SECOND NPOWER TEST, HEADINGLEY (day four):
England 570-7 dec v West Indies 146 and 141 all out - England win by innings and 283 runs
England bowled out West Indies for 141 to claim victory by an innings and 283 runs in the second Test at Headingley.
It was England's biggest win over the Windies and the tourists' heaviest defeat in Tests on a day in which only just over 33 overs were needed.
Ryan Sidebottom finished with 8-86 in the match, while Steve Harmison took 3-37 on the final day to seal the win.
Only Dwayne Bravo (52) provided serious resistance and England will go to Old Trafford on 7 June 1-0 up and upbeat.
LATEST ACTION AS IT HAPPENS (ALL TIMES BST)
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1643 - WICKET - Taylor b Harmison 0, WI 141 all out - ENGLAND WIN BY AN INNINGS AND 283 RUNS:
Brutal steepler from Harmie into Taylor's rib-cage, and the ball bounces down gently into the leg stump. England have won, and that's the West Indies' biggest ever defeat in Test history. Harmie finishes with 3-37, Siders with 4-44. Great performance all round from Vaughan's boys.
Cheers for your company and excellent chat in this match - super effort as always. I'm off to a saloon bar for a restorative beverage - unless of course you happen to be a BBC bigwig, in which case I'm very much staying here 'til 10pm to do loads of extremely important work for the site.
1641 - WICKET - Bravo c Plunkett b Panesar 52, WI 141-8:
Great bowling from the Montmeister - he spots Dwayne giving him the charge, fires it in at his toes and watches the ball loop to a chuckling Plunkers at mid-off.
1636 - WICKET - Ramdin lbw Harmison 5, WI 141-7:
Full and fast from the Harminator, Ramdin is hit on the front pad and Rauf gives him the send-off. Shocking decision, I'd say - looked like it was missing another two leg stumps.
1633 - WI 141-6:Monty twirls away with fingers so cold they must resemble Mini-Milks.
From Andy in Exeter, TMS inbox: "In the last Test match, the volume of emails that you and the other writers receive was discussed. I was wondering whether you read through them yourself, or do you have a team people reading them for you. My girlfriend imagines a crack team of Oompa-Lumpas frantically reading emails, while singing cryptic songs. I imagine (due to BBC cutting down on big spending) a team of short, old, balding men, panted orange, shouting expletives."
1610 - TEA - WI 137-6:
Bravo goes to his half century with a lusty pull off Harmie behind square for four. Plunkers then spills a tough chance at gully, diving to his left but letting the ball sting through his fingers. That's the tea break too - I'm off for a dangerously-overdue courtesy break.
1603 - WI 131-6: Bravo to Bravo, who launches Monty high over mid-off for a massive six. Best Windies innings of the match, this.
From Rob in Berlin, TMS inbox: "Re Ceri, 1552 - Phil Tufnell was a floppy-haired rabbit, at least with the bat."
1557 - WICKET - Morton c Prior b Harmison 25, WI 120-6:
England needed that - a short, sharp one from Harmie catches Morton by surprise, and an attempted pull gets a steepling top edge which Prior sprints in to snag just behind the stumps.
1552 - WI 119-5: Bravo goes to 36 with a lovely straight drive off the toiling Harmie. Looking good, old Dwayne.
From Ceri in Solihull, TMS inbox: "Just look what a wet Bank Holiday brings - my wife and daughter have just returned from the garden centre with a floppy-eared rabbit. Bless. Any suggestions for a name? Is Monty too obvious?"
1546 - WI 111-5: It's Monty o'clock at Headingley, and Bravo charges the young buck to punch his first ball through wide mid-on for four. Fielders huffing on their fingers all over the place - it's as cold as Captain Birdseye's locker out there.
1541 - WI 101-5: Interesting combo from England, with Harmie and Plunkers now operating in tandem. Harmie serves up a wide no-ball which Bravo smashes through gully for four. The partnership's up to 47.
1535 - WI 92-5: Morton goes to 18 with a jabber onto his pad from SiBo which flies just past short leg.
