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By Tom Fordyce
Birmingham. Grey. Raining. But with patches of blue. Start on time? Doubtful. But no official news. It's expected shortly.
And here it is: play will start at 1130. The blue sky overhead is starting to chase the dull grey into the distance. Knew that would cheer you up.
Down to business. A reminder of our match situation going into Day Two: England will resume on 84-0, 140 runs behind India's first innings total. Andrew Strauss is perched on 52, his first Test half-century of the summer; Alastair Cook on 27. Weather forecast decent until late afternoon, when wild speculation will replace cold hard climate facts.
While we await the start of play, let me take the liberty of suggesting one or two sundries to keep you ticking over. In my brief stint on the commentary yesterday I bemoaned the lack of fancy dress in the crowd at Edgbaston, but judging by this motley crew I think I may have been looking in the wrong places. Fine work. Once you've giggled through those, read about Jonathan Agnew's curious encounter with Stuart Broad and Duncan Fletcher's defence of India's struggling batsmen.
Covers coming off, roller going on. The Indian team doing a curious ring-a-ring-a-roses warm-up down below, sidestepping round in a circle while gently lobbing a ball between themselves. Looks like the ideal thing for a five-year-old's birthday party in the back garden.\u00a0
Heads-up on the tweak to playing times caused by our delayed start: lunch remains at 1300, then late tea at 1610, and an evening session from 1630 to 1830 with room for expansion until 1900 if insufficient overs have been bowled.\u00a0
I'll tempt fate with a sun graphic. Shadows visible on the outfield, even if dark grey clouds are too, just a little further north. In other news, I read in today's papers that the American military will this morning unveil a plane so fast that it will be capable of flying from London to Sydney in less than two hours. The campaign to christen it The BresBird begins here.
From Ian, TMS inbox: "Not sure about the BresBird title, how about \u2018theaveragelengthofanindianinnings bird\u2019 instead?"
Here we go - umpires out, Indian fielders giving the grey clouds an uncertain stare, Strauss and Cook jogging out onto the verdant outfield with heel-flicks and opening of shoulders. Sreesanth to scamper in from the City End, Cook waiting, the ball leggish and angled away with its own pace for three through square leg. Strauss adds two more a fraction finer and England are afloat once again.
From MikeAdo: "Tell you who would NOT enjoy that new US plane? David Boon. That's who. Reckon he'd still nail about six cans and a g 'n' t though."
Praveen Kumar from the Pavilion End, three slips, backward point, probably three-quarters full in the stands all around. Cook is able to leave all but one delivery, and that can be defended off the front foot with minimal fuss.
From Derek in Amsterdam, TMS inbox: "Theoretically then, Uncle Sam's new machine should be able to get me from office here in Amsterdam to Edgbaston in 3.2 minutes. Brisk, but still not fast enough for me to maintain convincing appearance of work between overs. More work needed Gents."
Ropey old ball from Sreesanth, slow and sitting up down leg, and Strauss has all the time in the world to touch that down to fine leg for his first four of the day. Pleasantly untroubled start, the pitch apparently benign and... enough. I've said enough.
From Carole in Maidenhead, TMS inbox: "London to Sydney in less than\u00a0two hours?? You mean, we could go over there, win the Ashes, get back in time for a celebratory open-top bus tour, and pack in a snifter down the local, all on the same day? I like it. I do."
Re Mikeado - my knowledge of aeronautics and sub-orbital flight is so poor that I'm not even sure those two words make sense, but I'm guessing that one of the key reasons for the speed of the BresBird (TM) is its low weight. Thus would the additional of a portly Boon not render it far slower, if not send it into a doomed nosedive? Maiden, Cook once again leaving Kumar's gentle wobblers well alone.
From Chris, TMS inbox: "RE: The BresBird \u2013 If true, it\u2019s amazing that the human race is capable of building a machine that can navigate from London to Sydney in less time than it takes Geoffrey Boycott to dismount from his high horse."
Let's have a look at the field: two slips, backward point, cover, mid off, mid on, short midwicket, deep square leg, long leg. Sreesanth not happy with conditions underfoot at the non-striker's end, and he'll signal to the groundstaff for some sawdust. Mis-field from Sehwag at midwicket, and Strauss can jog a single.
From Tom in Hounslow, TMS inbox: "How about the Airbres 3000?"
Gaagh - Strauss shoulders arms to Kumar's surprise inswinger and nearly finds himself cleaned up. Batting a good pace out of his crease to these 120kph dobblers, attempting to negate the swing but in no way fearful of being undone by pace. Should Dhoni stand up? Quite possibly. Three successive maidens from Kumar. Stalwart.
From Phil in Worcester, TMS inbox: "This aircraft will surely solve Dhoni\u2019s problem of how to keep wicket to his own bowling. That\u2019s what I call an all-rounder."
More trouble with the web/iPlayer TMS feed, I'm hearing. Assumed the lads with spanners had fixed it yesterday, but it appears a sprocket may have been dropped into the cogs. I'll send them down with a can of oil and some rags. Strauss drives for two, pulls for two more and then bunts to leg to bring up the 100 partnership. Warm applause from all around - the first century opening stand of the series, no?
