WORLD TWENTY20 Super Eights, Durban:
England 159-8 (20 overs) lost to New Zealand 164-9 (20 overs) by five runs.
LATEST ACTION AS IT HAPPENED (ALL TIMES BST)
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"Thoughtless cricket from England. With both fine leg and third man in the circle, the batsman were still intent on trying to hit down the ground. Stupid."
NEW ZEALAND WIN BY FIVE RUNS
20th over: Eng 159-8 A huge wide first up from Mark Gillespie, remarkably the first extra of the England innings. However two singles from the next two balls sees England needing 13 from four balls. Schofield fashions two from the next ball, 11 from three balls. Well run Stuart Broad, who turns a single into a double. Nine off two balls. Oh dear, Schofield can only get a single off the penultimate ball. It's all over, I can hear Monserrat Caballe singing in the distance. Broad gets two from the last ball, England have lost by five runs.
19th over: Eng 148-8 WICKET! Wright ct sub (Patel) b Bond 24 Oh dear, it's all gone Pete Tong. Luke Wright attempts to smash Bondy over cover, but can't get enough willow on the ball. Jeetan Patel runs around to take an excellent tumbling catch. You can pretty much kiss goodbye to any hopes of victory. England need 16 off the last over. Stuart Broad is the new man. Where's Allan Lamb when you need him?
19th over: Eng 146-7 WICKET! Mascarenhas ct sub (Patel) b Bond 0 Oh dear, Mascarenhas heaves into a length ball from Bond, but can only find substitute fielder Jeetan Patel, on for Jacob Oram, at deep cover. Chris Schofield is the new man at the crease. England need boundaries, heaping more pressure on Luke Wright's young shoulders.
19th over: Eng 146-6 WICKET! Owais Shah run out 20 A misfield from Danny Vettori sees the duo going for a dodgy two, Shah makes sprawling dive as McCullum whips off the bails but is out by six inches. In comes Dimi Mascarenhas, the man so loved by wordsmiths across the country.
18th over: Eng 145-5 Mark Gillespie is back on and is seething when Ross Taylor drops Shah on the deep mid-wicket boundary. Could be a very costly drop. Vettori does a cartoon-style throwing his cap on the floor, I wish he would start jumping on it like Yosemite Sam used to do. A superb sliding save from Lou Vincent saves two vital runs. England need 20 from 12 balls.
"The missus is advising me to buy a winter jacket. Do long jackets look good on short men?"
17th over: Eng 137-5 A low full toss from Jacob Oram is dispatched high over long-on for six by Owais Shah, while Wright adds a couple with a bit of an ugly slice over cover. Shah rinses into another Oram full toss straight back at the bowler's buckethands, who unsurprisingly doesn't manage to cling on. Oooooh he looks in pain, his little finger is pointing westwards while the rest are going north, not pleasant. England need 28 from 18 balls.
16th over: Eng 126-5 Excellent running from Luke Wright sees a single turned into two off Daniel Vettori. Excellent fielding on the point boundary by Jacob Oram sees a four turned into a solitary single, but more excellent running from Wright sees another single turned into a double. Bit like an average Friday night out with the late Oliver Reed. England need 39 from 24 balls.
"98 words from Mascarenhas, then stumped by work needing to be done. What do people think I come to the office for?"
15th over: Eng 119-5 Luke Wright is the new man at the crease and the Sussex man scythes a rank long-hop from Styris to the deep point boundary for a welcome four. He came in at a similar situation at The Oval against India not too long ago, so he's got the experience (sort of). And how about this? Wright gets down on one knee and smashes Styris straight back over his head for six. They've only just found the ball, which goes to show how huge his hit was. Lukey nicks a single from the last ball of the over.
14th over: Eng 104-5 WICKET! Flintoff run out 1 Oh dear, the wheels are coming off here. Owais Shah nudges the ball into the off-side, starts to run, stops, only to see Flintoff charging halfway down the wicket. Flintoff, already with a dickie ankle, turns to make his ground but is well out when Vettori flicks off the bails. More silly cricket from England. Eng 106-5
14th over: Eng 103-4 WICKET! Pietersen bowled Vettori 24 Absolutely needless shot from Pietersen, who plays an expansive reverse sweep off Vettori, but manages to completely miss the ball and instead hit his stumps via a deflection off his front pad.
