderson to square-leg and should have been run out coming back for two, but Mustard muffs it after a fine throw from Sidebottom. Suicidal from Vettori, he would have been out by miles and miles and miles...
"Am wondering if I've hit the world record for stabbing with trepidation at the F5 key..."
48th over - 324-6 How nicks a single but Vettori is really struggling here, but he does get off strike with a mis-timed drive to mid-off. Sidebottom bowling and How slaps a low full-bunger to mid-wicket for one. Twenty needed from 14 balls. My colleague has, rather amusingly, already written his report, with the headline: "Kiws stun England to win series". This could be the mother of all re-writes. Vettori bags one, as does How, although for a moment it looked as though Vettori might have been run out.
47th over - 318-6 Vettori very nearly chops on before Anderson sends one across the New Zealand skipper's bows. Anderson thinks Vettori's nicked one next ball, but Mustard's not convinced behind the timbers. Vettori does middle one into the covers to get off strike and How manages to win back the strike from the final ball of Anderson's over. New Zealand not coasting any more, the wind has gone out of their sails.
"'Bemused of Sussex' here. Can anyone tell me why Luke Wright hasn't bowled yet, especially in view of the rubbish apparently being bowled by Anderson & Co!? He has after all opened the bowling for the County champions, and taken big wickets. Is he injured? Has he upset Colly?"
Paul, Fremantle, Australia, in the TMS inbox
46th over - WICKET - Oram c Pietersen b Broad 6 (NZ 315-6)
One for How with a square-drive before Pietersen takes young Broad aside and offers some advice. Oram plays a nice on-drive for a couple but is beaten next ball by one that nipped back at him. That's savage from Oram, leaning back and square-driving Broad for four...but the big man's gone, slashing Broad staight to extra-cover where Pietersen takes the catch in the breadbasket. Vettori is off the mark with a squeeze into the covers.
45th over - WICKET - Fulton run out (Pietersen) 0 (NZ 304-5)
How plays Colly up to mid-on for one but Fulton is struggling to put bat to ball. Pietersen pulls off a fine piece of fielding at mid-on, running in, throwing under-arm and running him out by a few inches. The big-hitting Oram is the next man in. How picks up a couple with a flick to mid-wicket. Mustard fumbles behind the stumps when he could have had Oram stumped and How keeps the strike with a short-arm jab to mid-wicket.
44th over - WICKET - Styris c Anderson b Sidebottom 20 (NZ 301-4)
Sidebottom is Collingwood's final roll of the dice - unless he yanks out a couple of quick wickets, England are toast. New Zealand need 45 from 42 deliveries, and How clips Siders' first ball to the wide long-on fence but then plays an iffy shot, but the ball falls just short of Shah at long-off. But Sidebottom has made a breakthrough, Styris clubbing the ball down Anderson's neck at long-on. Two Metre Peter is next in and he's not in any sort of nick. One leg-bye and How adds one with a very correct drive into the covers.
43rd over - 296-3 Styris shovels Colly over his shoulder for four before yanking him away for a couple. Another one to Styris with a drive into the covers and How squeezes one down to third-man to keep the strike.
"It's all looking a bit ominous now. To lose this game would be a major blow for the confidence of the England bowling 'attack'. What kind of a target can they defend?"
Patrick Lee on TMS
42nd over - 287-3 Broad drives to mid-off for one before the Notts man serves up the cricketing equivalent of a KFC bargain bucket and Styris piles in, swatting him to the point fence for four.
"Why doesn't Collingwood turn to Wright to see if he can do something different? You can't keep on turning to Broad, he's just had a bad day. As a captain you have to feel what's happening."
Sir Geoffrey Boycott on TMS
41st over - 280-3 Two for How with a drive to long-on before How absolutely shellacks Collingwood over the square-leg boundary. How runs Colly down to third-man for one and there are two more singles from the over.
40th over - 269-3 That's How's first one-day ton, steering the ball down to third-man for a couple. Very useful knock that, and How bags another couple with a tuck to mid-wicket. How digs out a yorker to move to 103. His ton came from 86 balls, with nine fours and two sixes. Should be no problems this for the hosts - England's bowling has had about as much penetration as a blob of ice cream today.
"I'm not being over-critical, he's a young man learning his trade, but today has not been one of Broad's better days."
Sir Geoffrey Boycott on TMS
39th over - 262-3 How moves to within four of his ton with a push to mid-on. This is far two easy for New Zealand, Styris dropping the ball down into the off-side and scampering one when perhaps it should have been none. Good stop from Collingwood at backward-point to restrict How to one before Bell makes a good stop diving to his right in the covers. That's a doozy of a cover-drive from Styris - four more and the Black Caps cruising.
38th over - WICKET - Taylor c Mustard b Anderson 47 (NZ 253-3)
Anderson is back into the attack and England need something very special for him, he's been especially bad today - 0-61 from six so far. Anderson tries a yorker but it's full length on leg-stump and Taylor gets a thick inside-edge for four. But Taylor gets carried away, going for the Big Bertha over cover and feathering a catch to Mustard. The experienced Styris is the new man at the crease and is off the mark first ball with a drive into the covers. How moves to 95 with a single.
37th over - 249-2 Shah drops short and Taylor rocks back and carves him through point for four. Taylor gets forward and adds one to the total with a drive to point. How drives through mid-off for one before Taylor swats across the line for one to mid-wicket. One more for How and the Black Caps are turning this into something of a procession, they need something like a run-a-ball with eight wickets in hand.
36th over - 239-2 How picks up to with a punch to deep cover and he moves to 90 with a skewed drive down to third-man, his joint highest score in one-dayers. Big lbw appeal against Taylor, but Umpire Rauf says, rightly, that it was going over. Taylor does add one before How moves to 92 with two into the leg-side.