From JiminySnippets: "I'm not sure this plane deserves to be named after someone as quick as Bresnan. We don't name Segways after Usain Bolt."
Kumar is a maiden machine. Trundle it may be , but it's trundle that neither opener wants anything to do with. Almost full in the Eric Hollies Stand to my right, and if there's not some happy rowdiness in there come tea-time then something will have gone badly wrong in the tented food village beyond.
From Naughty Rob, TMS inbox: "When will you be able to use the Bresbird as public transport? If available last night I may have avoided 2 cabs, a night bus, the sofa and a very cold shoulder."
Ishant Sharma to replace Sreesanth from the City End. Cook has a dicey dart at one angled across him from over the wicket and then drives to short extra cover with more authentic footwork. England's seventh 100th partnerhsip of the series this; India have had just one. Supa stats.
From Wayne in Reading, TMS inbox: "You wouldn\u2019t catch me flying on the BresBird for fear of some late deviation causing the aircraft to land in Sydney harbour rather than the airport. I\u2019ll also never fly Anderson Airways for the same reason."
Sleepy old start, if I'm honest with you. Just 17 runs off the first 10 overs of the day, but at least there's one off Kumar - taken 26 balls for the England pair to score from him this morno.
"India have got to start building pressure and play on the batsmen's mind a little bit. Cook is getting left behind by Strauss and sometimes batsmen make mistakes because they want to score runs. There is no meanness in the bowling so they have to keep it tight and not bowl any loose balls."
From Paul, TMS inbox: "The trouble with hypersonic flight, is that it uses the speed of the earth turning to get places; it goes up and down, letting the earths rotation move Australia towards you, rather than flying direct to it. So a flight back would be, relatively, longer. So probably best to stay in Sydney overnight, have a snifter there, listen to the locals bleat how the umpiring was dodgy, no poms in the English team and various other items of piffle and get the plane back the next day, after an enjoyable evening of sledging them."
Bright sunshine now. Strauss will pick up two with a strange deflection down to third man - I think he tried to pull his blade from the ball's path, only to be surprised by a little extra bounce. More authentic shot this time, pulling into the legside acres for a sprinted two. Drinks.
From Adam in Dulwich, TMS inbox: "My faith in American expertise is such that I wouldn\u2019t be surprised if they simply looked at the clock in the airport at either end and forgot about world time zones."
Dopey old fielding from India again. Strauss edges Kumar down into the ground and gently to third slip, where Raina bends with all the ease of a floodlight to let the ball roll between his legs. Ropey.
From Andrew in Kazakhstan, TMS inbox: "Imagine where you could land if you chanced it on HarmiJet?"
"Their fielding is atrocious. How did\u00a0he not stop that. If I was the bowler I'd be furious. A six-year-old could have stopped the ball."
Dear oh dear - that is even worse from MS Dhoni. Sharma angles one across Strauss and the skipper/stumper makes a terrible whoopsy of a straightforward pouch to concede an ugly bye. "GIVE 'IM A BUCKET!" yells one wag in the crowd, to a decent titter from those around him.
From GreedyBaster: "MichellJohnson Jet would not inspire much confidence in landing on the correct strip."
First four of the day! Off the 15th over. Edge too, Strauss slashing Sharma past third slip for an edgy old boundary. Pull for one more, and that takes this England pair past 4,000 aggregate runs while batting together. Ole! Splendid cover drive from Cook, creamed away between cover and mid-off in classical fashion. Only Cook's fourth scoring shot of the day. Stat-heavy update, but hopefully it worked for you.
From DaveWood85: "In my seat in the new skyline terrace, Jim Rosenthal has just sat next to me. Safe to say\u00a0I asked him why he was late."
From Mike White, sneaking occasional views online at my desk in Watford, TMS inbox: "Heaven only knows where you'd end up flying Easi-Warne. Wherever you thought you were aimed at could be two continents away from your eventual destination."
Kumar gets the heave-ho from the Pavilion End in favour of Sreesanth. His figures today? Seven overs, five maidens, two runs conceded. No-one can say he's not doing his bit. Strauss cuts in controlled fashion to the man at deep point for one; Cook jabs into the same area for one more. Cook, edged... straight through Laxman at second slip. Woeful. Re Mike (below) - fine choice of livery for WarneAir. Bright orange with flashes of blinding white.
From Another Paul (who usually gets ignored), TMS inbox: "Re Paul TMS inbox .... the simple answer would be to continue flying in the same direction. That way you would land back in the UK the day before and have a lavish bet on the day's activities."
"Bowl the odd silly ball, bowl the odd bouncer, get a few verbals flying, make them nasty, fire it up, distract them, do something. It's too easy for England."
If there is a theme developing this morning it's Strauss and Cook getting a wee bit lucky with the destination of their nicks. Cook edges past third slip for a boundary to follow his captain's effort from the previous over. The Chef on 41 now, in his highest opening stand with Strauss since their 188 at Brisbane last November.