13th over: Eng 87-3 WICKET! Collingwood ct McMillan b Martin 3 Oh dear, Collingwood hits a sweet pull shot but finds Craig McMillan at mid-wicket, who takes a really good catch to send the England captain back to the bus shelter. Owais Shah is the new batsman at the crease. Pietersen manages to get a thick outside edge which flies down to third man for four. He follows that up the next ball with a superb front foot drive down the ground for another boundary. Absolutely tremendous catch from the man standing at the long-on boundary, who latches onto a savage Pietersen flat-bat shot which flies for six. Good over for England. Eng 102-3
"African or European?"
Loads of people in the TMS inbox re Richard Clark's comments
No more Holy Grail jokes, unless somehow I can fashion the Black Knight or the Knights who say Nii into the commentary.
12th over: Eng 87-2 Scott Styris and his brand of dibbly dobblies is on, this is the same man who said it's always fun to see England go early of any tournament. A bit like KP's ill-advised comments against Australia the other day. Anyways, Styris concedes six singles from his six balls, nothing to write home about.
11th over: Eng 80-2 WICKET! Maddy run out 51 Needless run out as Maddy charges down the wicket for a single with KP rooted to his crease. Maddy does a sharp about turn but is comfortably out of his ground when Martin whips off the bails. Silly wicket as Maddy was going so well. Paul Collingwood is the new man at the crease. Eng 81-2
11th over: Eng 72-1 Pietersen gets some width to latch onto to extend his arms, but can only pick up a single for his endeavours. Maddy then mows Chris Martin over square leg out of the ground for the biggest six of the day. He picks up a single to collect a very well hit 50.
"Can Andy Matlock answer this one. What is the average air speed of an unlaiden swallow?"
Richard Clark, Leeds
10th over: Eng 72-1 Pietersen picks up a couple with a deft leg glance off the front foot, good running from the England pair. The singles are flowing, six runs from that over.
9th over: Eng 66-1 Good bowling from New Zealid and the brakes are on at the moment. Smart running sees Maddy pick up a couple, but no big shots to get the crowds and the dancers going. The run-rate is on its way up though, so a note of caution for England.
"Words from Mascarenhas - 37 on the spur of the moment - still working on it."
Alison Magnuson, who has included all 37 words in an email
8th over: Eng 62-1 WICKET! Solanki ct Vincent b Vettori 24 Danny Vettori is on bowling his brand of left-arm tweakery. Doesn't look like a international cricket captain, more like an expert on China's Cultural Revolution or beekeeping. However he makes the vital breakthrough when Solanki hits him straight to Lou Vincent at long-off. In comes local hero Kaypee.
"I think cheetahs are solitary creatures so it's unlikely four of them would savage the wilderbeast Vettori. Perhaps Kruger's escaped lion's nabbed him.
Did you know cheetahs have a valve which stops from overheating and non-retractable claws for hi-speed running - fascinating!"
Baggsy Andy on my pub quiz team. Do you also know the answer to the "If a tree falls in an unpopulated forest, would it make a sound with no-one around to hear it fall?"
7th over: Eng 59-0 Maddy savages into Chris Martin's first ball of the day, cutting him to the deep point boundary for another four. Maddy then tries to launch Martin straight back over his head, but doesn't get enough willow on the ball to hit the ropes, although he picks up two more runs for his endeavours.
6th over: Eng 50-0 More wristy goings on from Solanki, who guides a short ball on leg stump from Jacob Oram around to deep square for another fluent boundary. Lovely to watch. Maddy gets in on the act with the same shot, although not quite as aesthetic, but nevertheless it's the same result. Maddy then guides a short ball outside off stump to the third man boundary for a one-bounce four. Another good over for the openers, who look untroubled. So far.
"We are holding a competition to see how many words we can make up out of 'Mascarenhas'. Can anyone add to our list, we are up to 20 words so far."