35th over - 232-2 How gets four for little more than a push and a single with a nurdle to mid-wicket. England then think they've got Taylor caught behind, but there was no nick. Taylor adds one more with a sweep to backward-square.
34th over - 225-2 How punches Collingwood to long-on for one and Taylor whips him through point for a single. One more for How and I am seriously struggling now. What are your thoughts on Cheryl Cole? Should she give her love rat husband the boot? Or should she let the £70,000-a-week Chelsea and England football star back into her life? I feel a bit sorry for Ashley, what with him almost crashing his car on discovering Arsenal were only going to up his wages to 60 grand a week.
33rd over - 221-2 Taylor flogs Shah over mid-wicket and Broad does well to save four. One more for Taylor with a square-drive before How plants his front foot and sweeps Shah for a single.
"While working on assignment in Malaysia a female colleague sitting in one of our teams was called Howzat Shima. I simply could not say her name without making it sound like it was a question."
Brent in the TMS inbox
32nd over - 215-2 How shows the maker's name and picks up one to mid-on. Collingwood looking to take the pace off it and get a handle on this New Zealand innings. How nurdles one to square-leg and Taylor nicks a single to mid-wicket. And that's a four from How, picking up a leg-side delivery from Colly and the ball racing away for four. One more each for How and Taylor and England desperately need a wicket.
31st over - 205-2 We still have Shah and How and Taylor picks up a single apiece. Outside edge from How and that's the New Zealand 200 from just 183 balls. And Shah could have had another wicket there, How wafting, getting an outside edge and Sidebottom just failing to get a hand to it at gully. The ball dribbles away for four and New Zealand, with some almighty clobberers in the middle order, have to be favourites from here.
30th over - 196-2 Broad back on and his first ball is carved to the third-man fence by Taylor. That's some serious hammer from Taylor, plonking Broad into the Harris Stand once again. Broad hits back with a yorker which Taylor digs out with the minimum of fuss. More width from Broad and Taylor flails him square on the off-side for another four. Collingwood has a problem here with Broad and Anderson getting hit to all parts.
"Having lived in Hong Kong for 16 years I've come across a fair share of stupid names, most notably my ex-colleague Muscle Chan. And then there is my dad's secretary Hitler Yuen, who coincidentally wears a ridiculous amount of make-up and, before you ask, yes, she is a she."
Zeno, Hong Kong, in the TMS inbox
29th over - 181-2 Colly sticking with Shah. One wide before Taylor swishes him away for a couple. Shah is, as they say, doing a job. Lobbing up some "filth", as his former Middlesex team-mate Gus Fraser just described it on TMS, but the Kiwi batsmen don't really know what to do with it. In the old days people would stick all their filth in a black bin-liner and lob it in a forest, but the internet killed that stone-dead.
28th over - 177-2 Three singles from Sidebottom's over before Sidebottom has yet another catch put down off his bowling - How pulling and the ball flying through Anderson's desperate clutch at mid-wicket. Tough chance that, but a chance nonetheless. Four runs for the shot and if New Zealand can get to 200-2, England could be in trouble.
"My parents knew a Napoleon Palmolive in what was then the Belgian Congo. Can you ask England to get on with it now please?"
Steve, Wellington (in an office full of Kiwis who are starting to look horribly pleased), in the TMS inbox
"Shah's getting cocky now - he's moving fielders here and there...he'll think he's Saqlain Mushtaq by the end of today..."
Former England pacemen Gus Fraser on TMS
27th over - 170-2 How ticking over metronomically - one more single - and Taylor bags a brace with a flay through the covers. One more from Taylor before How mis-times one and the ball skews just wide of the mid-wicket fielder.
26th over - 164-2 Carry on talking about stupid names, it's making me feel better about myself. Siders beats the bat again, Taylor fencing at one outside off. Fine bowling from Sidebottom, just a How single from the over.
25th over - WICKET - McCullum st Mustard b Shah 58 (NZ 161-2)
Shah is into the attack and he thinks he's got How first ball, but Umpire Bowden turns down a vociferous lbw appeal. A wide next ball before How gets off strike...and then Shah makes the breakthrough! McCullum stretching forward, his back foot Sliding out of the crease and Mustard whipping off the bails. The decision goes to the man upstairs, but it was never in doubt. Huge wicket for England. Taylor is off the mark with a clip into the covers and How steals the strike with a sweep for one.
24th over - 159-1 This is starting to look a bit dicey for England as How clobbers a leg-s-de delivery from Colly into the stand at backward-square. And that's his nifty courtesy of another brutal six to the same area. Looks like a decent bat this How, and he's made a right mess of Collingwood's previously-respectable bowling figures - the equivalent of taking a class rival's homework and drawing a phallus on it.
23rd over - 146-1 How and McCullum exchange singles before How frees the arms and marmalises Mascarenhas over cover for four. Two more for How with a clip to long-off and he keeps the strike with another single.
22nd over - 137-1 McCullum drives into the covers for one and How bags a single with a jab to mid-wicket. Good running from How, scampering one with a dab into the covers, and McCullum keeps the strike with a wristy flash to point.
"I worked in Nigeria for a spell and the best name I came across was Sunday Monday. Happy Godspeed was a close second. Overcast, but warm and muggy for Christchurch on Saturday, but the weather here is even harder to predict than the UK."
Adrian, Wellington, in the TMS inbox
21st over - 133-1 Mascarenhas into the attack. McCullum pushes him into the covers for one and How nicks one to mid-on - Mascar not happy, the fielder was standing far too far back. Singles from McCullum and How and that's a decent over from the Hampshire all-rounder.
