ICC World Twenty20 Group C, Trent Bridge:
Sri Lanka 192-5 bt West Indies 177-5 by 15 runs
Evening match: Group A, Trent Bridge:
India 113-2 (15.3 overs) bt Ireland 112-8 (18 overs) by eight wickets
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2055: Can I have a lie down now please? Ireland are back tomorrow, playing New Zealand in the first Super Eight encounter at 1330 BST tomorrow. Later on we've got England v South Africa. No idea who's commentating, but thanks for the chat and have fun! Highlights tonight on BBC Two at 2320 BST... enjoy!
16th over - 113-2
A couple of singles to kick off the over, before Sharma levels the scores with a pearler of a lofted cover-drive. That's his fifty as well, from 44 balls, with one six and three fours. That's that - flighted delivery from McCallan, Sharma charges, thinks better of it, and dabs the winning runs down to third-man.
15th over - 106-2 India only need 12 now from 24. Yuvraj is the new batsman. Sharma picks up one to bring Yuvraj onto strike, and he's off the mark with a nurdle to leg. Sharma dances down the crease and eases West into the covers, nine required from 20... wide from West to Yuvraj, before Yuvraj swipes down the ground, straight onto Sharma's middle stump. One for Yuvraj to long-on, seven needed from 18.
14th over - WICKET - Dhoni c Bray b McCallan 14, Ind 101-2
Dhoni with a couple to square-leg to take India past 100, before Jeremy Bray pulls off the second best catch of the event so far - Warner of Australia's got that title wrapped up - running in from the boundary and taking it at full length.
13th over - 96-1 Cracking ball from Rankin, Dhoni fencing and finding himself beaten. Dhoni picks up a brace to mid-wicket before nicking an easy one, before Sharma plays late and ambles a single. THAT. IS. BIGGER. THAN. JUNGLE. Right in the slot outside off and Sharma slams him over mid-wicket for one of the biggest sixes you'll see. Immense, and we need one more six for 100 in the tournament.
Manmeet Mangat in the TMS inbox "Would India beating England in football be a bigger upset than the Netherlands beating England in cricket?"
12th over - 85-1 Sharma steals a single with a nibble to leg. India need 35 from 41, and Dhoni is off the mark with one. Aaah, Mullingar, spent some smashing times there playing golf back in the day. And pushing over cows. McCallan is charged by Dhoni, and the India skipper stiffs him for four under the pavilion. Dhoni nicks the strike with a single.
John, Mullingar, in the TMS inbox "Went to a funeral last week in Tullamore and in the eulogy they mentioned that he was one of a few to understand the rules of cricket. Don't think there are many of his like in Mullingar at the moment."
11th over - WICKET - Gambhir c Rankin b West 37, Ind 77-1
Oh, that made me chuckle - there are some fane with Ponting facemasks, tears painted onto his cheeks. Lovely stuff. AND A WICKET! Gambhir looking to carve over cover, and slicing West to Rankin at short third-man. That knock from Gambhir from 31 balls. Dhoni next up, and there are just two runs from that over, plus the wicket.
TrickieDickie, Hollywood "Hello again, Paul. Curious fact, this - Kant was also not a fan of the Dutch: 'the Dutch... in general are a nation given to envy', so as of now he'd be tickled pink watching the 2009 World Twenty20."
10th over - 75-0 Almost a collision between Wright and Mooney down on the long-off boundary, but Mooney does manage to save four. Three for Gambhir. McCallan with that stop-start bowling action of his, as if someone's paused him, and Sharma runs an easy two to third-man. All milk, milk, milk, India coasting...
9th over - 67-0 Gambhir reaches and guides West away to the boundary, but that's fine fielding by Rankin, saving the four and restricting them to three. That's a lip-smacker from Gambhir, the left-hander going to the ball and pinging West to the deep extra-cover fence. Gambhir nurdles for one to move to 35, Sharma gets a thick inside edge for another single.
Susie in St Lucia in the TMS inbox "To Aurthur in Dublin - easy - throw a ball, hit a ball, run like ****, catch a ball, throw a ball etc etc. Or you try to be a bit more technical - the oldest rules are the best, a fielding team go out, the batsmen come in and are in until they are out, when they are out they go in and the next batsman comes out and goes in etc etc."
8th over - 56-0 Sharma stands tall and strokes Cusack through cover-point for on. Gambir scrambles a single off an inside edge. That's a pretty special over... until the final ball, when Sharma comes over all text-book and strokes Cusack straight over his head for four. Alan Dooley emails to ask: "How long do you think it might take before the Irish will be good enough to put out a decent Test side?" Well, they already did it against Pakistan in 2007, but apparently they're getting stronger and stronger at the grassroots level, so maybe they'll be pushing for full-blown Test status soon. They can't be any worse than Bangladesh.
7th over - 50-0 Big man, Regan West, but he bowls left-arm darts. Which is a but like seeing a big man take a rescue club off the tee at a par three. Two from Sharma with a wristy fetch from outside off, and India finish with three singles. Fifty up.
Paul in Lancs in the TMS inbox "An email to keep you going? The recession's finished while Sri Lanka were batting earlier. See the Guardian business section. So that's good. Can I have that tenner back now then? It was a Saturday night at Brannigans, so you may not have remembered."
Arthur Guinness in London in the TMS inbox "Family back home in Dublin jumping on the cricket bandwagon. Can anyone help me explain the game of cricket in one text message?"
6th over - 45-0 Cusack into the attack with his dibbly-dobblies. If there's one thing we know about dibbly-dobblies in Twenty20, they normally get walloped. Sharma with a dab to third-man, before Gambhir eases into the covers for one. Cusack is undeterred by the fielder down at fine-leg, and scoops the ball over his head for four more. India fairly speeding to their target, they need 68 from 72...
