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Last Updated: Monday, 13 November 2006, 12:26 GMT
Quotes of the week
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Woman washing up
Is this what Amy should have been doing, Mike?

"She shouldn't be here. I know that sounds sexist but I am sexist. This is not park football, so what are women doing here? We have a problem in this country with political correctness - bringing women into the game is not the way to improve refereeing and officialdom. If you start bringing in women you have big problems. It is tokenism for the politically correct idiots."
Luton manager Mike Newell blames assistant referee Amy Rayner for the 3-2 defeat by QPR. Just say what you think, Mike.

"If we are not careful we will be playing in high heels and skirts and playing netball. It is so frustrating."
Birmingham manager Steve Bruce, another 'new man', is not impressed with referee Howard Webb after his side's Carling Cup defeat by Liverpool.

"Kazim-Richards - there's only one. You type it into Google and nothing else comes up. My first names were meant to be Colin Kazim but the registry office got it wrong. There is no-one with that name - not even my mum and dad - just me - I love it!"
Sheffield United fans can sing 'There's only one Kazim-Richards' with complete confidence. The youngster scored the equaliser against Bolton.

"It could have been worse - I could have been named after Nobby Stiles!"
Wigan winger, David Rhys George Best Cotterill.

"I promise you if one day I have a ball that is two metres inside my goal and the referee doesn't allow it I won't speak about referees for two years."
Jose Mourinho hits back at Sir Alex Ferguson, who accused Chelsea of getting special privileges from referees. Mourinho was referring to the disallowed Pedro Mendes goal against United last season.

"Glenn is going to bring a couple of sumo costumes down so we might have a dust-up in the technical area, that should make good TV."
Stuart Pearce's take on the Wenger-Pardew row ahead of Manchester City's clash with Glenn Roeder's Newcastle.

"When I first saw the team sheets, my initial thought was 'how many can we keep it down to?"'
Southend manager Steve Tilson after his side's stunning win over Manchester United in the Carling Cup.

Sir Alex was on the warpath

"We didn't see Sir Alex but we could hear him and I think the old hairdryer must have been out."
Southend's Steven Hammell reveals how Fergie took defeat.

"It's about time us managers had a fight. I wouldn't be daft enough to have a go at Sam Allardyce but me and Bryan Robson would be decent. I'd have to kill him or he'd keep coming back at me!"
Steve Bruce wants to take a leaf out of the Pardew-Wenger book.

"I saw the first aggression come from Sheringham. I'm 39, so Sheringham is older than I am. So he's old enough to be Cesc's father."
Cesc Fabregas' dad, Francesc, wades into the row between his son and Teddy Sheringham on the pitch.

"Against Liverpool I hit a shot that was going in until it hit Jamie Carragher's shoelace. I had another shot and that bit Steven Gerrard's a***. I might have to ask for a loan move to Rochdale if it carries on."
Reading's James Harper bemoans his goal drought.

"He said 'Come on you ******* Aussie ****'. I said '**** you, you Pommie ****wit'. He said 'Let's go, let's go, I will belt you, you Aussie T***'.
Australian rugby league star Willie Mason tries to defend the punch that floored Britain's Stuart Fielden.

"It's hard to have a 10-minute conversation in five seconds. It sounds like we've been pen pals we've been talking that much."
Fielden gives his version of events.

"I can take a punch with the best of them but if you get caught sweet it doesn't matter if you're Lennox Lewis."
Fielden again.

"I watched Arsenal in the Champions League the other week playing some of the best football I've ever seen and yet they couldn't have scored in a brothel with two grand in their pockets!"
Ian Holloway in his BBC Sport column.


Liverpool legend Bob Paisley
Bob Paisley (other arm hidden from view)

"Most managers would give their right arm for a European Cup, and Paisley had three."
Football Focus presenter Manish Bhasin. (Mark Starr, England).

"The team from Southend-on-Sea have delivered a performance without peer."
Clive Tyldesley after Southend beat Man United. (Johan, UK).

"I wouldn't say it's a must win, but it's definitely a game we need to win."
Peter Crouch on Football Focus discussing the Arsenal match. (Jordy A.C, England).