From Trevor Smith, TMS inbox: "I flew BoycottJet once. The pilot\u2019s announcements were forthright and a little uncomplimentary about our destination....we were in the air for hours and hours and hours and when we did arrive they opened the doors and told us to run out."
"Cook not looking like the super-confident batsman we saw in Australia but he's battling away and giving nothing away."
Just over 10 minutes until lunch. Oh, Alastair Cook, may that cover drive stay with me and keep me warm in my old age. Almost effortless, the timing Swiss, the style saucy enough for the Milan catwalk.
Amit Mishra for the first tweak of the day. Strauss takes a legbreak away into the on-side for one before Cook pops one up off the pads to the man stationed round the corner. Pleasant buzz around Edgbaston now, the aural summation of gentle contentment.
From anonymous: "I once flew FordyceMockers Airlines. The pilot announced the estimated time of arrival and stated that conditions were perfect for flying. We crashed on take off."
Sreesanth decides to go round the wicket, just as Michael Vaughan has being telling him to all series. Good tactic, but not if you fling them that far down leg - four leg byes past the morose MS behind the timbers. Half-volley onto leg stump, clipped away by Cook to the midwicket boundary boards to bring up his 50 - 130 balls, seven fours, his 27th in Tests. England's 150 also up, off 45 overs. Mmm-mmm.
From Alex in Edinburgh, TMS inbox: "The most disconcerting thing about KPJet is the tendency to flip around in mid air and fly backwards every now and then."
Welcome to the buffet. Full toss from Mishra, smacked away by Strauss for this 13th four to move to 84. We'll sneak in one more over before the interval.
From fosterrugby: "Crikey! Imagine flying Holding Airways - "The ONLY carrier for a whispering death."
"The only way I see England losing wickets is if they get complacent.\u00a0I don't see India getting any the way they are bowling. It's all about concentration: don't get carried away or cocky, keep playing your game,\u00a0help\u00a0yourself to runs and you should get a big score. It's going to be a long stint in the field for India."
From DaveWood85: "I will update you with Rosenthal watch through the day. First update, his socks are interesting, added colour to the proceedings."
From Steve in Leeds, TMS inbox: "It\u2019s not all about the speed. I flew Easy-Trott the other week. One of the most relaxed, comfortable and uneventful journeys of my life. We were in the air for ages mind."
"The great teams, and this England team will go on\u00a0and be one, look to score big and only\u00a0bat once. I hate to say it so early in the game but this will be 3-0 to England and the series will end 4-0. The only thing that might stop it is the rain."
Raina for his token tweak, entirely without threat. 73 runs in 22 overs in that truncated session. Strauss will lunch on 84, Cook 51. I doubt there'll be indigestion.
From Mark Compton, TMS inbox: "Only trouble with WarneAir is the constant bragging about its new \u201cmystery\u201d route, which inexplicably looks just like the old one."
Aggers talking to the boss at Edgbaston about the new stand, which apparently cost \u00a332m, and the new facilities. Looks very impressive.
From headgeorge: "Has a Test match ever been won with the\u00a0winners not losing a single wicket? @tomfordyce"
From Mark in Bolton: "Always fly Gatt Air, nice wide seat and lots of good food."
Frank Skinner, a big cricket fan, is now guesting on TMS talking about his new comedy shows: "I am making hay while the sun shines. I always worry that someone will come along and ask if I have a ticket to this great gig," he says.
Burp. I do apologise - very rude, the poached salmon just got a little big on me. Trust you lunched well? Alastair Cook defends happily to Amit Mishra's maiden before Andrew Strauss does the same to Praveen Kumar.\u00a0
From DaveWoods85: "Rosenthal update 2: Just prior to lunch he received a phonecall.. I asked if it was Des Lynam.. He declined to comment."
Ah, lovely from Cook. He punches a rancid long hop from Mishra away through midwicket for four and then reverse-sweeps to the vacant third man slot for three more. It gets worse for Mishra - he no-balls, and then no-balls again. He's a leg-spinner. You'd make a crack about village cricket, only you'd fear a call from LibelLawyers4U. Another no-ball! Nine-ball over, free runs, dismal, dismal stuff from the supposed best Test side in the world.
From Steven, TMS inbox: "Many readers may see Bothair as a socially-concious, all-profits-to-charidee type of outfit. But in the good old days it was all randy cabin crew, free bar, and last minute heroic manoeuvres just when a crash seemed likely."
"My call for some extra effort in the fancy dress department has been heeded to a stupendous extent. On a lunchtime stroll around the ground I encountered pirates, gladiators, a one-man pantomime horse carrying three plates of chips,\u00a0five Mexican bandits,\u00a0four Chilean miners, a man dressed as Scooby-Doo clutching a foaming pint of ale in his left paw, and a man looking suspiciously like Jim Rosenthal."
Kumar from over the wicket, all gentle bustle. Cook steps inside the line to dink away through midwicket, and that might go all the way - Sachin Tendulkar is after it, but at the pace of a man towing a car. Yup, ushered to the rope.