5th over - 38-0 The 98th six of the tournament - Rankin wide, and Gambhir uppercuts him over third-man. Brutal, the Indians have the gloves off. Jack, a bored stooodent from Northallerton, wants a big shout out for all his other stooodent mates. BIG UP ALL THE PAPYROLOGY STUDENTS AT SOAS! HIEROGLYPHICS ARE MASSIVE! THIS NEXT BOUNDARY'S FOR YOU! Sorry about that, it's four leg-byes... thick inside edge for Sharma for two, 14 from that over.
4th over - 24-0 Gambhir launches O'Brien over mid-on for a couple before adding a single. Sharma tickles round the corner for one, and that's fine fielding from Porterfield, preventing a four at backward-point. But Gambhir does pick up a four off the next delivery, smiting over extra-cover. Gambhir slashes to wide third-man from the final ball, nine from the over.
John in Dublin in the TMS inbox "Is your name really Ben Dirs or is it one of those names Bart Simpson phones Moe's Tavern with?"
3rd over - 15-0 Lifter from Rankin, and Sharma is lucky to get away with a top-edged pull. Three for it, before Rankin serves up a humdinger that beats Sharma outside off. Very good over that, just two from it...
2nd over - 13-0 Kevin O'Brien on now, and there's one to Rohit Sharma, and then to Gambhir. First four for Sharma, clubbing a good length ball from O'Brien over cover-point for four. A quick single from Sharma to mid-wicket, before Gambhir piles into one outside off, but Cusack saves at cover-point. Maybe he should have done better, and India pick up two.
1st over - 5-0 We're off again, with Boyd Rankin taking the first over... his first ball is short and wide and Gautam Gambhir is onto it in a flash, carving him through point for four. Boyd gets one to nibble away from Gambhir, before luring the left-handed opener into a little dart outside off, before Gambhir nicks a quick single. Five from the first over. Please send me an email... about anything... my eyes feel like they've had battery acid dashed into them...
18th over - 112-8 One over left, and it's Harbhajan to bowl it. There's the Ireland ton, and they've done pretty well to get there, all things considered. Three to the total courtesy of a clip to mid-wicket for three. Two for McCallan with a chip to mid-wicket, before McCallan plays a very neat reverse sweep for four. Very good final over so far... FOUR MORE! Harbhajan being made for that rather inelegant send-off he gave to Gary Wilson, this time McCallan edging to third-man. Just the single from the final ball, and there were 15 from that last over - a total to keep India honest.
17th over - WICKET - White c Dhoni b Zaheer 29, Ire 92-8
Another cracking stroke there, this time White walking outside off and flicking the ball off middle stump down to third-man for four. White carves, feathers and walks... good knock though, 29 from 25 balls, with three fours and a six. Full-bunger from Zaheer, who now has four wickets, and Cusack outside-edges him for four.
16th over - 88-7 Pathan back on with his left-arm seamers... and 'av some of that! White swivels and middles it over square-leg for six. Pathan switches to round the wicket, and White eases him into the off-side for one. Cusack almost chops on, before White moves a few feet outside off, and looking like a man trying to dislodge something from the roof of his tent, scoops over his shoulder for two. Another fine shot from Cusack, late cutting for four, with the help of Sharma's knee...
15th over - WICKET - West run out (Raina) 1, Ire 73-7
Playground stuff from Regan West. He runs one, but Raina, running in from mid-on, shies and the ball ricochets off Dhoni's pads and onto the stumps and West, ambling home, is gone.
15th over - WICKET - Mooney c Yuvraj b Ojha 19, Ire 72-6
White with an attempted paddle, and it's a leg-bye. Ojha giving it some serious air, and Mooney heaves him to mid-wicket for one. A single for White, and this pair have got to to start giving it some long handle... Mooney does, and perishes at short third-man.
14th over - 69-5 Nice improv from White, moving outside off and ramping it over his shoulder for one. Mooney and White putting good pressure on the fielders with two to cover-point, but Mooney misses out with an uppercut off the bowling of Sharma. Just five from that over.
Brian, New Mexico, in the TMS inbox "Chancer - Clive Owen. Charmer - Nigel Havers. Bounder - Peter Bowles."
13th over - 64-5 Ojha with an lbw claim against White, and that looked a pretty good call. Maybe a little high. A couple of singles, before White falls to one knee, heaves and misses. White does nick the strike with a cheeky single. Ojha with three overs and just 16 runs.
12th over - 61-5 That's a nice piece of craft from White, reverse sweeping for four. Harbhajan finds Mooney's leading edge and Ireland get one, and there are three more singles from that over. Six overs left, 100 will be the target.
11th over - 54-5 That's a neat stroke from White, just fiddling outside off a deflecting the ball to third-man for four. Nice effort from the man down there, diving full length, but to no avail. Sharma with an instant reply, the ball nipping back at pace and scything White in two. White goes fishing, and is beaten, before swatting and missing at a well-directed lifter. White paddles away behind square for one, and there are just six from that over.
10th over - WICKET - Wilson b Harbhajan 19, Ire 48-5
Ireland nick a quick two courtesy of a sweep from Mooney. Wilson's gone, playing down the wrong line to a Harbhajan doosra and losing his off-stump. Extraordinary conversation just started in the office - who was The Chancer, who was The Charmer and who was the Bounder? Peter Bowles? Who knows... someone might as well just come in and give it some splatter now, not much batting left below White.
9th over - 45-4 Ojha lobs one up and Mooney picks up four with a well-timed reverse sweep. One more to Mooney with a work to leg, before Wilson eases to mid-on for a single. Mooney steers into the covers for one more, before Wilson drops to one knee and paddles Ojha round the corner for two more. Jazzy little brace from Wilson to finish the over, and this pair are getting something going.
