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Off the Bawl 30 Jan 11

Off the Ball presenters Stuart Cosgrove and Tam Cowan

Greeeeeetings! Surely there couldn't be anything harsher than a Russian winter? Wrong! Stewart in Moscow emailed Saturday's show to say: "The League Cup semi is live on the telly over here, so I'm on my way to watch the Dons hump the Hoops..."

Oh, dear.

Mark Hateley and son Tom
Mark Hateley and son Tom, a fine football duo

This week's Off The Ball also got an email from BBC Scotland newsreader Catriona Shearer to tell us what was inside her drawers. Relax, it was a Mark Hateley autograph.

The former Rangers and England striker was our special studio guest. So, in the company of Tony Hateley's son and Tom Hateley's dad, we talked about football's best father and son duo.

Other topics included cool dads and, in the week the Monte Carlo Rally kicked-off in Glasgow, what's the car journey you'll never forget?

Here are the best and worst of the most petty and ill-informed texts and emails on radio...


Peter the Rangers fan in East Kilbride: Henry and David Templeton

Fraser Crawford: Alfie Conn of Rangers and Alfie Conn of Hearts

Jimmy Mac: Jackie McNamara Snr and Jnr

Rab Johnstone: Cesare and Paolo Maldini

Christine: Jock Paterson - a three-times league winner at Hibs in the 40s and 50s - and son Craig of Hibs, Rangers and Motherwell fame

Are Nacho Novo and Jimmy Krankie related?
Are former Rangers striker Nacho Novo and wee Jimmy Krankie related?

David Smith in a not so sunny Netherton:

Jackie and Alan McInally, Gordon and Gordon Marshall, Jimmy and Ronnie Simpson

Brian Murtagh: Valentino Mazzola - part of the great Torino team killed in a plane crash in 1949 - and his son Sandro who played for Inter Milan in the 60s and scored against Celtic in the European Cup Final

Ryan in Glasgow: Johan and Jordi Cruyff

Bryan in Aberdeen: Brian and Nigel Clough, Kenny and Paul Dalglish

Lewis the Don: Vladimir Weiss, Vladimir Weiss and Vladimir Weiss - grandpa was a player, dad is the current Slovenia manager and son plays for Rangers

Then it all got a bit silly...

John Daly said: "What about Billy McNeil and Frank McAvennie? You heard it here first!"

Raymie in Consett said: "Probably the greatest father and son duo were Wee Jimmy Clitheroe and Alan Ball. Legends. Nobody could wipe their nose on a Hampden corner flag quite like Alan Ball."

Chris from Troon said: "What about Davie and Billy Dodds?"

Andy in Glasgow said: "Gordon Strachan and Barry Robson."

Billy from Larkhall (hey, it could happen) said: "Jimmy Krankie and Nacho Novo."

Meanwhile, Iain in Glasgow entered Chick Young's fantasy world by texting: "Did Maradona's son not play for St.Mirren?"

And Doug in Glasgow mentioned Gary Neville and Phil Neville's dad. "I don't even know if he played football," said Doug, "but it's always worth mentioning that his name is Neville Neville."

Perhaps the best suggestion on a football show that always abhors sexism came from Scott in Kinross who said: "What about Jim and Julie Fleeting?"


Gordon in Glasgow said: "I thought my dad was cool when he knocked a cement mixer off a building site." Sounds like a wee hard man.

But Gary Kydd in Dundee reckons his dad wasn't so cool. He said: "I remember my father taking me to Ibrox to see Rangers v Dundee in the Scottish Cup. My dad and his pal left me and his pal's son outside a pub in Govan for an hour with a packet of Tudor crisps and a tin of Coke to keep us company. We both had our Dundee scarves on, so you can imagine how terrifying this was for two 10-year-olds!"


Celtic fans in Seville for the Uefa Cup final
If you look really closely, is that our emailer Johnny at the back?

Gerry the Cabbie

said: "Two weeks after passing my test, I drove to Paris in my Nissan Micra with my three mates. We got stuck on that mental Champs Elysee roundabout for half an hour and I think I might have soiled my underwear trying to get off it."

Ally Laing from Inverbervie said: "Back in the '80s, we went to see the League Cup final replay at Dens Park between Aberdeen and Dundee United - and got locked out of the stadium. Going back in the car, I had dog dirt stuck to the sole of my shoe all the way home. The smell was awful. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I then had to listen on the radio to Willie Pettigrew scoring a hat-trick against the Dons."

Johnny in Wishaw said: "Me and my five mates drove to Seville in a green and white camper van. It took us five days to get there driving non-stop but, even though we got beat, it was great."

Six Celtic fans in the one car, Johnny? Using the old Seville calculator, does that mean there were actually only two of you...?


The France XI (aka Calais Thistle)

Manager: Jimmy Boneaparte

Coach: Joe Le Taxi Harper

Chairman: Donald Findlay QC ('Allo 'Allo)

1. Campbell Monet

2. Surrender Diamond

3. Bertie de Gauld

4. Neil Beret

5. Jered Eiffel

6. Tommy (French Onion) Ring

7. Neil McCann-Cann

8. Rue de Skacel

9. Willem Van Der Ark de Triomphe

10. Brian Eclair

11. Nigel Quashiemodo

Subs: Oui Jimmy Johnstone, Dijon Dublin, Pied-a-terre Lovenkrands and Michael Mols Mariniere


The last word this week goes to Gary in Dundee who said: "I know how Andy Gray feels as I was also sacked for slagging a woman while not realising my microphone was on. It was the last funeral service I ever conducted..."

To join in the fun on this Saturday's show, call 0500 929500, text 80295 or email:

Want to hear the best bits from the latest programme? Then listen to the Off the Ball podcast.

see also
Off the Bawl 23 Jan 2011
23 Jan 11 |  Scotland
Off the Bawl 16 Jan 2011
16 Jan 11 |  Scotland

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