20th over - 128-1 McCullum dabs Collingwood into the covers for a sharp single before How backs away, attempting a loft over the covers, and very nearly loses his off-peg. Just one from the over, Collingwood showing the full-timers how it should be done. Tainted Love on the Napier stereo. I tell you something, there'll be an awful lot of tossing and turning and not being able to sleep at night if England nause this one up.
19th over - 127-1 Savage from How, pulling Broad off the front foot for four. How misses with a heave that is more hunter-gatherer than agricultural and is very nearly cleaned up. He does pick up a couple of singles, as does McCullum, and New Zealand are still ticking over very nicely indeed.
18th over - 119-1 Collingwood decides to bring himself into the attack having been rather let down by Jimmy Anderson. How nibbles him into the leg-side for one before McCullum flicks to mid-wicket for an ambled single. One more for How and that's better from the England skipper.
"England have got to winkle out a few mistakes and it's going to take some good captaincy as well as good bowling to pull this one off."
Sir Geoffrey Boycott on TMS
"I've just got back from Hong Kong where the best name I encountered was probably 'Maverick Chang'. Secondly, I'm off to the final game in Christchurch on Friday - any idea how the weather is looking? It's minging here in Melbourne at the moment!"
Gav Hudson in the TMS inbox
17th over - 116-1 How moves to 14 with a far too easy one to mid-off. McCullum adds one before How spots a slower ball from Broad and tugs him away for four. Broad tries out McCullum with a bumper and Umpire Bowden signals wide. New Zealand well on target here, England's bowlers getting their pants pulled down at present.
16th over - 108-1 I have a sneaking suspicion that this going to be a cliff-hanger - the hosts are very much still in this. McCullum pushes Anderson to mid-off for one before How picks up one to bring up New Zealand's ton. A low full-bunger from Anderson and he's flogged to the deep mid-wicket fence for four...and again! Identical ball and an identical shot from McCullum. Anderson serves up a spot of chin music last ball, but that's another expensive over - 11 from it and 61 from his six overs. Pony.
"To Steve, who doesn't find Ben Dirs funny - if you don't find him funny, just try saying his name out loud."
Andrew, Auckland, in the TMS inbox
15th over - Rolex timing from How, just putting his bat in the way of a Broad delivery and the ball racing through the covers for four. And again from How, lashing the Notts pacemen through the off-side for another boundary. Drinks are taken, let's all stick the kettle on and have ourselves a wet.
"Just got to work here in Vietnam. Well done England (so far). I'm glad you are enjoying the cheap clothing mentioned earlier. My neighbour was up at 5am before leaving for the clothing factory. She'll be back by 10pm tonight and work all weekend, for less than a pound a day. The less people wear of it the better."
Tim, Ha Noi, in the TMS inbox
14th over - 86-1 The Kiwis are really getting after Anderson, with How latching onto a length ball and yanking him to the mid-wicket fence. One more from How and New Zealand looking ominous from an England point of view.
13th over - 81-1 How gets one with a thick outside-edge before Broad gets the raving hump, digs one in short and the ball balloons over Mustard behind the stumps and runs away for five wides. Another wide from Broad, but that's better with the final two deliveries, which are of the dotted variety.
"Whilst on the subject on thinly-veiled chauvinistic comments, out here, the Oriental ladies often have unusual 'English' names. One minute I feel I'm working in a pub like the Griffin on Clerkenwell Road, with Phoenix, Apple and Candy helping attend to my needs. The next, I'm at my Nan's day centre with Agnes, Enid and Joyce keeping an eye on things. I don't know whether I'm coming or going!"
David, Hong Kong, in the TMS inbox
12th over - 73-1 One more single to How's name before McCullum plays him wristily into the covers for one more. Sidebottom, nagging away at the Kiwi batsmen, gets one to slant across How and very nearly take the edge. Sidebottom kicks the turf - has there ever been an unluckier England bowler?
"'Ladies like variegated tulips grow, 'Tis to their changes, half their charms we owe.' Not me, Alexander Pope..."
David Wallace, Toledo, Spain, in the TMS inbox
11th over - WICKET - Ryder c Anderson b Broad 39 (NZ 70-1)
He may have been bowling like a drain, but that's a great catch from Anderson, Ryder skying Broad to deep mid-wicket and the Lancashire paceman pouching it over his shoulder with two other fielders closing in. How is the new man at the crease and he's off the mark with a flick to leg.
10th over - 70-0 McCullum walks to outside off and yanks Sidebottom away for four and that's a very pretty shot from McCullum, using his feet and driving Siders through the covers for another. I like the look of McCullum - a very punchy little player, he strikes me as the sort of man who'd help you out if you were getting a kicking on the Tube.
9th over - 61-0 Broad replaces Anderson and let's hope he can apply some control - the Lancashire man was spraying it about like an oil trader on bonus day. Ryder rolls the wrists and drags Broad round the corner for one before McCullum drives wristily into the covers for a single. Ryder dabs down to third-man for one.
"In response to the make-up debate: what do people think about people making thinly-veiled chauvanistic remarks on a BBC cricket text commentary? Am I the only one to find that annoying? Aren't they just advertising their idiocy in front of a group of strangers?"
Nadia Kamil in the TMS inbox
8th over - 58-0 Not sure if McCullum is doing his side any good staying out there, he's clearly struggling with that finger of his. He's beaten outside the off-stump by Sidebottom but does pick up one with a clip to leg. Plenty of control from Sidebottom, in contrast to Anderson, and two from the over.
7th over - 56-0 Fee Fi Fo Fum from Ryder, marmalising Anderson high and handsome over long-off and almost out of the ground. Ryder carves into the covers for another couple before crashing Anderson over the wide long-on fence. Thirty-three off his last two overs, Anderson is getting his backside handed to him by the pugnacious Ryder. I like Ryder, he's got spunk.