8th over - 34-4 Harbhajan Singh on now, and Wilson works him to leg for one. Plenty of flight from Harbhajan, but it's smothered, before Mooney cuts him for one. Reverse sweep from Wilson for one, before the big man Mooney dabs to third-man for one.
7th over - WICKET - K O'Brien b Ojha 2, Ire 28-4
Here's the 21-year-old left-arm spinner Ojha, and he's got a scalp first ball, O'Brien going for an almighty smite over mid-wicket and dragging the ball onto middle and off. John Mooney is off the mark with a dab to backward-point for one. That should have been a run out - stop-start, stop-start after Wilson drives to cover - but that was very sloppy fielding from India's Raina, with Wilson way out of his ground.
6th over - 28-3 Yuvraj into the attack now and Wilson reaches and angles him to short third-man for one. One for O'Brien with a turn to mid-wicket, before Wilson and O'Brien pick up two more singles. No wickets, but only four runs from the over.
Cen in the TMS inbox "So Brian Cant's the brother-in-law of Phil Vickery and Fern Britton? Imagine it's a helluva night when those three meet up: Phil cooks, Brian tells a story and Fern twangs-out a banging chune with her gastric band."
5th over - 24-3 Ishant Sharmaserves up a juicy little half-bunger first-up and he's creamed through the covers for four by Wilson. Wilson angles down to third-man for one, and Sharma finishes off with a well-directed bumper which new batsman Kevin O'Brien ducks underneath.
Gasman Tony, Leeds, in the TMS inbox "Not so much an anecdote, more a brace of Cant Facts (careful how you say that
.). The wonderful Mr C is Fern Britton's brother-in-law, and also briefly deputised for Eddie Waring on 'It's a Knockout'. Amazing!"
WICKET - Botha c Y Pathan b Zaheer 5, Ire 17-3
Botha is the new man in, and he's off the mark with a brace, before cutting delectably for Ireland's first four. That's a good-looking straight drive from Botha for two, but he's gone next ball - gliding, and that's catching practice for Yousuf Pathan, diving to his right in the slips.
4th over - WICKET - Porterfield c Y Pathan b Zaheer 5, Ire 9-2
Another one bites the dust - I might be able to watch the second half of the rugby at this stage - Porterfield flailing and Yousuf Pathan taking a regulation slippers' catch.
3rd over - 9-1 Keeper Gary Wilson the new batsman. Porterfield scoops over mid-on for a couple before steering uppishly to mid-on for one. Wild from Wilson, missing with a cut, but he's off the mark with a streaky, one-handed slash for two.
2nd over - WICKET - Bray b Zaheer 0, Ire 4-1
Zaheer Khan to share the new ball, and his first ball is right on the money. Wild swing from Porterfield, but it's called a wide, but Porterfield squeezes Zaheer through backward-point for one next ball. Bray backs away and almost puts his back out trying to smear Zaheer over I don't know where, before Zaheer scythes the left-handed Bray in half with a nipper back off the pitch. BRAY'S A GONER! Zaheer gets another one to nip back and this time Bray is castled for a seven-ball duck.
1st over - 2-0 Jeremy Bray and William Porterfield the Ireland openers, we'll have just five overs of powerplay... it's Irfan Pathan with the pill in his hand... make that a bar of soap, a wild loosener and a wide to begin. Porterfield pushes forward at a late-swinger from Pathan and is beaten, but Ireland score one courtesy of a drive to mid-off from Porterfield. Bray fishes and is beaten. Plenty of hoop there from Pathan. Anyone got any more Brian Cant stories? I was enjoying those.
1816: Here's the teams, India in navy blue, the Irish in pond green... decent crowd in this evening, and here's a spot of Ireland's Call - a united Irish team, of course.
India: G Gambhir, R G Sharma, I Sharma, S K Raina, Yuvraj Singh, M S Dhoni (Capt, Wkt), Y K Pathan, I K Pathan, Harbhajan Singh, Z Khan, P P Ojha.
Ireland: J P Bray, W T S Porterfield (Capt), A C Botha, G C Wilson (Wkt), K J O'Brien, J F Mooney, A R Cusack, A R White, W K McCallan, R M West, W B Rankin.
Paul in Lancs in the TMS inbox "Trickiedickie - I think, then, we are broadly in agreement on the specificity of schadenfreude when it comes to the Aussies. The Australian cricket team, has by virtue of its dominance imbued with arrogance, completely altered the whole face of moral philosophy as we knew it, and created a new epistemological framework for the social sciences. Ricky Ponting should rest easy in Leicester. His work is done."
TrickieDickie, Hollywood, in the TMS inbox "You're right, he did. Do you remember when Playaway devoted a whole show to existentialism and the pointlessness of the human condition? Seems a propos, as we sit staring at large squares of canvas, waiting for another dead rubber to begin. Honestly, Test matches in May and now pointless Twenty20 games in June. What are the (dis)organisers putting in their tea?"
1805: India have won the toss and they're going to field first, as is the way in Twenty20 cricket. It's started drizzling again, though, a few brollies still unfurled...
1800: Righto, covers are off, and we're going to have an 18-over-a-side game, starting at 1820 BST... India are unchanged from the side that beat Bangladesh with ease, but Ireland have lost Niall O'Brien and Trent Johnston to injury. Don't get too excited yet, looks like some covers are going back on...
1748: Good point Trickie, although to be fair I haven't got a clue what you're both going on about. Didn't Kant used to present Playaway? Good news! Some of the covers on the outer square have been pulled aside...
TrickieDickie, Hollywood, in the TMS inbox "I agree, you are an utter pedant. Kant was familiar with the concept of schadenfreude (see his Lectures on Ethics) and whilst he felt it was a cruel and inhumane emotional response, I'm sure he would have found it hard not to raise a wry smile when the Aussies were ignominiously dumped out of this tournament."
