ONE-DAY SERIES, ADELAIDE:
Australia 111-1 (12 overs) v England 110
England's calamitous tour of Australia plunged to a fresh low, as they were humbled in Adelaide and lost by nine wickets, having been skittled for a pathetic 110.
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AUSTRALIA WIN BY NINE WICKETS
25th over: 111-1 Ponting goes for that big hit, but falls a few yards short of the mid-wicket boundary with an enormous hoik off Tremlett. He turns another around the corner to bring up his 27th ODI fifty and win the match in the process.
24th over: 105-1 A couple of singles off Dalrymple and now just one massive blow will finish England off.
"Lowest point of the tour? Not yet! I quite expect to wake up one morning and find that England have been bowled out for 0."
David Williams, via TMS inbox
23rd over: 103-1 Hayden crashes Tremlett through mid-wicket for four, before getting two more through the covers. Eight needed from 27 overs. Slaughter doesn't even begin to describe it.
22nd over: 92-1 Jamie Dalrymple comes into the attack and absolutely nothing of interest happens whatsoever. Except that a lot of the crowd seem to be filing out of the Adelaide Oval, presumably to get stuck into celebrating Australia Day with another brutal win over the Poms in the bag.
21st over: 90-1 A real rarity, as Ponting bottom-edges a pull shot. He survives though, but fair play to Tremlett, that was about as probing as it gets from an England seamer.
"England, having plumbed the depths, hit rock bottom, are now drilling for oil."
Adrian in Norfolk via TMS inbox
20th over: 88-1 Four singles off this Monty over. You have to feel for the poor lad, is it just me or sometimes does it seem like he's the only one really giving 100%?
19th over 85-1 Standard. Tremlett. Leg side. Ponting. Four. Quick singles. England head drop.
"The rest of us would give our right arm to be doing what they are doing. I get up at 4am on a cold dark morning working in all weathers 12 hours a day to earn a living. IF I performed as badly in my job as the England cricket team I would get the sack."
Andy Bright, via TMS inbox
18th over: 79-1 Monty still wheeling away, but they're picking up singles with ease. At the very least, defending a pathetic 110, England could be at it in the field, but they can't even get that right. What a shambles.
17th over: 75-1 Tremlett bowls a good over of old fashioned line and length, conceding just a single. Respect from Ponting.
16th over: 74-1 Poor old Plunkers. The ball's following him around now, and he mis-fields badly to give Hayden two more. England do not look remotely like getting one of these boys out.
15th over: 70-1 Plunkett taken off sharpish, Tremlett back on, Hayden still struggling for any real timing. Aussies need 40 from 35 overs. That's just over 1.14 per over.
"Watching England play Australia is like being married to my wife. Every now and then, but rarely, you start to delude yourself that you might get to a stage where you believe that you're on equal terms. Then something happens, invariably my fault, which shatters the delusion and you're back, once more to the abject reality of absolute inferiority."
Bongo, via TMS inbox
14th over: 69-1 On-the-spot from Monty, giving the Aussies nothing to hit. Good lad.
13th over: 66-1 Same old. Plunkett bowls two juicy half-volleys on leg stump and Ponting dispatches them away for four. Punter then clips him to fine leg for four. Sorry to say, but a hopless over.
Australia need just 57 more for another thumping victory. How many overs do you reckon it'll take them? Two? Five?
12th over: 54-1 Monty's into the attack - do you think he's enjoying the start of his one-day career? No. Ponting pushes hard and edges to slip, but Collingwood can only get a hand to it and spills the chance. It'd be heartbreaking if it hadn't happened all winter.
11th over: 49-1 Flintoff is manfully plugging away, but he's injured - when Gilchrist was run out, the big Lancastrian got a hand to the ball and may have damaged a finger. Oh goody.
10th over: 48-1 Poor old Plunkett - even Hayden's clipping him off his pads for four. Poor lines from the Durham seamer, not surprising given his lack of cricket this winter. When they don't score fours, the Aussies are picking up easy singles. It's like a practice match.