5th over: Eng 35-0 Crikey - Maddy's only gone and carved Bondy over long-on for a big six. That's a bit like poking a very large, angry dog with a stick, only to realise it's not tied to anything. However Maddy gets off strike with a single and Solanki sees out the rest of the over without too much concern.
4th over: Eng 28-0 Maddy top-edges a skier straight over wicket-keeper Brendan McCullum's head for two, a slice of fortune for the Warwickshire man. Vettori's gone down like a wilderbeest which has just been savaged by four rather peckish cheetahs in the Kruger National Park, a mistake which costs the Kiwis another boundary, this time to Darren Maddy. Beautiful shot from Solanki off Mark Gillespie's final ball of the over, a wonderful wristy cuts evades the diving Shane Bond at point and races away for four. The dancers are loving it, ergo I'm loving it.
3rd over: Eng 17-0 Hostile over from Bondy, who carves Solanki in two with a fierce off-cutter. Three runs from that over, but a much better second over from the speedster.
"How come NZ are being captained by an Italian jockey?"
Mark Walker, Newport
2nd over: Eng 14-0 Mark Gillespie bustles in and has Solanki groping outside off stump, but the stand-in keeper flicks a single down to fine leg. Solanki collects his second boundary of the day courtesy of some pretty dire fielding from Danny Vettori, who manages to roll over the ball throwing his body to the floor.
1st over: Eng 6-0 "We heart Shane Bond" read the placards from the teenyboppers in the crowds. Vikram Solanki hearts half-trackers outside off stump and the Worcestershire man spanks an aerial cut to the point boundary for the first four of the day. The Vikster steals a single off the last ball of the over, decentish start.
And we're off - this Twenty20 malarkey is relentless. You nip off for a strategic toilet stop and before you know it Bondy's winging down 90mph demons past Darren Maddy's slightly concerned nose.
"Craig Rawson, right-handed bat. Favourite shot - Sambuca."
"If you were doing the Twenty20 'new batsman' intro - how would you describe yourself? Pranav Soneji - Left-Hand Bat - Favourite Shot - ?"
Richard Sumner, Ealing
As a man who witnessed my only duck of the season, you should know the Soneji forward defence is totally impenetrable (well, I'm allowed the odd day off). Begrudgingly I also have to admit that Mr Sumner did score a 50 in the very same game, including a cover drive which counts as a proper cricket shot.
So England need 165 to keep their hopes of picking up a nice piece of silverware alive. See you all in 10 minutes.
NEW ZEALAND 164-9
20th over: NZ 164-9 WICKET! Gillespie run out 6 More inventive industry from Vettori, who once again moves outside his off stump to paddle Stuart Broad over short fine leg for four. And the left-hander plays exactly the same shot the very next ball, this time running down fine to fine leg. According to former Pakistan captain Aamir Sohail, the paddle shot was invented by Javed Miandad, brought back to the fore by Bangladesh's Mohammed Ashraful. The Kiwis lose their ninth wicket when Mark Gillespie turns for a suicidal second off the last ball of the innings, a simple matter of whipping off the bails from the immaculate Vikram Solanki behind the sticks.
19th over: NZ 152-8 Flintoff is back on - and still looking as pained as a lion with a huge thorn in its paw. Mark Gillespie stutters through for a single. Nice enterprise from Vettori, who moves outside his off stump to sweep Freddie for a couple down to deep square. Haven't seen a boundary for a while, 15 balls to be exact. Freddie gets a taste of leather when he parries Vettori's straight drive onto his mouth.
18th over: NZ 146-8 WICKET! Bond bowled Collingwood 2 Shane Bond plays all around a nice yorker-length ball from Colly, replays show Bond was trying to run the ball down to third man. Not a clever shot. Good over from Colly, didn't give anything away.
17th over: NZ 138-7 WICKET! Oram b Maddy 8 After smashing our Darren to the long-off boundary for four, Oram is bowled attempting to mow Maddy to Botswana. Ugly shot, down on one knee when the death rattle sounded. Top over from Maddy. NZ 140-7
17th over: NZ 134-6 WICKET! McMillan ct Mascarenhas b Maddy 57 Darren Maddy comes on for his first over of the day and gets the breakthrough when McMillan mishits a drive into the hands of Dimi Mascarenhas at long-off. Important wicket. In comes UnZud captain Danny Vettori.