1743: The whole square still covered, and it's supposed to get worse - set for heavy showers from 1900 BST... on the plus side, we've got the Lions on live text from 1810, and obviously the footy from 2015. So by all means go clicking, just don't go leaving this website...
Simon, at work, in the TMS inbox
"OUTRAGEOUS of Graham to suggest that the Irish '94 World Cup squad were all English. Ray Houghton was Scottish."
Really not looking too clever at Trent Bridge, the toss has been delayed... clearing up slightly, however, maybe we will get some play, but there'll be a bit of mopping up to do first. NO JAMIE (VIA EMAIL IN THE TMS INBOX), THEY DON'T TAKE ANY POINTS THROUGH TO THE SUPER EIGHTS!!!!!
1705: Some bad news for those looking forward to India v Ireland at 1730 BST - we've got covers over the whole square, we won't have a start when scheduled...
1652: Don't go anywhere, we've got Ireland v India in about 40...
WEST INDIES INNINGS
20th over - 177-5 Unless Pollard's going to rip off a very realistic mask to reveal he's actually Garfield Sobers, the West Indies aren't going to do this. Angelo Mathew, he of the remarkable piece of fielding, bowls the last over and is scythed through point for one. They need sixes now... Pollard clears his hip and slaps Mathew to the long-on fence for four... 23 needed from four... BEAMER! NO NEED FOR THAT! To be fair, it's pretty greasy out there, and the umpire immediately throws him a rag. Chat about the ball now, Windies need 22 from four... decent yorker from Mathew, before Pollard whips away another full-length ball for four... 18 needed from two... Pollard heaves to long-off for one... 17 needed from one... AND THEY CAN'T MANAGE IT! Sarwan can only pick up one, and they lose by 15 runs. Good game, shame it was completely and utterly meaningless. Off for din-dins...
Paul in Lancs in the TMS inbox "As both determined neo-Kantian and utter pedant, I feel I must dispute Simon's claim that gloating about Australian failure is one of our 'basic human rights as Englishmen'. Such a statement flies in the face of the Categorcial Imperative formulation: 'Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law', in that you cannot validly have a human right solely for one part of the human race. This applies even when the 'objects' of such a right is Australians, who did not exist in the modern (Euro-centric) sense when Kant was alive. I accept that, had they been, he may have done things differently."
Conor in Dublin in the TMS inbox "Graham, Ingatestone, would that would be the same 1994 World Cup 'England A' did not qualify for?"
19th over - 165-5 Good start to the penultimate over, with Pollard clipping Udana through mid-wicket for four. Short from Udana next ball, and Pollard swats him away for two. Fuller from Udana and Sarwan is only able to nurdle to leg for one. 31 needed from nine... Udana loses his grip on the greasy ball and that's a big leg-side wide... 30 from nine... Pollard slogs and can only pick up one to leg... but the Windies pair are unable to make any great inroads, and they need 28 runs to win from six balls...
Patrick, Wexford, in the TMS inbox "Didn't know Wexford were due to play Holland Robin - we'll handle Kildare on Saturday though."
18th over - WICKET - Bravo c Mubarak b Malinga 51, WI 150-5
Bravo has marmalised one over long-on now - a dirty great drive, 350 yards - and it's cleared the rope and hit some chap on the head. That's Bravo's fifty, from 37, but he's gone next ball, taking one liberty too many against Malinga and holing out to the man at mid-wicket. And, relax... I've never been so worn out while sat at a desk typing... Pollard next in, and he guides his first ball into the covers for one. Thirty-nine needed from 12...
17th over - 142-4 I've just seen one of the strangest things you'll ever see on a cricket pitch. Bravo has wellied a short one from Mendis to long-on, where Mathew takes the catch, steps over the rope, throws the ball up again, before clawing it back into play like a table-tennis player. It was as if he was momentarily imbued with the spirits of both Wayne Sleep and Desmond Douglas. And the man upstairs reckons it's three! Weird. Sarwan chips Mendis to long-off for a couple, Dilshan just failing to make the catch running in. Full-bunger from Mendis, Bravo slings his bat at it... and Murali's shelled a steepler! What the ruddy heck is going on out there?! It's cricket as directed by Peter Greenaway.
16th over - 134-4 Bravo goes inside-out and rat-a-tats Malinga over extra-cover for six. All high elbow, majestic. Great comeback from Malinga, and Bravo does very well to poke out that yorker. Team-mates in the IPL, these two, they know each others' games well. Bravo with a shot only its mother could love, a dirty great mow to mid-wicket for one. Another block-hole ball from Malinga that Sarwan just manages to keep at bay. EXTRAORDINARY! Malinga outside off, Bravo reaches for it, loses his footing as if he's batting on ice, lets go with one hand, and the ball ends up flying over the rope at point for four. Malinga may well chuckle...
Robin from Kerry in the TMS inbox "Well, I don't mind Patrick, we play Cork in a reply on Saturday, when do you play Holland again?"
Graham, Ingatestone, Essex in the TMS inbox "Don't you find it a bit rich that the Irish are moaning about us stealing their second rate cricketers when Jack Charlton managed to steal the entire England 'B' football team for the 1994 World Cup. I wasn't upset and am quite glad that Ireland now get to take credit for Andy Townsend's lame commentary."
15th over - 121-4 Sarwan, realising the gravity of the situation, charges Murali and chips just short of the fielder at long-off. Bravo arches his back and clobbers Murali over mid-wicket for four, before he and Sarwan exchange singles. Bravo clips off his legs for a couple, before nurdling round the corner for one. Windies require 72 from five.