From Steve in Adelaide, TMS inbox: "Does anyone see the similarity between Diana Ross and Steve Harmison? Used to be good, but now is useless but has absolutely no idea that anyone¿s noticed."
If Harmie's Ross, who's England's Cindy Birdsong? And is Harmie as involved with David Graveney as Ross reportedly was with Gordy?
1528 - WI 89-5: Morton smashes Plunkett through cover with an enormous follow-through, only to watch in disbelief as the ball stops on the soggy outfield as if the grass were Copydex. England have Monty at point and Harmison at extra cover, which is the fielding equivalent of a red carpet for the batsman.
1522 - WI 79-5: With shaking hands, I type the following words: the sun is shining. Sure, it's watery sunshine, but at least it's not hail. Morton and Bravo digging in here.
1516 - WI 76-5: Bravo slaps a SiBo inswinger through midwicket for an all-run four, as Harmie jogs slowly after the disappearing missile in uninterested fashion.
Re the question below, dilligent research from colleagues reveals at least four occasions when it's happened:
Don Bradman whacking 185 v India in 1947, with India making 156 combinedInzy's 329 for Pakistan against NZ in 2002, with NZ making 319 in their two inningsLen Hutton's 364 against the Aussies, when they totalled 324England's Bobby Abel's 120 against South Africa's 90 combined in 1889
1513 - WI 72-5: Harmsion bowls Morton a ball so short and wide that a giraffe waving a barge pole would have struggled to reach it. Morton fences at it anyway.
One of you asked whether any Test team has been dismissed in both innings for a combined total less than the individual score of an opposition batsman. I've made that complicated, but we're talking about the Windies being bowled out twice for less than KP's score in this match. More chat in a mo.
1509 - WI 69-5: Good from SiBo again, with a big shout against Bravo for lbw that Ruaf turns down by just walking off to square leg.
1503 - WI 69-5: Apparently a new record has been set today - it's the coldest ever day of Test cricket in England. Honestly. The previous record was eight degrees C, but at lunchtime today - about the time it was hailing - we touched seven degrees.
Robert Beckley and his bike, a Melbourne road
From Robert Beckley in Melbourne, TMS inbox: "I undertook my first triathlon this year. I then re-hydrated in a beer garden on a Belgian beer popularly linked with domestic abuse, before falling asleep under my bike on Melbourne's busiest road. Pic attached. Anyway, what are you doing eating the worst sandwich ever? I know for a fact that your mother makes a particular good cake."
Watch your step, Beckley. You leave Mrs Fordyce out of this.
1457 - WI 65-5: Harmie into the attack, and he flops one miles down leg to concede four leg byes. Ideally we'd have SiBo from both ends here.
From John Hedges, TMS inbox: "Frankly I wouldn't feed Blair Christie's Toasted Crispyfish to my worst enemy. Even my dog wouldn't touch that monstrosity - and she has been known to eat sheep droppings."
1452 - WI 61-5: We're back on. Sidebottom's first ball after the latest delay is another lovely little inswinger into Bravo's pads, but the new batsman copes with it admirably. The ultra-attacking field gives Bravo an opportunity to get off the mark with a boundary through point off a ball that's a fraction short.
1444 - from Blair Christie, Edinburgh, TMS inbox: "The king of sandwiches is a 'Toasted Crispyfish'. Put tinned sardines on a slice of toast, crush up a bag of salt and vinegar crisps and then cover the sardines before placing another slice of toast on top. Delicious."
1438: Covers coming off, and the whispers from the umpire's suite is that we'll be underway again at 1452. Not 1451 or 1453, but 1452.
From John in London, TMS inbox: "What a rubbish day so far. Up until about half an hour ago I hadn't even left my bed. I just watched an old video, 'The David Gower story', and 'The Stranglers - The Video Collection.' Overall the Gower video was more entertaining, but the best moment had to be the stage version of Nice 'n' Sleazy."
1430 - Relatively small hail shower delaying play, WI 57-5: Plenty of covers, no players.
From Stuart in Bolton, TMS inbox: "A superior variant of the crisp sarnie is to take a muffin (barm cake or oven bottom depending on your geography), bite off an inch or two, scoop out the insides with your finger (eating content of course), crush your bag of crisps and pour into the muffin aperture."