From Ralph, TMS inbox: "I flew Little Master Airlines last week - we got cheered on arrival, cheered on departure, the flight was textbook with no turbulence. Not much legroom though."
Catcalls now from the stands as Mishra no-balls again. Any reason at all why a gentle leggie should overstep the crease? Strauss sweeps to the man in the deep for a single before Cook aims a mow at another leggish one and runs two leg byes off his Essex rump.
From Iain Plummer, TMS inbox: "What odds on Ravi Bopara going through this Test without batting or bowling and being dropped for the next one?"
The largest patch of blue sky yet overhead - I'd estimate something close to 37%. England milking this feeble Indian attack with such ease you half expect to look up and see them batting in deckchairs.
From Adam, TMS inbox: "Re: Jim Rosenthal...I stood next to him and Jim Beglin at Jo\u2019burg Airport baggage reclaim during the World Cup last year. We were constantly being messed about as they kept changing the carousel where our bags would arrive. Beglin was apoplectic but Rosenthal, as you\u2019d expect, was calmness personified."
Kumar chuntering in, stuttering as he approaches the crease like a long jumper who's lost his run-up. Cook punches into the leg-side again for two more - another mis-field - and then shocks even the bowler by playing and missing. A reminder that this afternoon session has been extended until 1610 to make up for the half-hour lost to rain this morning.
From Pete in Lutterworth, TMS inbox: "We travelled by Tremlettair: It was quite frightening because we got very high up, then hit the ground really hard and skidded off to the left. People have told me it\u2019s the same experience with Finnair."
Attempted sweep, bowled round his legs! Hard to say who's more shocked by that, the batsman or the Indian fielders. Made room, made too much room.
"I thought Strauss\u00a0might have been done by a brilliant googly but it wasn't. He went to sweep, missed the ball and the ball brushed his pad and then hit the stumps. That cheered Mishra up because he was having a bit of a nightmare."
From Chris the Pom in Perth: "I flew AirChappell from Melbourne once. Well, when I say "flew", it just bumped along on the grass."
Now then. Just had a look at replays of Strauss's dismissal, and I think Mishra may have no-balled again there. Yup - had Strauss asked for that to be reviewed, he would have been reprieved - but who would think to question a leg-spinner? Ian Bell the new man, cheered to the crease by his loyal Warwickshire followers, and he watches from the non-striker's as Cook threads a back-foot push away beautifully through the onside cover for four more.
From Chris in Westwood, TMS inbox: "Cloud cover is usual measured in eighths of the sky cover in cloud 1/8th of the sky is 1 Octa. So 37% would be 3 octas of cloud cover."
Mexico-Brum waves racing round the ground. "INGER-LAND, INGER-LAND!" come the cheers. Bell lap-sweeps to get off the mark with a single to fine leg. England just 29 runs behind.
From Andy in Jersey, TMS inbox: "Just as well the bowler did finally take a wicket, he was beginning to look rather mishrable."
Bell off a canter, spanking Sharma away off the back foot with dreamy timing for four before Chinese-cutting past the wrong-footed Dhoni for four more. "EASE-EH! EASE-EH!" bellow the Brummie punters. Short, placed down between third slip and gully for the four that brings up England's 200. Bell racing away to 13, Cook 75.
From Shaun Southern, TMS inbox: "On the subject of planes... I flew in a Lear Jet once. What a load of nonsense."
Whooah - ugly from Bell, twinkle-toeing down the track and slogging off the top edge over a frantically back-pedalling point. New song from the crowd, sung to the tune of Spandau Ballet's 'Gold': "IAN BELL. BELL! ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOUR..." something or other. Couldn't quite make it out.
Hot off the press from Warwickshire: Tickets for the remaining days of the Test can only be purchased and downloaded online via the Warwickshire CC website. So far, 94,000 have been sold for the five days, just 7,000 short of the Edgbaston record, set during the 2009 Ashes series. Oh, and Mike Gatting is the TMS tea-time guest. Better\u00a0stock up on\u00a0the cakes.
Am I going deaf? Apparently the Spandau song is because Ian Bell looks like Gary Kemp. Even without a kilt and eyeshadow. Short from Sharma, and Bell is beaten by that one. On TMS, Michael Vaughan and Aggers eulogise about the live performances of Rod Stewart. Big fans. Surely in Rosenthal's all-time top three too, alongside Phil Collins and Level 42. The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy? I shouldn't think so.
Another no-ball from Mishra. Someone has just pointed out to be that A. Mishra is an anagram of I. Sharma. Is this the first time in Test history that a pair of anagrams have bowled in tandem? We'll have a champagne graphic for that.
From CPW Gammell, TMS inbox: "I once played cricket against Jim Rosenthal. Very chirpy keeper. Lots of banter. He somehow made the whole experience feel rather as if I'd woken in up in the middle of a dystopian Champions League/cricketing dream. Very disconcerting stuff."