14th over - 111-4 Rustic from Sarwan, and he smites Udana for two to deep mid-wicket. Nibble from Sarwan to leg for one, but his side need more than nibbles, they need almighty bites. Bravo aims for Leicester with an almighty heave, but misses, but Bravo does pick up one with a lofted back-foot drive through the covers. Optimistic run out appeal from Sangakkara, but Bravo was well in. No idea why the third umpire took so long to make a decision on that one, my nan could have made that decision, and she used to think cricket was snooker when she watched it on TV. Lovely yorker from Udana... and again... and that's two dots to Bravo.
13th over - 106-4 Murali continues, and that's not a great over for West Indies. They do reach 100 courtesy of a Sarwan single, then pick up three leg-byes. Sarwan swishing wildly, and that was a pretty good lbw appeal. That was plumb... Bravo rocks back and steers Murali through the covers for a couple, but the West Indies need this pair to start giving it some humpty.
12th over - 99-4 Mendis continues to be a thorn in the West Indies' side with his flippers and flickers and what not, and there are just five runs from that over, in ones and twos. The Windies need 94 from eight overs...
Patrick in the TMS inbox "Don't mind Robin - he's probably still sore that Kerry weren't able to beat Cork in the GAA last weekend."
11th over - 94-4 Short from Jayasuriya and Bravo, hitting his straps now, yanks him away for four. A single to extra-cover from Bravo, and there's Gayle, leaning back in the bus shelter, looking for all the world like he's got his tootsies buried in a foot spa. No wonder - Bravo rocks back and crunches Jayasuriya over the covers for six. Nasty.
10th over - 81-4 Mendis almost pulls off a belter of a catch running in from the cover boundary, but Sarwan gets away with it and runs up two. Udana is back on, by the way, despite that 10-ball over. Bravo's through that pull shot almost before the ball's left Udana's hand, and Bravo is unable to get the next ball away, another slow one. Bravo does manage to get one away, and Murali this time very nearly pulls off a pearler at long-on, but loses the ball trying to transfer the ball into his left hand and the ball dribbles over the rope. Windies needed that.
Janusz in the TMS inbox "Though they prowl through shaved grass, rather than long, they certainly ravage their prey... Malinga, Muralitharan and Mendis."
9th over - 76-4 Murali on Sarwan's leg-stump and he's nibbled away to leg for one. Bravo with a rather wooden forward defensive, and he's beaten by what looks like a doosra. Bravo makes room and flashes, but he's beaten once again. Just two from the over, the Windies are now 15 behind the Duckworth-Lewis rate with the clouds gathering up ahead.
Simon in the TMS inbox "Doesn't Robin (5/6th over) realise that for us to gloat at any Aussie failure is one of our basic human rights as Englishmen? What we do ourselves has no bearing on the matter at all. In fact it's remarkably similar to the Irish attitude to any English failure..."
WICKET - Chanderpaul b Mendis 1, WI 73-4
The Windies in danger of capitulating here - woolly old shot from Chanderpaul, and he drags Mendis back onto his timbers. Bravo next in, and he should have had two from his first ball, but they settle for one to point.
8th over - WICKET - Marshall c Silva b Mendis 14, WI 71-3
Marshall gone now, looking to loft Mendis over the top and only succeeding in holing out to the man at mid-off.
Rachel Tyrrell, Lincoln "No, no, no. Sportsmen gob because, at that precise moment, they realise the lens of the camera is focused upon THEM. Their mind goes blank at the prospect of being viewed by millions of people, so they do the only thing they can remember anyone else doing on the field of play and that is - GOB."
7th over - WICKET - Simmons c Jayawardene b Muralitharan 27, WI 70-2
When in doubt, bring on Murali... but there's nothing wrong with that from Simmons, making room and flashing the great man through point for four. GONE! Simmons trying to force again, bit quicker, and Jayawardene snaffles a sharp one at slip. Chanderpaul at bat now, right foot pointing towards God knows where, and he's very nearly castled by Murali.
6th over - 65-1 Mendis now, and this boy is a mischief. A few brollies up no, as Marshall turns to mid-wicket for one. Dilshan with the shy, but the batsman was in. That's a bona fide slog from Simmons, smearing Mendis through mid-wicket for four, but there's a big lbw appeal next, but that was missing leg. What a shot that is from Simmons - reverse pull for four, Trevor Bailey must think someone spiked his G&T watching this. Windies ahead of the rate...
Robin from Co Kerry, Ireland "I love this form of cricket, so many great batsmen looking like waiters in a bouncy castle trying to hold a tray of glasses when they bat. Love the way you also make fun of the Aussies despite losing to Holland. I wonder if you guys will ever learn not to gloat until you do something yourselves worth shouting about like avoiding an Ashes whitewash."
5th over - 56-1 Udana, the lanky left-armer, is into the attack, and he gets a slower ball past Marshall. Bizarre leg-side wide from Udana, that was about two feet awry, before Marshall square-cuts for four. Udana's hair looks like a piece of hedge topiary that has been neglected for a few years, and his radar's gone seriously awry. Miles outside off now, before Simmons steps away and cracks down the ground for one. That's the Windies fifty. Quick single for Marshall, before Udana serves up his fourth wide of the over. FOUR OVERTHROWS, COUNTING AS FIVE! I don't think we'll be seeing Udana again. Calm down Robin from Kerry (see above), who put a child lock on your laptop? You're right though, we aren't really very good...
4th over - WICKET - Fletcher b Malinga 13, WI 38-1
Forget everything you've heard about Fletcher (from me) - that's inter-galactic, thrashing Malinga over long-on for six. Maybe I was right.. gone next ball though, bamboozled by a Malinga slow one. Malinga, whose hair makes him look like he's spent the morning revelling in some hay, serves up a wicked bumper, and Marshall handles it pretty well. Marshall does pick up a couple of singles, Malinga serving up some serious allsorts.