1424 - WI 57-5: Relax. It's not rain - it's hail. They're off again.
1422 - WICKET - Smith c Strauss b Sidebottom 16, WI 57-5:
The Destroyer does it again! This time it's Devon having a dangle outside off, and Strauss juggles at first slip before hanging on. Eight for SiBo - but is this rain coming down again?
1419 - WI 57-4: Harmie gets his first joust of the day, and two semi-scary bouncers are followed by a no-ball and a full one whcih new-man Morton pops down the ground for a bouncy four.
From Phil Lamb, TMS inbox: "Steve in Newark should be careful about trusting Wikipedia on the subject of Battenberg, if that's what he did. They suggest that the pieces of sponge can be joined with jam, cream or icing. Idiocy. As we all know, it must be apricot jam."
1411 - WICKET - Joseph lbw Sidebottom 1, WI 47-4:
Is there no stopping this man? SiBo picks up his seventh scalp of the match with his quintessential delivery - a late inswinger pitched up which slams into the front pad bang in front.
From Joe in Dundee, TMS inbox: "In which God-forsaken hell-hole on earth can a cheese-and-onion crisp sandwich ever beat a bacon roll with brown sauce? I suspect a betting scandal involving office workers from Dublin and some unhappy tomato sauce-loving vegetarians from Cornwall."
1406 - WI 37-3: Siders from the Kirkstall, and Smith jabs him for three to the point boundary. Two gorillas on the Western Terrace scratch their scalps reflectively.
From Euan in Bedord, TMS inbox: "I've just read Graham Gooch's BBC blog about the cold weather. However, I'm still shocked at his face. Although it's been years since he shaved off his moustache, he just doesn't look right. Although I'm not a fan of slug balancers, some people just look wouldnt look normal without them. Merv Hughes, David Boon, my mate's granny Maria."
1402 - WI 33-3: Plunkers to get us going again, and there's a huge lbw shout against Devon Smith - only for Umpo Rudi to shake his heavy head. Just dipping down leg, that one.
1356 - great news: Forget the 1400 start - the England boys are running out already! The clouds overhead are enormous and ominous, but it looks like we'll be squeezing in a few overs at the very least.
1352 - from Sam Madden, TMS inbox: "I don't understand the logic behind a cheese-and-onion crisp sarnie. I used to make ones consisting of cheddar, brie, boursan, chorizo, ham, lettuce, bacon, sausage, fried egg and topped off by frying the pieces of bread used to make it. Heaven."
There's actually a rather good clip on YouTube of a man with a voice just like mine - web-users can enjoy it by following this link:
1347 - from Chris Dickinson. TMS inbox: "I was listening to Radio 5 Live yesterday when they were discussing the diversity of accents of commentators over the years, the gritty Lancastrian of David Lloyd to the Old Etonian of Aggers. It got me thinking to your accent which, I would imagine, would be like Phil Tuffnell¿s with a hint of Vinnie Jones."
Try Brian Blessed with a hint of Dot Cotton, Chris, and you're almost there.
1342 - from Steve in Newark, TMS inbox: "Battenberg was apparently created in honour of the marriage in 1884 of Queen Victoria's granddaughter to Prince Louis of Battenberg."
1335 - from Mark in Dublin, TMS inbox: "We once had a Sandwich World Cup at work, which involved a straight knock-out tournament of 16 sandwiches. The final was between a cheese- and-onion crisp sarnie and bacon with brown sauce. The crisp sarnie was the deserved winner."
A cheese-and-onion crisp sarnie in the World Cup final? You've crossed a line there, Mark - a very serious line.
1328 - from John Smith, TMS inbox: "Whilst I'm grateful that the BBC has not been wasting my licence fee on keeping you in the lap of luxury, surely the TMS groupies have been sufficiently active on the cake-making front for a few crumbs to be passed down to the peasants?"
Don't get me started, John. What I wouldn't give for a cheeky slice right now. I'd even do a Battenburg, if there was nothing home-made in the offing.