9th over: 41-1 Blimey, a maiden from Flintoff to Hayden, who treats the England captain's over with exactly the respect it deserves.
8th over: 41-1 Bit more like the Ponting who has destroyed England all summer, as a clever tickle off his legs from Tremlett garners four. To be honest, getting RT out is probably as much as England dare hope for now. Tremlett raps him on the pads, but nothing doing.
7th over: 35-1 Boy that was close. Ponting goes hard at Freddie and gets a thick edge just wide of Joyce at point.
7th over: 32-1 (Gilchrist 23) Flintoff on now and, somehow, he institutes a brain melt from the Aussies. Run-hungry Gilchrist wants to take a quick single but it's never on and as he gets sent back, Plunkett sensibly throws to Nixon and he flattens the stumps. Game on? Not even close.
6th over: 32-0 Hayden gets off the mark with a badly mis-timed cover drive that flies off the inside edge for a couple. The difference between him and his opening partner could barely be more stark. Not that it matters, really.
5th over: 27-0 Gilchrist creams three boundaries off Plunkett, all through the covers. Just how quickly do Australia want to win this one? Plunkett goes round the wicket and Gilchrist hammers him over his head for four more. Welcome to the tour, Liam.
4th over: 11-0 Fifteen balls faced by Hayden - still no runs. Here is a man struggling for form in the one-day game and there's an interesting sub-plot going on.
3rd over: 7-0 A couple more extras keep Australia moving forward. How long can England keep Hayden on nought?
2nd over: 5-0 Tremlett makes an encouraging start, the only run coming from a wide.
1st over: 4-0 Ah, it's England's "Lord Lucan" opening the bowling, Liam Plunkett. Gilchrist gets a couple of half-drives away through the covers and the Aussies are away.
35th over: 110 all out (Nixon 4)
There we go - Hogg's second wicket is England's last for their ninth worst score ever in ODIs. For the record, Nixon hits a catch back to the bowler.
34th over: 110-9 Same format as before - Nixon takes a single, Monty defends the rest of the over.
33rd over: 109-9 No immediate second wicket for Hogg - in fact Nixon and Monty look fairly comfortable.
32nd over: 108-9 Nixon pulls Johnson, who finishes with 4-45, for a single. Monty plays out the rest of the over.
31st over: 107-9 (Tremlett 0)
A defensive edge by Tremlett off Hogg goes straight to first slip. On the radio, scores of listeners phoning in are calling for coach Duncan Fletcher to resign.
30th over: 106-8 (Dalrymple 10, Plunkett 0)
A little edge and it's a third wicket for Johnson as Dalrymple departs. England are so clueless at playing against left-arm seamers sometimes (think Bracken and Franklin previously in this series, also Sri Lanka's Vaas).
Plunkett's first appearance of the summer sees him register a catch as a leading edge loops up to point.
29th over: 106-6 What can Dalrymple and Nixon do against Hogg. Probably not a lot.
28th over: 103-6 (Flintoff 16)
Flintoff picks out the floating slip fielder with a loos drive off Johnson, who deserves that wicket.
27th over: 101-5 Ironic cheers from a crowd of 32,000 as the 100 comes up. It's like they've turned out to watch a bull fight, except instead of bulls England have sent out lambs.
26th over: 97-5 Gilchrist's error spares Flintoff. The skipper drives at Johnson, but the wicket-keeper does not even begin the dive to his right - and he wouldn't have had to move very far to take the catch.
25th over: 89-5 Here we are at the mid-innings stage - a reasonable moment to predict a final total. I'll go for an outrageously optimistic 161.
24th over: 83-5 Lee bowls a maiden to Flintoff, England's captain using his head - unlike others I could mention.
23rd over: 83-5 The second spinner is on, in the shape of Hogg. Quite frankly, Ponting could grab the most inebriated spectator from the crowd to bowl a full 10 and England would still probably lose.
22nd over: 82-5 Dalrymple survives a keen shout for lbw by Lee. It's a full toss and a man batting at seven in a one-day international should be getting bat on that anyway.