"I can't believe that I'm following the cricket and about to make a serious statement about women and make-up. I may be in a minority of one, but every woman I've ever dated has always looked much more attractive without any make-up whatsoever. Oh, and I think Ben Dirs's commentaries are very entertaining. Does that put me in two minorities of one?"
Gavin Twedily in the TMS inbox
6th over - 39-0 McCullum doesn't look too happy with that hand of his and he's scythed in half by an absolute snorter from Sidebottom that nips back off the seam. It's his finger apparently, and not his wrist. McCullum does nick a single and Ryder bags one with a steer to point. McCullum plays with soft hands and scampers one to mid-off. Decent start this from the hosts.
"What do people think about girls doing their make-up on public transport? Am I the only one to find that annoying? Aren't they just advertising their ugliness by applying the cover- up in front of a group of strangers?"
Andrew, Sydney, in the TMS inbox
5th over - 36-0 Anderson drops short and Ryder mis-times his pull and is nearly caught by Broad at mid-on. Three for the shot however. Mustard then puts down a very difficult chance down the leg-side before McCullum slaughters him with a six over cover. McCullum, attempting a curious stroke, is then struck on the wrist by Anderson and requires treatment. He picks up a single and Ryder makes the most of some width and larrups Anderson through point for four. Good comeback from Anderson, getting his final ball past the fiddling Ryder.
4th over - 20-0 Ryder has a wild and windy woosh outside off-stump and is beaten by Sidebottom. Big, hooping leg-side wide from Sidebottom before McCullum, scratching about for runs, picks up four with a inside-edge.
"The music is all a bit retro in the one-day game, although when I heard Georgie Girl the other day it sent a shiver down my spine..."
Jonathan Agnew on TMS
3rd over - 14-0 One leg-side wide from Anderson and there's two for McCullum with a carve to third-man. Ryder swings Anderson to wide long-on for a few. McCullum attempts to cut but misses before going for a Bothamesque hook shot and again finding thin air. Bit of disquiet among the fans, which is a little bit harsh at this stage of the game. Myself and my colleague were just discussing how "having a bird" means you are sentenced to always seeing rubbish films at the cinema.
2nd over - 9-0 McCullum tucks Sidebottom to square-leg for one. Bit of swing from Sidebottom and Ryder is struck on the pad. Not a sniff of lbw however. Ryder picks up a couple with a gentle flick to mid-on. Good over from Sidebottom.
"Not a rediscovery, but was introduced to the pleasures of a cheese fondue last night. Marvellous! Oh, and the fork would come in handy right now for stabbing the chivalrous Matt from York in the eye...most amusing!"
Sarah, usually from Canterbury but currently in Dubai (yay!), in the TMS inbox
1st over - 6-0 England huddle and here come the Kiwi openers. We'll have play any second. No team has come close to overhauling 340 on this Napier ground, although, as Aggers has just pointed out on TMS, many of those games have been played under lights. Anderson strays onto Ryder's legs and is swung away for the first four runs of the New Zealand innings. Ryder dabs uppishly to just short of the fielder at fine-leg - not a good line that from Anderson. One more for Ryder with a flick off his pads and McCullum is off the mark with a single.
"I'm sitting next to a German, he doesn't get cricket, just wants to talk about fishing! Doing my head in. Great start for England. Is it just me or does anyone else think we will get stuffed? Old birds with too much make up, now that's wrong."
Studley, Chester, in the TMS inbox
0156: No Steve (see below), you are not the only one who doesn't find me remotely funny. John from Bristol has just emailed in to tell me I'm an "absolute *&@%". You can have his number if you want. On too much make-up and hooped earrings, I've always been a fan of ankle bracelets. I even bought a girlfriend one once, but later found out they are often the jewellery of choice for ladies of the night (and day in parts of Nottingham). Strangely, it didn't put me off them.
"In response to Dave, I don't find it off-putting at all when lasses wear too much make up. It's the following morning when they've taken it all off that's the problem."
Matt, York (City fan), in the TMS inbox
"Does anybody else find Mr Dirs not even remotely funny? I can't be the only one."
Steve in the TMS inbox
"Dave (50th Over) - I don't find it off-putting when girls wear too much make-up, in fact I see it as the opposite. I like to think the amount of make-up a girl is wearing is a testament to their intentions and availability. Similar to hooped earrings."
Mark, Rochdale, in the TMS inbox
"Slightly passed-it bananas, spread on brown bread, a generous sprinkling of brown sugar and popped under the grill. My Gran's quintessential Sunday afternoon 'yummy'."
Graham, Barcelona, in the TMS inbox
"I have a goatee beard, but have now been living in Australia for five years and don't have an accent. And I will never have one. Does one cancel out the other, making me now averagely trustworthy again?"
Andy, Brisbane, in the TMS inbox
"This chat about England winning and middle-aged women showing too much flesh is just too much for me. On another note, does anyone else find it off-putting when girls wear too much make-up?"
Dave, dedicated England fan/student in Leeds, in the TMS inbox
50th over - WICKET Wright c Fulton b Martin 24 (Eng 340-6)
Martin with the final over and his first ball is a peach, full-pitched just outside off-stump and Colly misses with an ugly hoick. One for Collingwood, actually it was a leg-bye. That's a shocker for New Zealand - Martin with the full-bunger, Wright missing it and the ball racing between McCullum's legs and running away for four. Wright misses out on a low full-toss from Martin, although he does pick up two with a toe-ended pull. A couple more from the penultimate ball courtesy of a mis-timed swipe but Wright is out from the final ball, lofting Martin down to long-leg and Fulton taking a fine catch on the run. That's England's third-highest one-day total ever, and it was a tremendous show of hitting from the tourists, especially Collingwood - never mind nudge and nurdle, he was slaughtering it to all parts.