3rd over - 32-0 Fletcher goes for the sweep and misses, and there's five more wides. One for Fletcher with an ease to long-on, before Simmons walks to leg, flails, and does very well to keep his back foot anchored and stave off the stumping. Simmons moves to five with a mis-timed lofted drive, but that's a bit more like it, Simmons clearing his left leg and smearing Jayasuriya through mid-wicket for four... AND ANOTHER! Simmons just clearing mid-off now, the score rattling along nicely... elegance, apparenty, is a Simmons late-cut, two for the shot.
Kurt Knobler Norman, Nottingham, in the TMS inbox "Having seen 'The shot with no name' the other night I can't help thinking that these boys have been practising with a frying pan. Therefore, I'm gonna call it the pancake!"
2nd over - 14-0 Malinga now, and let's see if he can be any better than Fidel Edwards, his fellow round-armer. Simmons pushes to mid-off for one before Fletcher picks up the first four of the innings with a sketchy outside edge. The Windies move to 13, Malinga straying down leg and giving up five wides. Fletcher heaves and hos and misses outside off-peg. This Fletcher is looking about as convincing as SuBo in a bikini contest at the moment, another filthy old hoick and one more off the outside edge. Weather closing in...
1st over - 3-0 Sri Lanka kick off with spin, and it's the old man Jayasuriya to kick off. Simmons is off the mark with a single, Fletcher gives him back the strike, and Simmons picks up one more. Clever move from the Lankans, I reckon, these boys will have wanted the ball coming onto the bat at pace to get off to a flyer.
Jas in the TMS inbox "I have noticed why people gob! I have studied people's body language, they usually do it when they don't like what is about to happen or the person they are 'looking' at. Footballers do it when they are not happy about being subbed or committing a foul for which they will be 'carded' for."
1517: Someone's flicked the floodlights on and we'll have play in a minute. Talking of Smurfs, anyone see that the record was beaten the other day for the largest gathering of Smurfs in one place? You wouldn't have wanted to be Smurfette in that place, I can tell you.
SRI LANKA INNINGS - 192-5 (20 overs)
Jay, Salisbury, in the TMS inbox "I assume you were referring to short-lived 90's carbonated drink Tab Clear (other disgusting transparent cola drinks are available). I myself nipped 'off for a tab' occasionally, only to immediately regret it once I tasted the foul beverage. Much more of a raspberry Panda Pops fellow myself. It looked like Smurf Juice."
20th over - WICKET - Silva c Ramdin b Taylor 7, SL 189-5
Taylor ejects some spittle before his final over - I've noticed a lot of you aren't keen on this current trend of 'gobbing'. You want to see the bus shelter across the road from my mum's, absolutely covered in the stuff, as well as lots of rendering of human 'parts'. The tragedy is, the artists probably didn't even pass art GCSE. Two singles from Taylor's first three balls... before Silva walks for a feather. Plenty of width there, and on another day Silva would have carted that through point for four. Mathew is off the mark with a brace, before flicking the final ball off his pads for one. I'm off for a tab.
19th over - 187-4 Silva rocks back like a boxer yielding on the ropes before Babe Ruthing Bravo to the long-on fence. Wide from Bravo, before Umpire Taufel turns down another leg-before appeal from Bravo against the long-levered Mubarak. That's sweet as a nut from Mubarak, dropping to one knee and whip-cracking Bravo over mid-wicket for four. Fine ball to finish from Bravo, full of length, outside off and Mubarak misses out.
WICKET - Dilshan c Benn b Simmons 74, SL 172-4
Dilshan gone! Going for the reverse sweep again and this time plopping it straight into Benn's hands. Four wickets for Simmons now, he's been keeping his head while everyone else has been flying to all parts.
18th over - WICKET - Jayawardene c Ramdin b Simmons 4, SL 168-3
Only a ten-minute break between innings, slow over rate again... and we have a wicket, Jayawardene top-edging Simmons keeper Ramdin, running towards mid-wicket. The shot with no name again! Dilshan with that miner's scoop once again, four runs for it. We may not no what to call it, but one thing is for certain - there will be an awful lot of children across the world hitting themselves in the face with cricket bats over the next few weeks.
17th over - 168-2 Bravo striving for the yorker and Dilshan squeezes it away for one. Big lbw appeal from Bravo, but that struck Jayawardene outside leg and Sri Lanka run one. A bumper from Bravo and Dilshan goes to 70 with a hook for four. Missed run out chance, Jayawardene backing up, Fletcher missing with the throw from mid-off.
Alan, Ireland, in the TMS inbox "Ben - How about giving us back our cricketers. Every time you nick one of ours we have to go out and find another Aussie or South African to play for us. There's an idea for Punter though, he can spend the next two weeks being a scout for Ireland."
16th over - 162-2 Dilshan really giving Taylor the long handle in this over - smacked through extra-cover, and Simmons makes a hash of it out on the fence. Eye of a needle placement next as Dilshan threads a widish one away through third-man for four, before the right-handed opener plays towards mid-on and an overthrow is given away at the keeper's end. Many thanks to Nimisha from Leicester Shire Promotions, who has kindly emailed in with the many things to do in Leciester. Can't print it, too long, but needless to say Ricky and the chaps can get fat on curry and stilton, see where Richard III lost his horse, and take in a spot of Billy Bragg. What a day!
15th over - WICKET - Sangakkara c Fletcher Simmons 5, SL 147-2
There's Dilshan's second successive fifty - single out to the boundary from Simmons' medium dobblies. Sangakkara gives him back the strike, before Simmons drags one one in short and is yanked away for four by Dilshan. But the Sri Lanka skipper's gone, mis-timing a pull to Fletcher at mid-on. Jayawardene is the new man, and he's off the mark with a push down the ground for one.