SLAP! Bell cuffs Sharma away for four in front of square. CRASH! He repeats the trick with effortless timing behind square. Absolute filth, this bowling, but Bell isn't moaning - 25 runs from 20 balls. Can we play you every week etc etc?
Cook drives Mishra past Sharma at mid-off, the attempt at the stop so token he might as well kick it over the ropes, and then walks a single. Scores level! More nonsense on leg, smacked away by Bell for four more. ENGLAND LEAD! Bell's sixth four to go to 30 off 24 balls
From Lee in Burton, TMS inbox: "The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy!! Aaah, them were the days. "Television, the drug of the nation" - That's why we should all listen to TMS."
"Is this Bangladesh in disguise? This is not the India I know. Laxman is a great player, Tendulkar is one of the best ever but, except for Dravid, they are\u00a0a shadow of the best cricketers in the world. I take exception from criticising Sehwag, who after three months out came back to play an England side bowling well and he had one practice match. That's a recipe for disaster."
This gets even worse. Bell edges Sreesanth straight to Dravid at first slip, and the the chance bounces straight off The Wall. It was low, but it was also slow and simple. Regulation shelling. Hear that parp-parping noise in the background? It's the last bit of fight escaping from this hapless Indian fielding side.\u00a0
From Pete in Lutterworth, TMS inbox: "For Lee of Burton talking about TV being a drug. When I was a kid in Harrow in the 1960s, wriitten large on Roxburgh Bridge was the grafitto 'Nicholas Parsons is the neo-opiate of the people'. It was there for years \u2013 even the Council left it alone."
I think I'm going mad. I can hear the Eric Hollies Stand singing "We Will Rock You" and then doing a Freddie Mercury Live Aid-style "Aaa-oh"\u00a0call-and-response. It's drinks? Thank goodness for that.\u00a0
From Chris in Basingstoke, TMS inbox: "There was a Gloucestershire cricketer called Brian Brain \u2013 who is an anagram of himself."
Cook stands tall and batters Sreesanth away in front of square to move to 87, the man at deep point utterly helpless. The 50 partnership up off just 65 balls, Bell's contribution 32 and Cook's 16.\u00a0
From Graham in Edinburgh, TMS inbox: "Spookily, I was at Elis James' stand-up comedy show at the Edinburgh Fringe last night and most of his act revolves around times in his life when he bumped into Jim Rosenthal. Four hours later I was at another show and the surprise guest was Jim's lookalike son Tom Rosenthal. I sit down here to escape the Rosenthal effect and am subjected to him all over again. I feel like I am in some sort of Truman Show existence - except with more Rosenthals, obviously."
Afternoon all. Sam Sheringham filling in for Fordyce for an over or two as Mishra continues to twirl away to Cook. A single off the toes takes the leftie to 89. Dear oh dear, another no-ball, that's seven of them now, or eight if you count the one that snared Strauss.
Sreesanth drops short, a long-hop in truth, and Cook slashes from the sweetest of sweet spots for four more. Bell dabs behind square and quick running turns one into two. Men against boys at the moment. Hint of the mockers as Sreesanth fires down a better ball on off stump and Bell edges just short of the slips.\u00a0
From Rich, TMS inbox: "With regards to the crowd's singing mentioned earlier, the "We will rock you" musical is playing currently at the Birmingham Hippodrome. It finishes on Saturday, probably just like this match."
Cook slaps Mishra for four, then gets a single to move to nervy 99. Sreesanth bends down in the field before clutching his ankle with a wince. The last thing India need is to lose a bowler.\u00a0Last ball hits Bell's pad, stifled appeal. Not out, good decision by Simon Taufel- it was missing leg peg.\u00a0
Sreesanth to Cook - that's the ton! A clip of the legs brings up his 19th Test century off 213 balls, with 14 fours.
"A wonderful innings from Cook\u00a0because he had to scrap for the first 40-50 runs but then he found his form and we saw the batsman we\u00a0watched in Australia."
Woah boy - Bell's out. Kumar sends down a beauty of a legcutter that straightens from middle and off. The ball beats Bell's blade and uproots his off stump. Game on? Not yet.
No sign of Fordyce but it's all happening in his absence here. What kind of a mood will KP be in? Can be a scratchy starter, and he's a little off balance as Kumar tests him out with some early musique de chin. Cook is right in the zone though, eyeing what he calls a "daddy ton", and a drive to the cover fence off Mishra is elegance personified.
Chris, abandoned by boss and co-workers for meetings and holidays, TMS inbox: "You really need a different colour for the ton \u2013 when the pink came up I thought we\u2019d lost a wicket! Oh, we have..."
Crowd have calmed down a bit with India upping the ante and the grey clouds gathering overhead. Kumar shuffles in and bowls to KP, who flicks - in the air - just wide of leg slip. Lucky Boy. That was a poor shot, but it did go for four.
"Three googlies to Kevin Pietersen in a row. Whoever is at mid-off should get ready..."
Mishra to KP now - Vaughanie reckons this will be a good contest. And it is living up to billing as Pietersen gets in a bit of a pickle attempting to slog before slamming one straight past the bowler for four. For the first time today, this really feels like Test Match Cricket.