49th over - 331-5 A close-up of Collingwood's bat reveals it's got a whacking great hole in the face. Wouldn't go changing that bit of wood though, it's a little beauty. Wright heave-hos Mills to the long-on fence for four and Collingwood steals the strike with a clip to mid-wicket.
48th over - 322-5 Another maximum from Colly, larruping Martin over the square-leg fence, and he picks up one more with a club to long-on. Wright drives into the covers for a single. That is quite simply magnificent from Collingwood, leaning back and rat-a-tat-tatting Martin over the mid-wicket fence for another six and his fifty - from just 24 deliveries. Width from Martin and Wright laces him through point for four. Cricinfo reckon this is the first time five England batsmen have made more than 40 in a one-dayer - and it's already their highest score against New Zealand.
47th over - 303-5 Collingwood throws the kitchen sink at a Mills delivery and misses - ugly - before digging out a yorker and picking up one. Wright gives Mills the charge and clubs him high and handsome over wide long-on for six. That's England's 300 courtesy of a single from Wright, although it was a full-bunger and should have been more. Collingwood picks up a single from a half-bunger and Wright manages just two from the final ball of the over, another full-bunger. Eleven from the over, though it should have been more.
"For my 'crease-walk', I'd take the introduction to 'No Good Deed' from the musical Wicked, for its ludicrously bombastic orchestral introduction. Or the News At Ten theme, for the same reason. Just to make a statement. Before being bowled out for 0."
'Shiny' David Howell, Southampton, in the TMS inbox
46th over - WICKET - Shah c Fulton b Vettori 5 (Eng 291-5)
More hammer from Collingwood, flogging Vettori over the square-leg fence for another maximum, but Shah perishes in the deep, slapping a steepler down the throat of Two Metre Peter down at long-leg. Luke Wright is the new man at the crease and he survives the last ball of the over.
45th over - 282-4 O'Brien has been removed from the attack after his bottom-smacking in the previous over. Colly clips the ball solidly back at Oram but the catch is shelled. Shah spots a gap at short third-man and dabs the ball there for a single and Colly steals the strike.
44th over - WICKET Pietersen b Vettori 50 (277-4)
That's KP's fifty, his 18th in one-dayers, from 46 balls. Collingwood is in some serious touch here - he arches his back and absolutely lathers Oram over mid-wicket for his third maximum. Two more for Colly with an ease into the covers and the Kiwis are looking a bit ragged in the field now - that's an overthrow. But there goes KP, getting down on one knee, missing with an almighty heave and losing his off-stump. Shah is off the mark with a single from the final ball of the over.
"Speaking of your own funeral, I have always thought that people are talking rubbish when they say they don't want people to be upset when they go. I'd be devastated if people weren't crying their eyes out at my funeral. I mean, I'm great, and they'll never see me again. Just think of that when you're raising a smile as I'm being carried in my chest of eternal slumber."
Sean, Southampton, in the TMS inbox
43rd over - 269-3 One run apiece for Collingwood and Pietersen and there's two more for Colly with a nurdle to leg. The England skipper picks up one more before KP nicks two courtesy of a clip to mid-wicket. KP keeps the strike with a flip off his toes. Chris Greenwood (see below), I recommend a cracking little eatery called Dallas on Hackney Road: kebab karaoke, and you've got Ye Olde Axe just a skip and a hop away.
42nd over - 260-3 KP gives Colly the strike and the England skipper gives O'Brien some serious tap, moving to outside off and swinging him deep into the crowd at square-leg before absolutely marmalising the next delivery, the ball landing on the top of the stand and falling on the fans below. O'Brien's final ball is another short one and Collingwood rolls his wrists on it and the ball races away for four. Great over that for England, 310-20 very much in their sights.
"Had my wisdom teeth out last week. When you can't chew it's amazing what you rediscover. Pick of the treasures has been homemade mushroom and garlic soup, made with white wine, plenty of cream and chicken stock. And bread and butter pudding...brown sugar and cinnamon essential. By the way, I'm taking a girl out in London on Thursday, need recommendations for a fairly central, affordable but slightly classy place with a good bar nearby."
Chris Greenwood, Buckinghamshire, in the TMS inbox
41st over - 242-3 The between-over music leads me to ponder what my one-day 'crease-walk' tune would be. It makes a nice change from pondering what I'd have at my funeral, especially as someone once told me that thinking about your own funeral tunes is a sign of raging narcissism. Pietersen picks up one with a straight drive before Colly has a windy woosh outside off-peg and is beaten by Oram. Colly does get off the mark with a nurdle to leg (what were the odds of that?) and Pietersen nicks the strike with a scampered single to point.
40th over - WICKET - Bell c Mills b O'Brien 43 (Eng 232-3)
Bell perishes in the deep, pulling a short one from O'Brien and holing out to Mills on the square-leg boundary. The batsmen crossed and KP carts O'Brien over the mid-wicket fence for a maximum, as if in revenge. England skipper Collingwood is new at the crease and he blocks the final ball of the over.
39th over - 232-2 Easy single for Pietersen before Oram bangs one in short and is flogged through mid-wicket by Bell for four. Another single for Bell with an ease into the covers before KP picks up a couple with a whip from outside off through mid-wicket.
"When it comes to the great clothing debate (Are Women Wearing Less? 20th Over), the Australian outfitters must all be on a similar Price versus Cost model to Primark because the general level of flesh on show over here is far greater than at home, and I come from Essex where flesh is the order of the day on an evening out in Talk."
Mark in Sydney, not missing Southend (or Talk) in the TMS inbox
38th over - 224-2 Crackerjack shot from Bell, rocking back and carving Vettori through point for four. Bell moves to 39 with a nurdled single and England's rebuilding job is pretty much complete. Now for some hammer - KP sends for some new wood between overs.