14th over - 140-1 Trent Bridge filling up now, looks like the locals have decided they're going to get a full day in after all. Four for Dilshan with a sweep. Not great fielding out there, I think the man should have been at mid-wicket to begin with and his dive is beaten. Sangakkara lofts Pollard and mis-times, but the ball lands at Bravo's feet and dribbles away for three... another three for Dilshan, waiting on one and gliding Pollard away to third-man. Sangakkara swings lavishly outside off, and misses. Respite.
David 'Feeling 35' in London in the TMS inbox "Suggestions for Ponting and the boys in Leicester: A bit of shopping at the wonderful Fosse Park where they can watch some of East Midlands' best shoplifters at work, followed by a visit to the Everard brewery nearby. They could also go to the Gas museum near town or the National Space museum. To be fair Leicester isn't great, I think they once considered the slogan: 'Leicester, we are only 45 minutes from Nottingham' to get more visitors."
13th over - WICKET - Jayasuriya lbw b Simmons 81, SL 124-1
We all need a bit of danger in our office lives, Benny Boy (see below). I like to flick crumbs all over the chap's desk with OCD a few seats down to see if I can make him lose it. A WICKET! Jayasuriya attempts to reverse sweep, misses, and is plumb to Lendl Simmons. That's a humdinger of a knock from Jayasuriya, from just 47 balls, with 10 fours and three sixes. Skipper Sangakkara is next up the ramp, and he's off the mark immediately. Dilshan pushes to mid-off for one, before Sangakkara misses a full-toss outside off.
Ben in the TMS inbox "Dirs! Where has the auto refresh gone one the cricket text, having to F5 makes the quick glances when the Boss isn't looking a bit more dangerous!"
12th over - 122-0 This is getting so surreal - Dilshan's playing shots that hath no name. Reverse-slog-sweep for four off Pollard, before he repeats it and Benn is just unable to pouch it. They should have a massive bonfire on the square at Lord's after this tournament and invite everyone to throw their MCC coaching manuals on it. They're all but worthless, baby, they're all but worthless... short from Pollard and Dilshan swivels and helps it on its way... Fletcher down there on the boundary, and he's down to that as if someone's stuck him on an ironing board and starched him. Four more...
11th over - 110-0 A couple of singles from the first three balls of Benn's over... make that three, Jayasuriya gliding Benn to short third-man. Dilshan steals the strike with a push into the covers for one.
10th over - 105-0 Fidel Edwards is back on and Jayasuriya piles into that - short and wide and the little man slashes him for a beefy six. Jayasuriya with a yank round the corner for one - the old man doesn't do much running any more. Full from Edwards and drive to mid-on for one before Jayasuriya swivels, hammers and Lendl Simmons can't quite get to the ball on the square-leg boundary. Four. And another! Edwards leg-side again and Jaya simply helps it on its way to move to 72. HAVE THAT! Four more, this time courtesy of a neat ramp shot down to the third-man fence. Jayasuriya is Fidel's daddy at the moment, I half expected him to walk down the pitch and pat Edwards on the head at the end of that over.
9th over - 85-0 Jayasuriya is the cricketing equivalent of a Swiss Army knife today, and now he's pulled out the reverse sweep-cum switch hit and flipped Benn away for four. Otherwise that's a pretty good over from Benn, and West Indies need a few of those. Otherwise, they'll lose this match handily and... and ... oh, and nothing... sorry Alan (see below)... much chat on TMS as to what that Dilshan shot should be called? Aggers reckons simply The Dilshan...
8th over - 80-0
There's Jayasuriya's fifty courtesy of a top-edged cut that fell between the fielders down at third-man. Twenty-nine balls, six fours, two sixes, savage. Jaya then backs away and flat-bats Bravo through mid-off for one, and Dilshan nicks the strike with a twirl to short third-man.
7th over - 74-0 Two for Jayasuriya with a reverse sweep, before Benn pitches one outside off and is angled away late for four. He's now 48. Alan (see below), we are all very sorry. What can we do to make up for our silly comments? Two more singles, the Sri Lankans rumbling, young man, rumbling.
6th over - 66-0 The Windies have got Sri Lanka pie all over their faces at the moment - that is one exotic shot from Dilshan, scooping the ball from Pollard straight over his head, like a miner trying to throw coal over his shoulder in a very cramped tunnel. Four, and the crowd ruddy love it. SIX! They're both at it now, Dilshan backing away and slicing Pollard over third-man for six... and a four! Authentic square-cut this time... and a four for Jaya! Pollard hit over long-off, and there were 19 off Pollard's over.
Alan, Ireland, in the TMS inbox "Why is everyone giving out about today's games, so what if they are dead rubbers. It's alright for you lot, you have regular televised Test matches to watch your teams, but for teams like Ireland it's not often that we get to see our team play against the best in the world. Give us a break, you moan when there is no cricket because of rain and now your moaning that there is two good games on today. It seems like you can't win either way."
5th over - 47-0 Benn into the attack with his left-arm darts. Jaya swoops and sweeps for one. Dilshan knows the score here, tip and run and leave the Hollywood antics to his partner. Jayasuriya drops to one knee again and sweeps Benn for four, like someone smearing a giant piece of toast with, erm, some giant Marmite... four for the shot.
Erica, sadly not in Leicester, in the TMS inbox "Being Ponting right now can't be easy. If he's bored in Leicester I'd recommend the Abbey Pumping Station, home of Leicester's Science & Technology Museum. Did you know it was opened in 1891 and pumped Leicester's sewage to the treatment works at Beaumont Leys?"
Martin C, Benfleet CC, in the TMS inbox "Ricky Ponting could have a sing-song with Leicester's second most famous sportsman - Willie Thorne. Bit of a Snooker Loopy, Nuts Are We, then Willie could give him a lesson on the effect of spin on a spherical object."