From Tony in the Dordogne, TMS inbox: "FinnAir is not a good idea, too many people vanish into it."
Cook takes advantage of a Sehwag stumble to grab a single. KP seeing plenty of the strike here and starting to finding his range with a cracking half-volley past mid-on for three. Floodlights might be on soon. Brooding gloom as I hand you back to Fordyce.
Hello again. Fordyce back. God I missed you. Steve Gaines on Twitter points out in reply to Chris in Basingstoke that everyone is an anagram of themselves. Philosophical, especially if your name is Mel Sheltes. No-ball from Mishra.
From Joe in\u00a0Somerset.: "A nice royal blue would be good for a regal ton."
Sharma to KP, slash-driven away to the man at deep backward point for a one that deserved more. The television cameraman atop the cherry-picker beyond the City End absolutely motionless, as if he's been replaced scarecrow fashion by a realistic yet entirely lifeless straw mannequin. Ooh, Cook you jammy chap, Chinese-cutting off the inside edge past his timbers for four more.
From Rich_Forrest: "Mel Sheltes is a brave individual, as he/she seems to be Helmet Less too."
WALLOP! Pietersen marmalises Mishra way, way over the midwicket boundary, a shot as terrifying in its power as it is beautiful to watch. The Rocky theme tune from Barmy Army bugler Billy, always a lovely number performed properly on brass. Would it work on a banjo? You see what I mean.
From Jon Clark, TMS inbox: "Technically everyone\u2019s name is a homonym of itself, as an anagram is a different word but a homonym is the same word with a different meaning. An example being that when my wife shouts out my name after hearing my girlfriend shouting out my name the two shouts have a very different meaning."
"KP is out to entertain the crowd, he looks in good form, and it looks like he's hit Mishra out of the attack. That\u00a0massive six he cracked towards Birmingham city centre came off a full toss after Mishra lost his rhythm."
Ah, classy from Cook now, leaning away to cream Sharma away on the cut for his 18th four. The next one gets a bit big on him, and he runs it away off the outside edge for four more through the vacant fourth slip slot. Try saying that after a sherbert or two. Cook to 117 now; before this innings, he had an aggregate of 21 runs from his four previous knocks in the series.
From Peter in Lewes, TMS inbox: "S Reed and D Rees bowled for Hants in the 20s and early 30s."
It's like a competition now to see which of the two England batsmen can essay the saucier shot. Pietersen smashes a brutal drive away through cover - don't even bother moving, as Mama Fordyce once shouted while thrashing a pal of mine at table-tennis - and then biffs a late cut away for four more with lightening hands. 50 partnership up from just 60 balls; it's almost a shame that we're due to take tea in five minutes or so.
From Adam Wilsher, TMS inbox: "Neal Back and Nick Beal played for the England rugby team together."
New ball taken, and it might as well be a sparkling disco-ball for all the difficulties it's causing the batsmen. Cook flicks away a two and then drills four more off the back foot to go to 124. Two balls left in the session. Fetch that! Four, spanked - dismissed - through midwicket with a pull you could kiss it's so sweet. No-ball; jeers from the crowd. Single dropped into the off-side, and that's tea - 162 runs in the session for just two wickets. Ouch. A two-and-a-half hour session, of course, but it still reeks of total dominance. KP will munch on 36, Cook 129. Extras? 32. I'll say no more.
Not one for vertigo sufferers, but the fourth tier of the new stand at Edgbaston has a bar behind the very last row of seats, where punters can sip their pints while enjoying a spectacular view of the runfest below. Smart work from the architects. Fordyce is resting again, so you're stuck with me Sam Sheringham for 30 mins or so. And to confirm the answer to the question I've just been asked by a fellow pressman, no relation to the Tedster.
From Gary, TMS inbox: "John Collins and Collins John both played in the same Fulham team."
I'm looking for the right word to describe India's body language as they re-enter the field. Unenthusiastic? Generous. Lackadaisical? Harsh but true. Anyway, Sharma is bowling round the wicket to Cook, who dabs to third man to advance to 130. Pietersen is seeing it like a football here as he swats Sharma dismissively to the fence. He likes this ground, does KP.
From anonymous: "In the football world in the eighties, Leighton James played for Wales and James Leighton played for Scotland."
The tireless Kumar is bowling his 25th over and he's out of luck as Cook edges past the slips for four and plays and misses at an away-swinger. More anagram chat on TMS. J Omar once bowled J Oram apparently. You do the math.
More signs of India's dwindling team spirit here as Sharma returns to his mark only to find that the slips are still polishing the ball. Kumar then gets a ticking off for hanging on to the cherry for too long. That's a better ball from Sharma, keeping low and nipping in off the seam. Big appeal from the bowler but looks like\u00a0KP's pad was just outside the line of off stump. Too high as well. Another flash of Cook's blade brings him four more.
From anoymous: "Sorry to disappoint but Collins John and John Collins didn't play in the same Fulham team. John Collins left in 2003 and Collins John signed in 2004, good try though."