"Hello Dirs. I agree, Primark is ridiculously cheap, I got a top for 50p from there."
KP, Preston, in the TMS inbox
37th over - 217-2 Pietersen slog-sweeps for four before nicking an easy single. Bell takes an easy one before Styris spots KP giving him the charge and drops it short, but Pietersen adjusts, gets up on tippy-toes and flogs the ball away for four. KP gets away with an uppish drive, the balling finding wide open space in the off-side.
36th over - 206-2 That's England's 200 courtesy of a nibble round the corner from Pietersen and Bell breaks the shackles with a slap over extra-cover for four. One more for Bell with a neat turn to mid-wicket before KP skips down the track and whips Vettori through mid-wicket for another single. What do we all think about goatee beards? I think there is only one type of person that you can trust less - anyone that returns from a gap year with an accent (usually an Australian one). Wronguns.
35th over - 198-2 Two singles before KP angles his bat and picks up one more to short third-man. Bell steals the strike with a push into the covers and it's all nudle and nurdle at the moment.
34th over - 194-2 Bell bags two with a risky lofted drive to long-off, the ball falling just in front of the fielder out there. One more for Bell with a stroke into the covers before Pietersen plays uppishly to long-off and picks up one. Players have a wet.
"Watching Ian Bell bat in one-day cricket is a bit like watching Nasser Hussain - there's a build-up of pressure followed by a big, get-out shot to long-off."
Jonathan Agnew on TMS
33rd over - 190-2 Two singles apiece for Bell and Pietersen and this pair are setting the foundations for the final fling. News in that two Australians have pulled out of this Indian Twenty20 jamboree - Brad Haddin and Mitchell Johnston. Where will all this end? Will it be Packer all over again?
32nd over - 186-2 Pietersen picks up one with a tuck off his pads for one before Mills copies the shot for a single of his own. Another for KP with a work off his hip and that's the end of the powerplay. During the interval they will be talking about the IPL player auction in Bombay. Have a listen, should be welldy interesting.
"Crumpets. With butter. Preferably still in my dressing gown and slippers. If only Saturday Superstore was still on TV to make it a perfect breakfast."
Mark, Maida Vegas, London, in the TMS inbox
31st over - 183-2 Ryder serves up a full-bunger on Pietersen's legs and KP flips him away dismissively for four. That's another rancid delivery, but Bell is only able to flip it away for a few when it should have been four. Fine fielding down at long-leg. Another full-bunger from Ryder, but KP misses out, driving full-bloodedly to the fielder at mid-off. KP does move to seven with a bottom-handed whip to mid-wicket before Bell nicks the strike with a silky cover-drive. Not so good that from Ryder.
"Dirsy, you're just turning into a filthy old man. You'll be buying a rubbish sports car and leering at teenage girls soon enough."
Michael, Manchester, in the TMS inbox
30th over - 172-2 Bell slashes outside off and picks up a couple over the slip region. But that's a far more authentic stroke from Bell, reaching and steering Martin through the covers for four. And there's another, Bell square-driving to the point boundary. Good comeback from Martin, a bit of extra lift and Bell is beaten outside off. Two more, however, from Bell with an easy drive through the covers.
"New Zealand have sussed it straight away - six men in the circle and just let England try and hit through them. They're not number three in the world for nothing."
Sir Geoffrey Boycott on TMS
29th over - 160-2 Ryder on a hat-trick, and KP seemingly attempts to lather him through mid-on for four - but the ball is fielded and there is no run. KP does pick up a single with a nurdle to leg. Bell picks up a single with a clip to mid-wicket, but that's another decent over from Ryder, just two from it.
"Rediscovered the glories of Marmite smeared on scrambled eggs at the weekend - suitably washed down with a gallon of coffee and a generous pile of Sunday papers."
Nick, Stockholm, in the TMS inbox
28th over - 158-2 Bell struggling to get off the mark - he has a punch into the covers fielded and fails to get an improvised whip through the mid-on region. Martin gets one past the Warwickshire man's bat final ball and England are becalmed.
"I have also rediscovered the joys of jam recently. Can't beat eight or nine pieces of toast with raspberry jam and butter at about 11pm."
Mark, Stevenage, in the TMS inbox
WICKET - Cook b Ryder 69 (Eng 158-2)
And another! Looked to be nothing more than a straight one from Ryder and Cook plays all round it. Wickets with his fifth and sixth balls in one-day cricket from Ryder, and England with a rebuilding job to do. Bell and Pietersen at the crease.
27th over - WICKET - Mustard c Oram b Ryder 83 (Eng 158-1)
That's Mustard gone. He does well to dig out a yorker from Ryder before getting restless, going for some hammer and holing out to Oram at deep mid-wicket. Easy as shelling peas for the big man.
"On the subject of re-discovering food - having watched Wallace and Gromit, I rediscovered the simple joy of cheese and biscuits. A wafer, a biscuit, and a noggin of Red leicester. By the way, is it true that the cracker-eating record is five crackers in 1 minute and 22 seconds?"
Andy, Leics, in the TMS inbox
26th over - 157-0 Cook bags one with a drive to mid-off and Mustard grabs a single with a steer to point. One more for Cooky with a tentative, and rather uppish, dab-sweep.
"What's your problem with Vietnamese curries? By the way, it's 'mostaza' in Spanish, although I have no idea what it is in Vietnamese. Keep at it England! Remember that it's not over until it's over - just ask Inter Milan."
Dr Alan, Mexico, in the TMS inbox
25th over - 154-0 Mustard sashays down the track towards Vettori and slaps him over mid-wicket for his second maximum. Mustard stretches for one and picks up two more with a sweep to mid-wicket and he scampers a cheeky single after a nudge into the covers. One more for Cook with a clip to mid-wicket and England are motoring. My colleague says that Primark are to blame, or congratulate, for women in Britain wearing less - because their clothes are so cheap, he explains, therefore they have to be very small for the company to make any money.