4th over - 40-0 Fiddle's been given the walking stick treatment from stage left and we've got Bravo on instead. Cheeky little single from Jayasuriya - can I call him something else? Ken? Baz? He's very difficult to spell - before Dilshan pulls a full-bunger away for one. Wide from Bravo, before he thinks Jayasuriya has nicked one, but Ramdin couldn't pouch it anyway. You don't bowl there to the little fella - short and wide and Jayasuriya flashes him through backward-point.
Nigel Prideaux in the TMS inbox "If Ricky Ponting is miffed at spending a few weeks in Leicester then I suppose my team could offer him a fixture in Birmingham, but it'll be on the artificial wicket and the sandwiches are cheese, ham and sardines."
3rd over - 32-0 Taylor onto Jayasuriya's pads and he's whipped away for a couple. A no-ball from Taylor... and Jayasuriya swings and misses the free hit. Slower ball, clever... THIS IS HOW THEY ROLL IN SRI LANKA! Short from Taylor and Jayasuriya manhandles him over square-leg for the 91st maximum of the tournament. Jayasuriya has 27 from 13, and Dilshan is happy to hand the strike back with a dab into the off-side.
2nd over - 21-0 Peche de la peche from Jayasuriya, Rolex timing through extra-cover for the first four of the match. Fidel Edwards hits back with a ball that cuts away and beats Jayasuriya for pace. Jayasuriya flashes at a wide one and flashes hard, and the ball clears the infield comfortably and rolls away for four. Some chap in the crowd has cut a hole in a '4' and '6' boundary thingy and stuck his head through it. Mummy? Mummy? Am I still sleeping? BOOF! Short and straight from Edwards and Jayasuriya has slathered him over the square-leg boundary for a maximum. Ropey fielding from West Indies' Xavier Marshall and there's two more... 17 from that one...
1st over - 4-0 Righto, Jerome Taylor to start, Dilshan on strike... Sri Lanka off the mark straightaway, leg-bye... a lifter from Taylor and Jayasuriya mis-hits his hook shot, but the ball doesn't quite carry to the fielder at square-leg. Dilshan then cuts down to third-man for one, again the ball dropping just short. Jayasuriya struggling with his timing slightly, another mis-hit pull from the final ball of the over. Good variation from Taylor.
Carole in Maidenhead in the TMS inbox "Can't sleep eh Ben? Usually the sign of a troubled mind
so what troubles you in the deep of the night? Anything you'd like to share with us? We won't tell..."
Mick, Birmingham, in the TMS inbox "Sleeping tips? How about watching two utterly pointless back to back games of cricket? Sleep well
1330: I know a little game we can play - You Are Ricky Ponting. Basically, you think of lots of things the Aussie skipper might do to fill his time in Leicester over the next two weeks. WHAT ARE THOSE BINS THAT CHRIS GAYLE IS WEARING! He looks like he's got them from a joke shop on the seafront at Margate. These Sri Lankan batsmen might want to watch their step, Gayle's probably strewn the pitch with comedy dog mess.
Ravi, West Lothian Cricket Club, in the TMS inbox "Why oh why oh why did I pay eight million quid for Chris Gayle to enter my dream team this morning? Really need Mr Bravo to pull me out of the murky brown now!"
1326: Players are out, and we'll have a spot of Sri Lanka Matha in a moment, not to mention a bit of, a bit of... what anthem do the West Indies have? Surely they haven't really got one? But here it is! Not really getting the boys going, they look like they've been lined up for a hair gel check by the head of senior school.
Gerald, 'working hard' in Staines, in the TMS inbox "Now you mention it, I had an awful night's sleep last night. Was it the excitement of the match or the look of glee on the South African faces that was keeping me awake? Maybe my subconscious was trying to keep the bad dream away - the ones that involve NZ not making yet another world cup final
1320: Right, I'll make this clear from the outset - I am ignoring any emails about groups and Super Eights etc. Whatever our website says, it's correct. So - and this is the one time I'm going to indulge you (Tim Knowles...) - England will indeed play South Africa tomorrow, and India on Sunday...
Gerald in Staines in the TMS inbox "Still wondering how NZ managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory last night. Will this game be as exciting and meaningless?"
1315: Anyone got any sleeping tips? Awful night last night, and I wasn't parked on a chinchilla rug feeding home-made chocolates to some semi-nude Duchess in front of a roaring fire until 6am. Alas, I was staring at the bedroom ceiling like Captain Willard in that harrowing scene from Apocalypse Now. The chap next to me reckons directors' commentaries on DVDs is the way to go.
1309: Blue sky over Trent Bridge - well, some of it anyway - so we will start on time. This could be a monumental encounter, masses at stake, whose stones are big enough... sorry? Dead rubber? Oh yeh, this game means absolutely nothing... and the late game's a dead rubber as well? Cosmic...
1303: Hello. West Indies have won the toss and they're going to have a bowl against Sri Lanka at Trent Bridge. No Chris Gayle at toss time - he's got an injury to his right knee - so wicketkeeper Denesh Ramdin is standing in as skipper and Lendl Simmons comes in. Sri Lanka are unchanged from the side which beat Australia the other day.
Sri Lanka: TM Dilshan, ST Jayasuriya, KC Sangakkara (wk, capt), DPMD Jayawardene, J Mubarak, LPC Silva, AD Mathews, I Udana, BAW Mendis, SL Malinga, M Muralitharan
West Indies: LMP Simmons, ADS Fletcher, XM Marshall, S Chanderpaul, RR Sarwan, DJ Bravo, KA Pollard, D Ramdin (wk, capt), JE Taylor, SJ Benn, FH Edwards