21st over: 81-5 (Collingwood 3)
Symonds does not even celebrate his second wicket of the innings - because England are just tossing away wickets without the Aussies bowling particularly well. Here, Collingwood just bunts a ball straight to mid-off.
20th over: 79-4 (Joyce 11)
Joyce decides it's mid-on's turn to take a catch as he launches into a ludicrous attempted pull off the returning Lee. It's an easy chance and another wicket.
19th over: 79-3 Symonds is able to get through another cheap over here - England needing a wide and a misfield to garner three runs from it.
18th over: 76-3 One measly single off this Clark over - the run rate is stalling with just two overs to go before fielding restrictions end in this innings.
17th over: 75-3 With three men out, England can no longer afford to attack the ultra slow Symonds.
16th over: 72-3 (Bell 35)
Bell jumps on a short, wide ball from Clark and contrives to hit hit straight to the man at point. That is really depressing - he was looking pretty tidy out there.
15th over: 70-2 Bell changes his willow bat for one of Tiger Woods' nine iron - the result a sweetly-timed straight six off Symonds. I cannot for a moment see Symonds bowling during power plays in the World Cup.
14th over: 61-2 Clark swaps ends and is immediately more accurate.
13th over: 58-2 Symonds is bowling off-spin within a powerplay. Who said Ponting was not an inventive bowler?
12th over: 55-2 (Strauss 17)
Strauss seems to be obsessed with teens - scores in the teens that is. Here he goes again, getting in and then getting out. Attempting a ridiculous late cut to a ball just back of a length from Johnson, he nicks it. It's not good enough and the man must be rested for heaven's sake. Joyce gets off the mark with a crisp square cut for four.
11th over: 47-1 Bell's pulling technique is looking good tonight. England, dare one say it, are almost rattling along.
10th over: 39-1 A streaky drive from Strauss just evades slip and trickles down to the boundary. Johnson unlucky? Or a bit of overdue fortune for the Middlesex man? You decide.
9th over: 34-1 Where did that come from? Strauss plays possibly his best shot since arriving on these shores, using his feet superbly to play a square drive through the point area for four. Clark is the new bowler, by the way, replacing Lee.
8th over: 27-1 Johnson's short ball is pounced on by Bell and pulled for four, the right-hander having also lofted him for three over square leg earlier in the over. Strauss looks hideously out of form, showing as much timing as a tone-deaf child made to play the cymbals in a school orchestra.
7th over: 16-1 Australia don't look too penetrative at the moment, but then again nor do England's batsmen.
6th over: 14-1 Is it fair to call England's batting sterile in one-day internationals? On this sort wicket and with this kind of outfield, I think so.
5th over: 14-1 (Loye 9)
Loye flays at a wide half-volley that has four runs written all over it. Not for the first time in this dismal winter of English cricket, Gilchrist hurls the ball skywards - because he's gone and nicked it to the keeper.
4th over: 13-0 Loye plays an enormous slog sweep off Johnson. It's the kind of hit that should only be possible on Playstation games. Out of the ground, lost ball, and a long delay as they look for a suitable replacement. It's to Johnson's credit that he allows no further runs in the over.
3rd over: 7-0 It's hard to believe how slow this wicket is. Come on, Australian groundsmen! Get your act together. Nice lines from Lee.
2nd over: 6-0 Bracken is being rested. His replacement, Mitchell Johnson, also bowls left-arm seam, but without the accuracy - hence a few easy runs.
1st over: 1-0 I still can't get used to Australia's dark green kit. Are they Pakistan in disguise? Strauss scrambles a single off the fifth ball of the match and the pitch looks slow again.
0305: With this tour's Lord Lucan - Liam Plunkett - getting a game ahead of Sajid Mahmood, the Bolton lad may as well kiss his World Cup hopes goodbye.
0255: England have won the toss and will bat first, with the masterful batting line-up that they have. Sorry to be so cynical already.
0245: The big news overnight is that Nathan Astle has retired from all international cricket with immediate effect. Anyone remember his awesome double century against England in Christchurch a few years ago?