24th over - 142-0 Two for Cooky with a swing over mid-wicket and he picks up one more with a steer to deep backward-point. Cook steals the strike with a nurdle to leg.
23rd over - 137-0 Vettori gives it some flight and Cook slaps him to the deep mid-wicket fence. One more for Cook with a clip to mid-wicket before Mustard comes over all improvisational and reverse sweeps Vettori for four.
"This is depressing. Liverpool beat Inter Milan after losing to Barnsley, and now England have reached three figures without losing a wicket. I want something to moan about!"
Robbie, Liverpool, in the TMS inbox
22nd over - 128-0 Styris is on and Cook flogs him to deep mid-wicket for one. The crowd through there was a chance of a catch, but it went one bounce to the fielder. Mustard bags one with a steer to third-man and Cook steals the strike with a cut.
21st over - 125-0 Two singles apiece from Cook and Mustard and this partnership is well and truly set.
20th over - 121-0 Cook nurdles off his pads for one. O'Brien tempts Cook with a wide one outside off but the Essex man thinks better of it and it's called a wide by Umpire Rauf. Mustard backs away and clubs O'Brien over extra-cover for the first maximum of the day. Tremendous strength from Mustard, that was brutal. Cook picks up four more with a punch through extra-cover and that's his fifty, and a pretty handy one at that. Am I getting old or are Britain's women wearing less and less? I walked past a middle-aged lady placing her shopping in the boot of her car last week and, well, let me put it this way, I felt a fleeting frisson of excitement. This quickly turned to disgust when one of her two kids ran into view and started clutching one of her legs.
19th over - 108-0 One for Cook before Mustard fails to make the most of a rare short one from Vettori. Mustard does pick up one with a short-arm pull next ball before Cook advances and swings Vettori over mid-wicket for a single.
18th over - 105-0 Mustard clips O'Brien round the corner and Ryder does well to restrict England to three runs with a good dive on the boundary. O'Brien drops short and Cook yanks him away for one. I have over the past week rediscovered the joys of jam. Has anyone else recently rediscovered the joys of a food they used to love?
"Regarding the Wii: Over Christmas I played it for the first time round my girlfriend's house. Apparently I'm in the top 100 in the world on Sonic/Mario Olympics and impressed her brothers so much that, now we've split up, her family are telling her that she can't do better and she must, at all costs, reconcile things with me. Can you get Wii Cricket?"
Tony, Glasgow, in the TMS inbox
"I reckon that would have gone on to hit middle, middle and leg. New Zealand are unlucky not to have taken a couple of wickets this morning."
Former England fast bowler Angus Fraser on TMS
17th over - 100-0 Vettori brings himself into the attack and he has Mustard in a bit of a piclkle with a regulation tweaker just outside off. Mustard does pick up one with a twiddle to fine-leg and Cook rocks back and carves Vettori through point for a single. Calm down Colonel - wild, reverse sweep from the Durham man, but Umpire Bowden presumably reckons it pitched outside off-stump. And that's the England ton courtesy of a clip through mid-wicket for one.
16th over - 95-0 Fine leg-side stop from McCullum after the ball flicks Mustard's pads. But that's The Colonel's fifty, his first in one-dayers, courtesy of a dinky upper-cut for four. Needed a decent dig today Mustard, and he's got one. O'Brien drops short and Cook flogs him away in front of square for four. England really clattering along quite nicely in Napier.
"I can exclusively reveal that Iain O'Brien has been playing in recent years for the mighty Matlock CC in mid-Derbyshire, in the Derbyshire County Cricket League Division One. Also playing for the club is ex-England international Derek Randall!"
Andy, near Matlock, in the TMS inbox
15th over - 85-0 Not clever from Oram, straying onto Cook's pads and the Essex opener turning him round the corner for four. Been kicking about with mates and their babies over the past few days. Bit dull innit? Although it did give me the excuse of playing that Wii thing. I actually had a sweat-on after a couple of rounds of boxing.
14th over - 81-0 Mustard opens the face and runs one down to third-man. Cook stands tall and cuts new bowler O'Brien away for four. Good comeback from O'Brien, getting the ball past Cook's perpendicular blade. The Essex man works the ball square into the leg side and nicks the strike.
13th over - 75-0 Belter of a stroke from Cook, standing proud and carving Oram to the point boundary. Three more for Cook courtesy of a drive to deep extra-cove. Mostrich (this is like a little late-night language lesson) punches to mid-on for one.
12th over - 67-0 Martin chucks a big wide down leg-side before Mustard picks up four with a thick outside-edge. Bit of width from Martin and Moutard crackerjacks him over extra-cover for a two-bounce four. Hitting his straps here the Durham gloveman. Good running from England, Mustard taking the pace off the ball and scampering two to mid-wicket. Wild and windy woosh from Mustard but he does bag another boundary with a clip off his legs through backward-square. The Colonel has 46 from 40 and Cook has 18.
"Andrew in Hamilton (see below), I'm guessing the Black Cocks play badminton. Does that mean once Kiwi girls have played badminton, they never go back to playing any other sport?"
Andy, Brisbane, in the TMS inbox
11th over - 51-0 That's ugly from Mostarda, giving Oram the charge and almost hitting the deck after a rancid heave. Mustard picks up one with a fend to mid-wicket and Cook scampers one. And there's four for Mustard, shellacking Oram to the wide long-on fence.
10th over - 44-0 Easy does it from Cooky, just nurdling Martin to mid-wicket for one. Mustard walks away to leg and slams the ball into Martin's right shin - one for the shot. Martin gets a bit of lift and has Cook nibbling at one outside off-stump.