1323: On the bright side, it's not raining. Hold up - the covers are being dragged off, too. Happy days.
From Ed Salter and the boys at 1 Headingley Crescent, via TMS inbox: "Sorry to hear about the inadequacies of the BBC tea room. We live just outside the back of the North Stand and would be pleased to offer you a student style fry-up feast."
1315: Grim news Quick chat with Umpire Rauf reveals that the re-start has been pushed back until 1400. He seemed quite relaxed about it all, but then his voice was a touch muffled by the 16 jumpers he was wearing.
From Jack Byrne, TMS inbox: "Wonder what it's like at lunch at the Test - is it like a traditional Saturday afternoon 2nd XI tea, where you all get your plastic plates and queue up to take your pick off the finest cheese sandwiches and chocolate swiss roll?"
From Jim in Leeds, TMS inbox: "Unlucky Tom - I've just polished off a home-made cheese and beetroot sarnie. Very nice it was, too."
1254: While Vaughnie and the boys enjoy an isotonic fry-up, grim scenes at the BBC tea bar. Bank Holiday restrictions have left the sandwich selection even more denuded than usual. And poor forward planning on the 'fridge re-stocking front has left me facing a lunch comprising the worst sanger I've ever made - three slices of dried-up brown bread with a dismal filling of cream cheese, peanut butter and Marmite. Rubbish.
From Kathryn, TMS inbox: "A question for Ashley Levy: has it ever occurred to you that there might be a connection between your desire to get off your face and your lack of success with 'the ladies'?"
1245 - players enjoying a light lunch For those of you kind enough to ask how the triathlon went, the organisers have just posted the provisional results. Looks like I came home 16th out of 461, so the London 2012 dream lies in tatters.
1236 - who knows what will happen now?The covers were off, but it started raining again. So they went back on. Then it stopped, but they put even more covers on.
From Simon Kent, TMS inbox: "I'd pick Angry Andre Nel in my arm-wrestling team. He'd rip your arm off and eat it in front of you."
From Mark Cage, TMS inbox: "Is it true that Javed Miandad never lost an arm-wrestle in Pakistan?"
1228 - what do I know? They've decided to take lunch, so play will resume at 1330. Apologies for building false expectations - I take all the blame.
From Will Rolls, TMS inbox: "From the Sylvester Stallone arm-wrestling film 'Over the Top', it appears the best techinque for winning an arm-wrestle is merely to turn your baseball cap back to front."
1220 - covers are being removed! I give it ten minutes before we're back in business.
1213 - sun temporarily breaks though, shines for 30 seconds and then disappears Duncan Fletcher - now there's man you'd fancy in an arm-wrestle. Forearms like an elephant's leg. On the international front, a Haydos/Boon combo would certainly take some beating. I'd recommend Jacques Kallis too, but he'd probably stonewall and play for his wrestling average.
From Ashley Levy, TMS inbox: "I had a bit of a heavy night last night and to make it worse was not successful. Does anyone have any good chat-up lines to woo the ladies? It may not have helped that I could not really stand up much last night. I feel sick."
1204 - as you were It might be drying up, you know. Not much, but enough to leave a man optimistic.
From Fi, TMS inbox: "If we¿re picking an England arm-wrestling XI, I'd go with Matty Prior at number 3. Have you seen the size of his forearms? Deffo would have Plunkett and Harmison at 10 and 11. With their radar, they'd probably start wrestling their opponents' legs."
From Matthew Landsman, TMS inbox: "Can someone please explain the rules of coin-cricket? I only ever remember playing coin-football on the desks at school."
1157 - fractionally better The rain is now falling vertically again, so the early concerns re Earth's axis may thankfully have been misplaced.
From Simon Lassam, TMS inbox: "Who recommended that tactic for winning an arm-wrestling contest? Sounds like it could have been Geoff Boycott - 'You¿ve got to occupy the crease and build an innings. Your opponent will eventually wither/ fall asleep/ just get bored and give up.¿
Actually, Simon, it was my little brother - just after he'd shattered my world by defeating me twice on the bounce. Very, very hard defeat to stomach, that one. Although not as hard to swallow as the loss to which then followed to my little sister.