16th over: NZ 134-5 A mishit on drive off Collingwood falls just short of Kevin Pietersen, giving McMillan two more runs. McMillan then launches the England captain into the stands around Cow Corner for two successive sixes. He also blasted a four for good measure. A single brings up McMillan's half-century from just 27 balls. Impressive innings - and it's not over yet, especially after 20 runs from that Colly over.
15th over: NZ 114-5 McMillan larrups Mascarenhas straight back over his head into the second tier of the stand, a huuuuuuge hit. He guides a clever aerial late cut from a slow bouncer to the third man boundary, a really smart shot at this stage of the game. McMillan isn't shy when it comes to launching the big shots.
14th over: NZ 100-5 The huge Jacob Oram is the new man at the crease - and he can leather a ball to all parts, so the onslaught is not over just yet. Oram used to play in goal for the NZ under-19s footy team, eat that fact fans. Jimmy Anderson is back on, but his latest over ain't no great shakes compared to his earlier efforts. More good running sees New Zealand reach the 100-mark.
13th over: NZ 90-5 WICKET! Styris run out (Maddy) 42 Styris smashes Mascarenhas back over his head for a one-bounce four, but a brilliant piece of fielding from Darren Maddy, who hits the stumps with a direct throw from long-on, sees Styris short of his crease by six inches. A vital breakthrough - and just at the right time. NZ 92-5
"The bottom has fallen out of my world! I may be alone in this, but I imagined you pitch-side with a lager to one hand and some Biltong on the other whilst tapping on your keyboard in the South African sun. The revelation that you are located in one of the seamier parts of West London has ruined my day.
Richard, London (City of)
More revelations Richard, I'm a vegetarian.
12th over: NZ 84-4 More six plundering from Styris, who dispatches a Stuart Broad full toss onto the roof of the stands past square leg. The ball lodges into the corrugated roofing, forcing the umpires to call for a new ball. McMillan then opens the face of the bat to guide a low full toss to the point boundary. That four brings up the 50 partnership from 36 balls, another productive over for the Kiwis.
11th over: NZ 72-4 Chris Schofield comes on, not that Craig McMillan cares. He makes room for himself on the leg side and smashes the Surrey man straight back over his head. My colleague Sam Lyon reckons McMillan looks very similar to the lion from the Wizard of Oz, a shout I wholeheartedly agree with. Another good over for the Kiwis, 12 coming from it.
10th over: NZ 60-4 Fed up of all these limp singles, Styris launches the first three balls of Mascarenhas's second over into the stands on the leg-side, a bit like the sixes Dimi smashed off Yuvraj Singh in the sixth one-day international at The Oval not too long ago. The first was absolutely enormous, straight out of the ground, while the next two limped onto the roof of the stand. Understandably, Dimi changes his line and bowls wide of off stump. Twenty runs from that over, so it's not over just yet.
9th over: NZ 40-4 Captain Colly is on, nothing big or clever from the Kiwi batsman from that over, exchanging five singles.
"I've got a great idea for the next World Cup. Unlimited overs with a tennis ball, one-bounce, one-hand catching. Two innings per team. What do you think?"
Lee Powell, Isle of Wight
8th over: NZ 35-4 On comes the shaven locks of Dimitri Mascarenhas and he continues the good work with another tight over. Also worth noting Solanki is standing up to the stumps and makes one very smart take from a play and miss from McMillan. Just one run from that over.
7th over: NZ 34-4 Another good over from Anderson, "Scutt Styrus" and new man Craig McMillian can only plunder three runs from his six balls.
Thank you to all who have emailed in their voice-redeeming recipes, I shall be endeavouring to give them all a go post-match, although how I'm going to get hold of quality single malt whisky in Shepherd's Bush at this hour?
6th over: NZ 31-4 WICKET! Vincent ct Solanki b Broad 13 The Kiwis are tumbling here (if only if was the case in the Rugby World Cup). Vincent nibbles a good length delivery from Stuart Broad into the grateful irongloves of Vikram Solanki. This is more than most of us expected, but England are on the money this morning. The Kiwis haven't helped themselves, but still.