Giggles galore in the TMS box as scorer Malcolm Ashton reveals that Grotty Coffee Boy is an anagram for Geoffrey Boycott. Very little mirth among the Indian contingent here though as KP and Cook nurdle four more singles from Kumar's latest set of six.
From Windy: "What about D Bravo and D Bravo playing for the same West Indies team?"
"I don't think there's a better player in the world to watch when Pietersen is in this type of form. You can't set a field to him. It's very difficult for a captain - you end up chasing the ball with your field placings."
KP pushes hard at Sharma and steers another boundary through the vacant third man are to\u00a0reach his fifty from 53 balls. Michael Vaughan says when KP is playing like this he is the best in the world and it is hard to disagree as he clatters another ball through midwicket to the rope. That's the 100 partnership off exactly 100 balls. Then a rare bouncer that catches Pietersen by surprise and is followed up but some light-hearted chit-chat between batsman and bowler. But there's only one winner here as Pietersen predicts another short ball, gets into position and pulls it for four. Good good cricket.
This is becoming a familiar story. England battering a tiring India attack in the final session of the day. Vaughan reckons they could have 480 on the board by stumps. Sreesanth is back into the attack and Cook hands the strike to KP with a single. There's a turn up - five dot balls.
"This is a treat. A one-sided treat. There have been some outrageous shots, with Pietersen picking off balls that are only six inches outside off stump. Viv Richards was like that. It's a good time to bat on this pitch - there are no demons there."
Kumar returns to send down another over and Cookie is watchful early on before dabbing a single to move to 143. KP defends the last two balls. Looks like\u00a0Sir Michael of Vaughan has put the mockers on the scoring rate. Just the one from the over.\u00a0
Sreesanth to KP - big appeal for caught behind. Third umpire having a look....
Not out. You know what I thought KP was walking there? But he changed his mind and no sign of any contact between ball and bat on Hot Spot.
KP has lost the plot a bit here as he charges down the wicket, misses the ball and is struck on the pad. Big appeal, but quite rightly not given as the ball would have cleared the stumps. Good over from Sreesanth and some fine decision making from the excellent Simon Taufel.
From 12_nash: "Alastair Cook played a reverse sweep today! Unbelievable! But well played Cooky a classy hundred as ever!"
Fordyce back with you - manually refresh to make the page correct itself rather, would you? KP fences at Kumar's slider and then glances back at Dhoni guiltily - phewo, thought he might have nicked that. Single dropped into the spaces near gully, and then - HOWZAARRR! - big appeal for an lbw against Cook. Nope, decides Umpire Steve Davis, quite rightly so.
Short from Sreesanth - mmm, Cook swivelling, battering that away through midwicket for the boundary that takes him to 150. 23 fours, 268 balls, 379 minutes. England's lead now 145. It's got innings victory written all over it, hasn't it?
From Steve in Canterbury, TMS inbox: "5th day in hospital now, had Op yesterday and now being supplied with cake and cups of tea while listening to the cricket and watching TMS on the laptop while flicking through the menu for breakfast/lunch/dinner, suddenly life feels a lot better.
Doctor just been in and said I can go home tomorrow but I've told him I'm staying until Saturday - don't get this at home."
KP doesn't like this, but it's hitting top of off... Played well inside an outswinger, and that's almost been coming - having played so beautifully for his 50, Pietersen went through a spell when he looked bored, and lost a little concentration. He does it sometimes - batting becomes so easy for him that he almost makes things more challenging for himself.
"When I sat down here 25 mins ago\u00a0Pietersen was playing imperiously, dismissively, it was\u00a0joyous batting, but\u00a0then he completely lost it. He was batting about as well as I'd seen him bat for an hour, but partly because the ball started to move around a little bit, he seemed to lose his focus, almost as if he wanted to rein himself in, and he lost momentum."
That partnership was worth 122 runs, scored from 138 balls - six-ish runs an over. Eoin Morgan the new man - he's not always enjoyed batting against Kumar and the cherry. Kumar now has 2-65. Overpitched from Sreesanth, briskly sent back down the ground by Cook with top-of-the-notch timing. KP very slow to leave the scene of the crime a few moments ago, whether through disappointment or disbelief.
"Really?" says Morgan, spanking his first ball from Kumar away for four. "Are you sure?" he adds, pulling another fine for four more. Rumours that KP's on his way up to the commentary box swinging his blade after reading that 1723 update are nothing more than mischei... Kevin! Nice to see you! Fordyce? Sorry, I'm Sam Sheringham. I know. Yes, often mistaken for him. Eh? No, he's left the country. For good.
On TMS, Aggers has just informed Lord Boycott of his anagram (see 1651). It's worth a listen again. Long hop from Sreesanth, smashed away through square by Cook to move to 161. 19 overs left in the day, so we'll probably go through until close to 1900. England's lead? 167.
Cook is now on his highest ever Test score in England. Next target: Brisbane double-ton. Looks like the effort has given him cramp in his foot - he hits the deck and takes a wincing breather while Morgan leans on his blade sympathetically.