9th over - 42-0 Good-looking shot from Mustard, a gossamer late cut, and he picks up one to third-man. Cook bags a single before Mills drags one in short and Cook yanks him round the corner for four. Good little partnership this for England. Saw No Country For Old Men the other night. Has there been a better baddie? (apart from Baron Greenback)
"That's one thing that gets me here in NZ, they have a name for everything: All Blacks, Black Caps, Tall Blacks, White Socks...guess what sport the members of the Black Cocks play?"
Andrew Knight, Hamilton, in the TMS inbox
8th over - 35-0 Good, probing over from Martin and Mustard very nearly tickles one to McCullum behind the stumps. There's Swanny acting the goat on the England balcony. No spinner for England in the last two games, and that's a maiden over from Martin.
7th over - 35-0 Mills pitches one up and Cook times him through the covers for four. Lip-smacking stroke that. One more from Cookie with a clip to leg before Mustard nicks the strike with a flick off his pads.
"If you're going to be searching for translations of Mustard until he gets out (I'm typing quick), can I suggest the more dashing-sounding Mostarda (Portugese) rather than the slighlty wimpy French?"
Paul, Lancs, in the TMS inbox
6th over - 29-0 McCullum has put one day, and it was a bona fide sitter. Cook driving with his feet nailed to the crease, feathering and McCullum displaying gloves of stone. Rowan Johnston in Auckland has just pointed out that his cricket team is not called the All Blacks, as I referred to them lower down. Apologies, and I have amended. Cook drags Martin away for a few from the final ball.
5th over - 26-0 Mills strays onto the Colonel's legs and is tickled away for four. Expansive stroke from Moutard and a fine save from Vettori in the covers. But he does thread one through next ball for another four. The football editor just called me one of the rudest words known to man. I really don't know what to say.
"If you are going to mention pub food then you should know that the Beer and Burger which can be purchased from a certain chain by the name of 'The Mighty Stack' is the best thing that has happened to me since I lost my virginity. And it lasted longer too."
Darius Bradley in the TMS inbox
4th over - 18-0 Bit of width from Martin and Mustard carves him through point for four. Mustard bends his front leg and laces Martin though just in front of point for four more before taking a cheeky, yet comfortable, single with a nurdle to leg.
"What do you have against Wetherspoons' curry nights? You get a free beer included in the price. That's not something to turn your nose up at."
Alistair McLagan in the TMS inbox
3rd over - 9-0 Good over from Mills, that's a maiden. Cook shoulders arms against the final ball and very nearly loses his off-peg. Liz Cater emails in to say she's never heard of a Stratford Handshake (see below). Liz, that will be because I just made it up.
2nd over - 9-0 Martin shares the new pill and Cook picks up one for an outside-edge. Martin goes for a bit of chin music and Mustard is onto it, whipping a pull shot over an outstretched Ryder at mid-wicket. The burly Ryder wasn't far away, but that's the first four of the over. Moutard swings hard and misses one that just drifts away and that's the end of the over.
1st over - 4-0 Mills has first bung for the Black Caps and his first delivery is a wide. Cook is surprised by a bit of extra bounce before taking a very risky run - he dives from distance and just makes his ground. Mills getting a little bit of drift into the left-handers and the Colonel is off the mark with a skewed drive to mid-wicket for two. Four from the first over. Here's some chat for you: would anyone ever order a curry from any sort of restaurant other than an Indian or Thai? It's a massive no-no in my book, especially from a Wetherspoons.
"We've lost the toss, should I just go to bed now?"
Sarah, Bucks, in the TMS inbox
2155: John Rettering from Auckland has emailed in to comment that I was lucky not only to narrowly evade a Stratford Handshake - even worse would have been a Dagenham Handshake. Indeed John, that would have put a very different gloss on this evening's match...I fancy England to nick this one, a big knock from Cook setting up a meaty victory...
"A girl from work has gone to the game today because she got some free tickets and is taking a book because she has no interest in cricket. Life is unfair sometimes."
Chris Dunn in the TMS inbox
"Phil 'Colonel' Mustard will make an excellent international cricketer. He has shown his worth for Durham over the last couple of seasons and besides. you don't think Colly will drop a fellow Sunderland supporter do you?"
Tony in the TMS inbox
2147: Aggers on TMS informs us that we have a humdinger of a day in Napier. It's O'Brien's debut in one-dayers - he's 31, so no spring chicken. He's played six Tests though, and taken a bit of hammer. This evening on my way to work, I saw a drunken man being apprehended by a couple of policeman. Thirty seconds earlier and I could have been on the end of a Stratford Handshake. Sobering.
New Zealand: JD Ryder, BB McCullum, JM How, LRPL Taylor, SB Styris, PG Fulton, JDP Oram, DL Vettori, KD Mills, IE O'Brien, CS Martin England: AN Cook, P Mustard, IR Bell, KP Pietersen, PD Collingwood, OA Shah, AD Mascarenhas, LJ Wright, SCJ Broad, RJ Sidebottom, JM Anderson
2142: New Zealand captain Daniel Vettori has won the toss and decided to bowl first. The hosts have only made one change, fast bowler Iain O'Brien is in for Paul Hitchcock.
2140: Some chat in the papers today about whether Alastair Cook and Ian Bell can play in the same one-day side. I've got to be honest, I'm not sure they can. England are unchanged from the side that sealed a morale-boosting win in Auckland last week.
2130: All right? Another must-win encounter for England this evening, or whatever it is where you are. Young wicket-keeper Mustard could do with a few runs to stave off the vultures - just read Jonathan Agnew's piece in today's Evening Standard, and he reckons Mustard's got all the attributes to become a pretty decent player at international level.