"So at what point are we forecasting a collapse. I reckon around the 12th over where there ninth man smacks boundary after boundary, there's some optimism for you (My wife's a Kiwi).
Rob Stocker, Loughborough
5th over: NZ 29-3 Scott Styris is the new man - and he nearly joins his team-mates back in the "bus shelter" with a horrible aerial scythe which falls short of point and third man. Flintoff is looking very laboured, he is not happy at all. He's moving about as fluently as Romesh Powar on rollerskates. Nevertheless, a tight over from the all-rounder, just three runs conceded.
4th over: NZ 26-3 WICKET! Taylor ct Flintoff b Anderson 7 Jimmy A has swapped ends and is thumped into the stands at over square leg with a commanding leg glance six from Ross Taylor. Taylor attempts another extravagant smash, this time over mid-off, but completely mishits his shot and finds Flintoff, who takes a simple catch at cover. Tremendous start from England. Who'd a thunk it?
3rd over: NZ 16-2 WICKET! Fulton lbw Flintoff 0 "Two-metre" Peter is on his way after playing across the line to Freddie Flintoff, on after just one over from Jimmy A. Replays confirm umpire Simon Taufel was bang on with the decision. One note of caution though, Freddie is not bowling at full pace. Ross Taylor is the new man at the crease. Three singles sees the score move up to 19-2.
2nd over: NZ 16-1 Lou Vincent drives and just evades Stuart Broad's follow through, a shot which brings him two runs. But he's on the money with a thumping drive on the up through the covers. Lovely shot. Broad follows that up with a wide, but nothing of real note from the bowler that over.
1st over: NZ 7-1 WICKET! McCullum ct Solanki b Anderson 4 First two balls are leg-side wides, both of which Vikram Solanki takes comfortably. As a fully paid up member of the wicket-keepers's union, that will give him a shedload of confidence. The first boundary races off McCullum's top glove to the fine leg boundary for four. However Jimmy A has his revenge when the Kiwi keeper flails outside off stump and edges into the gloves of Solanki. Top start from England.
0859: Jimmy Anderson will bowl the first over.
0857: Umpires Simon Taufel and Billy Doctrove stroll out to the middle, both men nattily dressed in fetching red shirts. The pair are shortly followed by the England team who soon form into their obligatory huddle for a few rousing Churchillian words from Colly. And here come NZ openers Lou Vincent and Brendan McCullum.
"Come On England, let's finally put in a performance and hope our Twenty20 specialists show exactly why they have been selected for this competition."
Gary Hughes, Sheffield
0849: 'New Zealid' have dropped off-spinner Jeetan Patel for Chris Martin. Would be amusing to see Mr Gwyneth Paltrow/Coldplay frontman bowling dibbly dobblies to give England a helping hand into the semis. He really would be asking for trouble if he did.
0848: And I would like to use this opportunity to wish my wingman Sam Lyon - who is on England report duties today - a very happy 29th birthday.
0845: Blimey, feeling a bit ropey this morning, I've got a voice which sounds like a pathetic cross between Barry White in full seduction mode and Joe Pasquale after a swift quick kick to the family jewels. However my voice shouldn't affect my typing skills, although if anyone has any excellent remedies on how to bring my voice back to full song, please do let me know.
0841: England captain Paul Collingwood has decided to bowl first after Daniel Vettori lost the toss. Solanki will open the batting with Darren Maddy.
0837: Bumble's on TV and he's just said one of the boundaries at Kingsmead is just 57 metres from the wicket, lordy, get those hard hats ready if you're sat anywhere square of the wicket.
0830: Morning all you bleary-eyed England fans, and it's an unsettling start all round with Matt Prior ruled out of the tournament altogether with a broken thumb.
That means Vikram Solanki is asked to show what he can do with the gloves as he comes in for his first match of the tournament, with the top of the order also shuffled.
Luke Wright keeps his place despite a shocking return so far, but drops down to seven, and Darren Maddy returns to the top of the order in place of spinner Jeremy Snape.