1150 - slightly worse Yup, it's raining again. Diagonal rain too, which either means the wind's picked up or that the Earth has slipped on its axis.
From Colin Keeley, TMS inbox: "Our Monty is no puny weakling, I'd back him in a an arm-wrestle against Ian Bell or Alistair Cook any day. And surely Biscuit-Boy has to be in at 11."
1140: slightly better: The precipitation has ceased. And the big up-soakers are out there hoovering up the moisture.
Apparently the secret to successful arm-wrestling is not to go for immediate victory. Instead, simpy aim to hold your opponent at bay, allowing them to exhaust themselves before suddenly going for the kill.
From Ben Miller, TMS inbox: "Does anyone remember playing coin cricket at school? All it needed was four coins and a flat desk. Surely this would not be beyond the resources of any cricket club - I'll even volunteer to provide the coins."
1130: As you were Still grey overhead, with temperatures that would have a penguin reaching for his extra sweater.
From Amanda in Lincoln, TMS inbox: "I have often wondered why, when rain stops play, they don't set up a Playstation in the pavillion and fight it out on there."
I'd be quite keen on seeing a good old-fashioned arm-wrestle. And if I were England coach Peter Moores, I'd put KP and Strauss in as my top two in any such contest, with Monty very much at number 11.
1122 - HAIL STILL STOPPING PLAY: Not sure I need those capitals - makes it seem like I'm shouting at you. Covers very much on in Leeds, although the meterological experts round here tell me it's merely a passing interruption.
From John Jones, TMS inbox: "You might want a swift capitulation so that you can return to the sack, but I'm stuck at work on the Bank Holiday with little other than the Test match updates on the BBC website to keep me awake. So, for me I'd like an England victory completed at about 5.25pm and a full day of entertaining emails/texts."
1117 - RAIN STOPPED PLAY: I say rain - it's actually hail. Not good news for the three lads dressed as Polynesian lovlies, complete with grass skirts and bras constructed from coconuts.
1113 - WI 31-3:SiBo from the Kirkstall Lane end, and he's bowling like a dream - bending it at will away from the groping Windies pair. Three slips, two gullies, a silly mid-off and a short midwicket - you could say England were attacking...
1108 - WICKET - Gayle c Prior b Plunkett 13, WI 30-3:
Wallop - Plunkers strikes with his first decent delivery, bending one away from Gayle, tickling the edge and watching a tumbling Prior bag the pouch going to his left. Just the start England were after, and ideal for any weary individuals seeking an early end to proceedings so they can return as soon as possible to the sack.
From Gary in Glasgow, TMS inbox: "Speaking of corkscrew-haired sportsmen, I once had the pleasure of sitting next to Australian ex-Liverpool striker Craig Johnston on a flight from Glasgow to London some 15 years ago. I seem to remember him waffling on about a new football boot he was designing called the Predator. 'It will never work', I vividly remember saying."
1103 - WI 26-2: Liam Plunkett, hair standing up straight like a toilet brush, canters in to Gayle and serves up four perfect deliveries for a right-hander. Gayle, of course, is a left-hander, so the ball disappears miles down the leg side.
1055: Moment of solemnity before play gets underway again: the players observe a minute's silence for ICC president Percy Sonn, who died on Sunday.
1043: Right - it's a heavy-lidded Fordyce again, resolve stiffened by the prospect of an England win and an espresso so large you could swim lengths in it. I'm chomping at the bit - honestly. No rain at Headingley, a smattering of enthusiasts in the stands and the majestic sight of the corkscrew-haired Ryan S limbering up on the soggy outfield. Who could want more of their Bank Holiday Monday?
1035: Ignore the byline above, this is not Tom. The poor fella is recovering from doing a triathlon on Sunday and then coming in here for a 1400-midnight late shift! As I write, he's coming through the door, positively bouncing.
1020: Well it's not exactly spring sunshine at Headingley but, thankfully, there is no rain. Good news for England, who were left kicking their heels yesterday, and they will fancy their chances of wrapping this one up sharpish.