Suresh Raina to have a rip from the City End. Goodness - that one nearly turned square, pitching on leg stump and beating off. Single swept delicately by Cook, before Morgan dispatches a feeble half-tracker to the deep midwicket rope. Single into the gap left as the fielder drops back - that's the 400 up, a lead of 176, 56 fours and a six, 599 balls. Dominant.
Praveen Kumar for his 32nd over of the innings. You'd say he was indefatigable, except he looks absolutely shattered. Maiden no.12.
From Doc: "Extras has now scored more than all but one of the Indians."
Raina beseeching Umpire Taufel here for an lbw against Cook as the opener goes down on one knee to sweep. His reward? A signal for four byes. Here's an interesting stat for you: of the last 11 Test centuries Cook has made, he's pushed five of them past 150 too.
Ishant Sharma to replace the cream-crackered Kumar from the Pavilion End. Leading edge from Cook, straight towards Sachin Tendulkar at mid-off.. who barely moves. I don't think he saw that - it looked a clear chance, but he barely flinched.
The old boy sitting to be left has dozed off. I won't give away his identity, but he doesn't work for the BBC. The head's nodding, the chin almost on the chest before a twitch brings it jerking all the way back up to begin its slow, gentle path back down. Singles swept and driven as Raina fails to threaten.
"Bopara must be losing his mind," says Michael Shaw on Twitter. "Waiting almost a day to bat and at 400/3 he must be worried about missing out with a low score." Sharma slides one past Morgan's outside edge to half-hearted oohs from the dispirited slips.
"Cricket is a strange game because there are always contests wirthin contests and Eoin Morgan out there will be wanting to keep Ravi Bopara out of the team."
England are averaging more than 430 per innings in their last ten innings, Kevin Bould Tweets me. From such batting dominance do Test victories flow. Single to Morgan, the lead to 190.
From Phil in Somerset, TMS inbox: "We have waited so many years for the England team to dominate Test cricket. Now we are hopefully approaching that goal please do not begrudge the team. They can only play the opposition presented to them."
"That really was a shambolic bit of fielding again from India. I don't think\u00a0Sreesanth had difficulty picking it up but he's had a long day in the field and it might have been a lack of concentration."
It gets worse for India. Morgan drives Sharma straight to Sreesanth at point, and watches in disbelief as the fielder makes a horrible mess of the most straightforward catch. This has been the worst fielding display I can remember from a Test team in the last 10 years. Or at least since Kamran Akmal took the gloves for Pakistan last summer.
Outraged boos from the Eric Hollies Stand as the stewards move in to break up a brace of anaconda-length pint-pot snakes. Morgan sweeps sloggishly for four before Cook glances off his hips for four more. Eight overs remaining, the lead to 201.
From Mick (on the 1430 out of Kings Cross), TMS inbox: "On the train from london to York. A/C has packed up on coach C. I'm probably working up more of a sweat than india's bowling attack."
The 'e' shaped floodlights come on as evening encroaches. Mishra dances in with slips both leg and regular, and Cook will sweep for one.\u00a0
Sachin Tendulkar's going to bowl. Well, why not. Two punched away by Morgan, the field in-out in one-day fashion. The automated scorebaord is apparently stuck, so let me tell you this: Cook is now on 178, Morgan 26. Jimmy Anderson padded up as nightwatchman, I'm hearing. You can never be too careful. Or can you?
On a platter from Mishra, slogged wide of deep midwicket by Morgan for four. Single to the man deep, and then - dear oh dear - an overthrow. This Indian side looks beaten, uninterested, desperate to go home. It's taking a great deal away from what should have been a thrilling series. If I had the opposite of a champagne graphic you'd now be looking at it.
Morgan pulls Raina away for four. Help yourself time. Singles apieced, four overs to go, lead to 220.
Leg byes, the crowd starting to drift away, shadows stretching.
Thcik edges slide away off Raina, boozy cheers greeting England's 450. Cook to 181, Morgan 42.
A fitting way to end the day - Morgan edges gently to Dravid at slip, who somehow manages to drop his second absolute sitter of the day. He could have taken it one-handed. He could have shut his eyes, turned round and still caught it. Absolute shocker. Stumps!
There it is - England have added more than 370 runs today.\u00a0Alastair Cook will go to bed on 182, Eoin Morgan 44. England will go into the third day with a lead of 232. It has been all too easy. And it could all be over before the bumper crowd on Saturday even gets a look-in. Before we go, don't forget you can enjoy Jonathan Agnew's column very shortly, and his podcast with Lord Boycott just after that. All good?
"It's been a brilliant\u00a0day for England. As bad as India have\u00a0been, England have been outstanding, especially Cook.\u00a0It wasn't easy at the start for Cook but he played a cover drive and from there his movement came back and when he gets in, he's so difficult to get out. I've not seen an India side play this badly, they are not at the races, they are not mentally with it. They are not a team, they are playing as individuals, and I don't see it getting any better for them."
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