"When you have an argument with your missus, you know when you're ready to go back and talk to her. You leave her alone for a bit because you know if you talk to her she will bite your head off! That's what life's about - and it's the same with footballers."
West Brom manager Tony Mowbray. (Chris Stephens, England).

"I think the best option when taking a penalty is to make sure you keep your head down and over the ball... most times with pace and power it will go in - but keep your head up Joe and don't worry too much."
Some conflicting advice to a question posted on Kevin Nolan's column on the BBC Sport website. Should Joe's head be up or down?! (Rebecca Fairhurst, England).

"The player is under pressure, like a dartsman missing double 30 and having to aim for double 15."
Radio 5 Live (Man U v Liverpool). (Mike Turner, UK).

"I didn't see what happened there to Tommy but that's not to say it didn't happen."
JP Graham from local Irish station Northern Sound misses an off-the-ball incident during his commentary. (Timmy, Ireland).

"He's got no weaknesses. That's one of the strengths of Greg."
Commentator David Gourlay on Greg Harlowe during last week's bowls champs. (Sean McConnell, Cambridge).

Chris Gayle
Chris Gayle comes face to face with something terrible

"29th over - WI 167-0: Nel, to whom every opposition run is a mortal insult, comes blasting in at Gayle again and cracks him in the grille with another snorter. As Nel walks his follow-through down the wicket, his eyes almost pop out of his head. Gayle looks as troubled as a man asleep on a lilo."
The BBC's Tom Fordyce in the website commentary for West Indies v South Africa. (Dom, UK).

"This was your first fight at 185 lbs. Did you approach the fight any differently from your other fights at this weight?"
American TV interviewer speaking to winning fighter after an 'Ultimate Fight' bout. (Alan Goodwright, Canada).

"Fiorentina have barely had a sniff tonight...probably not the best thing to say with Adrian Mutu on the pitch."
Serie A commentator, Fiorentina v Roma. (Benjamin Richardson, United Kingdom).

"I know it was outside the box, but that should have been a penalty."
Robbie Savage discussing Birmingham's penalty claim against Liverpool in the Carling cup. (Matt Hanson, UK).


Emile Heskey
I used to be s***e, but now I'm all right

"There's only one Emile Heskey, there's only one Emile Heskey, he used to be s***e, but now he's all right, walkin' in a Heskey wonderland."
Wigan fans to Emile Heskey (to the tune of Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland).(Dan, Wigan).

"S*** ground, no fans."
Cardiff fans at Colchester...
"S*** ground, three points!"
Colchester fans to Cardiff. (Kerstin Fletcher, UK).

"Juan Pablo Angel, there's only Juan Pablo Angel!"
Aston Villa fans in their game against Blackburn. (Nigel Watson, England).

"Are you s****ing Elton John?"
Newcastle fans to the home supporters in the Carling Cup tie at Watford.
Are you s****ing Ant 'n' Dec?
The Watford fans respond. (Chris Harrison, Rochford, England).

"Paul Le Guen's gonna get the sack, The league was won before the clocks went back".
Celtic fans taunt struggling Rangers. (Ryan, Scotland).

"You're just a fat Freddy Eastwood!"
Southend chant aimed at Wayne Rooney. (Anon).

"We'd rather be at Blackpool than Bondi" and "We're s*** but we're beating you."
To the Aussie rugby league fans at Sydney stadium as GB battled to a rare victory. (Will, Australia).

"Where are we?"
Chant by Stoke fans at the misty Monday night game in Coventry. (Stuart, England).

"You play like QPR."
Reading Fans to Chelsea Fans.
"You look like QPR."
Chelsea fans respond.
"You're s*** like QPR."
Chelsea have the final word. (Michael Cleavely, London).

"You're not fit to referee!"
Arsenal fans to referee Mark Clattenburg after he went down with cramp during the game with Liverpool. (Tara, London).

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Newell sorry for Rayner outburst
13 Nov 06 |  Football
Holloway column
10 Nov 06 |  Fun and Games


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