Disgraced sprinter Dwain Chambers has told BBC Sport that his two-year doping ban wrecked his life and left him fearing for his physical health.
In his first interview since being suspended for taking the designer steroid THG, Chambers blows the lid on his role in the biggest doping scandal to ever hit athletics.
Here is the transcript of that extraordinary interview in full.
CHAMBERS ON... his emotional state
It's been a rollercoaster. I don't know if you can even imagine what I've been going through.
At one stage I was in the gutter. I've had emotional problems trying to come to terms with what's happened to me.
I never got suicidal, but everything I had worked for since I was 14 years old had totally vanished. It's been a bit crazy. But I've had time to review my life and try to take things in my stride.
Chambers received a two-year ban after testing positive for THG
I'm starting from scratch now. I realise I can't take life for granted. I'm just trying to find myself again.
When the ban was imposed I felt very embarrassed. I didn't know what to do, what to say, where to go. I had no-one to turn to, and everything going through my head was negative.
But I took things step by step and let time be the healer. I realised I would have to live with it. It's not the way I want people to see me - I've got a black mark against my name now as a drugs cheat.
CHAMBERS ON... how people have treated him
I've had a lot of positive responses from the public. On the other hand, certain members of the British team and the athletics world will see me as the athlete who got caught taking drugs.
That will be in the minds of a lot of people - but I can't worry about that - I have to get on with my career and earn a living for myself. I'm not out to get their trust or forgiveness. I have to eat humble pie and start from scratch.
I need to get some money back in my pocket, because I'm broke. I have to earn a living. I miss competing, and that's made me determined to come back and have fun on the track again.
I put the sport in jeopardy and I caused uproar, and I'm very sorry for that fact. Fortunately I got out alive and I'm alive to fight another battle.
CHAMBERS ON... who was to blame for his positive test
Myself. There's nobody else I can blame, for the simple reason that I made those decisions to go forward as I did.
I took THG, but I didn't know what THG was or what its gains and benefits were. I started taking it when I went to America at the beginning of 2002.
I was young, I didn't think about life and the ups and downs that could occur. Looking back I just think 'Man'. I went into the situation blind.
I'm disappointed I didn't ask any questions. I wish I had spoken to more people and paid more attention to what was going on. Maybe then I would have seen this storm coming.
I didn't realise the depths of the work he was dealing with.
In the future, I'll be associating myself with people who can advise me positively. At the time I was advising myself, so the decision was solely mine.
I'm not out to gain anyone's trust or support. Those that will give me sympathy are those I will cling to.
CHAMBERS ON... his mistakes
I admit in hindsight I was very na´ve. Going to America, my sole purpose was to work on my technique. Remi Korchemny introduced me to Victor Conte, who said he would be able to help me nutritionally.
Nutrition wasn't something I was interested in, so when he was explaining all this scientific jargon to me about THG and various other supplements, it came in one ear and fell out of the other.
Chambers met Victor Conte through coach Remi Korchemny (right)
In hindsight I was very foolish not to ask certain questions about THG, but no-one had ever heard of it before so I didn't see any reason to question it.
I didn't really care what Victor was providing me with - I just saw it as something which would help me nutritionally. So I went forward with it without thinking too much about it.
CHAMBERS ON... how he took the drug
THG came in liquid form, and you put a few drops under your tongue three to four times a week.
I was a bit suspicious why you would put it under your tongue, but Victor explained that it was a new product on the market that would aid me nutritionally, so I went forward with it.
I didn't realise Victor had so many fires burning. I was in something and I didn't realise how deep it was. I don't understand what his intentions were, why he put it on the market.
If I thought I was cheating, I would have held back on that. People who fail tests lose everything and half of them you never see them again. I didn't want to put myself in that position.
I was suspicious, but I was being tested and I wasn't coming out positive, so I turned a blind eye to it.
CHAMBERS ON... Victor Conte
Justice has been served. But I don't believe he wanted us to get caught, otherwise he would be putting our careers in jeopardy plus himself.
I don't hold him responsible - I'm the one who went forward to take these supplements.
CHAMBERS ON... what THG did to him
I didn't notice any significant increase in my performance. I ran a lot more consistently before I left for America. I was happier with my performance then.
I did notice that I put on a lot of weight and got a lot more muscular, and that's the only thing I can put it down to. I didn't have any physical changes before 2002. I was still passing my drugs tests, so any negative thoughts I had I put behind me.
I trusted Victor's word. I had no reason to doubt him. I can only hope that what I went through physically with that drug is out of my system and hasn't caused too much damage.
Mentally I'm fine now, but I'm not too sure how my body's going to cope when I get back on the track.
CHAMBERS ON... what else he took
There were a number of different supplements, but I can't recall off the top of my head. Naturally THG is the one that stands out, because that's the one I failed a drugs test for.
I did declare all the supplements I was taking and I kept passing drugs tests, so I didn't question it. I wrote down the names of the substances on the declaration list. I can't actually remember what they were - but I did declare them.
CHAMBERS ON... possibly losing his Euro golds and Brit record
There's nothing I can do about it. How much worse can it get?
If they want to take that away from me, then fine. I've come to terms with what has happened, and I'm blessed that I have the opportunity to come back and make amends.
Chambers and his relay team were stripped of their world silver medal
I don't believe THG had anything to do with the fact that I ran 9.87 seconds. That came about because I was in a world record race and was dragged along.
I went through the whole of 2002 without testing positive, and then the moment that Trevor Graham blew the whistle, I tested positive.
I was told I was taking a nutritional supplement. I had no reason to think I was doing anything illegal, because I wasn't failing any drugs tests, and Victor didn't tell me to worry about failing any tests.
I believe I'm good enough to go out there and win those titles back - it's just a matter of being patient.
CHAMBERS ON... the other athletes involved
We never had any communication about what we were doing. Victor never mentioned to me what he did with Kelli White or any other athlete he was working with.
Kelli knew a lot more than I did - she was working with Victor for a lot longer than I was. Training with her and knowing what she was doing nutritionally are two different things.
I went into the training group in 2002. When looking at her, I didn't notice her changing.
CHAMBERS ON... how he feels now
I went past the anger stage a long time ago. I was the one responsible. Despite my suspicions, I still went forward and did it.
I wanted to be successful and I felt that going to America and getting technical advice and nutritional advice was the best thing that I could do. I'm not one to hold grudges.
CHAMBERS ON... his punishment
When it first escalated, I was led to believe I was taking a lot of heat for other people.
The press went to work on me. But it was a big story that I failed a test. The tribunal case was justified - the result was justified.
It was something that needed to be done to help clean up sport. I'll go out and encourage kids to do the right thing.
CHAMBERS ON... costing his relay team-mates world silver
I was gutted. It was a team event. If there's an opportunity for me to make it up to them, I want to take it.
When I've had the chance to speak to them over the next season, hopefully we'll be able to patch things up.
CHAMBERS ON... his future
It's going well. I'm looking forward to my prospects. I'm training with the likes of Kim Collins and Usain Bolt, and although I expected a little animosity, they've welcomed me with open arms.
I've changed my mentality. I want to come back. I've stuck my two years out and I've made contact with UKA again. I believe I will be just as successful as I was in the past.
It will take a bit of time - at least a season under my belt. I'm not sure how my body will cope from being away. I have to have faith in myself. I'm doing very well. The coach doesn't see me as someone who has been out for two years.
He saw me as a rusty nail, but I'm still gleaming. I first have to get over the hurdle of getting on the track and competing - first with the British guys and then beyond that.